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Topic: Thank you (Read 506 times) |
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mynm156
New Board Hall of Famer
hope life isn't a big joke, because I don't get it
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Posts: 1708
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I Want to thank all of you who have taken the time and trouble to send me your damn chain letters over the past two years. Thank you for making me feel safe, secure, blessed, and wealthy. Because of your concern... I no longer can drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains. I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr Pepper since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on their cans. I no longer drink anything out of a can because I will get sick from the rat feces and urine.
I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer. I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS. I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day. I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me. I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise.
I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't support our American troops. I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a stupid number for which I will get the phone bill from hell with calls to Jamaica , Uganda , Singapore , and Uzbekistan . I no longer eat pre-packaged foods because the estrogens they contain will turn me gay.
I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers. I no longer date the opposite sex because they will take my kidneys and leave me taking a nap in a bathtub full of ice. I no longer have any sneakers -- but that will change once I receive my free replacement pair from Nike.
I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have their recipe. I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me and St Theresa's novena has granted my every wish. Thanks to you, I have learned that God only answers my prayers if I forward an email to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.
(Jeeze, the BIBLE did not mention it works that way!) I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl who is about to die in the hospital (for the
1,387,258th time).
I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program. Yes, I want to thank all of you soooooooo much for looking out for me! I will now return the favor.
If you don't send this e-mail to at least 1200 people in the next 60 seconds, a large bird with diarrhea will crap on your head at 5:00 pm this afternoon and the fleas of a thousand camels will infest your armpits. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of a friend of a friend's neighbor's cousin twice removed.
MYNM156
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"Half of the modern drugs could well be thrown out of the window, except that the birds might eat them."
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nani
CH.com Alumnus
New Board Hall of Famer
Got kudzu?
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Posts: 7953
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Re: Thank you
« Reply #1 on: Jan 30th, 2005, 11:34am » |
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Others may come and go, but MY power is MINE.
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Langa
CH.com Alumnus
New Board Hall of Famer
So many donuts, such little time...
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Posts: 4179
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Re: Thank you
« Reply #2 on: Jan 30th, 2005, 9:43pm » |
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When you saw only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you.
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daffyswacky
New Board Junior
Do the voices in my head scare you?
  
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Posts: 66
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Re: Thank you
« Reply #3 on: Jan 31st, 2005, 12:25am » |
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OH NO....MYNM...Obviously you didn't get the note about not opening any e-mails beacuse they contain some kind of file infesting, hard-drive eating electronic controlling virus that you can't get rid of.....hope i wasn't too late.....and NOW ya gotta tell 1000 of your closest friends or they won't know either! 
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If you're not living on the edge...you're taking up too much space
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sandie99
New Board Hall of Famer
Wish it, dream it, do it - inspite the pain!
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Posts: 10429
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Re: Thank you
« Reply #4 on: Jan 31st, 2005, 12:24pm » |
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Oh, I needed to laugh...
.....Thank you 
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CH happends, Live anyway! PF days to us all!
"Do what you can and let God take care of the rest. Leave your heart wide open and always wish for the best" (Sanna Hillu)
"No matter how far out your dreams are, it's possible" (Marketa Irglova)
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