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Topic: TGIF: Funnies! (Read 224 times) |
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Carl_D
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I Want To Buy This Kid A Pepsi!!!
 Talk about my hero.
Words of Wisdom from: Super Models
ON COURAGE
"They were doing a full back shot of me in a swimsuit and I thought, Oh my God, I have to be so brave. See, every woman hates herself from behind."
-- Cindy Crawford
ON SELF-KNOWLEDGE
"Everywhere I went, my cleavage followed. But I learned I am not my cleavage."
-- Carole Mallory
ON POVERTY
"Everyone should have enough money to get plastic surgery."
-- Beverly Johnson
ON FATE
"I wish my butt did not go sideways, but I guess I have to face that."
-- Christie Brinkley
ON PSYCHOLOGY
"I loved making 'Rising Sun'. I got into the psychology of why she liked to get strangled and tied up in plastic bags. It has to do with low self-worth."
-- Tatjana Patitz
ON ARRIVING
"Because modeling is lucrative, I'm able to save up and be more particular about the acting roles I take."
-- Kathy Ireland, star of 'Alien From L.A.' and 'Danger Island'
ON CAREER CHOICES
"My boyfriend thinks I lost my true calling to be a librarian."
-- Paulina Porizkova
ON PRIORITIES
"I would rather exercise than read a newspaper." -- Kim Alexis
ON GEOPOLITICS
"Mick Jagger and I just really liked each other a lot. We talked all night. We had the same views on nuclear disarmament."
-- Jerry Hall
ON INNER STRENGTH
"I love the confidence that makeup gives me."
-- Tyra Banks
ON DEATH
"Richard doesn't really like me to kill bugs, but sometimes I can't help it."
-- Cindy Crawford
ON TRAVEL
"I haven't seen the Eiffel Tower, Notre Dame, the Louvre. I haven't seen anything. I don't really care."
-- Tyra Banks
ON BREAKTHROUGHS
"Once I got past my anger toward my mother, I began to excel in volleyball and modeling."
-- Gabrielle Reece
ON EPIPHANY
"I just found out that I'm one inch taller than I thought."
-- Christie Brinkley
ON HEREDITY
"My husband was just OK looking. I was in labor and I said to him, 'What if she's ugly? You're ugly.'"
-- Beverly Johnson
ON THE BASICS
"It's very important to have the right clothing to exercise in. If you throw on an old T-shirt or sweats, it's not inspiring for your workout."
-- Cheryl Tiegs
ON INTRODUCTIONS
"I think most people are curious about what it would be like to be able to meet yourself -- it's eerie."
-- Christy Turlington
ON COURTSHIP
"The soundtrack to 'Indecent Exposure' is a romantic mix of music that I know most women love to hear, so I never keep it far from me when women are nearby."
-- Fabio
ON PARADOX
"Sometimes I get lonely, but it's nice to be alone."
-- Tatjana Patitz
ON THE CONSERVATION OF MATTER
"I've looked in the mirror every day for 20 years. It's the same face."
-- Claudia Schiffer
ON TRAGEDY
"The worst was when my skirt fell down to my ankles -- but I had on thick tights underneath."
-- Naomi Campbell
ON INSTINCT
"If I'm making a movie and get hungry, I call time-out and eat some crackers."
-- Carol Alt
ON THE CASTE SYSTEM
"We're not Prince Charles and Princess Di. We don't think of ourselves as royalty. We happen to be working people."
-- Christie Brinkley
ON OCCUPATIONAL HAZARDS
"I tried on 250 bathing suits in one afternoon and ended up having little scabs up and down my thighs, probably from some of those with sequins all over them."
-- Cindy Crawford
ON ECONOMICS
"I don't wake up for less than $10,000 a day."
-- Linda Evangelista
ON ZEN
"When I model I pretty blank. You can't think too much or it doesn't work.
-- Paulina Porizkova
ON LOGIC
"I think, If my butt's not too big for them to be photographing it, then it shouldn't be too big for me."
-- Christy Turlington
ON BODY PARTS
"I don't know what to do with my arms. It just makes me feel weird and I feel like people are looking at me and that makes me nervous."
-- Tyra Banks
ON BODY LANGUAGE
"You can usually tell when I'm happy by the fact that I've gained weight."
-- Christy Turlington
ON DEPRIVATION
"If they had Nautilus on the Concorde, I would work out all the time."
-- Linda Evangelista
ON MOTIVATION
"It was kind of boring for me to have to eat. I would know that I had to, and I would."
-- Kate Moss
ON VERSATILITY
"I can do anything you want me to do so long as I don't have to speak."
-- Linda Evangelista
ON THE GRIEF PROCESS
"When my Azzedine jacket from 1987 died, I wrapped it up in a box, attached a note saying where it came from and took it to the Salvation Army. It was a big loss."
-- Veronica Webb
ON VENGEANCE
"Girls are always getting mad at each other and they tell their hairdresser to purposely mess up another girl's hair."
-- Tasha
ON BATTING .667
"I'm a pretty girl who's a model who doesn't suck as an actress."
-- Cameron Diaz
more on thee way...
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sassy_lady
New Board Hall of Famer
 
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Re: TGIF: Funnies!
« Reply #1 on: Oct 7th, 2005, 12:19am » |
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lol   
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Carl_D
Guest
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Singles Ad
Since He Hasn't Been Able To Find Work After The Lord of The Rings, Golem has released his first rap album called "Bring Back My Precious Bitch"
YOU MAY HAVE NEW JERSEY PRIDE IF:
You watched "Mallrats" and said "I've been to that mall!"
At least half the people you knew in high school went to Rutgers.
You know where Jimmy Hoffa is buried.
Your big class trip in elementary school was to Morristown.
You long for the days when the Devils wore Christmas colors.
You know that the only people that call it "Joisey" are from New York.
You've planned a local trip around ensuring you pass at least one Dunkin' Donuts.
You don't think of citrus when people mention "The Oranges"
You know that it's called "Great Adventure"... not "Six Flags", dammit!
You know that there are bakeries which are not part of a supermarket, but actual individual stores.
You've ordered a "hard roll with butter" for breakfast.
One time, a sea gull shit on your head.
You've eaten at a diner, drunk off your ass, at 3am at least a dozen times.
At least three people in your family still love Bruce Springsteen.
You always use a minimum of 10 variations of the word "damn" while driving.
You don't have to go to Red Lobster to get fresh seafood.
You once said, "It smells like New York in here,"
You can go bowling at 1:30 A.M. (with automatic scoring)!
In high school, you worked at a Friendly's.
The Garden State Parkway doesn't freak you out at night.
You know what a "jug handle" is.
You have mandatory recycling. Enforced by law.
You've eaten a pork roll and cheese on a hard roll...and like it.
You've pondered, "Maybe basketball would be more popular in NJ if the Nets didn't blow,"
You say "water" weird. (Wadder, Cawfee, Dowg, wadever)
Even your school made good Italian subs.
You've lived through hurricanes, nor'easters and fires, but have never seen a tornado or earthquake.
You can't believe MTV went to Seaside Heights.
You know that ACME is an actual store, not just a Warner Bros. creation.
You only go to New York City for day trips.
You've run out of money on the Parkway.
You're Italian.
You know where to get the best bagel.
You think the Olive Garden is crap and should have never opened any restaurants in New Jersey.
There are no self serve gas stations and you like it that freakin' way.
You've had sex on the beach, and I'm not talking about the beverage.
You know how to successfully handle a traffic circle.
The Jets/Giants game has started fights at your school and/or local bar
Your car is covered with yellow-green dust in April and May
You can't understand why there aren't more 24-hr diners elsewhere in the county
You live within 45 minutes of at least three different malls
Someone at the beach once called you a benny
You've seen or been in a fight between a Rangers fan and a Devils fan
You have or know someone with mafia connections too
You're related to someone who thinks the New York Jets should be called the New Jersey Jets
You have at least one friend who drives a truck
You've been camping
You've been in a town or city where Spanish is spoken more than English
You've been to a party in the woods
You've purchased fireworks in Chinatown
You liked the Jets even before this season
You know where to get a freshly cooked Taylor Ham, Egg and Cheese sandwich at 2 a.m.
You don't take shit from no one either
You remember Action Park and may have been seriously injured there
At some time you got on the wrong highway trying to get out of Willowbrook mall
Z-100 used to be your favorite radio station
Anything less than three inches of snow ain't shit
Someone cut you off on the road and you told them to go fuck themself
You think people from South Jersey talk funny
The New French Soccer Team?
more coming....
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Carl_D
Guest
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The best fruitcake recipe ever!---------------------------------
Even if you don't like fruitcake - I think you'll like this recipe.
1 C water
1 C sugar
4 large eggs
2 C dried fruit
1 tsp. baking soda
1 tsp. salt
1 C brown sugar
Lemon juice
Nuts
1 bottle of your favorite whiskey
Directions:
--------------------
1. Sample the whiskey to check for quality.
2. Take a large bowl. Check the whiskey again to be sure that it is of the highest quality.
3. Pour one level cup and drink. Repeat.
4. Turn on the electric mixer; beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl.
5. Add one tsp. sugar and beat again.
6. Be sure the whiskey is still okay. Cry another tup.
7. Turn off the mixer.
8. Break two legs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit.
9. Mix on the turner.
10. If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers, pry it loose with a drewscriver.
11. Sample the whiskey to check for tonsisticity.
12. Next, sift two cups of salt. Or something. Who cares.
13. Check the whiskey.
14. Now sift the lemon juice and strain your nuts.
15. Add one table. Spoon. Of sugar or something. Whatever you can find.
16. Grease the oven.
17. Turn the cake tin to 350 degrees.
18. Don't forget to beat off the turner.
19. Throw the bowl out the window.
20. Check the whiskey again. Go to bed.
Who the hell likes fruitcake anyway?
[size=4I Am Scared Of Our VICE Prez[/size]
MICROSOFT RESTAURANT
Patron: Waiter!
Waiter: Hi, my name is Bill, and I'll be your Support
Waiter. What seems to be the problem?
Patron: There's a fly in my soup!
Waiter: Try again, maybe the fly won't be there this time.
Patron: No, it's still there.
Waiter: Maybe it's the way you're using the soup; try eating it with a fork instead.
Patron: Even when I use the fork, the fly is still there.
Waiter: Maybe the soup is incompatible with the bowl; what kind of bowl are you using?
Patron: A SOUP bowl!
Waiter: Hmmm, that should work. Maybe it's a configuration problem; how was the bowl set up?
Patron: You brought it to me on a saucer; what has that to do with the fly in my soup?!
Waiter: Can you remember everything you did before you noticed the fly in your soup?
Patron: I sat down and ordered the Soup of the Day!
Waiter: Have you considered upgrading to the latest Soup of the Day?
Patron: You have more than one Soup of the Day each day??
Waiter: Yes, the Soup of the Day is changed every hour.
Patron: Well, what is the Soup of the Day now?
Waiter: The current Soup of the Day is tomato.
Patron: Fine. Bring me the tomato soup, and the check. I'm running late now.
Waiter leaves and returns with another bowl of soup and the check.
Waiter: Here you are, Sir. The soup and your check.
Patron: This is potato soup.
Waiter: Yes, the tomato soup wasn't ready yet.
Patron: Well, I'm so hungry now, I'll eat anything.
Waiter leaves.
Patron: Waiter! There's a gnat in my soup!
The check:
Soup of the Day $5.00
Upgrade to newer Soup of the Day $2.50
Access to Support $1.00
TOTAL $8.50 + tax
Happy Weekend
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| « Last Edit: Oct 7th, 2005, 12:35am by Carl_D » |
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cootie
New Board Hall of Famer
sumday I'm gonna be sumbody........ ..
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Posts: 8406
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Re: TGIF: Funnies!
« Reply #4 on: Oct 7th, 2005, 12:39am » |
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OMG.......the one with the 'string bikini'.......bet she regrets that pic ever gettin on the net !! Thanks for the giggles.........bling bikini Pam
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Cause and Effect......"Cause is the effect concealed, Effect is the cause revealed"
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ExplodingEyeBall
New Board Hall of Famer
I can't think of anything clever to put here.
Gender: 
Posts: 2589
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Re: TGIF: Funnies!
« Reply #5 on: Oct 7th, 2005, 8:24am » |
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Humor for computer programmers Most others just won't get it.
Your momma is so fat that the recursive function to calculate her weight causes a stack overflow.
I'm still snortin coffee out my nose over that one.
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Just poke out my eye and get it over with!!!
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Langa
CH.com Alumnus
New Board Hall of Famer
So many donuts, such little time...
Gender:
Posts: 4179
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Re: TGIF: Funnies!
« Reply #6 on: Oct 7th, 2005, 8:50am » |
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I love the Friday Funnies!
Thanks Carl!
The Model comments were too funny – and sad! 
Langa
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When you saw only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you.
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nani
CH.com Alumnus
New Board Hall of Famer
Got kudzu?
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Posts: 7953
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Re: TGIF: Funnies!
« Reply #7 on: Oct 7th, 2005, 9:04am » |
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LMAO, Carl!!
Those super model comments just killed me!!
ON INNER STRENGTH
"I love the confidence that makeup gives me."
-- Tyra Banks
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Others may come and go, but MY power is MINE.
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Jimmy_B.
CH.com Alumnus
New Board Hall of Famer
USS Missouri BB-63 Veteran
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Posts: 797
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Re: TGIF: Funnies!
« Reply #8 on: Oct 7th, 2005, 12:28pm » |
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on Oct 7th, 2005, 12:22am, Carl_D wrote:[YOU MAY HAVE NEW NORTH JERSEY PRIDE IF:
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Had to correct the title cause these are North Jerseyism...and South Jersey is a different state. Well...if South Jerseyans had a choice ...it would be a different state.
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"I'd much rather be HAPPY then RIGHT any day" Slartibartfast
Get informed! Don't vote a party ticket. Go to www.vote-smart.org and find out where your political candidates stand.
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Charlie
CH.com Alumnus
New Board Hall of Famer
Happy to be here
   
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Posts: 14968
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Re: TGIF: Funnies!
« Reply #9 on: Oct 7th, 2005, 12:28pm » |
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Hilarious airhead comments Carl. 
Charlie
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There is nothing more satisfying than being shot at without result---Winston Churchill
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