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Topic: Got to love George Carlin (Read 226 times) |
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Ghost
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Got to love George Carlin
« on: Jul 29th, 2005, 10:22am » |
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COWS
Is it just me, or does anyone else find it amazing that our government can track a cow born in Canada almost three years ago, right to the stall where she sleeps in the state of Washington. And they tracked her calves to their stalls, but they are unable to locate 11 million illegal aliens wandering around our country! Maybe we should give them all a cow.
CONSTITUTION
They keep talking about drafting a Constitution for Iraq. Why don't we just give them ours? It was written by a lot of really smart guys, it's worked for over 200 years and we're not using it anymore.
TEN COMMANDMENTS
The real reason that we can't have the Ten Commandments in a Courthouse? You cannot post "Thou Shall Not Steal," "Thou Shall Not Commit Adultery" and "Thou Shall Not Lie" in a building full of lawyers, judges and politicians! It creates a hostile work environment!
And Last but not least..... George Carlin said it best about Martha Stewart.
"Boy, I feel a lot safer now that she's behind bars!
O.J. Simpson is still walking around; Osama Bin Laden too, but they take the one woman in America willing to cook, clean, and work in the yard, and haul her ass off to jail."
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Illigitimus Non Tatum Carborundum
If all men are endowed by their creator, why was mine so short sighted?
***WARNING*** Oxygen will rust your pipes!
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rickyshot
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ouch
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Re: Got to love George Carlin
« Reply #1 on: Jul 29th, 2005, 5:48pm » |
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HAHAHAH I love george carlin too.
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Charlie
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Re: Got to love George Carlin
« Reply #2 on: Jul 29th, 2005, 6:07pm » |
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Thanks. I love George Carlin too. My kinda guy. 
He really tears into religion, especially people who tell us that they speak for Jesus. Somehow God, is the ruler of the uninverse but he just can't handle money. He always needs money.
The rest of the Ten Commandments story is that he thinks that we need only four commandments. Most of them are redundant. It is a funny bit.
I really love what he does with advertising. Hilarious. I've seen most of his HBO programs. It's one of the better reasons to subscribe. 
Charlie
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There is nothing more satisfying than being shot at without result---Winston Churchill
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yikes-another-one
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Re: Got to love George Carlin
« Reply #3 on: Jul 30th, 2005, 10:21am » |
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Remember the Airplane speech?
"How can the stewardess 'WELCOME' me to a city?
wasn't she traveling with us?"
"Yeah, like i wanna use a seat cushion
as a floatatin device...who knows how many farts
are trapped in it, and I gotta hug it to stay a float?"
"Please look around your area for any personal
belongings you may have brought on board"
Where do you start with that sentence?
It's not like we took public belongings....like a water
fountain or bench with us on the plane.
Also I "MIGHT" have brought my kitchen sink,
But I didn't, so i ain't gonna look for it.
Hahahahahaaha
He does crack me up.
Just like Gallagher.
"English language makes no sense"
Take these two words.... do and go.
I mean 2 letters, they should rhyme.
so tell me is it goo and do
or go and doe?
Pick one and stay with it.
Comb, tomb Food and good
no wonder we write right....it makes no snese.
"I knew that learnign to read and werite was gonna bedifficult. My first day of school the teacher wrote the word BIG on the board. I raised my hand and said, "That can't be the wrod big. It's too little"
and the teacher said, "NO, this is little."
She wrote something on the board that was twice as big as the word big. Shoulda have given up right then."
hahahahahahaha
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Psalm 23 - Goodness and mercy shall follow US all the days of our lives and WE will dwell in the house of LOVE forever.
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vig
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Re: Got to love George Carlin
« Reply #4 on: Jul 30th, 2005, 10:33am » |
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and while we're getting off the plane, don't forget:
"Please return your stewardess to her original, upright position..."
-George Carlin
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never, Never, NEVER quit. -Winston Churchill
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pattik
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Re: Got to love George Carlin
« Reply #5 on: Jul 30th, 2005, 11:10am » |
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....and you gotta love the hippy-dippy weatherman 
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The voyage of discovery is not about seeking new landscapes, it's about having new eyes--Marcel Proust
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alienspacebabe
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Re: Got to love George Carlin
« Reply #6 on: Jul 30th, 2005, 1:57pm » |
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on Jul 30th, 2005, 10:21am, yikes-another-one wrote:
Also I "MIGHT" have brought my kitchen sink,
But I didn't, so i ain't gonna look for it.
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Laughed so hard .... OMG
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Not until we are lost do we begin to understand ourselves.
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ccbiggsoo7
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Re: Got to love George Carlin
« Reply #7 on: Aug 2nd, 2005, 10:36pm » |
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seen him in vegas last month,it was awesome. "A word you don't hear enough of anymore," girl thingyFARTS ! Then goes into detail.
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chris
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forgetfulnot
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Re: Got to love George Carlin
« Reply #8 on: Aug 3rd, 2005, 12:02am » |
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For a great bathroom reader, his las book " When Will Jesus Bring The Pork Chops"
$23.95 US
Lee
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BlueMeanie
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Re: Got to love George Carlin
« Reply #9 on: Aug 4th, 2005, 5:09pm » |
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I read this thread a couple days ago. Thought I'd bring it back to the top to say:
I GOT MY TICKETS TODAY !!
He happens to be doing a show here so I'm going to see ol' George next month. I think the only time I'll laugh as much as when I'm with you all.
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