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Topic: Not ch related... trading in my daughter (Read 1338 times) |
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PollyPocket
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Not ch related... trading in my daughter
« on: Oct 27th, 2005, 7:52am » |
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I really thought it would get better when she got past 15 or 16. Was I ever wrong! She went from psycho 16 to bitchier than hell 18! (I'll skip right over shitty 17!)
I have learned that there is absolutely no way to teach her anything whatsoever... she knows everything there is to know about everything. Don't get me wrong, I have been trying to teach her since she was born and I have learned the look on her face means "I am not listening to you".
Either I am going to strangle her, or I am going to trade her in for a new model, cuz this mom has had enough of her shit!
ok.. I feel better now. (now don't give me the same "look", ok?)
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LeLimey
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Re: Not ch related... trading in my daughter
« Reply #1 on: Oct 27th, 2005, 7:55am » |
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My daughter is only eleven yet so I have all this to come.. and I have NOOOOOO idea where she gets it from either!! 
Good luck and if you find anywhere to trade them in.. let me know....please...
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Kate in Oz
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Re: Not ch related... trading in my daughter
« Reply #2 on: Oct 27th, 2005, 7:58am » |
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Ha ha ha.... sorry I really shouldn't laugh but I hear you!! oh my god my sons only 3 and I'm thinking same chin up 
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AussieBrian
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Re: Not ch related... trading in my daughter
« Reply #3 on: Oct 27th, 2005, 8:00am » |
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Can she cook?
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PollyPocket
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Re: Not ch related... trading in my daughter
« Reply #4 on: Oct 27th, 2005, 8:03am » |
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she burns grilled cheese. Honestly, she gets distracted by the freakin tv and forgets what she was doing, then blames everyone else!
And sons are easier.
He CAN cook like a madman, but only because he loves to eat.
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"If I don't remember it happening, it never happened. " - Tori
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Carl_D
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Re: Not ch related... trading in my daughter
« Reply #5 on: Oct 27th, 2005, 8:05am » |
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Like the times, the kids they are a changin'!
Peace,
Carl
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AussieBrian
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Re: Not ch related... trading in my daughter
« Reply #6 on: Oct 27th, 2005, 8:05am » |
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Can she clean?
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rickyshot
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Re: Not ch related... trading in my daughter
« Reply #7 on: Oct 27th, 2005, 8:07am » |
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She will never beat mine who is now 21 and finally improving. Mine is facing jail sentence for gansterism OK? amongst other horrors we went through. And the thing is that mine is such a nice person who is generous to a fault. When she was 17 she walzed into my home after clubbing all night with her hand on her skinny hip. I sent her flying across the room and told her she could call 911 . My way or the highway in my house honey. She moved out a few weeks later and has been out there ever since. But we have gotten closer since last year. Life has a way of biting you in the ass and most do finally get it. I have a cousin who was so terrible that she was setting fires in her mother's house. A biatch from hell. Well finally in her 30's she had her first child and did an 180 degree turn. You would not know her. Keep praying, don't take no shit and hold on. I let my kids know I will not take any bs and they can move out but when they want to straighten up they will have my full support, and come back anytime but in my house-my rules.
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Sandy_C
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Re: Not ch related... trading in my daughter
« Reply #8 on: Oct 27th, 2005, 8:10am » |
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You will survive! Trust me on this. My oldest daughter, Amanda (now 29), turned from a pretty trustworthy, respectful child into a raving bitch as soon as she hit high school (ain't peer pressure great  ) She clammed up, would not tell me anything, and lied about several things. However, I always (I think) found her out.
Example: freshman year - age 15, wanted to go on spring break to the beach, stay in a house with a bunch of her buddies (boys included), unsupervised. Of course, our answer was no. Came home from work one day and found the phone book open to hotels, with a paper napkin laying there with phone numbers of Myrtle Beach hotels. Mind you, she was a straight A student, very bright - but puleeeeze - how dumb was that? I didn't say one word to her, just waited to see how this was going to play out. She bops in the door, all sweet and nice and happy to report that she has been invited to go to a lake with her girlfriend and her parents for spring break. Right. I told her we would give it some thought but that I needed to speak to the girl's parents and get all the info, their names, where's the cottage, phone numbers, etc, etc. Amanda looked at me like I had lost my mind. Next night get phone call from Mr. ***, girlfriend's dad. Funny, dad's voice still hadn't changed. She did not go to the beach that year.
Fortunately, her younger sister, Christine, witnessed all of this, and learned from her sister's mistakes. Chris was also bitchy in her teens, but by that time I was seasoned in battle.
Now, both my girls are adults, and are my best friends, so hang in there, Mom.
Sandy
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Kate in Oz
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Re: Not ch related... trading in my daughter
« Reply #9 on: Oct 27th, 2005, 8:17am » |
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on Oct 27th, 2005, 8:03am, JenniferD wrote:
So I am lead to believe! The relief !!! when I found out I was having a boy! YIPEEEEEE
I was a BITCH !!! my mother hated me and I hated her right back. Needless to say I wasn't looking forward to having to deal with all that shit with a daughter.
And yet I agree with Ricky there is hope... so don't give up. Mum and I are now best of friends - speak on the phone at least once a week. I love her dearly, wouldn't be without her and even ask for her advice!!!
Having said all that I do really feel for you  ...
Thank goodness there is somewhere to unload without reproach
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TomM
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Re: Not ch related... trading in my daughter
« Reply #10 on: Oct 27th, 2005, 8:21am » |
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on Oct 27th, 2005, 8:10am, Sandy_C wrote:Now, both my girls are adults, and are my best friends, so hang in there, Mom.
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Ahhh...the cycle of life. Aint it grand?
Hang tough and keep a cool head.
TomM
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minnie
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Re: Not ch related... trading in my daughter
« Reply #11 on: Oct 27th, 2005, 8:23am » |
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As a former teenager from hell I can say it will get better.my problems started at around 13 or 14 and lasted till I quit school at 16.I got busy babysitting and then got other jobs.helped my older sister who had to work two jobs and was a single mom raise her daughter and son.I grew up and don't have a third of the temper I used to have.Billy hasn't seen me really lose my temper but he's seen me mess with my sister and seen a flicker of the old fear. ( 
) My only fear is my mom did the voodoo wish when I was a teenager and must admit I do the same thing to my daughters now and their only 7 & 8 .follow step by step when your daughter get to you.
1) look her straight in the eye with a wicked evil grin
2) wave you hads around like your casting a spell
3) then say very sternelly and happily " I hope you have 3 kids just like YOU' wave hands again don't forget the evil laugh and grin then say "oh by the way I'll be living in Hawaii by then and will not babysit but will listen to your phone calls sound sympathetic and then laugh hysterically at you"
4) at this point you can either clap you hands ,snap your fingers,wave your hands in her face or wiggle your nose (bewitched style) walk away laughing like a knowledgable wicked witch
5) repeat as often as needed and if ya need to get a doll that kinda looks like a frazzled voodoo doll and then have 3 wild looking dolls connected to it bring it out often and call it by your daughters name
Disclaimer my mom and I haven't tied step # 5 but it kinda sounds like fun....HAA HAA HHAAA E*W*L*
It works how do I know ...life with a 13 year old step daughter,a 7 and 8 year old daughters....Darn you Mom.......
** Modified to add ** I am now very close to my parents and sisters but sisters tend to bring things up sometimes 
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| « Last Edit: Oct 27th, 2005, 8:30am by minnie » |
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pattik
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Re: Not ch related... trading in my daughter
« Reply #12 on: Oct 27th, 2005, 8:43am » |
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I've been there and done that....and very recently. My daughter (now 18 and the light of my life), put her dad and I through the wringer from the age of about 12 onward. In fact, your post sounds like something I could have written. I'm just glad that we hung in there, because a few months ago, right after graduation, it was as if someone turned on a light switch, and things changed pretty quickly. And then there is that "mother/daughter relationship" thing that plays into everything. I'm not sure we're out of the woods yet, but her maturity level took a giant leap recently, and I'm still in awe at what a beautiful, caring and intelligent person she is growing into. Whatever you do, hang in there.
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Margi
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Re: Not ch related... trading in my daughter
« Reply #13 on: Oct 27th, 2005, 8:54am » |
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Man, can I relate to THIS subject!!
I'll join the others and advise you to hang in there, it DOES get better. I firmly believe that all teenage daughters should be rounded up and sent to an island far, far away for about 6 years (from age 13 on...).
My daughter is now 23 and has her own baby girl. It's made the world of difference for her. For years I prayed that she would straighten out and, trust me, becoming an unwed mother sure wouldn't have been the route I would have picked. But....our Father works in mysterious ways and having Savannah has completely turned Corinne onto a good path - she's a wonderful young lady now and actually LISTENS to the advice I give her!
I remember my mother saying to me, 'someday, you'll have a daughter of your own.' Boy, was she right about all the complications that come with daughters! And then, I said it to Corinne. Yep, now SHE's got a baby girl. Payback is a bitch. And sweet serendipity for me now! I can't wait until Savannah turns 15.
I dropped in on my girls yesterday and I amost fell over. Corinne's house smelled like lemons. The place was spotless. Dishes were done, floors were washed, laundry folded AND put away. She CLEANED.  Without me nagging her. Wonders never cease. As a teenager, I was afraid to go into her room for fear something might crawl out from under her bed and bite me!!
There's hope for them all, Jennifer. Take heart.
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| « Last Edit: Oct 27th, 2005, 8:55am by Margi » |
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Kate in Oz
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Re: Not ch related... trading in my daughter
« Reply #14 on: Oct 27th, 2005, 9:02am » |
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on Oct 27th, 2005, 8:54am, Margi wrote: I firmly believe that all teenage daughters should be rounded up and sent to an island far, far away for about 6 years (from age 13 on...).
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So Brian.... what ya reakon ?? still interested
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PollyPocket
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Re: Not ch related... trading in my daughter
« Reply #15 on: Oct 27th, 2005, 9:28am » |
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ohmyfreakingawd minnie I laughed and laughed and laughed until i cried!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
the voodoo dance!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am I swear gonnna copy that and tape it to my fridge door!!!!!!!!!!!!
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“Life is all about timing... the unreachable becomes reachable, the unavailable become available, the unattainable... attainable. Have the patience, wait it out It's all about timing.” - Stacey Charter
"If I don't remember it happening, it never happened. " - Tori
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sandie99
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Re: Not ch related... trading in my daughter
« Reply #16 on: Oct 27th, 2005, 9:33am » |
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Oh boy, I've been VERY good girl indeed...
I've never been to detention, never smoked anything, never appeared home drunk, never stayed over at friend's house without mentioning it beforehand...
Okay, I have skipped classes. But I don't really count it, as my teacher was so used to see me in the front row that he didn't even realise that I wasn't there...
I know I should buy "Bad Girl's Guide To Life" before it's too late!
The biggest grief I ever gave my mum was that I lived abroad for 3 years. That got her blood pressure up.
Sanna
(gotta start somewhere...lol)
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Jasmyn
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Re: Not ch related... trading in my daughter
« Reply #17 on: Oct 27th, 2005, 10:18am » |
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Female hormones in one house tend to be an unholy blend.
I have 2 teenage daughters 16 and 18. I keep on hoping that menopause will give me another few years as ch and teenagers are enough.
I haven't had the pleasure of having my girls living with me for 9 years of their lives. Now these last years that they are with me hormones did not escape the equation.
I changed tactics as I have so little time left with them and had so little before.
When one of them get out of control (you'll all know what I mean) I stand firm on my point, grab the offended offender in both my arms, I don't let go - even in throws of anger, hug and hold and say:"I love you, I will ALWAYS love you" repeatedly until it becomes a whisper.
Usually they give up and break down in tears - untill the next time.
I have a stronger will and personality and life experience than them and I told them I will never give up on them although it may hurt them (me grabbing my child in their throws of anger, because they hate MY WAY and rolling around with them on the floors while they struggle until the world calms down and talking can presume)
Only thing this takes is a lot of energy, determination and self control not to slap them silly but to keep the hug.
It works for me... and for them... I didn't say they like it!
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Jazz
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PollyPocket
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Re: Not ch related... trading in my daughter
« Reply #18 on: Oct 27th, 2005, 10:22am » |
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I dunno Jas, slappin her silly sure seems like the better choice- and a whole lot more stress relieving for me right now!
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“Life is all about timing... the unreachable becomes reachable, the unavailable become available, the unattainable... attainable. Have the patience, wait it out It's all about timing.” - Stacey Charter
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Margi
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Re: Not ch related... trading in my daughter
« Reply #19 on: Oct 27th, 2005, 11:05am » |
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you're a good mum, Jas.
I've executed the exact same maneuver with my daughter, countless times. Pisses her off NO end! NO one wants a hug when they're on a major rant. But, it always ended in her dissolving in tears and coming to her senses, albeit temporarily.
I remember, too, telling her "hey, I may not like you very much right now...but I will ALWAYS love you." It does become a battle of wills at some point but that's what keeps it interesting, right?
Never NEVER give in to an urge to slap. It's just wrong. Does so much more damage, leaving pain that never heals. Go kick the hell out of a pillow or something instead.
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| « Last Edit: Oct 27th, 2005, 11:07am by Margi » |
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Peppermint
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Re: Not ch related... trading in my daughter
« Reply #20 on: Oct 27th, 2005, 11:13am » |
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on Oct 27th, 2005, 10:18am, Jasmyn wrote:Female hormones in one house tend to be an unholy blend.
I have 2 teenage daughters 16 and 18. I keep on hoping that menopause will give me another few years as ch and teenagers are enough.
I haven't had the pleasure of having my girls living with me for 9 years of their lives. Now these last years that they are with me hormones did not escape the equation.
I changed tactics as I have so little time left with them and had so little before.
When one of them get out of control (you'll all know what I mean) I stand firm on my point, grab the offended offender in both my arms, I don't let go - even in throws of anger, hug and hold and say:"I love you, I will ALWAYS love you" repeatedly until it becomes a whisper.
Usually they give up and break down in tears - untill the next time.
I have a stronger will and personality and life experience than them and I told them I will never give up on them although it may hurt them (me grabbing my child in their throws of anger, because they hate MY WAY and rolling around with them on the floors while they struggle until the world calms down and talking can presume)
Only thing this takes is a lot of energy, determination and self control not to slap them silly but to keep the hug.
It works for me... and for them... I didn't say they like it!
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Hi Jasmyn,
I really admire what you said above. It's hard to remember the love when you're angry, but that's why you're angry in the first place, because someone you love is making you hurt, isn't it? At least that's how I feel.
My daughter is mature for her age (she's 10) and she's been testing me for about the past 6 mos. or so now. I can only imagine when the hormones really kick in....
I have only tried your tactic once, but insanely, it worked. Unfortunately I'm going to be a midget next to her, she's almost as tall as I am at 10, and I believe she's going to be a lot bigger than me.....I can see it now, her laughing hysterically as I try to hold her down. 
Hang in there ladies.
Pep
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Jasmyn
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Re: Not ch related... trading in my daughter
« Reply #21 on: Oct 27th, 2005, 11:20am » |
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Jennifer it is not easy because sometimes the urge is sooo big just to act like them and totally get out of control. Yell, Scream, Slap.
But like you said Margi, that is the stuff that you as a parent will regret afterwards because it only makes the situation worse and leaves scars and bridges that can last a long time, if not forever.
I always wanted to do things different to my Mother and maybe because I lost my kids before, I could sit and make a choice on how to handle situations. But it is still up to me to stick to my choice and not lose my resolve.
Yes and it is better to go kick or break something else afterwards to get rid of my own frustration.
I have a tin cup that I keep for that specific reason.
Needless to say, it does not resemble a cup anymore! 
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Jazz
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sandie99
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Re: Not ch related... trading in my daughter
« Reply #22 on: Oct 27th, 2005, 11:23am » |
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Jas,
that's impressive.
Sanna
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Margi
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Re: Not ch related... trading in my daughter
« Reply #23 on: Oct 27th, 2005, 11:33am » |
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Patty, I have the same problem. Corinne is 5'9" and I'm 5'5". When she surpassed me in height at about age 12, I feared the same thing.
However, I'm taller than MY mother and I'm tellin' ya, that woman still can scare the hell outta me. She's the best mother anyone could ever ask for, don't get me wrong, but she can still freeze water at a single glance. Learn how to do "the look", Patty...it will be your best defense. I can still make Corinne turn around across the room if I shoot her "the look". She tells me it still makes her shiver.
Here's an example of "the look" - my little granddaughter is already learning it!! One raised eyebrow and looking THROUGH you....works every time!!
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| « Last Edit: Oct 27th, 2005, 11:34am by Margi » |
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Peppermint
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Re: Not ch related... trading in my daughter
« Reply #24 on: Oct 27th, 2005, 11:51am » |
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on Oct 27th, 2005, 11:33am, Margi wrote:| Patty, I have the same problem. Corinne is 5'9" and I'm 5'5". |
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I'm about 5'3" and she'll be short of 6 foot if not taller. One of the youngest girls on her dad's side of the family was 6'2" at 13. Scary. But isn't it annoying too? LOL.
on Oct 27th, 2005, 11:33am, Margi wrote:
Learn how to do "the look", Patty...it will be your best defense. I |
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Oh I may not be tall... but my daughter knows "the look". She starts crying when I give her my look. Funny thing is all she usually gets is a diatribe.
Then again maybe that's why she's crying. OMG, I must be lecturing her to death. OH NO.
I'm my mother.
P.S. Margi, that is one gorgeous child!!!
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| « Last Edit: Oct 27th, 2005, 11:51am by Peppermint » |
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