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Topic: Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests. (Read 265 times) |
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Tiannia
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Life does not apologies......
 
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Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.
« on: Aug 11th, 2005, 11:41am » |
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WOMAN'S PERFECT BREAKFAST
She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee.
Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.
Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week.
Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.
And her husband is on the back of the milk carton.
WOMEN'S REVENGE
"Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase.
As she fumbled for her wallet I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.
"So,! do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked.
"No," she replied, " but my husband refused to come shopping with me,
and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally."
UNDERSTANDING WOMEN
(A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)
I know I'm not going to understand women.
I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax,
pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root,
and still be afraid of a spider.
MARRIAGE SEMINAR
While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication,
Tom and his wife Grace listened to the instructor,
"It is essential that husbands and wives know each other's likes and dislikes."
He addressed the man,
"Can you name your wife's favorite flower?"
Tom leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered, "It's Pillsbury, isn't it?
WIFE VS. HUSBAND
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.
An earlier discussion had led to an argument and
neither of them wanted to concede their position.
As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs,
the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?"
"Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."
W O R D S
A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day...
30,000 to a man's 15,000.
The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men...
The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"
CREATION
A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be
so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time."
The wife responded, "Allow me to explain.
God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me;
God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!
WHO DOES WHAT
A man and his wife were having an argument about who
should brew the coffee each morning.
The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first,
and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee."
The husband said, " You are in charge of cooking around here a! nd
you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee."
Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible
that the man should do the coffee."
Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me."
So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament
and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says.........."HEBREWS"
The Silent Treatment
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each
other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day,
he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper,
"Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it where he knew she would find it.
The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM
and he had missed his flight. Furious, he wa s about to go and
see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by
the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."
Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests. 
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The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change. - Carl Rogers
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Jasmyn
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Re: Men are not equipped for these kinds of contes
« Reply #1 on: Aug 11th, 2005, 11:51am » |
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Oh girl, that's good! Just goes to show why women RULE!!!
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Jazz 
Madness is proclaimed by society’s inability to accept its own infallibility
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sandie99
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Re: Men are not equipped for these kinds of contes
« Reply #2 on: Aug 11th, 2005, 12:47pm » |
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Go women! 
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CH happends, Live anyway! PF days to us all!
"Do what you can and let God take care of the rest. Leave your heart wide open and always wish for the best" (Sanna Hillu)
"No matter how far out your dreams are, it's possible" (Marketa Irglova)
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LeLimey
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Re: Men are not equipped for these kinds of contes
« Reply #3 on: Aug 11th, 2005, 1:03pm » |
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Thank you Tia, I loved them!! LOL
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The arsehole I'm divorcing needs to get a life and stop stalking mine
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jcmquix
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Re: Men are not equipped for these kinds of contes
« Reply #4 on: Aug 11th, 2005, 2:45pm » |
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I am Starting to miss Pat & Ghost....
PFDAN's To ALL !!! 
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Would the owner of the propane torch, egg beater, pipe expander and vise grips please claim these items. They're lodged in my head and I need the space. (burnt-toast)
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Jeepgun
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BOHICA!!!
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Re: Men are not equipped for these kinds of contes
« Reply #5 on: Aug 11th, 2005, 2:50pm » |
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on Aug 11th, 2005, 12:47pm, sandie99 wrote:
Yes. Go. Far, far away.
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Her: "Have you ever hit a deer?"
Me: "What, like, in the FACE?"
Her: ..... "WHAT is the MATTER with you!?"
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Jonny
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Re: Men are not equipped for these kinds of contes
« Reply #6 on: Aug 11th, 2005, 4:13pm » |
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OH YEAH!!!!!
http://www.consumptionjunction.com/downloadsnew/cj_47696.wmv
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It is up to YOU to educate yourself and then help your doctor plan your treatment. If you just sit down in front of your doctor and say "make me better" you are setting yourself up for a great deal of pain.
- Guiseppi
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Tiannia
New Board Hall of Famer
Life does not apologies......
Gender:
Posts: 3241
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Re: Men are not equipped for these kinds of contes
« Reply #7 on: Aug 12th, 2005, 10:54am » |
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oh come on guys you have to admit that you at least smiled.
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The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change. - Carl Rogers
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rickyshot
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ouch
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Re: Men are not equipped for these kinds of contes
« Reply #8 on: Aug 12th, 2005, 10:58am » |
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Shit . I can never connect to Jonny's things at work.
BTW a lot of men are not equipped period
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Ghost
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Re: Men are not equipped for these kinds of contes
« Reply #9 on: Aug 12th, 2005, 10:59am » |
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Speaking of lazy echo's come on ladies only tiannia can come up with new material .... YAWN............... 
Oh well
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Illigitimus Non Tatum Carborundum
If all men are endowed by their creator, why was mine so short sighted?
***WARNING*** Oxygen will rust your pipes!
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ClusterChuck
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Re: Men are not equipped for these kinds of contes
« Reply #10 on: Aug 12th, 2005, 11:00am » |
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on Aug 12th, 2005, 10:58am, rickyshot wrote:| BTW a lot of men are not equipped period |
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No one has ever complained about my equipment ...
Chuck
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"No man can be happy without a friend, nor be sure of his friend till he is unhappy."
Thomas Fuller
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rickyshot
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ouch
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Re: Men are not equipped for these kinds of contes
« Reply #11 on: Aug 12th, 2005, 11:05am » |
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I have changed my home state to Missouri. Show me.....
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Jonny
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Give me a shovel Ill dig my own grave!
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Re: Men are not equipped for these kinds of contes
« Reply #12 on: Aug 12th, 2005, 3:08pm » |
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on Aug 12th, 2005, 10:58am, rickyshot wrote:Shit . I can never connect to Jonny's things at work.
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copy/paste the URL into Google, that should get you past the firewall
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It is up to YOU to educate yourself and then help your doctor plan your treatment. If you just sit down in front of your doctor and say "make me better" you are setting yourself up for a great deal of pain.
- Guiseppi
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ClusterChuck
CH.com Alumnus
New Board Hall of Famer
The BEAST rises again, and again, and again, and .
Gender:
Posts: 3181
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Re: Men are not equipped for these kinds of contes
« Reply #13 on: Aug 12th, 2005, 4:39pm » |
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on Aug 12th, 2005, 11:05am, rickyshot wrote:| I have changed my home state to Missouri. Show me..... |
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I don't want to make you jealous and long for what you don't have ...
Chuck
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"No man can be happy without a friend, nor be sure of his friend till he is unhappy."
Thomas Fuller
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