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Topic: Lets beat the Trolls at their own game! (Read 565 times) |
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LeLimey
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Lets beat the Trolls at their own game!
« on: Sep 6th, 2005, 8:06am » |
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Come on everyone, this could be good for a laugh!
In light of our recent suggestion of using a bullworker (80's torture exersize weapon) to make a hit go away what is the worst/ most unlikely cure you can come up with?
My vote is for Space Dust or Pop Rocks or whatever you called it.. those fizzy little things that used to blow up in your mouth when they got wet? Can you just imagine those in a hit?!  Yup.. sounds like a sure fire troll cure to me too!
Thats to EE for giving me the idea.. what can you come up with as the WORST "cure" ever?!
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ClusterChuck
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Re: Lets beat the Trolls at their own game!
« Reply #1 on: Sep 6th, 2005, 8:15am » |
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Let me tell you about a sure-fire cure. It involves a cracked toilet seat and .. .. .. .. .. and .. .. .. .. .. Well, never mind. The last time I told about it all y'all just laughed at me ...
I am going to go sulk now, as no one will try my cure ...
Chuck  
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Ghost
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Re: Lets beat the Trolls at their own game!
« Reply #2 on: Sep 6th, 2005, 8:16am » |
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So has the little monk healed emotionally yet?
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Illigitimus Non Tatum Carborundum
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ClusterChuck
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Re: Lets beat the Trolls at their own game!
« Reply #3 on: Sep 6th, 2005, 8:18am » |
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on Sep 6th, 2005, 8:16am, ghost62 wrote:| So has the little monk healed emotionally yet? |
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STFU A$$HOLE .. .. 
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Langa
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Re: Lets beat the Trolls at their own game!
« Reply #4 on: Sep 6th, 2005, 8:19am » |
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Oh damn Helen…I Remember those firecracker candies…or was that gum??? Was it outlawed?? Those were cool!!!
Langa
BTW, I was told that rubbing chicken shit on my head could prevent the headaches...no joke...I think we should run and get the patent on this...
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| « Last Edit: Sep 6th, 2005, 8:21am by Langa » |
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Ghost
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Re: Lets beat the Trolls at their own game!
« Reply #5 on: Sep 6th, 2005, 8:21am » |
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on Sep 6th, 2005, 8:18am, ClusterChuck wrote:
Now How did I know that was coming? 
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sandie99
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Re: Lets beat the Trolls at their own game!
« Reply #6 on: Sep 6th, 2005, 8:23am » |
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on Sep 6th, 2005, 8:19am, Langa wrote:BTW, I was told that rubbing chicken shit on my head could prevent the headaches...no joke...I think we should run and get the patent on this...
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Oh Chit...
bad cures... hmm... let me get back at this one.
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LeLimey
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Re: Lets beat the Trolls at their own game!
« Reply #7 on: Sep 6th, 2005, 8:24am » |
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Jasper wants to know what I'm laughing at.. I think thats one for Auntie Langa to explain LMAO
Rubbing chicken shit on your head now that has to be THE most revolting thing I've heard to date.. ewww!
Chuck.. I get so confused with that story.. whether you cracked your toilet seat or toilet seated your..
I really think you need to give us all a damn good giggle on a monday and re tell it or do I have to trawl the archives for you?!
on Sep 6th, 2005, 8:21am, ghost62 wrote:
Now How did I know that was coming? |
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Umm.. now lets think, cos you're here? Cos you have a pulse? Cos you're still a pain in the area 51 to toilet seats?
The possibilities are endless? Get it Chuckie?!! ENDless?!!!
(Psst Chuck.. bet you can't wait to see me again can you?!  )
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| « Last Edit: Sep 6th, 2005, 8:27am by LeLimey » |
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giffy76
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Re: Lets beat the Trolls at their own game!
« Reply #8 on: Sep 6th, 2005, 8:29am » |
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Do you have clusters? if so, I have the cure. My kit includes 1) 5ft. section of nylon rope. 1) Lag bolt (to secure rope to cieling) 1) step ladder.
Here's how it works.
First, take the lag bolt and the rope and secure the rope to the cieling.
Second. Tie the rope around your Genitals (men) Breast (women) and step off the ladder.
Though this method has never been tested we here at Troll-Cure believe this method will relieve you of a Cluster attack.
For liability sake, this is not a cure, this is a hoax, do not try this . You will loose your Genitals and or Breasts.
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LeLimey
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Re: Lets beat the Trolls at their own game!
« Reply #9 on: Sep 6th, 2005, 8:31am » |
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Um Giff.. what if some of the blokes here have bigger boobs than balls?
Just wondering! 
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giffy76
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Re: Lets beat the Trolls at their own game!
« Reply #10 on: Sep 6th, 2005, 8:35am » |
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We here at Troll-Cure have an adapter kit for the person(s) with larger Breast than Genitals it involves more rope and large fishing hooks!
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ClusterChuck
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Re: Lets beat the Trolls at their own game!
« Reply #11 on: Sep 6th, 2005, 8:37am » |
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on Sep 6th, 2005, 8:24am, LeLimey wrote:Chuck.. I get so confused with that story.. whether you cracked your toilet seat or toilet seated your..
I really think you need to give us all a damn good giggle on a monday and re tell it or do I have to trawl the archives for you?! |
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At the risk of being on the receiving end of your ridicule ... Here it is ... A sure-fire cure:
on Jun 23rd, 2005, 1:08pm, ClusterChuck wrote:Ok, I know this is a caring and compassionate group, and we can relate things without any snide, or uncalled for remarks. RIGHT ?? ?? I know Drummer posted of his, somewhat similar, unfortunate experience, a long time ago. He spoke of needing a safety kit, to protect himself. He may be right.
As you all know, I get hit fairly often. Many times, if I am downstairs in the living room, and there are visitors here, when I get hit, I grab my oxygen mask and then run into the half bath with it, so I can be in privacy. Many times I sit on the throne and bounce and rock around. In doing this, I cracked and broke the toilet seat, in the front, so that there is a split, and with pressure, it opens up. I have been meaning to replace that seat. I AM GOING TO DO THAT TODAY !! !! !!
WELL, let me relate what happened today. A co-worker stopped by to see how I am doing, as I have missed so much work, of late. I just had on a pair of gym shorts, as I had not gotten dressed yet. Naturally, the beast made a call. I turned on the oxygen, grabbed my mask and made a bee line for the bathroom. While in there, I felt I had another bodily function to do, so I dropped my drawers and sat down. I did what I had to do, but continued to sit there, rocking, while dealing with the beast.
While rocking, I slid forward on the seat, the gap opened up, and YUP, my dangling “best part” got into that gap, and when I rocked, it pinched it, HARD !! !! !! Well, I jumped up, screaming, and when I lifted my weight off the seat, the gap closed completely, with a VERY important part of me still in it! When I jumped up, and the gap closed, the seat proceeded to rip a hunk of skin on my poor ole winky. I started to jump around holding my injured part, and proceeded to trip on my shorts, that were at my ankles. That caused me to fall into the door, causing it to fly open, smashing my nose, and falling out into the kitchen.
So there I am, rolling, naked, on the floor, screaming, with one hand on my groin, covered in blood, the other hand on my nose, also covered in blood, with my co-worker staring in absolute horror at me, trying VERY hard not to laugh, not knowing what to do, as he has been warned, DO NOT GO NEAR ME, OR TOUCH ME when I am getting hit !! !! !!
I think my winky is out of commission for a while ... Like it makes a difference ...
The good thing is, during this process, the beast left. The problem is, do I think I could repeat this procedure several times a day, to kill a hit? Hmm mm mm ... I am not sure I want to try it again.
Where is that safety kit?
Chuck
PS: I KNOW not one of you are going to laugh at me, ARE YOU !! ?? !! ??
EDITED to give credit to Drummer, not Hub. Thanks. Linda! |
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LeLimey
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Re: Lets beat the Trolls at their own game!
« Reply #12 on: Sep 6th, 2005, 8:41am » |
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Chuck I have to ask.. you know how men name their willies? Is it true you calls yours Arfur these days?!
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Langa
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Re: Lets beat the Trolls at their own game!
« Reply #13 on: Sep 6th, 2005, 8:58am » |
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Quote:Jasper wants to know what I'm laughing at.. I think thats one for Auntie Langa to explain LMAO
Rubbing chicken shit on your head now that has to be THE most revolting thing I've heard to date.. ewww! |
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What? You mean you don't like my idea?...it's a guaranteed success...if it doesn't prevent the headaches, the beast will at least not come near you because of the stench...it's foolproof...
I believe young women in the olden days used to rub chicken shit on their boobs to make them larger...at least that's what my mom said her friends did...what on earth???
Langa
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sandie99
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Re: Lets beat the Trolls at their own game!
« Reply #14 on: Sep 6th, 2005, 9:10am » |
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on Sep 6th, 2005, 8:58am, Langa wrote:
I believe young women in the olden days used to rub chicken shit on their boobs to make them larger...at least that's what my mom said her friends did...what on earth???
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And we just use chicken shit here for flowers...
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Lobster
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Re: Lets beat the Trolls at their own game!
« Reply #15 on: Sep 6th, 2005, 9:28am » |
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Oh for fucks sake Chuck... I just forgot about that. 
/crosses his legs
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Ghost
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Re: Lets beat the Trolls at their own game!
« Reply #16 on: Sep 6th, 2005, 10:28am » |
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Back to the message at hand Lets just beat the trolls
      
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cootie
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Re: Lets beat the Trolls at their own game!
« Reply #17 on: Sep 6th, 2005, 10:58am » |
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I LOVED giveing pop rocks to my hamsters......funny as hell to watch em pack there cheeks and waddle away as there little puffed faces DANCED in the moonlight. Pop rattle and roll Pam
I have on my magic troll thong..........they can't get me now !!!
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jcmquix
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Re: Lets beat the Trolls at their own game!
« Reply #18 on: Sep 6th, 2005, 11:00am » |
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Helen....
I do not know which one made me LAUGH more...
Chuck with the Toliet Seat... or
Ghost with the Stun Gun... ???
I think you guys are about neck and neck there.... I feel for you Chuck, his was an accident..... 
BuTT.... Ghost.. I still can not believe you tried a Stun Gun on Yourself.!?!?!.. Dude.. thats what Neighbors and Teenagers are for... 
PFDAN's to ALL !!!!
Charlie
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LeLimey
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Re: Lets beat the Trolls at their own game!
« Reply #19 on: Sep 6th, 2005, 11:03am » |
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on Sep 6th, 2005, 10:58am, cootie wrote:| I LOVED giveing pop rocks to my hamsters...... |
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I never thought of that.. must try some on Ronny!! LOL I'll take pics I promise!
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sandie99
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Re: Lets beat the Trolls at their own game!
« Reply #20 on: Sep 6th, 2005, 12:19pm » |
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on Sep 6th, 2005, 11:03am, LeLimey wrote:
I never thought of that.. must try some on Ronny!! LOL I'll take pics I promise! |
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Asap!
Now, why that brings back memories....? Mum used to feed my guinea pig all sort of stuff; strawberries, cookies, macaroni, sausage, cerials... Luckily Olivia had more sense of the two and left all mum's experiments untouched.
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Jeepgun
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Re: Lets beat the Trolls at their own game!
« Reply #21 on: Sep 6th, 2005, 2:15pm » |
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Pop-Rocks and a Coke... The myth was that they would make your stomach explode, so I downed a whole box in front of my friends, and then guzzled a Coke. Then I hurled myself to the ground and started screaming. They were all freaked out, and then I started laughing... They were screaming and dancing around like little girls. LMAO!!
Best cure, by far: Stuff your mouth with marshmallows and yell out, after each one, "I love you, Chubby Bunny!" And then pop another in your mouth, and then another... It works! You believe me, don't you? LMAO!
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| « Last Edit: Sep 6th, 2005, 2:16pm by Jeepgun » |
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ExplodingEyeBall
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Re: Lets beat the Trolls at their own game!
« Reply #22 on: Sep 6th, 2005, 2:19pm » |
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A better one is to put an Alka Seltzer in your mouth then take a quick swig of warm beer. Now scream at the top of you lungs ' MAD DOG!!!!!!!' as the foam spews all over the place.
BTW: Don't swallow that $hit. It will screw you up bad.
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| « Last Edit: Sep 6th, 2005, 2:20pm by ExplodingEyeBall » |
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Just poke out my eye and get it over with!!!
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Ghost
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Re: Lets beat the Trolls at their own game!
« Reply #23 on: Sep 6th, 2005, 3:34pm » |
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When Troll hunting never try the devices on yourself I mean NEVER!!!!!
Its not size its power here let me explain
> My First Taser Experience
> > My wife is fond of saying that my last words on this earth will be something akin to "Well, I have out done myself once again." No doubt you will see this true story chronicled in a Lifetime movie in the near future.
> > Here goes...
> > Last weekend I spied something at the pawn shop that tickled my fancy. (Note: Keep in mind that my "fancy" is easily tickled). I bought something really cool for my wife.
> > The occasion was our 18th anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my sweet girl.
> > What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized Taser gun with a clip. For those of you who are not familiar with this product, it is a less-than-lethal stun gun with two metal prongs designed to incapacitate an assailant with a shock of high-voltage, low amperage electricity while you flee to safety. The effects are supposed to be short lived with no long-term adverse affect on your assailant, but allowing you adequate time to retreat to safety.
> > You simply jab the prongs into your 250 lb. tattooed assailant, push the button, and it will render him a slobbering, goggle-eyed, muscle-twitching, whimpering, pencil-neck geek. If you've never seen one of these things in action, then you're truly missing out--way too cool!
> > Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home. I loaded two >AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing! I was so disappointed. Upon reading the directions (we don't need no stinkin' directions), I found much to my chagrin that this particular model would not create an arch between the prongs. How disappointing! I do love fire for effect. I learned that if I pushed the button, however, and pressed it against a metal surface that I'd get the blue arch of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs that I was so looking forward to. I did so. Awesome! Sparks, a blue arch of electricity, and a loud pop!
> > Yipeeeeee!
> > I'm easily amused, just for your information, but I have yet to explain to her what that burn spot on the face of her microwave is.
> > > > Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two AAA batteries, etc., etc.
> > There I sat in my recliner, my dog looking on intently (trusting > little soul), reading the directions (that would be me, not the dog) and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh and blood target.
> > I must admit I thought about zapping the dog for a fraction of a second and thought better of it. He is such a sweet pup, after all. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised. Am I wrong?
> > Was I wrong to think that? It seemed reasonable to me at the time.
> > So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, Taser in the other. The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a loss of bodily control; a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water.
> > All the while I'm looking at this little device (measuring about 5" long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference, pretty cute really, and loaded with two itsy, bitsy AAA batteries) thinking to myself, "No friggin' way!"
> > Friggin' way - trust me, but I'm getting ahead of myself.
> > What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best. Those of you who know me well have got a pretty good idea of what followed. I'm sitting there alone, the dog looking on with his head cocked to one side as to say, "Don't do it buddy," reasoning that a one-second burst from such ! a tiny l il' ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad (sound, rational thinking under the circumstances, wouldn't you agree?).
> > I decided to give myself a one-second burst just for the hell of it.
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If all men are endowed by their creator, why was mine so short sighted?
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Ghost
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Re: Lets beat the Trolls at their own game!
« Reply #24 on: Sep 6th, 2005, 3:35pm » |
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> > (Note: You know, a bad decision is like hindsight-- always 20-20. It is so obvious that it was a bad decision after the fact, even though it seemed so right at the time. Don't ya just hate that?) I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and HOLY*********! DAaaaauuuuuuMN!!!
> > I'm pretty sure that Jessie Ventura ran in through the front door, >picked me up out of that recliner, then body slammed me on the carpet over >and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, soaking wet, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position. The dog was standing over me making sounds I had never heard before, licking my face, undoubtedly thinking to himself, "Do it again, do it again!"
> > (NOTE: If you ever feel compelled to mug yourself with a Taser, one >note of caution. There is no such thing as a one-second burst when you zap yourself. You're not going to let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor. Then, if you're lucky, you won't dislodge one of the prongs 1/4" deep into your thigh like yours truly.)
> > SON-OF-A-***** that hurt! A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as > time was a relative thing at this point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape. My glasses were on the TV across the room. How did they get there??? My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching. My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs. give or take an ounce or two, I'm pretty sure.
> > By the way, has anyone seen my testicles? I think they ran away. I'm offering a reward. They're round, ! kinda hairy, and handsome if I must say so myself. Miss 'em; sure would like to get 'em back.
> > Never Touchin' the Taser Again!
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Illigitimus Non Tatum Carborundum
If all men are endowed by their creator, why was mine so short sighted?
***WARNING*** Oxygen will rust your pipes!
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