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Topic: Step by step Instructions on bathing your Cat (Read 520 times) |
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purpleydog
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Step by step Instructions on bathing your Cat
« on: Dec 28th, 2004, 7:45pm » |
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Instructions on cat grooming product, simplified for your convenience:
1. Wet cat thoroughly
2. Apply product and comb through cat’s wet coat.
3. Keep cat from grooming for 10 minutes.
4. Rinse product thoroughly off of cat.
5. Dry cat to make sure (product) is completely off cat.
Actual sequence of events:
0. Cat senses you’re up to no good; hides under table.
0.2 Cat runs under couch.
0.4 Cat resists being picked up.
0.6 Cat realizes it is being brought towards the sink.
0.8 Mortal komcat!
1.0 Wet cat thoroughly.
1.2 Put cat back in water and get another 1% of cat wet before cat gets out again.
1.4 Amazingly, cat has managed to writhe into a position where she’s holding herself away from the faucet with all four legs, her head, and her tail.
1.6 Reassure kitty that everything’s okay; yank head back to avoid claw in eye.
1.8 Wet cat the rest of the way.
2.0 Apply product and comb through cat's wet coat.
2.2 Apply product with one hand while holding cat with the other
2.4 Cat lunges for freedom; hides in bedroom.
2.6 Find cat in box and continue grooming.
2.8 Box falls to shreds; cat’s coat is fully combed through.
3.0 Keep soaking wet cat from grooming for 10 minutes. (No, really, these people are insane.)
4.0 Rinse product thoroughly off cat.
4.2 Carry festival of whirling sharp claws back to bathroom.
4.4 Put cat near stream of water.
4.6 Every movable object in the bathroom falls to the floor as cat struggles in matrixesque bullet-time and attempts to propel herself through ceiling.
4.8 Cat gets washed.
5.0 Dry cat thoroughly.
5.2 Chase cat around apartment with towel.
5.4 Wrap cat in towel and fluff dry.
5.6 Cat gets out of towel.
5.8 See 5.4
6.0 Cat stares balefully from the top of a bookshelf.
6.2 Cat stares balefully from the top of a bookshelf.
6.4 Cat stares balefully from the top of a bookshelf.
6.6 Cat stares balefully from the top of a bookshelf.
6.8 Cat stares balefully from the top of a bookshelf.
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nani
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Re: Step by step Instructions on bathing your Cat
« Reply #1 on: Dec 29th, 2004, 12:27am » |
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Been there, done that. Nothing like a soaking wet cat runnin' around the house. 
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nani
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Re: Step by step Instructions on bathing your Cat
« Reply #2 on: Dec 29th, 2004, 12:42am » |
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Not my cat, but too cute not to post.
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| « Last Edit: Dec 29th, 2004, 12:55am by nani » |
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Langa
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Re: Step by step Instructions on bathing your Cat
« Reply #3 on: Dec 29th, 2004, 7:43am » |
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I tried bathing my cat 3 years ago...after it attempted to kill me, I decided never to bathe it again. 
Langa
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hilbily
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Re: Step by step Instructions on bathing your Cat
« Reply #4 on: Dec 29th, 2004, 10:30am » |
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How To Clean Your Toilet - The Fun Way
1. Put both lids of the toilet up and add 1/8 cup of pet shampoo to the water in the bowl.
2. Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom.
3. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close both lids. You may need to stand on the lid.
4. The cat will self agitate and make ample suds. Never mind the noises that come from the toilet, the cat is actually enjoying this.
5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a "power-wash" and rinse".
6. Have someone open the front door of your home. Be sure that there are no people between the bathroom and the front door.
7. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift both lids.
8. The cat will rocket out of the toilet, streak through the bathroom, and run outside where he will dry himself off.
9. Both the toilet and the cat will be sparkling clean.
Sincerely,
The Dog
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Miklos
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Re: Step by step Instructions on bathing your Cat
« Reply #5 on: Dec 29th, 2004, 10:30am » |
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One can avoid problems like these if one vacuums one's cat(s) on a regular basis.
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Redd
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Re: Step by step Instructions on bathing your Cat
« Reply #6 on: Dec 31st, 2004, 5:15pm » |
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I think this cat has clusters......
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Jeepgun
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Re: Step by step Instructions on bathing your Cat
« Reply #7 on: Feb 22nd, 2005, 11:05am » |
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Bathing the cat?? LMAO!! I've never even thought to attempt that particular form of suicide.
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LeLimey
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Re: Step by step Instructions on bathing your Cat
« Reply #8 on: Feb 22nd, 2005, 12:09pm » |
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on Dec 31st, 2004, 5:15pm, Redd715 wrote:
I think this cat has clusters...... |
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Yep he is a "rightie" LMAO
God Redd that is the funniest cat pic I've ever seen!
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sandie99
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Re: Step by step Instructions on bathing your Cat
« Reply #9 on: Feb 22nd, 2005, 2:12pm » |
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Oh, I had so much easier time bathing my quinea-pig...
She actually loved water. 
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sandie99
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Re: Step by step Instructions on bathing your Cat
« Reply #10 on: Feb 22nd, 2005, 2:13pm » |
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on Dec 31st, 2004, 5:15pm, Redd715 wrote:| I think this cat has clusters...... |
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This cat cracks me up!!!
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"No matter how far out your dreams are, it's possible" (Marketa Irglova)
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sassy_lady
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Re: Step by step Instructions on bathing your Cat
« Reply #11 on: Jul 27th, 2005, 11:59pm » |
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burnt-toast
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Re: Step by step Instructions on bathing your Cat
« Reply #12 on: Jul 28th, 2005, 8:07am » |
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I won't go into the disgusting reason why, but the last cat bathing in our house went went like this.
I grabbed and hung on to dear life to our Hoppy while he did everything imaginable to remove all of the skin on my arms and bite the lose flesh off of the open wounds. All the while he was screaming like I was killing him. My wife moved in as the second member of our team and bathed him while I got shredded.
The noise and commotion caught the attention of our oldest cat (She absolutely loathes Hoppy). She appeared somewhat curious and parked herself in front of me for a minute or two. At that point she moved in as the second member of their team and went medieval on me.
I wish I had a video running because I would send it in to "When Animals Attack" or some "Funny Video" show.
I'm trying to hold onto a wet cat doing his best imitation of a hot - razor wire slinky while our other cat (who absolutely hates Hoppy to begin with) has jumped onto my leg buried her teeth in my thigh and is brutally attacking me. I'm just glad that neither one still has their front claws.
Needless to say there will never, never be another cat bathing in my house. NO EXCEPTIONS!
Tom
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jcmquix
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Re: Step by step Instructions on bathing your Cat
« Reply #13 on: Jul 28th, 2005, 8:19am » |
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on Jul 28th, 2005, 8:07am, burnt-toast wrote:I won't go into the disgusting reason why, but the last cat bathing in our house went went like this.
I grabbed and hung on to dear life to our Hoppy while he did everything imaginable to remove all of the skin on my arms and bite the lose flesh off of the open wounds. All the while he was screaming like I was killing him. My wife moved in as the second member of our team and bathed him while I got shredded.
The noise and commotion caught the attention of our oldest cat (She absolutely loathes Hoppy). She appeared somewhat curious and parked herself in front of me for a minute or two. At that point she moved in as the second member of their team and went medieval on me.
I wish I had a video running because I would send it in to "When Animals Attack" or some "Funny Video" show.
I'm trying to hold onto a wet cat doing his best imitation of a hot - razor wire slinky while our other cat (who absolutely hates Hoppy to begin with) has jumped onto my leg buried her teeth in my thigh and is brutally attacking me. I'm just glad that neither one still has their front claws.
Needless to say there will never, never be another cat bathing in my house. NO EXCEPTIONS!
Tom
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I feel for you there & know where you are coming from..
We have 4 Fully Clawed Cats... (hot - razor wire slinky's)
Charlie
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The mad viking
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Re: Step by step Instructions on bathing your Cat
« Reply #14 on: Jul 28th, 2005, 8:26am » |
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on Dec 31st, 2004, 5:15pm, Redd715 wrote:
I think this cat has clusters...... |
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ROFL
Svenn
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Jeepgun
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Re: Step by step Instructions on bathing your Cat
« Reply #15 on: Jul 28th, 2005, 8:57am » |
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on Jul 28th, 2005, 8:07am, burnt-toast wrote:I won't go into the disgusting reason why, but the last cat bathing in our house went went like this.
I grabbed and hung on to dear life to our Hoppy while he did everything imaginable to remove all of the skin on my arms and bite the lose flesh off of the open wounds. All the while he was screaming like I was killing him. My wife moved in as the second member of our team and bathed him while I got shredded.
The noise and commotion caught the attention of our oldest cat (She absolutely loathes Hoppy). She appeared somewhat curious and parked herself in front of me for a minute or two. At that point she moved in as the second member of their team and went medieval on me.
I wish I had a video running because I would send it in to "When Animals Attack" or some "Funny Video" show.
I'm trying to hold onto a wet cat doing his best imitation of a hot - razor wire slinky while our other cat (who absolutely hates Hoppy to begin with) has jumped onto my leg buried her teeth in my thigh and is brutally attacking me. I'm just glad that neither one still has their front claws.
Needless to say there will never, never be another cat bathing in my house. NO EXCEPTIONS!
Tom |
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LMMFAO!!! That's the funniest thing I've read in a long time, Tom. My condolences... LMAO!!
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sassy_lady
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Re: Step by step Instructions on bathing your Cat
« Reply #16 on: Jul 28th, 2005, 10:54am » |
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Tom I'm with Charlie, know what you mean, come to my house on cat bathing day, we lock them up in cages so that don't happen, plus we lock up the 4 dogs, who like to make havoc & protect their ear cleaning crew.
Jolene
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sassy_lady
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Re: Step by step Instructions on bathing your Cat
« Reply #17 on: Jul 28th, 2005, 11:06am » |
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out to get the bathers
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