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Topic: Mothers....Ugh! (Read 373 times) |
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kimmiedawn81
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Mothers....Ugh!
« on: Aug 29th, 2005, 7:24pm » |
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What is it about mothers and guilt trips.....pisses me off. And it seems that the older I get, and mind you I'm only 24, the more she pisses me off!
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nani
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Re: Mothers....Ugh!
« Reply #1 on: Aug 29th, 2005, 7:28pm » |
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Guilt trips 101 is part of Mother training. It's the first lesson. The best thing is to not let them work on you. Of course, I've spent years as a mother and sometimes had to remind my kids that "remorse" is good..."guilt" is bad.
Stay strong... 
hugs and pf wishes, nani
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kimmiedawn81
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Re: Mothers....Ugh!
« Reply #2 on: Aug 29th, 2005, 7:29pm » |
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on Aug 29th, 2005, 7:28pm, nani wrote:Guilt trips 101 is part of Mother training. It's the first lesson. The best thing is to not let them work on you. Of course, I've spent years as a mother and sometimes had to remind my kids that "remorse" is good..."guilt" is bad.
Stay strong...
hugs and pf wishes, nani |
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Honey, I think my mom taught that class!
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Jonny
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Re: Mothers....Ugh!
« Reply #3 on: Aug 29th, 2005, 7:29pm » |
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My Mom adores me, but that could be because of all the money I give her.....LMAO 
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Lizzie2
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Re: Mothers....Ugh!
« Reply #4 on: Aug 29th, 2005, 7:30pm » |
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Well...just remind yourself that she's not there - and when you hang up the phone, you're back to your own way of doing things. 
Unless of course...you live at home...which just presents quite a different sort of problem!
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nani
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Re: Mothers....Ugh!
« Reply #5 on: Aug 29th, 2005, 7:31pm » |
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on Aug 29th, 2005, 7:29pm, kimmiedawn81 wrote:
Honey, I think my mom taught that class! |
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LMAO!! 
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kimmiedawn81
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Re: Mothers....Ugh!
« Reply #6 on: Aug 29th, 2005, 7:31pm » |
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No, I live a little over an hour away from them.....Thank the Lord!!!!!!!
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Grandma_Sweet_Boy
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Re: Mothers....Ugh!
« Reply #7 on: Aug 29th, 2005, 7:44pm » |
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Trust me when I tell you that one day you'll realize that your Mother was right! It won't be until you're a mother yourself and your own kids are teenagers or older.
Nani's right though - Guilt Trip 101 - works nearly everytime. Wait until the day comes that your own kids accuse you of the very same thing.
In the meantime, Carrie's advise isn't half bad either - just nod your head and then do your own thing. I'm pretty sure that's what my kids do. LOL!
Carol
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kimmiedawn81
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Re: Mothers....Ugh!
« Reply #8 on: Aug 29th, 2005, 7:46pm » |
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Yeah, but my mom blows things out of proportion just to make me feel bad or blame me for something. That's what makes me mad, so I just tell her that I will talk to her later, but now I want to call her up and set her straight on some things. I'm really pissed right now.
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Grandma_Sweet_Boy
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Re: Mothers....Ugh!
« Reply #9 on: Aug 29th, 2005, 7:51pm » |
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You sound pretty upset right now about your Mom - please try to remember that words said in anger can sometimes leave scars on a loving heart. I know it's an overwheming feeling at times to just want to blast someone but you truly only get one Mother.
Maybe one day you'll both look back on this time in your lives and actually share a laugh about it.
Hugs
Carol
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broomhilda
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Re: Mothers....Ugh!
« Reply #10 on: Aug 29th, 2005, 7:54pm » |
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on Aug 29th, 2005, 7:51pm, Grandma_Sweet_Boy wrote: please try to remember that words said in anger can sometimes leave scars on a loving heart. I know it's an overwheming feeling at times to just want to blast someone but you truly only get one Mother.
Carol |
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Thank you Carol, I have just called my mom to say sorry for calling her a bitch last night, even though she was
Good luck Kimmie, these are smart women posting some great feedback!
Hugs
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Suck it up Princess...
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Sean_C
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Kimmie the best advice I can give you is to let it go if you can. 
Hows the head doing? Hopefully better
PFDAN to you
Sean.................
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kimmiedawn81
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Re: Mothers....Ugh!
« Reply #12 on: Aug 29th, 2005, 7:58pm » |
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Well, my mother and I have a good relationship 99.9% of the time, but sometimes she really makes me upset.
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Grandma_Sweet_Boy
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Re: Mothers....Ugh!
« Reply #13 on: Aug 29th, 2005, 8:03pm » |
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Oh honey - if you've got a good thing going for 99.9% of the time, you're one lucky little gal!
We don't always see eye to eye with our daughters, and I honestly think it's just part of the whole mother/daughter relationship. As Moms, we're just not ever ready to completely let go and decide that you're all grown up now.
There's no doubt in my mind that I can still have my girls upset with something I've said or done to them and they've got several years on you.
Just sleep on it for tonight - it'll look a whole lot better tomorrow, I'll betcha!
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Redd
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Re: Mothers....Ugh!
« Reply #14 on: Aug 29th, 2005, 8:24pm » |
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The only advice I can give you is this...
One day there WILL come a time when you will long for your Mother's feedback and advice and she will no longer be able to give it. You will desperately miss having her to call upon when you just need something as simple as cooking advice, or as complex as the wisdom in how to carry on when everything seems to be falling apart at your feet.
She pisses you off now... but remember this if nothing else...there will come a time when you will want her counsel and she will no longer be there to give it.
The choices you make today will determine the relationship you have with her tomorrow.
My Mother and I were best friends. She is still alive and lives in a state of dementia and I desperately miss the days when she and I would call just to talk about my kids and what they were doing, what her neighbors were doing. Her unconditional support and assiance when my head would would be raging and she would drive over to care for the babies for me, then she would talk about Grandma having the same thing and the horror stories of how scared they all were.
When my life was falling apart she would remind me of how she was widowed with 6 children to raise on a waitresses wages, and how she would have to rummage threw dresser drawers looking for pennies to make sure they had milk in the fridge. She taught me how to be strong in the face of adversity, and after my father died she raised me on her own.
If you ever want to talk I'll gladly give you my ear....
to add...
She burried two husbands, one a brain anurism, and my father from suicide. She was the strongest woman I ever knew...I'm glad I take after her.
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| « Last Edit: Aug 29th, 2005, 8:27pm by Redd » |
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kimmiedawn81
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Re: Mothers....Ugh!
« Reply #15 on: Aug 29th, 2005, 8:27pm » |
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Definitely puts things in perspective Redd....thank you!
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Jasmyn
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Re: Mothers....Ugh!
« Reply #16 on: Aug 29th, 2005, 8:31pm » |
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on Aug 29th, 2005, 8:03pm, Grandma_Sweet_Boy wrote:Oh honey - if you've got a good thing going for 99.9% of the time, you're one lucky little gal!
We don't always see eye to eye with our daughters, and I honestly think it's just part of the whole mother/daughter relationship. As Moms, we're just not ever ready to completely let go and decide that you're all grown up now.
There's no doubt in my mind that I can still have my girls upset with something I've said or done to them and they've got several years on you.
Just sleep on it for tonight - it'll look a whole lot better tomorrow, I'll betcha! |
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Spot on Carol!
You know Kimmie, if a mother doesn't do this type of thing anymore, you must start to worry because it is our way to still care for and love our daughters because that is what you'll stay... our daughters, our babies, our little girls and it wouldn't matter if you're 18 or 80.
A scary mother is a mother who ignores you or one that lost interest in you, you really don't want that right!
She loves you and she will always love you, no matter what, she knows that and you should also know that. Just remember the harder she is with the 101 stuff the more scared she is to lose you.
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Jazz
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kimmiedawn81
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Re: Mothers....Ugh!
« Reply #17 on: Aug 29th, 2005, 8:37pm » |
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I'm definitely feeling less tense....however, it still bothers me when she blows things out of proportion just so she can blame me for something.
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Melissa
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on Aug 29th, 2005, 7:54pm, broomhilda wrote:
Thank you Carol, I have just called my mom to say sorry for calling her a bitch last night, even though she was
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omg, LMFAO!!!
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Lizzie2
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Re: Mothers....Ugh!
« Reply #19 on: Aug 29th, 2005, 9:04pm » |
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My mom does the same thing..... And I always fall prey to it and I always get upset.
That's why I have the advice I gave above - I couldn't begin to count how many times my best friend said that to me when I was at Penn State - she was at Penn State Erie and she had to do the same thing with her mom.
I always used to call back and try to 'fix' things.... Sometimes a little space is what's needed, though.
Good therapy doesn't hurt, either.
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lionsound
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Re: Mothers....Ugh!
« Reply #20 on: Aug 29th, 2005, 9:17pm » |
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Once, when I was so furious with my mom. I wrote her a letter ...a letter that really let her have it. it was great to get it all out. A wonderful brain vomit.
I never sent it. I didn't need to. that was help enough to make me feel better at that moment and actually it helped when I talked to her about it later. I knew what was bugging me and could be more calm.
Be well,
lionsound
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kimmiedawn81
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Re: Mothers....Ugh!
« Reply #21 on: Aug 29th, 2005, 9:23pm » |
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Good idea!
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cootie
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Re: Mothers....Ugh!
« Reply #22 on: Aug 29th, 2005, 11:06pm » |
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I 'did' send that letter.......my mom was giveing advice in a touchy area and I was takeing it wrong and badly. Were both a bit more cautious how we word things or at least state what we are saying is just our opinion. So it sorta created a more RESPECT level for us and the letter was nothing terrible or anything. Of course most of our conversations were kid and money related. But writeing it all down and not sending it MITE be good advice. You'll miss her when she's gone Pam
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mcf69
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Re: Mothers....Ugh!
« Reply #23 on: Aug 29th, 2005, 11:23pm » |
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on Aug 29th, 2005, 8:24pm, Redd715 wrote:The only advice I can give you is this...
One day there WILL come a time when you will long for your Mother's feedback and advice and she will no longer be able to give it. You will desperately miss having her to call upon when you just need something as simple as cooking advice, or as complex as the wisdom in how to carry on when everything seems to be falling apart at your feet.
She pisses you off now... but remember this if nothing else...there will come a time when you will want her counsel and she will no longer be there to give it. |
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Boy Redd, you hit it on the spot there. I lost my Mom back in May and miss her terribly, even the guilt trips she layed on me. I still think that I'll be able to call her on the phone, or stop by and she'll be there, to give advice, comfort me, or just to let me vent so I feel better, but it suddenly dawns on me that I can't. Kimmie, the biggest peice of advice I can give you is let it all roll off, remember that what she does and says is because she loves you, she doesn't say it to nesecarily inflict pain, but it just part of being a mother. Cherish the moments you interact with her, good or bad, because she isn't going to be there someday..... 
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sandie99
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Re: Mothers....Ugh!
« Reply #24 on: Aug 30th, 2005, 4:14am » |
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Kimmeesue,
I understand you problem very well.
My mum is a gemini (no defence to geminis) and it shows: she has two sides. One of them is sweet, caring and kind. The other is... well, you can imagine. I can never tell which on I'm dealing with when I see her. We do have a 3-hour drive in between us, but she can upset me over the phone if she wants to.
She has been supportive during some hard times with ch but on others she made it worse. I had lot of grudges from my childhood but I decided to forgive her. I know she's not perfect, nobody is, and although she will never apologise for the mistakes she made, I know she knows about them. I think that she has done the best she could.
These days most of the negative things she says are lost on me. I don't let them get to me. Just because she has negative outlook on life, it doesn't mean that I should have one too. So when she starts to criticise me or her neigbours or siblings or ex-colleagues, I concentrade on her good sides and stop listening. That's how I cope with it. But I think that mums and daughters usually have complicated relationships. i admire those who are friends with their mothers, I hope I can call mine that one day.
but if you want to talk about it, email me anytime!
Sanna
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