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Topic: You're a Redneck if..... (Read 261 times) |
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pattik
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You're a Redneck if.....
« on: Nov 2nd, 2005, 9:52am » |
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1. The Halloween pumpkin on your porch has more teeth than your spouse.
2. You let your twelve-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids.
3. You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.
4. You think a woman who is "out of your league" bowls on a different night.
5. Jack Daniel's makes your list of "most admired people."
6. You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean.
7. Anyone in your family ever died right after saying, "Hey y'all watch this."
8. You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.
9. Your wife's hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan.
10. Your junior prom had a daycare.
11. You think the last words of the Star Spangled Banner are, "Gentlemen start your engines."
12. You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off its wheels.
13. The bluebook value of your truck goes up and down, depending on how much gas is in it.
14. You have to go outside to get something from the fridge.
15. One of your kids was born on a pool table.
16. You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.
17. You can't get married to your sweetheart because there's a law against it.
18. You think loading a dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.
19. Your toilet paper has page numbers on it.
20. Somebody hollers "Hoe Down" and your girlfriend hits the floor.
21. You have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say "Cool Whip" on the side.
22. The biggest city you've ever been to is Wal-Mart.
23. Your working T.V. sits on top of your non-working T.V.
24. Your neighbors think you're a detective because a cop always brings you home.
25. You missed 5th grade graduation because you had jury duty.
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The voyage of discovery is not about seeking new landscapes, it's about having new eyes--Marcel Proust
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BobG
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Re: You're a Redneck if.....
« Reply #1 on: Nov 2nd, 2005, 10:33am » |
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 Good one patti.
A couple of things you'll never hear a Texan say.
"Is my hair to big?"
"I went to Wal Mart and couldn't find one single thing to buy"
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Stay stressed. Never relax. Never sleep. Ever.
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Ghost
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Re: You're a Redneck if.....
« Reply #2 on: Nov 2nd, 2005, 12:02pm » |
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It was the first day of school and a new student named Pedro Martinez, the son of a recently immigrated Mexican restaurateur, entered the fourth grade. The teacher said, "Let's begin by reviewing some American history. "Who said 'Give me Liberty, or give me Death?'" She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Pedro, who had his hand up. "Patrick Henry, 1775." "Very good!" apprised the teacher. "Now, who said, "Government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth?" Again, no response except from Pedro: "Abraham Lincoln, 1863." The teacher snapped at the class, "Class, you should be ashamed! Pedro, who is new to our country, knows more about its' history than you do!" She heard a loud whisper: "Screw the Mexicans!" "Who said that?" she demanded. Pedro put his hand up. "Jim Bowie, 1836." At that point, a student in the back said, "I'm gonna puke." The teacher glared and asked, "All right! Now, who said that?" Again, Pedro. "George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister, 1991." Now furious, another student yelled, "Oh yeah? Suck this!" Pedro jumped out of his chair waving his hand and shouting to the teacher, "Bill Clinton to Monica Lewinsky, 1997!" Now, with almost a mob hysteria, someone said, "You little shit. If you say anything else, I'll kill you!" Pedro frantically yelled at the top of his voice, "Gary Condit to Chandra Levy, 2001." The teacher fainted, and as the class gathered around her on the floor, someone said, "Oh shit, we're in BIG trouble now!" Pedro whispered, "Saddam Hussein, 2003.
Just a little sumpn I felt went well here and if I was worng oh well. 
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Illigitimus Non Tatum Carborundum
If all men are endowed by their creator, why was mine so short sighted?
***WARNING*** Oxygen will rust your pipes!
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pattik
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Re: You're a Redneck if.....
« Reply #3 on: Nov 2nd, 2005, 12:05pm » |
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The voyage of discovery is not about seeking new landscapes, it's about having new eyes--Marcel Proust
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Kirk
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Re: You're a Redneck if.....
« Reply #4 on: Nov 2nd, 2005, 12:18pm » |
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I would be pretty damn proud of the little smart ass. If he'd just learn when to stop show in off. 
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Jasmyn
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Re: You're a Redneck if.....
« Reply #5 on: Nov 2nd, 2005, 12:46pm » |
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Thanks Patti!
Oh Goat you were worng to think it wouldn't work well here!
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Jazz
Madness is proclaimed by society’s inability to accept its own infallibility
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sandie99
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Re: You're a Redneck if.....
« Reply #6 on: Nov 2nd, 2005, 1:28pm » |
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Thank you, Patti!
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CH happends, Live anyway! PF days to us all!
"Do what you can and let God take care of the rest. Leave your heart wide open and always wish for the best" (Sanna Hillu)
"No matter how far out your dreams are, it's possible" (Marketa Irglova)
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burnt-toast
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Re: You're a Redneck if.....
« Reply #7 on: Nov 2nd, 2005, 6:45pm » |
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When you can relate to all 25 on the list - but find absolutely no reason to be offended.
Tom
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Would the owner of the propane torch, egg beater, pipe expander and vise grips please claim these items. They're lodged in my head and I need the space.
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Long Haired Redneck
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Re: You're a Redneck if.....
« Reply #8 on: Nov 2nd, 2005, 6:55pm » |
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Damn sure am
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Jonny
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Re: You're a Redneck if.....
« Reply #9 on: Nov 2nd, 2005, 6:56pm » |
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on Nov 2nd, 2005, 6:55pm, Long Haired Redneck wrote:| Damn sure am |
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With the mullet to prove it.
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It is up to YOU to educate yourself and then help your doctor plan your treatment. If you just sit down in front of your doctor and say "make me better" you are setting yourself up for a great deal of pain.
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Long Haired Redneck
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Re: You're a Redneck if.....
« Reply #10 on: Nov 2nd, 2005, 7:20pm » |
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on Nov 2nd, 2005, 6:56pm, Jonny wrote:
With the mullet to prove it.
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and don't you fergit it!
You may be a redneck if you always need more bullets
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