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Topic: introducing.....THE SATURDAY DUMMIES!!! (Read 244 times) |
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Carl_D
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introducing.....THE SATURDAY DUMMIES!!!
« on: Nov 12th, 2005, 8:33am » |
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Welcome to the all new edition of the funnies - now brought to you on SATURDAYS instead of Fridays. This weeks edition is sponsored by ICMMCBCCM (International Coalition of Micro-Miniature Cuban-Born Chinese Circus Midgets), our parent company MILF AND COOKIES, and Pat Robertson.
Magic Watch
A man walks into a bar next to an extremely hot girl and immediately looks at his watch. She says, ''Is your date late or something''He says, ''No I just got this magic watch''. "What does your watch do that is so amazing?" asked the lady. "It tells me what is happening." "What does it say now asked the lady." "It says you're not wearing panties." "Well your watch is wrong, I do have panties on." "Sorry, my watch is one hour fast."
yo mama is so dumb...
Yo mama is so dumb, she tripped over a cordless phone.
Personals Ad
Your Family Is So Poor
Your family is so poor, I flicked a booger on the door and your Mama came out and said: "Clap your hands, stomp your feet, praise the Lord, we got meat!"
Potential & Reality
A kid comes home from school with a writing assignment. He asks his father for help. "Dad, can you tell me the difference between potential and reality?" His father looks up, thoughtfully, and then says, "I'll demonstrate. Go ask your mother if she would sleep with Robert Redford for a million dollars. Then go ask your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Then come back and tell me what you've learned." The kid is puzzled, but decides to ask his mother. "Mom, if someone gave you a million dollars, would you sleep with Robert Redford?" "Don't tell your father, but yes, I would." He then goes to his sister's room. "Sis, if someone gave you a million dollars, would you sleep with Brad Pitt?" She replies, "Omigod! Definitely!" The kid goes back to his father. "Dad, I think I've figured it out. Potentially, we are sitting on two million bucks, but in reality, we are living with two very *friendly* persons."
I Just Bought A Case Of This:
More on the way shortly...
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Carl_D
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Re: introducing.....THE SATURDAY DUMMIES!!!
« Reply #1 on: Nov 12th, 2005, 8:43am » |
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Baby Baby...
These Jugs Hold ALOT of Water!
The Clown
There once was a little kid named Billy who loved clowns. I mean LOVED them. He had posters of them all over his wall and pictures of them everywhere. One day his parents took him to the Circus to see all of the clowns. He was so excited! He never saw one up close before! In the middle of the show, a tiny little car came out and out came 20 clowns! He was cheering so loud he couldn't speak for a couple minutes. Just then, the Leader of the Clowns took a microphone and asked for a volunteer. Billy raised his hand and shouted ''Me! Me!'' The clown looked around and said ''You!'' as he pointed at Billy. He was so happy! Billy joined the clown on the floor. The clown looked down at him and asked, ''Are you the horse's nose?'' Billy said ''No...'' ''Are you the horse's ears?'' ''No...'' Then the clown got an evil look in his eye as he said ''Then you must be the horse's ass!'' The whole tent shook with laughter, and Billy cried his eyes out. He couldn't believe a clown made fun of him like that! He swore revenge!
Billy grew up, he went to college, got a job, got married, and had a few kids, but still never forgot what that clown did to him. One morning he saw an ad in the paper for the same circus, and decided to go. He knew the PERFECT insult to get him back! When he told his wife and kids he was going his kids asked if they could goto the circus with him. He calmly said ''No. Daddy has something he needs to do there.''
In the middle of the show, a little car came out and out came about 20 clowns. The crowd cheered, except for Billy. The Leader of the Clowns took a microphone. It was the same Clown! Billy was so excited that he could now get revenge! The clown asked for a volunteer. Billy calmly raised his hand. The clown picked him! Billy joined the clown on the floor. The clown said ''Are you the horse's nose?'' Billy stayed calm and said ''No.'' The clown asked ''Are you the horse's ears?'' Billy replied ''No.'' Then the clown said ''Then you must be the horse's ass!'' Billy knew his time had come. As the crowd laughed and everyone cheered, his anger grew. Now was the time for revenge.
He looked deep into the clown's eyes and said...
''Fuck you, Clown.''
Q.) What doesn't belong in this list: Meat, Eggs, Wife, and Blowjob?
A.) Blowjob: You can beat your meat, eggs or wife, but you can't beat a
blowjob.
Q.) Why does a penis have a hole in the end?
A.) So men can be open minded.
Q.) What's the speed limit of sex?
A.) 68 because at 69 you have to turn around.
Q.) What does a Rubix cube and a penis have in common?
A.) The longer you play with them, the harder they get.
Q.) What's the difference between your paycheck and your dick?
A.) You don't have to beg your wife to blow your paycheck!
Q.) Three words to ruin a man's ego...
A.) "Is it in?"
Q.) What do you get when you cross Raggedy Ann and the
Pillsbury Dough
Boy?
A.) A red headed bitch with a yeast infection.
Q.) How can you tell when an auto mechanic just had sex?
A.) One of his fingers is clean.
Q.) What do you do with 365 used rubbers?
A.) Melt them down make a tire, and call it a Goodyear.
Q.) What does bungee jumping and hookers have in common?
A.) They both cost a hundred bucks and if the rubber breaks, you're
screwed.
Paris Hilton BEFORE Plastic Surgery
New segment coming up next!
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Carl_D
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Re: introducing.....THE SATURDAY DUMMIES!!!
« Reply #2 on: Nov 12th, 2005, 9:11am » |
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FUN WITH AUDIO 
Welcome to a brand new section of the funnies called FUN WITH AUDIO. Some audiofiles may take longer than some to load, as some are just sound-byte wavfiles, and others are mp3's. Not sure how well or fast it will work with dialup. All is definitely worth a listen. Just click on the links to bring up the audio pages.
NOTE: Do NOT PLAY with Young CHILDREN around as most has adult content!
What if Janis Joplin Sold Avon?
http://media.putfile.com/Janis-Joplin-Selling-Avon---wavfile
Didja hear about the hot musical called MAMA MIA now touring based completely upon the music of ABBA?
http://media.putfile.com/No-More-Abba----wavfile
We are The Knights Who Say...
http://media.putfile.com/NEE
Now Known as:
http://media.putfile.com/NoLonger
Monty Python Penis Song
http://media.putfile.com/Python-Penis
Quotes from my favorite woman in the entire world!
http://media.putfile.com/Karen-prada
http://media.putfile.com/Karen-ILoveYa
http://media.putfile.com/Thats-just-a-saying---wavfile
Why Do I Love SOUTH PARK? This Reminds Me of My Days In School - Literally!
http://media.putfile.com/SP-CartmanSaidFuck
This Is My FAVORITE Insult To Use On People (Note: Must Be Done With Proper Fake French Accent)
http://media.putfile.com/Python-Insult---wavfile
She Asked For It!
http://media.putfile.com/9inches
BILL HICKS
I recently discovered the brilliant comedy of the late Bill Hicks who was the Lenny Bruce of our time, and was known to 'go off' onstage and said some pretty ate up shit. While I am not easily offended, some of his stuff has dug at me, but I LOVE it! He spoke his mind, came up with bizarre ideas and concepts, and though claimed not to give a fuck - really did. TOOL immortalized him forever on their AENIMA disc, as well as many other artists have tributed Bill Hicks who was taken suddenly from us on February 28 1994 at age 32 of cancer.
This is the best take on The Beatles I have ever heard "In My Life" - LOL
http://media.putfile.com/Bill-Hicks---Drugs-Have-Done-Good-Things
The Concept of Easter
http://media.putfile.com/BH-Easter
Who ARE the Gideons?
http://media.putfile.com/BH-Gideons
A Family That TRIPS Together...
http://media.putfile.com/BH-FamilyTrip
Beliefs Bring Odd Ideas
http://media.putfile.com/BH-Beliefs
Porno On trial - GUILTY!
http://media.putfile.com/BH-SexOnTrial
This is some fucked up shit, but I still can't stop laughing at it no matter how sick and stupid it is
http://media.putfile.com/BH-TerminalStuntmen
That is all for this weeks edition. Thanks to my grand machine shutting down 4 times during the process of putting this together. Hope y'all dig the audio section, as it is a lengthy process to upload after sorting through much material that was censored by my inner child as being "Too sensitive" and so, my inner child will undergo shock treatments this week to try and prepare for next weeks edition.
Peace and Porta-Potties,
Mack
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Charlie
CH.com Alumnus
New Board Hall of Famer
Happy to be here
    
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Re: introducing.....THE SATURDAY DUMMIES!!!
« Reply #3 on: Nov 12th, 2005, 2:19pm » |
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Some funny residue Carl.
Thanks 
Charlie
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There is nothing more satisfying than being shot at without result---Winston Churchill
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cootie
New Board Hall of Famer
sumday I'm gonna be sumbody........ ..
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Re: introducing.....THE SATURDAY DUMMIES!!!
« Reply #4 on: Nov 13th, 2005, 2:34am » |
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I dealt with more then my share of porta potties this summer.......how the hell do they get shit heaped that far above the seat ?? Poopey Pam 
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Cause and Effect......"Cause is the effect concealed, Effect is the cause revealed"
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