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Topic: Speaking of Anniversaries... (Read 135 times) |
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Carl_D
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I almost forgot...
Mid September was the 18th anniversary of the beastss introduction to my eyeball. When they first started, it felt like someone had put a piece of ice on the exposed eyeball and froze it. It hurt like a mofo, but only lasted a few weeks.
Each time the beast has returned to cycle, it is ten times worse than before. In February of 1998 I said Goodbye to episodic and went chronic. However, I was very scared, confused, had begun losing everything I had worked so hard for, and literally had my life turned upside down. It would be just a year after going chronic that a friend found CH.Com for me in april of '99. It was such a mind blowing awakening for me, to finally after all of these years find people who have the exact same thing I do, and I always thought I was alone in this...some kind of odd freak of nature. Once I began reading, I learned the reason my CH's hadn't stopped was because I turned chronic.
Had I not found this site, I would be dead. I left once in 2002 against my own wishes, and by the end of 2002, sunk into such a deep depression, I was all alone and wanted nothing to do with anybody. January of 2003 I suffered a fall that left me pretty scarred up, wondering if I would ever play guitar again since the hand wouldn't open. Late one night, I went into a kip 10 and said "Fuck this. I don't wanna do this anymore." and opened all of my pill bottles and washed it down with a 2 litre of mountain dew. I had no phone, both doors were locked, and I lived alone. I expected to just 'go to sleep and never wake up.' To this day, I still have no idea how I wound up at the hospital, and they never would give me any answers. I just woke up out of the coma and was like WTF? I couldn't move, could hardly breathe or swallow, and felt like a Mack truck had hit me in the chest. After I got out of the hospital from that 'incident' I moved, joined a new band and immersed myself in music and returned to CH.Com. I even tried to do a fundraising concert that year "OUCHFest '03" which failed miserably but was worth a try. I Met DJ that night and that made it all worth it.
Then last year I got to go to Nashville and meet 'the family'. It was a life changing experience for me, and just meeting so many strong-willed people gave me inspiration to keep fighting on, no matter what. Then I met up with the gang at DavCon '05 and though I was in pain the whole time I was there (leg etc.) It did not stop me from having a good time with the family.
I told My niece and sis in law, our gatherings are just like a family reunion of sorts - except I dread our family reunions (usually our only reunions are weddings and funerals). Becky knew how heartbroken I was to have to miss Dallas, and I tried to set up another clusterhead to go in my place and just use my resgistration and room, but he wasn't able to go as well.
Anyway - this is a bittersweet anniversary. 18 years of suffering the beasty has been an education in hell and torment. I have had this burden for more than half of my life now. However, had this pain not interrupted my life, I would have never met any of the wonderful people here who have supported, encouraged, prayed for me and helped keep me sane over the years. I am with Jonny in that, even if I do go episodic - I will still be here. I'm not leaving the family.
LYG,
Carl "Mack" Danger
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jimmers
CH.com Alumnus
New Board Hall of Famer
Hello GOD! The gene pool needs some chlorine!
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Posts: 2092
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Re: Speaking of Anniversaries...
« Reply #1 on: Oct 7th, 2005, 9:25am » |
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Carl,
Maybe the stupid friggen beast will realize that you are tougher than he is and He'll get a divorce from you.
Hang tough bro
Jimmers
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I don't suffer from INSANITY; I'm enjoying every minute of it!
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nani
CH.com Alumnus
New Board Hall of Famer
Got kudzu?
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Posts: 7953
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Re: Speaking of Anniversaries...
« Reply #2 on: Oct 7th, 2005, 9:49am » |
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Sorry, Carl.  Sorry it ever found you.
Next week is my 32nd anniversary for this relationship.
I still think it made me a better person, though. Maybe I'm delusional?.... 
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Others may come and go, but MY power is MINE.
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