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Topic: Just Mo' Junk (Read 269 times) |
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Redneck
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The Dachshund
Bush and Osama decided to settle the war once and for all. They
sat down and decided to settle the whole dispute with one dogfight.
They would have 5 years to breed the best fighting dog in the world and
whichever side's dog won would be entitled to dominate the world.
Osama found the biggest, meanest Doberman and Rottweiler female
dogs in the world and bred them with the meanest Siberian wolves. They
selected only the biggest and strongest puppy from the litter, and removed
his siblings, which gave him all the milk. After 5 years, they came up with the biggest, meanest dog the world had ever seen. Its cage needed steel bars that were 5 " thick and nobody could
get near it. When the day came for the dogfight, Bush showed up with a
strange looking animal. It was a 9 foot long Dachshund. Everyone felt sorry for Bush because there was no way that this
dog could possibly last 10 seconds with the Afghanistani dog. When the cages were opened up, the Dachshund came out of it's
cage, and slowly waddled over towards Osama's dog. Osama's dog snarled and leaped out of its cage and charged the American Dachshund--- but when it got close enough to bite, the Dachshund opened its mouth and consumed Osama's dog in one bite. There was nothing left of his dog at all.
Osama came up to Bush, shaking his head in disbelief, "We don't understand how this could have happened. We had our best people working for 5 years with the meanest Doberman and
Rottweiler female dogs in the world and the biggest, meanest Siberian wolves.” That’s nothing,", said Bush. "We had Michael Jackson's plastic surgeons working for 5 years
to make that alligator look like a wiener dog."
GOD BLESS AMERICA
and one more for good measure.
A Louisiana State Trooper pulled a car over on US 165 about 2 miles south of the Louisiana/Arkansas State line.
When the Trooper asked the driver why he was speeding, the driver said he was a Magician and Juggler and was on his way to Monroe to do a show at the Shrine Circus. He didn't want to be late.
The Trooper told the driver he was fascinated by juggling and asked if he driver would do a little juggling for him then he wouldn't give him a ticket.
He told the Trooper he had sent his equipment ahead and didn't have anything to juggle
The Trooper said he had some flares in the trunk and asked if he could juggle them. The juggler said he could, so the Trooper got 3 flares, lit them and handed them to him.
While the man was juggling, a car pulled in behind the patrol car, a drunken good old boy, from Arkansas, got out, watched the performance, then went over to the patrol car, opened the rear door and got in.
The Trooper observed him and went over to the patrol car, opened the door asking the drunk what he thought he was doing.
The drunk replied, "You might as well take my butt to jail, cause there's no way in hell I can pass that test."
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Jeepgun
CH.com Alumnus
New Board Hall of Famer
BOHICA!!!
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Posts: 3840
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Re: Just Mo' Junk
« Reply #1 on: Jul 2nd, 2005, 11:01pm » |
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LMAO!! Both of these are GREAT! 
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Her: "Have you ever hit a deer?"
Me: "What, like, in the FACE?"
Her: ..... "WHAT is the MATTER with you!?"
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sandie99
New Board Hall of Famer
Wish it, dream it, do it - inspite the pain!
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Posts: 10429
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Re: Just Mo' Junk
« Reply #2 on: Jul 4th, 2005, 4:19am » |
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CH happends, Live anyway! PF days to us all!
"Do what you can and let God take care of the rest. Leave your heart wide open and always wish for the best" (Sanna Hillu)
"No matter how far out your dreams are, it's possible" (Marketa Irglova)
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Redneck
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I does what i can 
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