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Topic: Slamming Wimmen (Read 542 times) |
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Jimi
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Slamming Wimmen
« on: Aug 16th, 2005, 6:46pm » |
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.....is ok in clusterville BUT....many of you in the workplace may find the wimmin a tad smarter and try to get you in trouble, so I offer this to the guys as a public safety announcement.
Many of us are entering professional enviroments and could use these helpful phrases.
HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:
1. She is not a "BABE" or a "CHICK" -
She is a "BREASTED AMERICAN."
2. She is not a "SCREAMER" or a "MOANER" -
She is, "VOCALLY APPRECIATIVE."
3. She is not "EASY" -
She is "HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE."
4. She is not a "DUMB BLONDE" -
She is a "LIGHT-HAIRED DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY."
5. She has not "BEEN AROUND" -
She is a "PREVIOUSLY-ENJOYED COMPANION."
6. She is not an "AIRHEAD" -
She is "REALITY IMPAIRED."
7. She does not get "DRUNK" or "TIPSY" -
She gets "CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED".
8. She does not have "BREAST IMPLANTS" -
She is "MEDICALLY ENHANCED."
9. She does not "NAG" you -
She becomes "VERBALLY REPETITIVE."
10. She is not a "TRAMP" -
She is "SEXUALLY EXTROVERTED."
11. She does not have "MAJOR LEAGUE HOOTERS" -
She is "PECTORALLY SUPERIOR."
12. She is not a "TWO-BIT HOOKER" -
She is a "LOW COST PROVIDER."
And for my cluster sisters lest you get in trouble too, I offer these helps.
HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:
1. He does not have a "BEER GUT" -
He has developed a "LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY."
2. He is not a "BAD DANCER" -
&nb! sp; He is "OVERLY CAUCASIAN."
3. He does not "GET LOST ALL THE TIME" -
He "INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS."
4. He is not "BALDING" -
He is in "FOLLICLE REGRESSION."
5. He is not a "CRADLE ROBBER" -
He prefers "GENERATIONAL DIFFERENTIAL RELATIONSHIPS."
6. He does not get "FALLING-DOWN DRUNK" -
He becomes "ACCIDENTALLY HORIZONTAL."
7. He does not act like a "TOTAL ASS" -
! ; He develops a case of RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION."
8. He is not a "MALE CHAUVINIST PIG" -
He has "SWINE EMPATHY."
9. He is not afraid of "COMMITMENT" -
He is "RELATIONSHIP CHALLENGED."
10. He is not "HORNY" -
He is "SEXUALLY FOCUSED."
11. It's not his "CRACK" you see hanging out of his pants -
It's "REAR CLEAVAGE."
I just love the wimmens 
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| « Last Edit: Aug 16th, 2005, 6:49pm by Jimi » |
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Redd
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Re: Slamming Wimmen
« Reply #1 on: Aug 16th, 2005, 7:31pm » |
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Jimi's working on his bending technique at this time, as he's fully aware of the invasion of from the rear that the women folk are about to bestow upon his sorry ass......
(I luv ya bro but you got this one a'comin)...
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I saw an act of faith today. A man was on his knees, not in a pew in a Church, but in a garden planting seeds. ~~Unknown
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Jonny
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Re: Slamming Wimmen
« Reply #2 on: Aug 16th, 2005, 7:35pm » |
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Lock-n-Load, Jimi, take no prisoners
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It is up to YOU to educate yourself and then help your doctor plan your treatment. If you just sit down in front of your doctor and say "make me better" you are setting yourself up for a great deal of pain.
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Charlie
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Re: Slamming Wimmen
« Reply #3 on: Aug 16th, 2005, 7:48pm » |
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Charlie
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There is nothing more satisfying than being shot at without result---Winston Churchill
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Kris_in_SJ
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Re: Slamming Wimmen
« Reply #4 on: Aug 16th, 2005, 7:52pm » |
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I won't lower myself to make a reply to this happy-crappy!
Kris
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E-Double
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Re: Slamming Wimmen
« Reply #5 on: Aug 16th, 2005, 8:02pm » |
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on Aug 16th, 2005, 7:48pm, Charlie wrote:
Charlie |
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I can't believe that I have to bang my
Head against this wall again
But the blows they have just a little more
Space in-between them
Gonna take a breath and try again.
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nani
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Re: Slamming Wimmen
« Reply #6 on: Aug 16th, 2005, 8:47pm » |
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OK sisters...
What say we pitch in some money and pay our sister Ruthie to start "playing tricks" on Jimi?
Like...lots of Milk of magnesia in his oatmeal, Preparation H in his toothpaste tube, hmmm... the possiibilities are endless... 
I think our follically disadvantaged brother needs a lesson....
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Redneck
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You cuda done without the kiss their butt male part. Take em' down, take names later. Male bashing gone far enuff. Time to stand up and  And don't even throw no chocolate in for good measure.
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Redd
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Re: Slamming Wimmen
« Reply #8 on: Aug 16th, 2005, 8:57pm » |
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on Aug 16th, 2005, 8:52pm, Redneck wrote:| You cuda done without the kiss their butt male part. Take em' down, take names later. Male bashing gone far enuff. Time to stand up and And don't even throw no chocolate in for good measure. |
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Another Bro I need to tell to bend over and take it like a man....
warning this is not for the faint of heart...
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I saw an act of faith today. A man was on his knees, not in a pew in a Church, but in a garden planting seeds. ~~Unknown
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Redneck
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on Aug 16th, 2005, 8:57pm, Redd715 wrote:
Another Bro I need to tell to bend over and take it like a man....
warning this is not for the faint of heart...
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Hmmm, that don't look like no bro!
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Redd
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Re: Slamming Wimmen
« Reply #10 on: Aug 16th, 2005, 9:02pm » |
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Not a bro....just a good facsimile there of.... 
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I saw an act of faith today. A man was on his knees, not in a pew in a Church, but in a garden planting seeds. ~~Unknown
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Charlie
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Re: Slamming Wimmen
« Reply #11 on: Aug 16th, 2005, 9:17pm » |
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OUCH
Charlie
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There is nothing more satisfying than being shot at without result---Winston Churchill
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Lizzie2
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Re: Slamming Wimmen
« Reply #12 on: Aug 16th, 2005, 9:18pm » |
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Well....some of them ARE pretty damn funny, though!!
This one was my favourite:
Quote:4. She is not a "DUMB BLONDE" -
She is a "LIGHT-HAIRED DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY."
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LMAO I know quite a few people who fit this description. Perfect 
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LeLimey
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Re: Slamming Wimmen
« Reply #13 on: Aug 17th, 2005, 5:00am » |
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That one wasn't worth firing over!
Jimi, if that was the best you can do my sweet you deserve my pity not my wrath.
Rest easy old timer, I'm not hunting geriatrics today 
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The arsehole I'm divorcing needs to get a life and stop stalking mine
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Jasmyn
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Re: Slamming Wimmen
« Reply #14 on: Aug 17th, 2005, 5:26am » |
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Jimi
As you guys have this problem with rectal-cranium inversion, I suggest that you investigate alternative destinations before we give you more follicle regression by inserting your liquid grain storage facility up your rear cleavage! 
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Jazz
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nani
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Re: Slamming Wimmen
« Reply #15 on: Aug 17th, 2005, 7:14am » |
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on Aug 17th, 2005, 5:26am, Jasmyn wrote:| before we give you more follicle regression by inserting your liquid grain storage facility up your rear cleavage! |
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Sandy_C
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Re: Slamming Wimmen
« Reply #16 on: Aug 17th, 2005, 7:34am » |
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on Aug 17th, 2005, 7:14am, nani wrote:
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Lean on me when you're not strong
And I'll be your friend
I'll help you carry on
For it won't be long
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Langa
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Re: Slamming Wimmen
« Reply #17 on: Aug 17th, 2005, 8:01am » |
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I've said it before and i'll say it again...
Jimi, you suck...
Have a nice day...
Love ya...
Langa
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burnt-toast
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Re: Slamming Wimmen
« Reply #18 on: Aug 17th, 2005, 10:14am » |
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Hey, hold on here ladies.......
Jimi gave us a fair and balanced list of politically correct statements for both female and male conditions.
As usual you gals have jumped on the poor guy with only half the information being absorbed into your grey matter.
I believe the politically correct term for this in women is
"she is reactionary challenged while factually insufficient"
Common term - "she flies off the handle when full of S**T"
I think apologies to Jimi are in order - shame on you gals for missing his attempt at fairness and an unfair world. 
Tom
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Jeepgun
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Re: Slamming Wimmen
« Reply #19 on: Aug 17th, 2005, 10:30am » |
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"She is arbitrarily confrontational."
(tr. "She is such a bitch!" ) LMAO!!
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Her: "Have you ever hit a deer?"
Me: "What, like, in the FACE?"
Her: ..... "WHAT is the MATTER with you!?"
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Jimi
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Re: Slamming Wimmen
« Reply #20 on: Aug 17th, 2005, 10:31am » |
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*sigh* All I wanted to do this time was be fair,,,
But what do I get?.... HEARTACHE..nothing but HEARTACHE. Oops..time for my pills.... 
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I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it.
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Langa
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Re: Slamming Wimmen
« Reply #21 on: Aug 17th, 2005, 10:37am » |
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Quote:| But what do I get?.... HEARTACHE..nothing but HEARTACHE. |
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My heart bleeds for you... 
Langa
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When you saw only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you.
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Ghost
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Re: Slamming Wimmen
« Reply #22 on: Aug 17th, 2005, 10:40am » |
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Ok here goes a duck and cover reply.
C ant
U nderstand
N ormal
T hinking
now running for cover 
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Langa
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So many donuts, such little time...
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Re: Slamming Wimmen
« Reply #23 on: Aug 17th, 2005, 10:45am » |
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I hate that word...C U N T...ugh! 
Langa
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| « Last Edit: Aug 17th, 2005, 10:45am by Langa » |
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When you saw only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you.
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seasonalboomer
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Re: Slamming Wimmen
« Reply #24 on: Aug 17th, 2005, 10:46am » |
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everything is all funny, everybody yukking it up, and then....someone uses the "C" word..... 
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