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Topic: Things To Ponder (Read 210 times) |
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Ghost
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Farting relieves the pressure
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Things To Ponder
« on: Oct 24th, 2005, 1:52pm » |
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1. Jim Baker and Jimmy Swaggert have written an impressive new book. It's called "Ministers Do More Than Lay People."
2. Transvestite: A guy who likes to eat, drink and be Mary.
3. The difference between the Pope and your boss...the Pope only expects you to kiss his ring.
4. My mind works like lightning. One brilliant flash and it is gone.
5. The only time the world beats a path to your door is if you're in the bathroom.
6. I hate sex in the movies. Tried it once. The seat folded up, the drink spilled and that ice, well, it really chilled the mood.
7. It used to be only death and taxes were inevitable. Now, of course, there's shipping and handling, too.
8. A husband is someone who, after taking the trash out, gives the impression that he just cleaned the whole house.
9. My next house will have no kitchen-just vending machines and a large trash can.
10. A blonde said, "I was worried that my mechanic might try to rip me off. I was relieved when he told me all I needed was turn signal fluid."
11. I'm so depressed. My doctor refused to write me a prescription for Viagra. He said it would be like putting a new flagpole on a condemned building.
12. My neighbor was bit by a stray rabid dog. I went to see how he was and found him writing frantically on a piece of paper. I told him rabies could be cured and he didn't have to worry about a Will. He said, "Will? What Will? I'm making a list of the people I want to bite."
13. Definition of a teenager? God's punishment for enjoying sex.
14. As we slide down the banister of life, may the splinters never point the wrong way.
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Illigitimus Non Tatum Carborundum
If all men are endowed by their creator, why was mine so short sighted?
***WARNING*** Oxygen will rust your pipes!
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zanychef
New Board Newbie
i'm busting with a masx cant really go wrong can i
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Re: Things To Ponder
« Reply #1 on: Oct 24th, 2005, 2:03pm » |
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plenty of time to sleep now me headaches aint too bad
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Jasmyn
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Re: Things To Ponder
« Reply #2 on: Oct 24th, 2005, 2:12pm » |
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I pondered...
I was amazed...
at the size of the cavity inside my head
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Jazz
Madness is proclaimed by society’s inability to accept its own infallibility
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Jasmyn
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Re: Things To Ponder
« Reply #3 on: Oct 24th, 2005, 2:14pm » |
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O yes and before I forget...
Uhmmm...
the fullness of my bladder
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Jazz
Madness is proclaimed by society’s inability to accept its own infallibility
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Ghost
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Farting relieves the pressure
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Re: Things To Ponder
« Reply #4 on: Oct 24th, 2005, 2:20pm » |
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Now I gotta clean my monitor
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Illigitimus Non Tatum Carborundum
If all men are endowed by their creator, why was mine so short sighted?
***WARNING*** Oxygen will rust your pipes!
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ExplodingEyeBall
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I can't think of anything clever to put here.
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Re: Things To Ponder
« Reply #5 on: Oct 24th, 2005, 2:23pm » |
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on Oct 24th, 2005, 2:14pm, Jasmyn wrote:
the fullness of my bladder |
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Thanks for reminding me. I was wondering why I was so un-comfy.
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Just poke out my eye and get it over with!!!
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Jasmyn
CH.com Alumnus
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Each day will be a new trick in life's journey
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Posts: 2762
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Re: Things To Ponder
« Reply #6 on: Oct 24th, 2005, 2:32pm » |
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on Oct 24th, 2005, 2:23pm, ExplodingEyeBall wrote:
Thanks for reminding me. I was wondering why I was so un-comfy. |
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Always my pleasure to remind my fellow inmates of their bodily functions.
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Jazz
Madness is proclaimed by society’s inability to accept its own infallibility
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Jonny
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Give me a shovel Ill dig my own grave!
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Re: Things To Ponder
« Reply #7 on: Oct 24th, 2005, 6:23pm » |
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14 Reasons To Allow Drinking On The Job
1. It's an incentive to show up.
2. It reduces stress.
3. It leads to more honest communications.
4. It reduces complaints about low pay.
5. It cuts down on time off because you can work with a hangover.
6. Employees tell management what they think, not what management wants to hear.
7. It helps save on heating costs in the winter.
8. It encourages carpooling.
9. Increases job satisfaction because if you have a bad job you don't care.
10. It eliminates vacations because people would rather come to work.
11. It makes fellow employees look better.
12. It makes the cafeteria food taste better.
13. Bosses are more likely to hand out raises when they have had a couple of drinks.
14. Salary negotiations are a lot more profitable.
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It is up to YOU to educate yourself and then help your doctor plan your treatment. If you just sit down in front of your doctor and say "make me better" you are setting yourself up for a great deal of pain.
- Guiseppi
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