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KMT
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Expressing anger
« on: Apr 15th, 2005, 12:52pm » |
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Bad shadows means more to come.
Have to work today (2pm-10pm)and I can't chase these damn things away. I already went home early last night  can't do it again tonight.  Crap.@^#%$*$($))#)@*#..... Oh screw it I have to do it pain and all.
Damn you beast for torturing us so. Laughing on the side lines as we struggle with the tick, tick, tick of the bomb increasing our anxiety for the timer to reach zero.
Who invited you into our lives anyway. Give it back and get lost your not welcome here any more. (God I wish that worked). Your embarrassing me. Making me run like a baby. Rock like some crazy person.
I stand at the top of that cliff and you say repeatedly jump, jump, jump. Your a wimp. You know you can't win against me. Some day you will crumble till then I'll just torture you...
Attempting  to chase it away...
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| « Last Edit: Apr 15th, 2005, 1:09pm by KMT » |
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aka...................................................... KimY
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lionsound
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Re: Work.....
« Reply #1 on: Apr 15th, 2005, 1:09pm » |
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Kim, do things lke ice or heat help you at all? I often work or drive with an ice bag on my neck tucked into my shirt.
I wish you didn't have to go to work in so much pain....
You can do it Kim! It will be okay....just imagine of all of us Clusterheads at work with you cheering you on! We'd sure draw lots of attention.
And we really are cheering for ya Kim!
PF's on their way south to you!
-Rori
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nani
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Re: Expressing anger
« Reply #2 on: Apr 15th, 2005, 1:12pm » |
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Hang in there, Kim...you are much stronger than it. PF2U, sweetie.
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KMT
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Re: Expressing anger
« Reply #3 on: Apr 15th, 2005, 1:25pm » |
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No really right now it is kicking a$$. Was an idiot and was desperate to end the bad shadow before work so I took Indocine and now am shaking, feeling dizzy, weak, nauseated, can't see straight................. 
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KMT
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Re: Expressing anger
« Reply #4 on: Apr 16th, 2005, 10:51am » |
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Wow, the last few days have been ruff. I am so sorry for the out burst in the earlier post. My theory of showing anger and chasing CH beast away didn't work.
Work was not stressful last night so I was able to live with the beast. I think the man upstairs was watching over me.
I guess my frustration yesturday was the knowing that I take care of people all the time. I always put on a face that attempts to say everything is ok when truely I am in pain. I need to work and I know all you feel this way as well. I just needed to talk it out.
Time to go play in my yard and do what relaxes me the most gardening...
Kim
PS hope you are all PF and best wishes
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samsara
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Re: Expressing anger
« Reply #5 on: Apr 16th, 2005, 4:55pm » |
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Hope you are enjoying your gardening. Sorry you were hurting so bad yesterday.
I know what you mean about the taking care of people thing, sometimes when I get my 8pm-er (they aren't bad at that time of day, ususally 6-7) I get very frustrated because that is such a busy time of day, and it is all taking care of my home, my family... I get drug down by my own feelings of "why can't someone take care of me for once?" or even "why can't I just have some time where I don't have to take care of someone else?" I think I understand what you were going thru. It beats you down so bad....
Hope you are feeling much better today. Being outside and working quietly.. meditatively.. hope it is helping.
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Marta
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Re: Expressing anger
« Reply #6 on: Apr 16th, 2005, 5:33pm » |
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Don't feel guilty about letting all your frustrations out. It's about the healthiest thing you can do for yourself. Also, this site is the perfect place to lose it as we all know what you're going through so don't think twice if you feel as if a load of shit is being dumped on you. It stinks worse if ypu don't do anything about it, ok?
Now chin up and don't let it get you.
Marta
ps Could someone tell me what LOL stands for?
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bellarains
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Re: Expressing anger
« Reply #7 on: Apr 16th, 2005, 5:53pm » |
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LOL,
Means, Laughing Out Loud Marta
Kim, venting I have found is what makes me feel best. In fact, sometimes when I scream, it makes my head feel better. Go figure????? I guess I had best find a secluded place to do it though, else they might send the people with the white coats after me.
I hope your day was good. I spent mine digging in the dirt also. Very theraputic.
Lori
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KMT
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Re: Expressing anger
« Reply #8 on: Apr 16th, 2005, 9:10pm » |
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I guess I had best find a secluded place to do it though, else they might send the people with the white coats after me.  that might be wise.
You are all great. I played with my yard all day. Mowed the lawn (for my husband). Planted grass in part of the yard deweeded the other. Plant food for my rose bushes that I love so much (Roses).
Took a nap 15 min. one that is afraid to take more. Still cont. the bad shadows but today I didn't let them stop me. I did and will deal as they come, and pray the beast stays away.
I am glad to see that others felt the way I did yesturday. We are only human not God right.
I hope you are all doing ok tonight and thanks again for your support.
Kim
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clarence
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Re: Expressing anger
« Reply #9 on: Apr 17th, 2005, 12:29am » |
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Love and prayers to you Kim. I think that all of us know how you feel. We are all here with you and for you.
Casey
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KMT
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Re: Expressing anger
« Reply #10 on: Apr 17th, 2005, 10:03am » |
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Thanks Casey...
Man am I sore from yard work yesturday. My poor sides.
Still surviving...
Kim
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sandie99
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Re: Expressing anger
« Reply #11 on: Apr 17th, 2005, 10:05am » |
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Kim,
it's great that you let all the anger come out! I'm still learning to do that... My folkes raised me to keep the feelings inside which lead nothing but trouble. I hope that you managed to vent the worst pain out! We're here for you...
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Jonny
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Re: Expressing anger
« Reply #12 on: Apr 17th, 2005, 10:10am » |
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Anger?
Never, I am one with nature and in harmony with life 
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It is up to YOU to educate yourself and then help your doctor plan your treatment. If you just sit down in front of your doctor and say "make me better" you are setting yourself up for a great deal of pain.
- Guiseppi
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don
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So is Sonny Barger.
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KMT
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Re: Expressing anger
« Reply #14 on: Apr 17th, 2005, 10:25am » |
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Sandie,
I have always been one to talk things out. I was glad when I found this sight and others to talk to. I truly think that without it the pain would be worse from anger, and sadness of keeping it all in.
Keep working on it does help. Even if it is just a little bit.
Kim
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Jonny
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Re: Expressing anger
« Reply #15 on: Apr 17th, 2005, 10:26am » |
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on Apr 17th, 2005, 10:15am, don wrote:
I know not of this Sonny Bono that you speak of.
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It is up to YOU to educate yourself and then help your doctor plan your treatment. If you just sit down in front of your doctor and say "make me better" you are setting yourself up for a great deal of pain.
- Guiseppi
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KMT
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Re: Expressing anger
« Reply #17 on: Apr 18th, 2005, 10:17am » |
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 Day five still getting really bad shadows and got hit twice yesturday. I was out fishing with the hubby and a friend when bam at the same time I got a bite I got hit and ended up snagged all at once. I dropped the fishing pole crying in pain and my husband thought I was pissed that I got snagged.
He came over up set trying to explain how to do it right and asked me what the heck was wrong with me. I said "my head." In an angry voice he said "well, maybe you should go back home." I said "No I'll be fine". Lets just say conversation was one word here and one word there. Later I told him how he made me feel. (I felt like fishing was more important then my HA and that if I left he would have a better time.) I don't think he realized how bad he sounded but it hurt just the same. His frustrated at something else and I add fuel to the fire.
Anyway running out of options for the HA...
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rickyshot
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Re: Expressing anger
« Reply #18 on: Apr 18th, 2005, 11:45am » |
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KIm I feel you girl. Whenever I read posts like this I get tears in my eyes. I NEVER met anyone who really understands (not my ex, or friends although they tried) until this bunch here. Thank God for them. Wishing you better days ahead......My kids lived with it their whole lives and are very protective of me and since I suffered a TIA (mini stroke from migraines as well) my oldest is always afraid I will die. It makes me so sad.........
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KMT
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Re: Expressing anger
« Reply #19 on: Apr 18th, 2005, 12:10pm » |
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since I suffered a TIA (mini stroke from migraines as well) my oldest is always afraid I will die. It makes me so sad......... Oh
You have it a lot harder then I do. Migraines and CH I could not do both. I admire you for that. I think I needed to read that not that I am glad you have it harder just that there are people a lot worse off and stop feeling sorry for myself. I think that is what keeps me going when at work. (nurse)
Yesturday was the first time I experienced that my HA had takin away from someone else having a good time. For the first time I felt that I should have stayed home.
This is a good place for support.
Kim
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slacker032
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Re: Expressing anger
« Reply #20 on: Apr 20th, 2005, 5:24am » |
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Hang in there.
I've been having a rough couple of weeks as well. Had to leave work early 4 out of the past 5 days so I feel pretty useless right about now.
Also had to leave early from a group meeting at school due to an attack. When I told my group members I was leaving because of the attack, I sensed that they thought I was just trying to get out of doing the work.
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| « Last Edit: Apr 20th, 2005, 6:00am by slacker032 » |
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One good thing about music, when it hits you, you feel no pain. - Bob Marley
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KMT
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Re: Expressing anger
« Reply #21 on: Apr 20th, 2005, 11:06am » |
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I am sorry that you are suffering as well.
I have to admit that I honestly think my coworkers are more understanding especially after the coworker note from O.U.C.H. It is me that has the problem admitting that I need to go home. I have never been a quiter and to go home do to these CH makes me feel like a quiter. It also makes me feel like I am imposing on my fellow workers. Also as you said you feel like you are useless.
All we can do is our best while PF or under shadows and hope that is enough to make up for those times that we do have to leave early. I guess.. 
PF wishes....Kim
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Marta
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Re: Expressing anger
« Reply #22 on: Apr 20th, 2005, 11:45am » |
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Boy,
I wish more companies understood CH and didn't think that it's just an excuse, 'oh, she's got another headache blah, blah, blah'.
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Marta
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Re: Expressing anger
« Reply #23 on: Apr 20th, 2005, 11:55am » |
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Argh, Just remembered got an interview for a job tomorrow. I could take a shot with me but I don't want to come across as spaced out and not interested in the position.
Ok, tell me what to do.
Marta
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bellarains
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Re: Expressing anger
« Reply #24 on: Apr 20th, 2005, 3:13pm » |
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Kim,
I understand how you feel about the fishing trip. Me and my hubby fish allot also. I have declined the trips this year afraid that we would get out to the middle of the lake and the HA would hit and the day would be shot. I finally told told him this and bless his heart, he told me would go, not get far from the dock and leave if I needed to.
I know this has to be hard for those that we live with, as if I did not suffer from these, I would have a hard time understanding the level of pain also. I am still amazed at times I have lived through an episode, and compared to some I feel lucky. Anyway, what I'm trying to say is, my husband didn't understand my pain cause I hid it well. I always told him to go away and leave me alone. The thought of him seeing me pace, roll, pound, etc.... was just something I did not want him to witness, but when he did, it first scared the B-Jesus's out of him, but then he became more understanding. He still wants to run me to the ER from time to time, but he now adjusts his schedule if need be. I still don't want him around when they hit, but at least he has a better idea of the pain.
I hope your hubby will be more understanding in time. I'm sure he will. It takes some time I think for anyone to understand these things, even us. I'm still not sure I understand
Hope you are having a better day. Smiles, and PFD&N wishes your way.
Lori
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