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Topic: In a nightmare I can't wake up from... (Read 676 times) |
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Carl_D
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In a nightmare I can't wake up from...
« on: Sep 25th, 2005, 6:14am » |
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Because I am already awake. THAT is the nightmare!!!
If you want the downright honest truth as morbid as it may sound, it has been said that some folks know when their time is coming. My mother said she didn't think she would see another Christmas and within a couple of months it was so. Right now I feel like my mortality is slipping away faster and faster. I am completely physically, emotionally and mentally drained. I don't think I have ever felt this bad - not even during the worst CH hit. I don't expect anyone here to understand that either. I just know that regardless, what will be will be. I am spent and have made peace with God. 
Now I am going back to bed to once again plead for sleep, whether it be one night, or eternal. If the latter comes soon, just know I love everyone of you guys and for anyone I have rubbed the wrong way here in any way, I wish you only an end to the pain, and happiness and love for the rest of your days and above all... Peace.
Carl
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lionsound
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breathe
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Re: In a nightmare I can't wake up from...
« Reply #1 on: Sep 25th, 2005, 6:47am » |
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IN EMERGENCY CALL 1-800-SUICIDE (1-800-784-2433) National Hotline
Carl, you are not alone...come back here and talk to us. Call one of us....Call the number above and call your local 911 if you are feling that badly.
We are here for you and we care about what happens to you!!!
-Rori
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Carl_D
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Re: In a nightmare I can't wake up from...
« Reply #2 on: Sep 25th, 2005, 7:27am » |
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Sorry Rori. Not meaning to scare anyone, not suicidal - just not sleeping and it is getting the best of me... starting to believe that insomnia is going to kill me.
If I don't post here today it will be a good thing. It will mean I'm sleeping.
Carl
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Kate in Oz
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Re: In a nightmare I can't wake up from...
« Reply #3 on: Sep 25th, 2005, 7:31am » |
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Phew 
Good to see you back online
Feeling for you... take it easy ok
Kate
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AussieBrian
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Got beer?
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Re: In a nightmare I can't wake up from...
« Reply #4 on: Sep 25th, 2005, 7:37am » |
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Go to bed, sleep well and sweet dreams. Give us a call tomorrow when you're feeling a little better.
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Vulcrania horrendus - twice daily, then two at night in lieu of sleep.
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Carl_D
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Re: In a nightmare I can't wake up from...
« Reply #5 on: Sep 25th, 2005, 7:38am » |
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Will do Kate. If today is another one without any sleep I will be calling the sleep clinic to try and get in right away tomorrow and if not, to the ER. I always joke about sleep deprivation but it has lost its laughability with me. I just had a meltdown after some nice hallucinations this am and the longer I am awake the worse my body feels and the more my mind is playing tricks on me.
Peace,
Carl
Gonna try again Brian. I've been up and down all night again.
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Kate in Oz
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Re: In a nightmare I can't wake up from...
« Reply #6 on: Sep 25th, 2005, 7:47am » |
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Ohhh Carl, I hope you get some zzzzzzzz's awful too be so far away and hopeless - wish I had a magic wand mmmm 
IT'S CHARACTER BUILDING STUFF 
mmm glad you've got a plan
see you in the soup 
Kate
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AussieBrian
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Re: In a nightmare I can't wake up from...
« Reply #7 on: Sep 25th, 2005, 7:48am » |
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You'll be right, mate. A good sleep under your ear and you'll be feeling yourself again in no time.
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Vulcrania horrendus - twice daily, then two at night in lieu of sleep.
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Sean_C
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Re: In a nightmare I can't wake up from...
« Reply #8 on: Sep 25th, 2005, 8:25am » |
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Hang tough cowboy, he'll give you a break soon, he'll burn himself out sooner or later.
Pf vibes comin your way.
Sean.....................
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LadyElaine
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Re: In a nightmare I can't wake up from...
« Reply #9 on: Sep 25th, 2005, 9:23am » |
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Carl I feel like that every time I have a cluster. I felt like that when I get real sick. Get it through your head. We are going to live to be a 100 and still bitching. 
I am 51 years old and I can't wait to hit 60 just so I can say I didn't die in my 50's 
Hope you got some sleep and feel better to day,
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Kris_in_SJ
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Re: In a nightmare I can't wake up from...
« Reply #10 on: Sep 25th, 2005, 9:39am » |
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Ditto. Hang tough, Carl!
Kris
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I'm a small woman in small town being chased by a VERY BIG BEAST!
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Jonny
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Re: In a nightmare I can't wake up from...
« Reply #11 on: Sep 25th, 2005, 10:06am » |
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on Sep 25th, 2005, 6:14am, Carl_D wrote:
Dons gonna like that talk, partner 
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It is up to YOU to educate yourself and then help your doctor plan your treatment. If you just sit down in front of your doctor and say "make me better" you are setting yourself up for a great deal of pain.
- Guiseppi
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Sean_C
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Re: In a nightmare I can't wake up from...
« Reply #12 on: Sep 25th, 2005, 10:12am » |
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on Sep 25th, 2005, 10:06am, Jonny wrote:
Dons gonna like that talk, partner
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ROTMFFLAMMFAO sometimes you fuckin kill me
I needed that
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cootie
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Re: In a nightmare I can't wake up from...
« Reply #13 on: Sep 25th, 2005, 12:36pm » |
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I hope ya get the rest and sleep ya need to regenerate a better attitude and feel better. But 'in my opinion' the heavy drugs can burn you out to where you don't know wether you are barely alive or slowly dieing. Did somea that stuff many years ago and seen alot of people freak out in time and change how they dealt with things. Just be careful and remember to carefully weed out the wierdness. I suppose when taken at a controled dose it'd be smoother landing......but how do ya do that and know for sure till they makea pill for it. (halucinagens) PF rest Pam
Just my views on it.......been there seen that for years is why and seen alot of people 'go down' cuz of it. Esp after takein it alot.
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Cause and Effect......"Cause is the effect concealed, Effect is the cause revealed"
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sandie99
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Re: In a nightmare I can't wake up from...
« Reply #14 on: Sep 25th, 2005, 1:12pm » |
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Carl,
I wish you sweet dreams! and soon.
Sleep tight, my clusterbrother. 
Sanna
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CH happends, Live anyway! PF days to us all!
"Do what you can and let God take care of the rest. Leave your heart wide open and always wish for the best" (Sanna Hillu)
"No matter how far out your dreams are, it's possible" (Marketa Irglova)
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kimmeesue
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Re: In a nightmare I can't wake up from...
« Reply #15 on: Sep 25th, 2005, 1:14pm » |
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Carl,
As a fellow insomniac I am on here most nights. You can always PM me. I know what you mean about the hallucinations....I have gone weeks on end with only a few hours sleep. I have tried all of the sleep meds and they work for a short time if at all. It makes for a miserable quality of life. Fortunately I'm too tired to muster the energy to off myself.
But, seriously, if you need someone to not sleep with in the wee hours, I'll be here unless in the midst of a monster hit.
Take good care.
Kim
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If I wasn't doing this I'd probably be doing something else.
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unsolved1
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Re: In a nightmare I can't wake up from...
« Reply #16 on: Sep 25th, 2005, 2:18pm » |
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Carl,
Hoping you get some much deserved sleep 
UNsolved
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Charlie
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Re: In a nightmare I can't wake up from...
« Reply #17 on: Sep 25th, 2005, 5:12pm » |
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Quote:| I am 51 years old and I can't wait to hit 60 just so I can say I didn't die in my 50's |
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Elaine: Don't say that. It's right around the corner for me. As Garrison Keillor says: "There comes a day you realize that you're not pushing 50 but pulling it." 
Dunno what to say Carl but I think that every now and then your body just says no more and knocks your ass out for half a day. It's happened to me several times. I know I've read stuff like this here. 
Be good to yourself Carl. Good luck if you go to the clinic,
Charlie
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seasonalboomer
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If I think hard enough maybe it'll go away.....
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Re: In a nightmare I can't wake up from...
« Reply #18 on: Sep 25th, 2005, 5:22pm » |
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....and then just think in some parallel universe, there is someone that feels like they are in a nightmare where they just can't stay awake.... no matter what they do, they feel as though they are drifting off to sleep. and they're seeing hallucinations too.....
i really do have recurring nightmare that is like that, a flashback to a really bad trip I took when I was 17 and stayed up about 60 hours and all the shrubs on the side of the highway were little, hooded gnomes walking in front my car. i was actually swerving to avoid them -- to which my friends felt as though one of them should maybe start driving.
dude, i hope you get a few winks. no sleep isn't exactly the well spring of healthy "perspective".
scott
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Jimi
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Re: In a nightmare I can't wake up from...
« Reply #19 on: Sep 25th, 2005, 5:31pm » |
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Well Carl we have not seen you for a few hours. I hope you are sleeping.
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Jonny
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Re: In a nightmare I can't wake up from...
« Reply #20 on: Sep 25th, 2005, 5:36pm » |
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Heres what you need Carl
Dr. Wright’s Circulatory Technique:
I am not sure what mechanism is triggered by this but whatever it is, at least indirectly helps kill the pain. I do know that this technique has nothing to do with meditation, relaxation, or psychic ability. It is entirely physical and takes some work. It involves concentrating on trying to redirect a little circulation to the arms, hands, or legs. It can described as a conscious circulatory flexing. Increased circulation will result in a reddening and warming of the hands. Try to think of it as filling your hands with redirected blood. The important and difficult part is that it has to be done without interruption through the pain. Do not give up in frustration. It may not work on the first try. Every now and then it will work almost immediately. I lived for those moments. Try experimenting between attacks. You will find that it gets easier with practice.
I was given less than five minutes instruction in the use of method. The doctor, while placing his arm on his desk, showed me that he could slightly increase his arm and hand circulation. After several attempts, I was able to repeat this procedure and use it successfully. I have had about a 75% success rate shortening these attacks. My 20 minute attacks were often reduced to 10 minutes or less. Once proven that I had a chance to effectively deal with this horror, I always gave it a try as I had nothing to lose but pain.
Perhaps it will help if you think of it as trying to fill the arm as if it is were an empty vessel. I used to try to imagine I was pushing blood away from my head into my arm. Use your imagination. There is one man who wrote that his standing barefoot on a concrete floor shortened his attacks. This may be similar as it draws some circulation away from the head. Cold water, exercise, or anything affecting circulation, seems to be worth a try. My suggestion is to not let up immediately when the pain goes. Waiting a minute is probably a good idea. So long as you do not slack off, this has a chance of working.
This technique is very useful while waiting for medication to take effect or when none is available. It costs nothing, is non-invasive, and can be used just about anywhere. It is not a miracle but it helped me deal with this horror. It can be a bit exhausting but the success rate was good enough for me and a cluster headache sufferer will do just about anything to end the pain. It gives us a fighting chance.
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It is up to YOU to educate yourself and then help your doctor plan your treatment. If you just sit down in front of your doctor and say "make me better" you are setting yourself up for a great deal of pain.
- Guiseppi
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Carl_D
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Re: In a nightmare I can't wake up from...
« Reply #21 on: Sep 25th, 2005, 6:29pm » |
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Thanks guys. I managed to get about 2 hours sleep before the beast did his usual "Oh no you di-'nt" and made me get back up. But hey, I got two hours! I guess that means I am good for another week. 
I'll tell you what, I did some major 'tripping' as a teen and I swear some of the 'bad trips' I had don't compare to the effects of sleep deprivation. Being awake long periods of time never quite had the effect on me in the past as it does now. Then again, when I am taking all of my sleep meds every night and still don't sleep - it just messes with me bigtime and I feel like a zombie. They don't call that shit AmiTRIPtyline for nothing. Not to mention with the Fibro, my body just feels wrecked!
I'm with ya Elaine. I keep telling myself - if I make it to 40 I will be both shocked and happy. It's not an encouragement with my family history knowing that we don't tend to have long lifespans and I keep telling myself 'if I make it to 50 at least I beat my old man.' With all of the shit I have been through I just don't feel like I am long for this world but then again... I used to think I would die before all of my friends. Instead, I have buried more than I can count and once came to the conclusion that I will outlive everyone I know and just die of everything verrrrrrrrry slooooooooowly.
I've been putting off the sleep clinic now for months but it looks like I better get my slap-happy ass in there soon.
Oh, my sis in law thinks I am manic depressive and that when I don't sleep it is because I am in a 'manic' phase. I told her that if the truth be known, I'm not really manic, but the sleep deprivation can produce similar results.
Quote:Dons gonna like that talk, partner
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LMAO!
Cootie, that is why I stopped doing acid and hallucinogens back in the day. I got some friends that burned themselves out so badly they are as hard to watch as a Tori Spelling movie.
Quote:| It makes for a miserable quality of life. |
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Ain't that the truth.
Heres the method I used to get to sleep this morning:
Dr Jeepgun's Woodchipper Technique:
Imagine Bunnies, Beavers, Turtles and other assorted cute animals surrounded by rainbows and flowers. Next, imagine each animal jumping into the woodchipper one at a time. Then, focus on the sound that is made with each different animal. As the bunny hits... Rrrrrreeaaooummmmmph... the turtle.... crunnchheeeommmph...
Peace,
Carl
*Note: No actual animals were harmed during this mornings hallucination. I support PETA: Pepper Enhances Tasty Animals.
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Barry_T_Coles
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Re: In a nightmare I can't wake up from...
« Reply #22 on: Sep 25th, 2005, 6:47pm » |
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Hey Carl if your last post was a smile then it's good to see.
I got to where you are last time around total mental & physical wreck after 2 months living on perhaps 1 hours sleep a night, not nice shit.
For courage I looked at my family and this family that had just adopted me and said to myself I cant let these people down after all they have given me.
Fight the BASTARD we are all here for you.
Kind Regards
Barry
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Carl_D
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Re: In a nightmare I can't wake up from...
« Reply #23 on: Sep 25th, 2005, 7:00pm » |
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Barry, because of the folks on this site I have had the strength and courage to fight like I've never fought before. Most of my own flesh & blood could care less since it is not affecting them directly. I think the reason for that is obvious - the folks here KNOW unlike anyone else the torments CH can bring.
Peace,
Carl D
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kimmeesue
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Re: In a nightmare I can't wake up from...
« Reply #24 on: Sep 25th, 2005, 11:26pm » |
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[quote author=Carl_D link=board=general;num=1127646892;start=0#21 date=09/25/05 at 18:29:53]
Oh, my sis in law thinks I am manic depressive and that when I don't sleep it is because I am in a 'manic' phase. I told her that if the truth be known, I'm not really manic, but the sleep deprivation can produce similar results.
quote]
My first husband was bi-polar and that is nothing at all like sleep deprivation. He would spend hours on end all night long calling long lost friends (back in the days of $1.00 a minute long distance)...he was wired, not a zombie. I mean like the friggin energizer bunny. What I would give for just a moment of that energy.
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If I wasn't doing this I'd probably be doing something else.
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