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Topic: Getting older.. (Read 241 times) |
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LeLimey
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OUCH-US - Less "ME" and more "WE"
 
 
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Getting older..
« on: Mar 28th, 2005, 6:04am » |
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Three old ladies are sitting in a diner, chatting about various things. One lady says, "You know, I'm getting really forgetful. This morning, I was standing at the top of the stairs, and I couldn't remember whether I had just come up or was about to go down."
The second lady says, "You think that's bad? The other day, I was sitting on the edge of my bed and I couldn't remember whether I was going to sleep or had just woken up!"
The third lady smiles smugly, "Well, my memory is just as good as it's always been, knock on wood," she says as she raps on the table. Then with a startled look on her face, she asks, "Who's there?"
Defense Attorney: What is your age?
Little Old Woman: I am 86 years old.
Defense Attorney: Will you tell us, in your own words, what happened to you?
Little Old Woman: There I was, sitting there in my swing on my front porch on a warm spring evening, when a young man comes creeping up on the porch and sat down beside me.
Defense Attorney: Did you know him?
Little Old Woman: No, but he sure was friendly.
Defense Attorney: What happened after he sat down beside you?
Little Old Woman: He started to rub my thigh.
Defense Attorney: Did you stop him?
Little Old Woman: No, I didn't stop him.
Defense Attorney: Why not?
Little Old Woman: It felt good. Nobody had done that since my Abner passed away some 30 years ago.
Defense Attorney: What happened next?
Little Old Woman: He began to rub my breasts.
Defense Attorney: Did you stop him then?
Little Old Woman: Hell No, I did not stop him.
Defense Attorney: Why not?
Little Old Woman: Why, Your Honor, his rubbing made me feel all alive and excited. I haven't felt that good in years!
Defense Attorney: What happened next?
Little Old Woman: Well, I was feeling so spicy that I just spread my old legs and said to him, "Take me, young man, take me!"
Defense Attorney: Did he take you?
Little Old Woman: Hell, no. That's when he yelled, "April Fool!"
And that's when I shot the sonovabitch!
A little old man and a little old lady met in a nursing home and decided to get married. Both had been widowed some years before, and, naturally, it had been a long time since either had enjoyed conjugal relations. So on their wedding night, as she started to disrobe, the little old lady turned to her new husband and said, "Now, before we get frisky, I just want you to know that I have acute angina."
Her new husband, a little deaf, replied "WHAT WAS THAT, HONEYBUNCH?"
"I said, I've got acute angina!"
WHAT?" he yelled back.
"I said, I've got acute angina!" she screamed.
"It's a good thing," the old man muttered "-- those wrinkly old tits of yours are enough to make me lose my lunch!"
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| « Last Edit: Mar 28th, 2005, 6:06am by LeLimey » |
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The arsehole I'm divorcing needs to get a life and stop stalking mine
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Jeepgun
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BOHICA!!!
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Re: Getting older..
« Reply #1 on: Mar 28th, 2005, 7:55am » |
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ROFLMAO!! 
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Her: "Have you ever hit a deer?"
Me: "What, like, in the FACE?"
Her: ..... "WHAT is the MATTER with you!?"
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Bethany1
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Always do whatever's next.
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Re: Getting older..
« Reply #2 on: Mar 28th, 2005, 8:08am » |
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Those were great!!!!
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I am sofa king we todd did.
crack is wack
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Langa
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So many donuts, such little time...
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Re: Getting older..
« Reply #3 on: Mar 28th, 2005, 8:09am » |
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When you saw only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you.
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