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Topic: Having an unusually.... (Read 471 times) |
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Donna_D.
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Having an unusually....
« on: Oct 21st, 2005, 12:24pm » |
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...bad head day. 
....got anything funny to take my mind off of it?
No Vibes....Just laughs!
Thanks!
DD
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| « Last Edit: Oct 21st, 2005, 12:25pm by Donna_D. » |
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Melissa
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Re: Having an unusually....
« Reply #1 on: Oct 21st, 2005, 12:27pm » |
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I'm tryin DD, I am! I just posted in the "Cool Math Trick" thread.
Also, you could try finding the "Miss Holloman, Miss Twitch" thread and read through the pages, or look at the past convention pics, or fly up here and we'll go shopping. 
 mel
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kimmiedawn81
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Re: Having an unusually....
« Reply #2 on: Oct 21st, 2005, 12:29pm » |
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Hey DD, check your Yahoo email.
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Lizzie2
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"L'Chaim"~Hebre w Toast~"To Life"
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Re: Having an unusually....
« Reply #3 on: Oct 21st, 2005, 12:31pm » |
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I have a great one, but I don't know how to convert a bitmap to a jpg to post it!!! I know you'd laugh too.... 
So big hugs from me for now!!!!!!!!!!!!
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BMoneeTheMoneeMan
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Re: Having an unusually....
« Reply #4 on: Oct 21st, 2005, 12:32pm » |
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I like looking at Mel's profile. That little dude sticking his tongue out is pretty damn funny.
As a matter of fact, i stole it from her and I use it. Shhh......dont tell her.
BMonee
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"Fool me once, shame on, shame on you. Fool - can't get fooled again"
Think of how stupid the average person is, and then realize half the population is stupider than that.
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Gator
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Re: Having an unusually....
« Reply #5 on: Oct 21st, 2005, 12:35pm » |
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Haircut for boring meetings
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kimmiedawn81
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Re: Having an unusually....
« Reply #6 on: Oct 21st, 2005, 12:36pm » |
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on Oct 21st, 2005, 12:35pm, Gator wrote:Haircut for boring meetings
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Very creative!
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Gator
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Re: Having an unusually....
« Reply #7 on: Oct 21st, 2005, 12:36pm » |
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How to deal with a pain in the ass:
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Melissa
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Re: Having an unusually....
« Reply #8 on: Oct 21st, 2005, 12:38pm » |
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on Oct 21st, 2005, 12:32pm, BMoneeTheMoneeMan wrote:| I like looking at Mel's profile. |
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If I didn't read further, I would have been very nervous.
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LeLimey
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Re: Having an unusually....
« Reply #9 on: Oct 21st, 2005, 1:10pm » |
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If this don't make you giggle nothing will!
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The arsehole I'm divorcing needs to get a life and stop stalking mine
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pattik
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Re: Having an unusually....
« Reply #10 on: Oct 21st, 2005, 1:18pm » |
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on Oct 21st, 2005, 1:10pm, LeLimey wrote:| If this don't make you giggle nothing will! |
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You Brits, and your wagging weenie pics....I'm trying to find the one of Mr. Bean 
In the meanwhile...
It was an innocent mistake, but nonetheless, a moment later Maurice found himself receiving the full brunt of the mummy's wrath!
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| « Last Edit: Oct 21st, 2005, 1:39pm by pattik » |
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The voyage of discovery is not about seeking new landscapes, it's about having new eyes--Marcel Proust
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rextangle
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Re: Having an unusually....
« Reply #11 on: Oct 21st, 2005, 2:00pm » |
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Well, Helen's weenie roast is a tough act to follow... I'm stumped...
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E-Double
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Re: Having an unusually....
« Reply #12 on: Oct 21st, 2005, 2:11pm » |
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I'm jumping off the PC boat for you and your friend the "water head boy"
also please read...................
http://members.cox.net/daguilar1/funny.shtml
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I can't believe that I have to bang my
Head against this wall again
But the blows they have just a little more
Space in-between them
Gonna take a breath and try again.
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Ghost
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Re: Having an unusually....
« Reply #13 on: Oct 21st, 2005, 2:28pm » |
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http://members.home.nl/saen/Special/Zoeken.swf
look for the 3 differences in the pics
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| « Last Edit: Oct 21st, 2005, 2:30pm by Ghost » |
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Illigitimus Non Tatum Carborundum
If all men are endowed by their creator, why was mine so short sighted?
***WARNING*** Oxygen will rust your pipes!
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rextangle
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Re: Having an unusually....
« Reply #14 on: Oct 21st, 2005, 2:52pm » |
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minnie
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my greatest joys are my daughters April & Beth
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jokes...not for little eyes.
« Reply #15 on: Oct 21st, 2005, 2:58pm » |
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A man walked into a crowded doctor's office. As he approached the
desk, the receptionist asked "Yes, Sir. May we help you?"
"There's something wrong with my dick," he replied.
The receptionist became aggravated and said, "You shouldn't come
into a crowded office and say things like that."
"Why not? You asked me what was wrong and I told you." he said.
"We do not use language like that here," she said. "Please go
outside and come back in and say that there's something wrong
with your ear or whatever."
The man walked out, waited several minutes and re-entered. The
receptionist smiled smugly and asked, "Yes?"
"There's something wrong with my ear," he stated.
The receptionist nodded approvingly. "And what is wrong with your
ear, Sir?"
"I can't piss out of it." the man replied
-------------------------------------------------------------------
"Mr. Clark, I'm afraid I have bad news," the doctor told his
anxious patient. "You only have six months to live."
The man sat in stunned silence for the next several minutes.
Regaining his composure, he apologetically told his physician
that he had no medical insurance. "I can't possibly pay you in
that time."
"Okay," the doctor said, "let's make it nine months."
------------------------------------------------------------------------
A man was in a terrible accident, and his "manhood" was mangled
and torn from his body. His doctor assured him that modern
medicine could give him back his manhood, but that his insurance
wouldn't cover the surgery, since it was considered cosmetic.
The doctor said that the cost would be $3500 for small, $6500 for
medium, and $14,000 for large. The man was sure he wanted a
large, but the doctor urged him to talk it over with his wife
before he made any decision. The man called his wife on the phone
and explained their options. The doctor came back into the room,
and found the man looking quite dejected.
"Well, what have the two of you decided?" asked the doctor.
The man answered, "She'd rather remodel the kitchen."
------------------------------------------------------------------------
A mother took her daughter to the doctor and asked him to give
her an examination to determine the cause of the daughter's
swollen abdomen.
It only took the doctor about 2 seconds to say, "Gimme a break,
lady! Your daughter is pregnant!"
The mother turn red with fury, and she argued with the doctor
that *her* daughter was a good girl, and would *never* compromise
her reputation by having sex with a boy.
The doctor faced the window and silently watched the horizon.
The mother became enraged and screamed, "Quit looking out the
window! Aren't you paying attention to me?"
"Yes, of course I am paying attention, ma'am. It's just that the
last time this happened, a star appeared in the east, and three
wise men came. I was hoping they'd show up again, and help me
figure out who got your daughter pregnant!"
--------------------------------------------------------------------
A bigshot business man had to spend a couple of days in the
hospital.
He was a royal pain to the nurses because he bossed them around
just like he did his employees. None of the hospital staff wanted
to have anything to do with him.
The head nurse was the only one who could stand up to him. She
walked into his room and announced, "I have to take your
temperature."
After complaining for several minutes, he finally settled down,
crossed his arms and opened his mouth.
"No, I'm sorry, the nurse stated, "but for this reading, I can't
use an oral thermometer."
This started another round of complaining, but eventually he
rolled over and bared his behind.
After feeling the nurse insert the thermometer, he heard her
announce, "I have to get something. Now you stay JUST LIKE THAT
until I get back!"
She leaves the door to his room open on her way out. He curses
under his breath as he hears people walking past his door,
laughing. After almost an hour, the man's doctor comes into the
room.
"What's going on here?" asked the doctor.
Angrily, the man answers, "What's the matter, Doc? Haven't you
ever seen someone having their temperature taken before?"
After a pause, the doctor replies, "Yes, but never with a
daffodil!"
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Friends are Angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly
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You may only be one person to the world
but you may also be the world to one person.
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minnie
New Board Hall of Famer
my greatest joys are my daughters April & Beth
Gender:
Posts: 1059
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more jokes .
« Reply #16 on: Oct 21st, 2005, 3:07pm » |
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How to know whether or not you are ready to have kids:
Mess Test
Smear peanut butter on the sofa and curtains. Place a fish stick
behind the couch and leave it there all summer.
Toy Test
Obtain a 55 gallon box of Legos (you may substitute roofing tacks
if you wish). Have a friend spread them all over the house. Put
on a blindfold and take off shoes. Try to walk to the bathroom or
kitchen. Do not scream because this would wake a child at night.
Grocery Store Test
Borrow one or two small animals (goats are best) and take them
with you as you shop. Always keep them in sight and pay for
anything they eat or damage.
Dressing Test
Obtain one large, unhappy, live octopus. Stuff into a small net
bag making sure that all the arms stay inside.
Feeding Test
Obtain a large plastic milk jug. Fill halfway with water. Suspend
from the ceiling with a cord. Start the jug swinging. Try to
insert spoonfuls of soggy cereal into the mouth of the jug, while
pretending to be an airplane. Now dump the contents of the jug on
the floor.
Night Test
Prepare by obtaining a small cloth bag and fill it with 8-12
pounds of sand. Soak it thoroughly in water. At 3:00pm, begin to
waltz and hum with the bag until 9:00pm. Lay down your bag and
set your alarm for 10:00pm. Get up, pick up your bag, and sing
every song you have ever heard. Make up about a dozen more and
sing these too until 4:00am. Set alarm for 5:00am. Get up and
make breakfast. Keep this up for 5 years. Look cheerful.
Ingenuity Test
Take an egg carton. Using a pair of scissors and pot of paint,
turn it into an alligator. Now take a toilet paper tube and turn
it into an attractive Christmas candle. Use only scotch tape and
a piece of foil. Last, take a milk carton, a ping-pong ball, and
an empty box of Cocoa Puffs. Make an exact replica of the Eiffel
Tower.
Automobile Test
Forget the BMW and buy a station wagon. Buy a chocolate ice cream
cone and put it in the glove compartment. Leave it there. Get a
dime. Stick it into the CD player. Take a family-size package of
chocolate chip cookies. Mash them into the back seat. Run a rake
along both side of the car. There, perfect!
Physical Test (Women)
Obtain a large bean bag chair and attach it to the front of your
clothes. Leave it there for 9 months. Then remove the beans. And
try not to notice your closet full of clothes. You won't be
wearing them for a while.
Physical Test (Men)
Go to the nearest drug store. Set your wallet on the counter. Ask
the clerk to help himself. Now proceed to the nearest food store.
Go to the head office and arrange for your paycheck to be
directly deposited to the store. Purchase a newspaper. Go home
and read it quietly for the last time.
Final Assignment
Find a couple who already has a small child. Lecture them on how
they can improve their discipline, patience, tolerance, and
toilet training and child's table manners. Suggest many ways they
can improve. Emphasize to them that they should never allow their
children to run wild. Enjoy this experience. It will be the last
time you will have all the answers.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
At one point during a game, the coach said to one of his young
players, "Do you understand what cooperation is? What a team is?"
The little boy nodded in the affirmative.
"Do you understand that what matters is whether we win together
as a team?"
The little boy nodded yes.
"So," the coach continued, "when a strike is called, or you're
out at first, you don't argue or curse or attack the umpire. Do
you understand all that?"
Again the little boy nodded.
"Good," said the coach. "Now go over there and explain that to
your mother."
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Propaganda From The Lone Star State
A Texan bought a round of drinks for all in the bar and said that
his wife had just produced "a typical Texas baby" weighing twenty
pounds.
"Wow! Twenty pounds!" exclaimed many at the bar as they
congratulated the proud father.
Two weeks later he returned to the bar. The bartender recognized
him and asked, "Aren't you the father of the typical Texas baby
that weighed twenty pounds at birth? How much does he weigh
now?"
The proud father answered, "10 pounds."
The bartender said, "Why, what happened? Didn't he weigh twenty
pounds?"
The proud Texas father said, "Yup...just had him circumcised!"
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Friends are Angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly
______________
You may only be one person to the world
but you may also be the world to one person.
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BobG
New Board Hall of Famer
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Re: Having an unusually....
« Reply #17 on: Oct 21st, 2005, 4:44pm » |
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If chicks with big boobs work at Hooters, where to one legged chicks work?
IHOP!
who's the girl with no arms and no legs?
ILENE
who's the chinese girl with no arms and no legs?
IRENE
who's the guy with no arms and no legs in da pool?
BOB
who’s the man with no arms or legs in a hole?
Phil
who’s the man with no arms or legs in a pile of leaves?
Rustle
Why did the man with lepracy fail his driver's test?
Kept leaving his foot on the brake.
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| « Last Edit: Oct 21st, 2005, 4:45pm by BobG » |
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Stay stressed. Never relax. Never sleep. Ever.
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Opus
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(Insert witty comment here)
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Re: Having an unusually....
« Reply #18 on: Oct 21st, 2005, 5:04pm » |
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on Oct 21st, 2005, 12:31pm, Lizzie2 wrote:I have a great one, but I don't know how to convert a bitmap to a jpg to post it!!! I know you'd laugh too....
So big hugs from me for now!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Get Irfanview, then open the picture in it and file/save as , and change the bitmap extension to Jpeg. then save and post.
Opus/Paul
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| « Last Edit: Oct 21st, 2005, 5:09pm by Opus » |
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Zed-Zed-nine plural-Zed alpha,
There is no place like home.
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ClusterChuck
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Re: Having an unusually....
« Reply #19 on: Oct 21st, 2005, 8:23pm » |
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Damn! What a nasty, fiesty BITCH!!!
Don't cross her!!!
Shit, here I am, feeling bad for her, and I jump on the next flight out, to cheer her up, and THIS is what happens:
further down ...
Further down ....
So far she has three of us tied up ... I wonder how many more she is going to get?
Chuck, held hostage ...
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"No man can be happy without a friend, nor be sure of his friend till he is unhappy."
Thomas Fuller
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Charlie
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Re: Having an unusually....
« Reply #20 on: Oct 21st, 2005, 10:32pm » |
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Here ya go.
They make me laugh anyway
Charlie
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| « Last Edit: Oct 22nd, 2005, 5:10pm by Charlie » |
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There is nothing more satisfying than being shot at without result---Winston Churchill
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Carl_D
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Re: Having an unusually....
« Reply #21 on: Oct 22nd, 2005, 12:59am » |
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This was a warning on Black Market Viagra:
The FDA has put out warnings concerning a new generic form of Viagra coming from Mexico. The main chemical element has been ground with mexican jumping beans and the results can be horrifying:
Don't view if easily disturbed.
You've been warned...
Hope your feeling better Double D. More funnies coming tomorrow (today already? Shiiite).
Peace,
Carl D
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Donna_D.
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Re: Having an unusually....
« Reply #22 on: Oct 22nd, 2005, 8:24am » |
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I just KNEW I could count on you guys to make me smile!!
I'm doing better today...although I did have strange nightmares last night...wagging wee wee's and some little water headed boy running around in my dreams! LOL!!
Oh and Chuck...you best be on your best behaivor! Who do you think bought that smiley face ball gag that Charlie was selling on Ebay!
Thanks family! I really needed the laughs!!
DD
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The information contained above is for the expressed use of fellow clusterheads and their supporters. Any misuse of this information by any of my "Ex's" is considered to be creepy and a form of harassment and will be duly noted by the ch.com webmaster
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