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Topic: The Voodoo D#$K (Read 279 times) |
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mynm156
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The Voodoo D#$K
« on: Apr 7th, 2005, 6:39pm » |
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There was this businessman who was getting ready to go on a long business trip. He knew his wife was a flirtatious sort, so he thought he'd try to get her something to keep her occupied while he was gone, because he didn't much like the idea of her screwing someone else. So he went to a store that sold sex toys and started looking around. He thought about a life-sized sex doll, but that was too close to another man for him.
He was browsing through the dildos, looking for something special to please his wife, and started talking to the old man behind the counter. He explained his situation. The old man said, "Well, I don't really know of anything that will do the trick. We have vibrating dildos, special attachments, and so on, but I don't know of anything that will keep her occupied for weeks, except -- " and he stopped.
"Except what?" the man asked.
"Nothing, nothing."
"C'mon, tell me! I need something!"
"Well, sir, I don't usually mention this, but there is the
'voodoo dick.'"
"So what's up with this voodoo dick?" he asked.
The old man reached under the counter, and pulled out an old wooden box, carved with strange symbols. He opened it, and there lay a very ordinary-looking dildo. The businessman laughed, and said "Big fucking deal. It looks like every other dildo in this shop!"
The old man replied, "But you haven't seen what it'll do yet."
He pointed to a door and said "Voodoo dick, the door." The voodoo dick rose out of its box, darted over to the door, and started screwing the keyhole. The whole door shook with the vibrations, and a crack developed down the middle. Before thedoor could split, the old man said "Voodoo dick, get back inyour box!" The voodoo dick stopped, floated back to the box andlay there, quiescent once more.
"I'll take it!" said the businessman.
The old man resisted, saying it wasn't for sale, but he finallysurrendered to $700 in cash.
The guy took it home to his wife,told her it was a special dildo and that to use it, all she hadto do was say "Voodoo dick, my pu$$y." He left for his tripsatisfied that things would be fine while he was gone.
After he'd been gone a few days, the wife was unbearably horny.
She thought of several people who would willingly satisfy her,but then she remembered the voodoo dick. She got it out, andsaid "Voodoo dick, my pu$$y!" The voodoo dick shot to her crotchand started pumping. It was great, like nothing she'd ever experienced before. After three orgasms, she decided she'd had enough, and tried to pull it out, but it was stuck in her, still thrusting. She tried and tried to get it out, but nothing worked.
Her husband had forgot to tell her how to shut it off. So she decided to go to the hospital to see if they could help. She put her clothes on, got in the car and started to drive to the hospital, quivering with every thrust of the dildo. On the way, another orgasm nearly made her swerve off the road, and she was pulled over by a policeman. He asked for her license, and then asked how much she'd had to drink.
Gasping and twitching, she explained that she hadn't been drinking, but that a voodoo dick was stuck in her pu$$y, and wouldn't stop screwing. The officer looked at her for a second, and then said "Yea, right. Voodoo dick, my a$$!"
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clarence
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Re: The Voodoo D#$K
« Reply #2 on: Apr 7th, 2005, 6:55pm » |
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Nice! 
Casey
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NY Yankees Suck!!!
"Bart, don't make fun of Grad students. They just made a terrible life decision," Marge Simpson
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Jeepgun
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Re: The Voodoo D#$K
« Reply #3 on: Apr 7th, 2005, 8:18pm » |
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*YARK!!* 
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Her: "Have you ever hit a deer?"
Me: "What, like, in the FACE?"
Her: ..... "WHAT is the MATTER with you!?"
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judkins
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Re: The Voodoo D#$K
« Reply #4 on: Apr 8th, 2005, 4:02am » |
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OUCH
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Todays agenda..... get through it !!!!
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sandie99
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Re: The Voodoo D#$K
« Reply #5 on: Apr 9th, 2005, 2:53am » |
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CH happends, Live anyway! PF days to us all!
"Do what you can and let God take care of the rest. Leave your heart wide open and always wish for the best" (Sanna Hillu)
"No matter how far out your dreams are, it's possible" (Marketa Irglova)
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bigAl
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Re: The Voodoo D#$K
« Reply #6 on: Apr 9th, 2005, 10:12pm » |
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The cop deserved it!
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>>>------- >>>------- >>>------- Once I thought I was wrong, but I was mistaken.
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sandie99
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Re: The Voodoo D#$K
« Reply #7 on: Apr 10th, 2005, 3:34am » |
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on Apr 9th, 2005, 10:12pm, bigAl wrote:| The cop deserved it! |
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I agree... 
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CH happends, Live anyway! PF days to us all!
"Do what you can and let God take care of the rest. Leave your heart wide open and always wish for the best" (Sanna Hillu)
"No matter how far out your dreams are, it's possible" (Marketa Irglova)
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maffumatt
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I second that motion.
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mynm156
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hope life isn't a big joke, because I don't get it
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Re: The Voodoo D#$K
« Reply #9 on: Apr 11th, 2005, 7:09pm » |
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All in favor say I
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"Half of the modern drugs could well be thrown out of the window, except that the birds might eat them."
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Jeepgun
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BOHICA!!!
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Re: The Voodoo D#$K
« Reply #10 on: Apr 11th, 2005, 7:10pm » |
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Aye!!!
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Her: "Have you ever hit a deer?"
Me: "What, like, in the FACE?"
Her: ..... "WHAT is the MATTER with you!?"
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