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Topic: The Man who Moved to Texas (Read 686 times) |
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Ghost
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The Man who Moved to Texas
« on: Jul 26th, 2005, 12:29pm » |
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Just moved to Texas!
Now this is a state that knows how to live! Beautiful sunny days and warm balmy evenings. What a place! It is beautiful. I've finally found my home. I love it here.
June 14th: Really heating up. Got to 100 today. Not a problem. Live in an air-conditioned home, drive an air-conditioned car. What a pleasure to see the sun everyday like this. I'm turning into a sun worshipper.
June 30th: Had the backyard landscaped with western plants today. Lots of cactus and rocks. What a breeze to maintain. No more mowing lawn for me. Another scorcher today, but I love it here.
July 10th: The temperature hasn't been below 100 all week. How do people get used to this kind of heat? At least, it's kind of windy though. But getting used to the heat is taking longer than I expected.
July 15th: Fell asleep by the community pool. (Got 3rd degree burns over 60% of my body.) Missed 3 days of work. What a dumb thing to do. I learned my lesson though. Got to respect the ol' sun in a climate like this.
July 20th: I missed Lomita (my cat) sneaking into the car when I left this morning. By the time I got to the hot car at noon, Lomita had died and swollen up to the size of a shopping bag, then popped like a water balloon. The car now smells like Kibbles and shits. I learned my lesson though. No more pets in this heat. Good ol' Mr. Sun strikes again.
July 25th: The wind sucks. It feels like a giant freaking blow dryer. And it's hot as hell. The home air-conditioner is on the fritz and the AC repairman charged $200 just to drive by and tell me he needed to order parts.
July 30th: Been sleeping outside on the patio for 3 nights now, $225,000 house and I can't even go inside. Lomita is the lucky one. Why did I ever come here?
Aug. 4th: It's 115 degrees. Finally got the air-conditioner fixed today. It cost $500 and gets the temperature down to 85. I hate this stupid state.
Aug. 8th: If another wise ass cracks, "Hot enough for you today?" I'm going to strangle him. Damn heat. By the time I get to work, the radiator is boiling over, my clothes are soaking wet, and I smell like baked cat!!
Aug. 9th: Tried to run some errands after work. Wore shorts, and when I sat on the seats in the car, I thought my ass was on fire. My skin melted to the seat. I lost 2 layers of flesh and all the hair on the back of my legs and ass . . . Now my car smells like burnt hair, fried ass, and baked cat.
Aug. 10th: The weather report might as well be a damn recording. Hot and sunny. Hot and sunny. Hot and sunny. It's been too hot to do shit for 2 damn months and the weatherman says it might really warm up next week. Doesn't it ever rain in this damn desert? Water rationing will be next, so my $1700 worth of cactus will just dry up and blow over. Even the cactus can't live in this damn heat.
Aug. 14th: Welcome to HELL! Temperature got to 115 today. Cactus are dead. Forgot to crack the window and blew the damn windshield out of the car. The installer came to fix it and said, "Hot enough for you today?" My sister had to spend $1500 to bail me out of jail. Freaking Texas.
What kind of a sick demented idiot would want to live here? Will write later to let you know how the trial goes.
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Illigitimus Non Tatum Carborundum
If all men are endowed by their creator, why was mine so short sighted?
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Jeepgun
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Re: The Man who Moved to Texas
« Reply #1 on: Jul 26th, 2005, 12:36pm » |
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ROFLMAO!!
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burnt-toast
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Re: The Man who Moved to Texas
« Reply #2 on: Jul 26th, 2005, 12:42pm » |
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Ah, is it hot enough for ya"?
Tom no I meant Jim.
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Would the owner of the propane torch, egg beater, pipe expander and vise grips please claim these items. They're lodged in my head and I need the space.
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Ghost
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Re: The Man who Moved to Texas
« Reply #3 on: Jul 26th, 2005, 1:42pm » |
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on Jul 26th, 2005, 12:42pm, burnt-toast wrote:Ah, is it hot enough for ya"?
Tom no I meant Jim. |
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keep tryng 
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Illigitimus Non Tatum Carborundum
If all men are endowed by their creator, why was mine so short sighted?
***WARNING*** Oxygen will rust your pipes!
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aprilbee
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Re: The Man who Moved to Texas
« Reply #4 on: Jul 26th, 2005, 1:45pm » |
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TUCK FEXAS!!!
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Langa
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Re: The Man who Moved to Texas
« Reply #5 on: Jul 26th, 2005, 1:48pm » |
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When you saw only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you.
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Jasmyn
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Re: The Man who Moved to Texas
« Reply #6 on: Jul 26th, 2005, 1:56pm » |
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 have a beer!
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Jazz
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rextangle
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Re: The Man who Moved to Texas
« Reply #7 on: Jul 26th, 2005, 2:07pm » |
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Nice!!!!
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Donna_D.
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Re: The Man who Moved to Texas
« Reply #8 on: Jul 26th, 2005, 3:38pm » |
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on Jul 26th, 2005, 1:45pm, aprilbee wrote:| TUCK FEXAS!!! |
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Ahem..
*tapping foot*
Mama says that if ya can't handle the heat stay out of the kitchen!!
Ya durned Okie!
DD
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echo
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Re: The Man who Moved to Texas
« Reply #9 on: Jul 26th, 2005, 4:28pm » |
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Hey ghost,
I got a little chilled during the ice cut between the hockey games I was refereeing last night.
Just thought you might want to know.
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"If you love something, let it go. If it doesn't come back, hunt it down and kill it".
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Charlie
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Re: The Man who Moved to Texas
« Reply #10 on: Jul 26th, 2005, 10:54pm » |
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Quote:| What kind of a sick demented idiot would want to live here? |
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Den, Georgia, Adam and newbie live there. Den isn't sick but he is demented.
WTF are you people and how was your trip to Saratoga?
Charlie.
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cootie
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:P :P :P :P
« Reply #11 on: Jul 27th, 2005, 12:03am » |
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I don't think I would be able to handle that heat.......been hot as blazes here and I get irritable as hell tryin to do stuff and all sweaty and shiney greasey sweaty face and smell like a dam gym sock an hour after I shower.......hair all stuck to me and wilted clothes. I hate it when the crotch sweats.......antipersperants don't do a thing there. I get nausious too. Cool hand peuk Pam
Smelly sweaty is not very attractive on a chick !!!
PS: poor kitty.........
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| « Last Edit: Jul 27th, 2005, 12:05am by cootie » |
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aprilbee
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Re: The Man who Moved to Texas
« Reply #12 on: Jul 27th, 2005, 12:03pm » |
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on Jul 26th, 2005, 3:38pm, Donna_D. wrote:
Ahem..
*tapping foot*
Mama says that if ya can't handle the heat stay out of the kitchen!!
Ya durned Okie!
DD |
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sorry, I couldn't help myself.....I'm Sooner Born, I'm Sooner Bred and when I die, I'll be Sooner Dead...
No hard feelings huh???
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