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Topic: Frank-W re: Privacy (Read 244 times) |
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AussieBrian
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Got beer?
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Frank-W re: Privacy
« on: Aug 16th, 2005, 8:37am » |
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I agree with you completely, mate, and this sort of stuff must remain confidential. That's why I like PM so much. We can keep it just between you and me.
Sorry you're having these problems, and here's my answers one by one:-
Problem ... Drinking fails to give taste or satifaction. Front of shirt wet.
Cause ... Mouth not open, or glass applied to wrong part of face.
Remedy ... Practice in front of mirror. Continue as required.
Problem ... No satifaction or taste. Drink unusually clear and/or pale.
Cause ... Glass empty.
Remedy ... Find someone who'll buy you another.
Problem ... Feet cold and wet.
Cause ... Glass held at wrong angle.
Remedy ... Ensure open end is pointed upwards.
Problem ... Feet warm and wet.
Cause ... Loss of self-control.
Remedy ... Complain loudly to nearest dog-owner. Demand free drink.
Problem ... Bar blurred.
Cause ... You are looking through bottom of empty glass.
Remedy ... Discuss CH with nearest drinker. Accept free drink. Continue drinking alone.
Problem ... Bar swaying.
Cause ... Air turbulence extraordinarily high. Darts match in progress.
Remedy ... Insert broom handle down back of jacket.
Problem .. Bar moving.
Cause .... You are being carried out.
Remedy ... If being taken to another pub, sing quietly. Otherwise call "Help, Muslims aged 17 to 40!!!"
Problem ... Wall opposite contains ceiling fans and light fittings.
Cause .... You've fallen backwards.
Remedy ... If glass still full and no-one standing on drinking arm, stay put.
Problem .. All is dim. Mouthful of cigarette butts.
Cause ... You've fallen forwards.
Remedy ... As above.
Problem ... Sharp pains in rear end.
Cause ... Too close to pool table.
Remedy ... Have pool table moved immediately.
Problem ... All is going dark.
Cause ... Pub is closing
Remedy ... (a) panic, (b) find another pub, (c) find take-aways fast.
Problem ... Waking up to find bed hard and cold, cannot see walls or ceiling.
Cause .... Slept in the gutter again.
Remedy ... Check time. If bar not yet open, treat yourself to a nice lie in.
Happy to be able to help, Frank, and if you've any other problems of a personal nature feel free to PM me again any time. I'll PM you straight back like I did this time.
Your secrets are safe with me, mate, so sleep easy.
Regards always,
Brian.
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Vulcrania horrendus - twice daily, then two at night in lieu of sleep.
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Jeepgun
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BOHICA!!!
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Re: Frank-W Privacy
« Reply #1 on: Aug 16th, 2005, 8:45am » |
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Thank you, kind sir. As always, I am eternally grateful, and pleased to know that my confidence is safe with you. I'm also pleased to know that my drinking regimen is on-track. Rest assured that my continued punishing of the evil liver will continue unabated.
Confidentially Yours,
-Frankzilla
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Her: "Have you ever hit a deer?"
Me: "What, like, in the FACE?"
Her: ..... "WHAT is the MATTER with you!?"
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clarence
CH.com Alumnus
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Wake up
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Re: Frank-W Privacy
« Reply #2 on: Aug 16th, 2005, 9:22am » |
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on Aug 16th, 2005, 8:37am, AussieBrian wrote:
"Help, Muslims aged 17 to 40!!!"
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Bwahhhahahahahahahahhahhahah. I think I just peed myself, I mean, a dog peed on me.
Casey
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| « Last Edit: Aug 16th, 2005, 9:23am by clarence » |
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NY Yankees Suck!!!
"Bart, don't make fun of Grad students. They just made a terrible life decision," Marge Simpson
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Jasmyn
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Each day will be a new trick in life's journey
 
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Re: Frank-W Privacy
« Reply #3 on: Aug 16th, 2005, 3:27pm » |
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OMG!!! 
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Jazz 
Madness is proclaimed by society’s inability to accept its own infallibility
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sassy_lady
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Re: Frank-W Privacy
« Reply #4 on: Aug 16th, 2005, 3:32pm » |
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Sandy_C
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Re: Frank-W Privacy
« Reply #5 on: Aug 16th, 2005, 4:23pm » |
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Brian, you are a trip!!!
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Lean on me when you're not strong
And I'll be your friend
I'll help you carry on
For it won't be long
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Somebody to lean on
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blossom
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Life is GOOD!
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Re: Frank-W Privacy
« Reply #6 on: Aug 16th, 2005, 10:57pm » |
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Holy Hell! Please tell me that Brian will be attending a future convention.  He will be of the utmost help since the only place you will find a Clusterhead at a convention is in a VERY smoke-filled bar - even at 7am!
Too funny!
Karen
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"If I'd of known 30 years ago how your life was going to turn out I'd have drown you at birth!" - what my father said to me on my 30th birthday
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