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Topic: Cop humor (Read 270 times) |
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BobG
New Board Hall of Famer
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Cops have a sense of humor? The following comments are from actual police car videos.
"Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch and fit better after you wear them awhile."
"Take your hands off the car, and I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document."
"If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."
"Can you run faster than 1,200 feet per second? In case you didn't know, that is the average speed of a 9 mm bullet fired
from my gun."
"So you don't know how fast you were going. I guess that means I can write anything I want on the ticket, huh?"
"Yes, Sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh ... did I mention that I am the shift supervisor?"
"Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."
"The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"
"Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy, and step in monkey poop."
"Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."
"In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC."
"Just how big were those two beers?"
"No sir we don't have quotas anymore. We used to have quotas but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we want."
"I'm glad to hear the Chief of Police is a good personal friend of yours. At least you know someone who can post your bail."
"You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't. Sign here."
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Stay stressed. Never relax. Never sleep. Ever.
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sandie99
New Board Hall of Famer
Wish it, dream it, do it - inspite the pain!
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Re: Cop humor
« Reply #1 on: Mar 17th, 2005, 2:14am » |
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on Mar 16th, 2005, 11:30pm, BobG wrote:"Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch and fit better after you wear them awhile."
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CH happends, Live anyway! PF days to us all!
"Do what you can and let God take care of the rest. Leave your heart wide open and always wish for the best" (Sanna Hillu)
"No matter how far out your dreams are, it's possible" (Marketa Irglova)
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Jeepgun
CH.com Alumnus
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BOHICA!!!
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Re: Cop humor
« Reply #2 on: Mar 17th, 2005, 8:04am » |
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The last one was cold..... LOL!!
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Her: "Have you ever hit a deer?"
Me: "What, like, in the FACE?"
Her: ..... "WHAT is the MATTER with you!?"
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Langa
CH.com Alumnus
New Board Hall of Famer
So many donuts, such little time...
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Posts: 4179
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Re: Cop humor
« Reply #3 on: Mar 17th, 2005, 12:53pm » |
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These are hilarious...!
My favorite:
"Take your hands off the car, and I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document."
Langa
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When you saw only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you.
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