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Topic: A Little Police Humor (Read 207 times) |
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Jimi
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A Little Police Humor
« on: Aug 11th, 2005, 10:59am » |
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So you thought police officers didn't have a sense of humor.... The
following were taken off of actual police car videos around the country.
#15 "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll
stretch out after you wear them awhile."
#14 "Take your hands off the car and I'll make your birth
certificate a worthless document."
#13 "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."
#12 "Can you run faster than 1,200 feet per second? In case you
didn't know, that is the average speed of a 9mm bullet fired from my
gun."
#11 "So you don't know how fast you were going. I guess that means
I can write anything I want on the ticket, huh?"
#10 "Yes, Sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't
think it will help. Oh .. did I mention that I am the shift
supervisor?"
#9 "Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I'm warning you not to do
that again or I'll give you another ticket."
#8 "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are
drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"
#7 "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where
you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy, and step in monkey $#*!."
#6 "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a
toaster
oven."
#5 "In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC."
#4 "Just how big were those two beers?"
#3 "No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to have quotas
but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we want."
#2 "I'm glad to hear the Chief of Police is a good ! personal friend
of yours. At least you know someone who can post your bail."
and the best one . .
#1 "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? ...... You're
right, we don't. ... Sign here."
Clusterbabes excluded of course. 
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LeLimey
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Re: A Little Police Humor
« Reply #1 on: Aug 11th, 2005, 11:04am » |
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on Aug 11th, 2005, 10:59am, Jimi wrote:
#1 "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? ...... You're
right, we don't. ... Sign here."
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Oooh that is wicked!! I love it! 
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Lizzie2
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Re: A Little Police Humor
« Reply #2 on: Aug 11th, 2005, 11:25am » |
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LMAO
So....there's this underground rumor that if nurses/docs/etc are in uniform or have the stethoscope around, then they won't get a ticket if caught speeding.......so I was given the advice to always keep my stethoscope in the car.
Can you advise me on how true this rumor is? I really enjoy driving about 85mph to work in the mornings.
Oh yeah...and Diane (Jefferson roomie) once told me that if I get pulled over, I should not use her dad's name to get out of a ticket. He's the sargeant, and he's real tough on everyone - she thinks they'd even give diane a ticket out of spite! LMAO
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Jasmyn
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Re: A Little Police Humor
« Reply #3 on: Aug 11th, 2005, 11:32am » |
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on Aug 11th, 2005, 10:59am, Jimi wrote:
#1 "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? ...... You're
right, we don't. ... Telephone no. here please."
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Jazz 
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Jeepgun
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Re: A Little Police Humor
« Reply #4 on: Aug 11th, 2005, 12:18pm » |
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These are great, Jimi! (Unless they are being said to me, of course!)
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Her: "Have you ever hit a deer?"
Me: "What, like, in the FACE?"
Her: ..... "WHAT is the MATTER with you!?"
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Langa
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Re: A Little Police Humor
« Reply #5 on: Aug 11th, 2005, 12:22pm » |
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Quote:| Clusterbabes excluded of course. |
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OF course...
Langa
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rextangle
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Re: A Little Police Humor
« Reply #6 on: Aug 11th, 2005, 12:54pm » |
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Bad boy bad boy whatcha gonna do? 
It's been a while since I've had cuffs on but they must have been new! 
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sandie99
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Re: A Little Police Humor
« Reply #7 on: Aug 11th, 2005, 1:03pm » |
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It's nice that clusterbabes don't get tickets... I don't have a driver's licence so I'd be in real trouble...
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