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Topic: Happy St. Patrick's Day!! (Read 272 times) |
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Jeepgun
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BOHICA!!!
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Happy St. Patrick's Day!!
« on: Mar 17th, 2005, 11:29am » |
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Erin go Brag!!
McQuillan walked into a bar and ordered martini after martini, each time
removing the olive and placing it in a jar. When the jar was filled with
olives and all the drinks consumed, the Irishman started to leave.
"S'cuse me", said a customer, who was puzzled over what McQuillan had
done, "what was that all about?" "Nothin', said the Irishman, "my wife
just sent me out for a jar of olives!"
*******************************************************
An Irishman arrived at J.F.K. Airport and wandered around the terminal
with tears streaming down his cheeks.
An airline employee asked him if he was already homesick.
"No," replied the Irishman "I've lost all me luggage!"
"How'd that happen?"
"The cork fell out!" said the Irishman.
*****************************************************
An Irish priest is driving down to New York and gets stopped for
speeding in Connecticut. The state trooper smells alcohol on the
priest's breath and then sees an empty wine bottle on the floor of the
car.
He says, "Sir, have you been drinking?"
"Just water," says the priest.
The trooper says, "Then why do I smell wine?"
The priest looks at the bottle and says, "Good Lord! He's done it
again!"
***********************************************
Two Irishmen were sitting at a pub having beer and watching the brothel
across the street. They saw a Baptist minister walk into the brothel,
and one of them said, "Aye, 'tis a shame to see a man of the cloth goin'
bad." Then they saw a rabbi enter the brothel, and the other Irishman
said, "Aye, 'tis a shame to see that the Jews are fallin' victim to
temptation as well." Then they see a catholic priest enter the brothel,
and one of the Irishmen said, "What a terrible pity...one of the girls
must be dying.
*************************************
Three Irishmen, Paddy, Sean and Seamus, were stumbling home from the pub
late one night and found themselves on the road which led past the old
graveyard.. "Come have a look over here," says Paddy, "It's Michael
O'Grady's grave, God bless his soul. He lived to the ripe old age of
87." "That's nothing," says Sean, "here's one named Patrick O'Toole, it
says here that he was 95 when he died."! Just then, Seamus yells out,
"Good God, here's a fella that got to be 145!" "What was his name?" asks
Paddy. Seamus stumbles around a bit, awkwardly lights a match to see
what else is written on the stone marker, and exclaims, "Miles, from
Dublin."
***************************************************
Drunk Ole Mulvihill (From the Northern Irish Clan) staggers into a
Catholic Church, enters a confessional box, sits down but says nothing.
The Priest coughs a few times to get his attention but the Ole just sits
there. Finally, the Priest pounds three times on the wall. The drunk
mumbles, "ain't no use knockin, there's no paper on this side either."
***************************************************
Mary Clancy goes up to Father O'Grady's after his Sunday morning
service, and she's in tears. He says, "So what's bothering you, Mary my
dear?" She says, "Oh, Father, I've got terrible news. My husband passed
away last night." The priest says, "Oh, Mary, that's terrible. Tell me,
did he have any last requests?" She says, "That he did, Father..." The
priest says, "What did he ask, Mary?" She says, "He said, 'Please Mary,
put down that damn gun!'
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Her: "Have you ever hit a deer?"
Me: "What, like, in the FACE?"
Her: ..... "WHAT is the MATTER with you!?"
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LeLimey
CH.com Alumnus
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OUCH-US - Less "ME" and more "WE"
 
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Re: Happy St. Patrick's Day!!
« Reply #1 on: Mar 17th, 2005, 12:45pm » |
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Thank you Frank.. as you travel down the bannister of life may all the splinters be facing your way 
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The arsehole I'm divorcing needs to get a life and stop stalking mine
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Langa
CH.com Alumnus
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So many donuts, such little time...
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Re: Happy St. Patrick's Day!!
« Reply #2 on: Mar 17th, 2005, 12:50pm » |
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These are great, thanks Frank!
I loved the olives in the jar one...
Langa
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When you saw only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you.
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Jeepgun
CH.com Alumnus
New Board Hall of Famer
BOHICA!!!
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Posts: 3840
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Re: Happy St. Patrick's Day!!
« Reply #3 on: Mar 17th, 2005, 1:34pm » |
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on Mar 17th, 2005, 12:45pm, LeLimey wrote:| Thank you Frank.. as you travel down the bannister of life may all the splinters be facing your way |
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YARK!! LOL!
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Her: "Have you ever hit a deer?"
Me: "What, like, in the FACE?"
Her: ..... "WHAT is the MATTER with you!?"
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jokrs2
New Board Old Timer
Eventually He will make us pain free!
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Re: Happy St. Patrick's Day!!
« Reply #4 on: Mar 17th, 2005, 2:07pm » |
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Thanks Frank! I'm green all over .
Blessings, Joe
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Given strength, courage & a sound mind!
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sandie99
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Wish it, dream it, do it - inspite the pain!
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Re: Happy St. Patrick's Day!!
« Reply #5 on: Mar 18th, 2005, 3:58am » |
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CH happends, Live anyway! PF days to us all!
"Do what you can and let God take care of the rest. Leave your heart wide open and always wish for the best" (Sanna Hillu)
"No matter how far out your dreams are, it's possible" (Marketa Irglova)
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