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Topic: Men/Women Translations (Read 420 times) |
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Jeepgun
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BOHICA!!!
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Men/Women Translations
« on: Feb 23rd, 2005, 2:28pm » |
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Women's English
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Yes = No
No = Yes
Maybe = No
I'm sorry = You'll be sorry
We need = I want
It's your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now.
Do what you want = You'll pay for this later.
We need to talk = I need to complain.
Sure go ahead = I don't want you to.
I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, you moron!
You're so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot.
You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?
Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs.
This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house.
I want new curtains = and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper.....
Hang the picture there = NO, I mean hang it there!
I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep.
Do you love me? = I'm going to ask for something expensive.
How much do you love me? = I did something you're really not going to like.
I'll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV.
Is my butt fat? = Tell me I'm beautiful.
You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me.
Are you listening to me!? = [Too late, you're dead.]
Was that the baby? = Why don't you get out of bed and walk him until he falls asleep.
I'm not yelling! = Yes, I am yelling because I think this is important.
The same old thing = Nothing
Nothing = Everything
Everything = My PMS is acting up.
Nothing, really = It's just that you're such an not a very nice person.
Men's English:
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I'm hungry = I'm hungry.
I'm sleepy = I'm sleepy.
I'm tired = I'm tired.
Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you.
Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you.
Can I call you sometime? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you.
May I have this dance? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you.
Nice dress! = Nice cleavage!
You look tense, let me give you a massage. = I want to fondle you.
What's wrong? = I don't see why your making such a big deal about this.
What's wrong? = What meaningless self-inflicted psychological trauma are you going through now?
What's wrong? = I guess sex tonight is out of the question.
I'm bored. = Do you want to have sex?
I love you. = Let's have sex now.
I love you, too. = Okay, I said it... we'd better have sex now!
Yes, I like the way you cut your hair. = I liked it better before.
Yes, I like the way you cut your hair. = $50 and it doesn't look that much different!
Let's talk. = I am trying to impress you by showing you that I am a deep person and maybe then you'd like to have sex with me.
Will you marry me? = I want to make it illegal for you to have sex with other guys.
(while shopping) I like that one better. = Pick any freakin'dress and let's go home!
I don't think that blouse and that skirt go well together. = I am gay.
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Her: "Have you ever hit a deer?"
Me: "What, like, in the FACE?"
Her: ..... "WHAT is the MATTER with you!?"
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Langa
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So many donuts, such little time...
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Posts: 4179
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Re: Men/Women Translations
« Reply #1 on: Feb 23rd, 2005, 3:33pm » |
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These are hilarious Frank! 
Langa
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When you saw only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you.
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LeLimey
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Re: Men/Women Translations
« Reply #2 on: Feb 23rd, 2005, 4:04pm » |
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Oh Frank I loved it!! What a shining wit you are... or something like that!!
( you know I love, like, tolerate you really!! 
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The arsehole I'm divorcing needs to get a life and stop stalking mine
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BikerBob
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Re: Men/Women Translations
« Reply #3 on: Feb 23rd, 2005, 4:21pm » |
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on Feb 23rd, 2005, 4:04pm, LeLimey wrote:| What a shining wit you are... or something like that!! |
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Bob
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Jeepgun
CH.com Alumnus
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BOHICA!!!
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Posts: 3840
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Re: Men/Women Translations
« Reply #4 on: Feb 23rd, 2005, 4:27pm » |
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LMAO!! *raising one eyebrow*
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Her: "Have you ever hit a deer?"
Me: "What, like, in the FACE?"
Her: ..... "WHAT is the MATTER with you!?"
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LeLimey
CH.com Alumnus
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OUCH-US - Less "ME" and more "WE"
Gender:
Posts: 11720
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Re: Men/Women Translations
« Reply #5 on: Feb 23rd, 2005, 4:34pm » |
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The arsehole I'm divorcing needs to get a life and stop stalking mine
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Ghost
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Farting relieves the pressure
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Re: Men/Women Translations
« Reply #6 on: Feb 23rd, 2005, 6:49pm » |
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 [smiley= bow.gif] [smiley= bow.gif] [smiley= bow.gif]
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Illigitimus Non Tatum Carborundum
If all men are endowed by their creator, why was mine so short sighted?
***WARNING*** Oxygen will rust your pipes!
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sandie99
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Wish it, dream it, do it - inspite the pain!
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Re: Men/Women Translations
« Reply #7 on: Feb 24th, 2005, 1:29am » |
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But my "yes" means "yes" and my "no" is always "no"... 
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CH happends, Live anyway! PF days to us all!
"Do what you can and let God take care of the rest. Leave your heart wide open and always wish for the best" (Sanna Hillu)
"No matter how far out your dreams are, it's possible" (Marketa Irglova)
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PittsburghJoe
New Board Old Timer
Go away pain!
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Re: Men/Women Translations
« Reply #8 on: Feb 24th, 2005, 4:26am » |
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Frank,
I don't think that blouse and that skirt go well together.
Joe
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Nothing worth having comes without some kind of fight. Gotta kick at the darkness till it bleeds daylight. - Bruce Cockburn, "Lovers in a Dangerous Time"
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LeLimey
CH.com Alumnus
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OUCH-US - Less "ME" and more "WE"
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Re: Men/Women Translations
« Reply #9 on: Feb 24th, 2005, 4:38am » |
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LMMFAO!!
Joe you are a really funny guy!
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The arsehole I'm divorcing needs to get a life and stop stalking mine
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Jeepgun
CH.com Alumnus
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BOHICA!!!
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Posts: 3840
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Re: Men/Women Translations
« Reply #10 on: Feb 24th, 2005, 9:10am » |
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on Feb 24th, 2005, 4:26am, PittsburghJoe wrote:Frank,
I don't think that blouse and that skirt go well together.
Joe |
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What?? What do you mean? The heels and the feather boa bring it all together! I'm crushed... Just crushed....
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Her: "Have you ever hit a deer?"
Me: "What, like, in the FACE?"
Her: ..... "WHAT is the MATTER with you!?"
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sassy_lady
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Re: Men/Women Translations
« Reply #11 on: Jul 27th, 2005, 11:40pm » |
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burnt-toast
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Re: Men/Women Translations
« Reply #12 on: Jul 28th, 2005, 8:32am » |
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Frank, Frank, Frank,
Didn't ya' learn anything from Jimi's post. This is really stirring up the negative forces of our universe (In case you've forgotten - Women have total control over these mystical forces).
You did forget one though.
What did I just say to you? = Going into coma is no excuse for missing the one important thing I've said in the last 4 hours.......  darn see how it's spreading. 
Anyhow thats not the point,! You shouldn't be tempting these dark forces!
Tom
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Would the owner of the propane torch, egg beater, pipe expander and vise grips please claim these items. They're lodged in my head and I need the space.
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Jeepgun
CH.com Alumnus
New Board Hall of Famer
BOHICA!!!
Gender:
Posts: 3840
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Re: Men/Women Translations
« Reply #13 on: Jul 28th, 2005, 9:01am » |
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Jimi is a lot bolder than I am. After nearly 14 years of marriage, I've had most of my boldness threshed out of me. On the other hand, I do subversive shit, like washing all of her whites with a brand new red towel, in hot water... Stuff like that. (And yes, I am going to Hell, thanks)
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Her: "Have you ever hit a deer?"
Me: "What, like, in the FACE?"
Her: ..... "WHAT is the MATTER with you!?"
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