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Topic: long ago (Read 274 times) |
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alchemy
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get out of my head
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when i was younger i learned to love the night. it was my favorite time. my stepbrother and i would play an old indian game where we would be in front of our boathouse one would turn his back to the lake while the other would shoot an arrow out in the lake, the other would have to fing the arrow by using a canoe and kining up with the moon correctly. the game would go back and forth all night. i a;so enjoyed the eerie call, of the loon as it sought out its mate in the dark. few people get to know the dark as well as i did. i'm not really sure why but a lot i feel had to do with fear. i never had that fear. if my old man;s nightly beatings didn'y scare me than the dark surely couldn't. for many tears i worked as a collector for drug dealers. the sights and sounds from that should have scared me a way from the dark forever but the night always held a certain magic for me. that was true until roughly about five years ago when i started having ch's. the nightly battles with what refer to as the beast have beaten the magic of the night from me and also made the daytime mt enemy also. i get 7 attacks a day. the worst one's are at night. i know i have no right to bitch, others of us have it far worse than i. but bitch i'm going to. i'm going to rant like i never have before. these fucking ch's have gotten to the point i can no longer work. for the first time since i moved out on my own at fifteen last night i wasn't able to provide food for my family. i have never felt nor do i ever want to know what that feels like. it out of my hands now. my wife works her ass off and she is doing all she can, i feel too much. i have been writing this for hours. please pardon my spelling. at one last night i was walking the dog when i got a hit, on my knees i ended up on the rr tracks. the pain came so fast and strong i was puking. i pray no one saw me banging my head on the rr tracks. well the sun is about to rise and what used to be a joyous time in it's own rite now just starts the fucking time clock ticking towaeds another fucking night.
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E-Double
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Re: long ago
« Reply #1 on: Jul 28th, 2005, 6:18am » |
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Here for ya brother!
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I can't believe that I have to bang my
Head against this wall again
But the blows they have just a little more
Space in-between them
Gonna take a breath and try again.
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Jasmyn
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Re: long ago
« Reply #2 on: Jul 28th, 2005, 6:52am » |
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Bitching is alright. Hang in there!
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Jazz 
Madness is proclaimed by society’s inability to accept its own infallibility
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maffumatt
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Your not alone......
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Jeepgun
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BOHICA!!!
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Re: long ago
« Reply #4 on: Jul 28th, 2005, 7:51am » |
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Hang in there! We're with you.... 
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Her: "Have you ever hit a deer?"
Me: "What, like, in the FACE?"
Her: ..... "WHAT is the MATTER with you!?"
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vig
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CHit Happens
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Re: long ago
« Reply #5 on: Jul 28th, 2005, 8:04am » |
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rant away....
(but do something about it...  )
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never, Never, NEVER quit. -Winston Churchill
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LeLimey
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OUCH-US - Less "ME" and more "WE"
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Re: long ago
« Reply #6 on: Jul 28th, 2005, 8:52am » |
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Jim hang in there. There will be a med that will work for you, we just need to find it. We WILL help, we ARE here for you. Please remember that. YOU matter and I'll be damned if I let you feel like this without trying to help. What have you tried so far?
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The arsehole I'm divorcing needs to get a life and stop stalking mine
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Kevin_M
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withered branches grow green again.
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Re: long ago
« Reply #7 on: Jul 28th, 2005, 8:57am » |
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on Jul 28th, 2005, 8:04am, vig wrote:rant away....
(but do something about it... ) |
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Sure, like Vig *and LeLimey* says, that's what we're all here for, to help each other. Fill in another piece to the puzzle from around here. Fight back! It has taken a lot of us there, that's why DJ made this site.
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| « Last Edit: Jul 28th, 2005, 9:03am by Kevin_M » |
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sandie99
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Wish it, dream it, do it - inspite the pain!
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Re: long ago
« Reply #8 on: Jul 28th, 2005, 8:57am » |
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Hang on in there.... 
We're here for you. Night and day. Always. 
PFwishes,
Sanna
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CH happends, Live anyway! PF days to us all!
"Do what you can and let God take care of the rest. Leave your heart wide open and always wish for the best" (Sanna Hillu)
"No matter how far out your dreams are, it's possible" (Marketa Irglova)
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lionsound
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breathe
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Re: long ago
« Reply #9 on: Jul 28th, 2005, 10:21am » |
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Jim,
I'm so sorry you are in so much pain.
You are not alone.....we all are here for you.
And I'm closer than most Call me!!
-rori
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burnt-toast
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Re: long ago
« Reply #10 on: Jul 28th, 2005, 10:43am » |
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Bitch away - the best part is there's support here from folks with hands-on experinence with this nightmare.
We can't do much to make it better but there's healing value in knowing others truely share the pain and frustration.
FEEL THE POWER OF THE FORCE Alchemy - Ok thats corny but what the hell.
Stay Strong
Tom
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Would the owner of the propane torch, egg beater, pipe expander and vise grips please claim these items. They're lodged in my head and I need the space.
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Ghost
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Re: long ago
« Reply #11 on: Jul 28th, 2005, 10:45am » |
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we do know the hell you feel and wish there was more we could do but we ARE here for ya dude. 
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Illigitimus Non Tatum Carborundum
If all men are endowed by their creator, why was mine so short sighted?
***WARNING*** Oxygen will rust your pipes!
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rickyshot
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ouch
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Re: long ago
« Reply #12 on: Jul 28th, 2005, 2:18pm » |
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I have come so close to disability that is the biggest scare. I am alone and value my independence above anything else. I feel for you....
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Kirk
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VINIMUS, VIDIMUS, DOLAVIMUS
  
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Re: long ago
« Reply #13 on: Jul 28th, 2005, 4:41pm » |
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Your not the only one up at that hour my friend. Grab Skype and give me a call when ya feel the need. I don't sleep much either.
Hang in there.
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alchemy
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get out of my head
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Re: long ago
« Reply #14 on: Jul 28th, 2005, 5:01pm » |
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thanks guys, here the new coctail list from my hosp discharge. neurontin-2700 mg daily. baclofen 5mg ev 8hrs. cymbalta 30mg daily, imetrx inj, verapamil 480 mg daily trazadone 100 mg daily imipram 30 mg daily anvinsa 30 mg daily. the state will now only pay for verapamil. the goods news is i got the machine that makes o2. with four tanks on the side. thats al the info i got right now. more info as i get it. thanks again
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LeLimey
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OUCH-US - Less "ME" and more "WE"
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Re: long ago
« Reply #15 on: Jul 28th, 2005, 5:55pm » |
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Just remember Jim, there are always alternatives!
Like Kirk said, download Skype! Its amazing, incredible and also lots of fun. I'm lelimey on that too (no surprises there huh?!) so when you download it add me too! That way if youre up at odd hours we can always chat!
Take care and remember, WE care
love
Helen
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The arsehole I'm divorcing needs to get a life and stop stalking mine
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Charlie
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Happy to be here
 
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Re: long ago
« Reply #16 on: Jul 28th, 2005, 7:36pm » |
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Good idea Helen.
Download Skype. I'm going to as soon as get my headset. I can't yet get to a store that sells the right one.
Keep plugging away. Rant more. We're here for you.
Charlie
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There is nothing more satisfying than being shot at without result---Winston Churchill
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cootie
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sumday I'm gonna be sumbody........ ..
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Re: long ago
« Reply #17 on: Jul 28th, 2005, 10:44pm » |
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I had a script for anvinza (speling) myself for my back.....was up to 60 mg's but that shit made me EXTREMLY ill in a flash.....never knew when it'd happen. And seems to me that sort of pain med can cause rebounds ? It's morphine sumthin or other. Just not heard much about that med workin for ch....didn't do much for my back either but I got violently sick a few times unexpectidly and it scared me. The cymbalta is for diabetic pain and causes nausia....also some sort of antidepressant. I can't do nausia......nerontin made me LOOPY as hell and got big red blotches and couldn't stand up or walk or talk well. Trazadone is an antidepressant of sorts also and baclofen is some sort of relaxant. Not pickin yer cocktail apart and I'm far from an expert but just worry it all works well together ? Just be careful......don't want to make shit worse or create more crap......antidepressants make me feel FREAKING wierd......oh wait a minute I am wierd. Alot of meds caused new problems I have taken for this or that and then I'd be scripted this to counteract that.....I won't do that to myself anymore. I'm a supporter.....and wishin you the rite mix to be PF. Liveing hell Pam
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Cause and Effect......"Cause is the effect concealed, Effect is the cause revealed"
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