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Topic: THINGS THAT ARE NEVER TAUGHT IN HEBREW SCHOO (Read 252 times) |
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E-Double
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THINGS THAT ARE NEVER TAUGHT IN HEBREW SCHOO
« on: Jun 26th, 2005, 10:48am » |
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>THINGS THAT ARE NEVER TAUGHT IN HEBREW SCHOOL:
>
>
>1. The High Holidays have absolutely nothing to do with marijuana.
>
>2. Where there's smoke, there may be salmon.
>
>3. No meal is complete without leftovers.
>
>4. According to Jewish dietary law, pork and shellfish may be eaten only in
>Chinese restaurants.
>
>5. A schemata is a dress that your husband's ex is wearing.
>
>6. You need 10 men for a minion, but only four in polyester pants and white
>shoes for pinochle.
>
>7. One mitzvah can change the world; two will just make you tired.
>
>8. After the destruction of the Second temple, God created Loehmann's.
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>9. Anything worth saying is worth repeating a thousand times.
>
>10. Never take a front row seat at a bris.
>
>11. Next year in Jerusalem. The year after that, how about a nice cruise.
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>12. Never leave a restaurant empty handed.
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>13. Spring ahead, fall back, winter in Boca.
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>14. WASPs leave and never say good-bye; Jews say good-bye and never leave.
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>15. Always whisper the names of diseases.
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>16. If it tastes good, it's probably not kosher.
>
>17. The important Jewish holidays are the ones on which
>alternate-side-of-the-street parking is suspended.
>
>18. Without Jewish mothers, who would need therapy?
>
>19. If you have to ask the price, you can't afford it. But if you can afford
>it, make sure to tell everybody what you paid.
>
>20. Laugh now, but one day you'll be driving a Lexus and eating dinner at 4pm
>in Miami.
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I can't believe that I have to bang my
Head against this wall again
But the blows they have just a little more
Space in-between them
Gonna take a breath and try again.
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lionsound
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Re: THINGS THAT ARE NEVER TAUGHT IN HEBREW SCHOO
« Reply #1 on: Jun 27th, 2005, 9:42am » |
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4, 14 and 17 extra
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