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Topic: Find some life in your "WINE".... (Read 163 times) |
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daffyswacky
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Find some life in your "WINE"....
« on: Sep 16th, 2005, 11:30am » |
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"Sometimes when I reflect back on all the wine I drink
I feel ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think
about the workers in the vineyards and all of their hopes
and dreams If I didn't drink this wine, they might be out
of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say
to myself, "Self,... It is better that I drink this wine and let their
dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver."
~ Jack Handy
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell
happened to your bra and panties.
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"I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they
wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're
going to feel all day. "
~Frank Sinatra
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.
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"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading."
~ Henny Youngman
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.
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"24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?
I think not."
~ Stephen Wright
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.
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"When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk,
we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin.
When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. So, let's all
get drunk and go to heaven!"
~ Brian O'Rourke
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy.
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"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants
us to be happy."
~ Benjamin Franklin
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a retard.
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"Without question, the greatest invention in the
history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the
wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does
not go nearly as well with pizza."
~ Dave Barry
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them.
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To some it's a six-pack, to me it's a Support Group...salvation in a can!
~ Dave Howell
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with members of the opposite s e x without spitting.
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And saving the best for last, as explained by Cliff Clavin,
of Cheers. One afternoon at Cheers, Cliff Clavin was explaining the Buffalo Theory to his buddy Norm.
Here's how it went:
"Well ya see, Norm, it's like this... A herd of buffalo
can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when
the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones
at the back that are killed first This natural selection is
good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the
regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the
slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we
know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers."
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.
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sandie99
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Re: Find some life in your "WINE"....
« Reply #1 on: Sep 16th, 2005, 11:35am » |
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Has anybody seen the film Sideways...?
This post reminded me of that film. 
Sanna
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CH happends, Live anyway! PF days to us all!
"Do what you can and let God take care of the rest. Leave your heart wide open and always wish for the best" (Sanna Hillu)
"No matter how far out your dreams are, it's possible" (Marketa Irglova)
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giffy76
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Re: Find some life in your "WINE"....
« Reply #2 on: Sep 16th, 2005, 11:36am » |
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Jeepgun
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Re: Find some life in your "WINE"....
« Reply #3 on: Sep 16th, 2005, 12:57pm » |
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Quote:| The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a retard. |
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And all this time, I thought it was 'cause I'm a white boy. 
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ArCane
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Re: Find some life in your "WINE"....
« Reply #4 on: Sep 16th, 2005, 1:10pm » |
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The best comedy is always about the truth.
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pattik
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Re: Find some life in your "WINE"....
« Reply #5 on: Sep 16th, 2005, 1:15pm » |
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on Sep 16th, 2005, 11:35am, sandie99 wrote:
Has anybody seen the film Sideways...?
This post reminded me of that film.
Sanna |
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....great film....made me want to go out and get some pinot noir 
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The voyage of discovery is not about seeking new landscapes, it's about having new eyes--Marcel Proust
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BobG
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Re: Find some life in your "WINE"....
« Reply #6 on: Sep 16th, 2005, 2:57pm » |
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Have ya heard the new album from Brad Paisley?
"Time Well Wasted"
It's from the alcohol's point of view. "Try me and I bet I can make you want to wear a lampshade on your head"
http://www.bradpaisley.com/index.php?content=music_twwpreview
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seasonalboomer
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Re: Find some life in your "WINE"....
« Reply #7 on: Sep 16th, 2005, 3:01pm » |
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on Sep 16th, 2005, 2:57pm, BobG wrote:
the new group of country drinking songs are contrived compared to Hank, Jr., Willie, Waylon, Johnny Paycheck, George jones and others. Or even Garth for that matter, "..where the whiskey drowns and the beer washes my blues away"........ even gretchen wilson's new drinking ditty, really drunk redneck chicks, now there's a turn-on....please...
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seasonal boomer
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sandie99
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Re: Find some life in your "WINE"....
« Reply #8 on: Sep 16th, 2005, 3:28pm » |
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on Sep 16th, 2005, 2:57pm, BobG wrote:
I have that album, Bob!
Sanna
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CH happends, Live anyway! PF days to us all!
"Do what you can and let God take care of the rest. Leave your heart wide open and always wish for the best" (Sanna Hillu)
"No matter how far out your dreams are, it's possible" (Marketa Irglova)
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Charlie
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Re: Find some life in your "WINE"....
« Reply #9 on: Sep 16th, 2005, 3:32pm » |
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Charlie 
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There is nothing more satisfying than being shot at without result---Winston Churchill
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sandie99
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Wish it, dream it, do it - inspite the pain!
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Re: Find some life in your "WINE"....
« Reply #10 on: Sep 16th, 2005, 3:33pm » |
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on Sep 16th, 2005, 3:01pm, seasonalboomer wrote:
the new group of country drinking songs are contrived compared to Hank, Jr., Willie, Waylon, Johnny Paycheck, George jones and others. |
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Let's not forget Willie Nelson & Toby Keith duet "Beer for My Horses"! I love that song!
Well a man come on the 6 o’clock news
Said somebody’s been shot, somebody’s been abused
Somebody blew up a building
Somebody stole a car
Somebody got away
Somebody didn’t get too far yeah
They didn’t get too far
Grandpappy told my pappy, back in my day, son
A man had to answer for the wicked that he done
Take all the rope in Texas
Find a tall oak tree, round up all of them bad boys
Hang them high in the street for all the people to see that
Justice is the one thing you should always find
You got to saddle up your boys
You got to draw a hard line
When the gun smoke settles we’ll sing a victory tune
We’ll all meet back at the local saloon
We’ll raise up our glasses against evil forces
Singing whiskey for my men, beer for my horses
We got too many gangsters doing dirty deeds
We’ve got too much corruption, too much crime in the streets
It’s time the long arm of the law put a few more in the ground
Send ’em all to their maker and he’ll settle ’em down
You can bet he’ll set ’em down ’cause
Justice is the one thing you should always find
You got to saddle up your boys
You got to draw a hard line
When the gun smoke settles we’ll sing a victory tune
We’ll all meet back at the local saloon
We’ll raise up our glasses against evil forces
Singing whiskey for my men, beer for my horses
Justice is the one thing you should always find
You got to saddle up your boys
You got to draw a hard line
When the gun smoke settles we’ll sing a victory tune
We’ll all meet back at the local saloon
We’ll raise up our glasses against evil forces
Singing whiskey for my men, beer for my horses
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CH happends, Live anyway! PF days to us all!
"Do what you can and let God take care of the rest. Leave your heart wide open and always wish for the best" (Sanna Hillu)
"No matter how far out your dreams are, it's possible" (Marketa Irglova)
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