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Topic: The El Stinkerooni award goes to... (Read 352 times) |
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Topical
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The El Stinkerooni award goes to...
« on: Jul 25th, 2005, 5:49am » |
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How could this have been reviewed with two stars? This is one of the worst movies I have seen in some time.
Tidal Wave: No Escape ** (1997, Mystery) An oceanographer and the scientist suspected of creating global devastation race to save the world. NR CC
A tidal wave hits Mexico and hysteria ensues due to the unpredictable nature of the waves. Scientists and politicians gather and believe someone has been using large bombs to bring on the waves.
There is this one scene with Corbin Bernsen where he is upstairs in a house with the curtains wide open and all the lights on in the place. Cut to the view through a sniper's night-vision gunsight trained on him outside the house. Um, if the lights are on inside and you can clearly see the person why do you need a night scope? DOH!
Julianne Phillips plays a woman who works with Bernen. She's in the power position so of course they make her character into a bitch. (Afterall, women in power have to to be bitches by default right?)
She is a horrible actress with a horrible script, first laying down one-liners putting down Bernson's character in the meeting with some stupidly written snide remarks. The next scene had her with him in the house as the gunsight was trained on him. She was wearing a white robe and playing the concerned sex kitten; (I think they reused the set and clothing for that erectile dysfunctional commercial).
I love the how they saved money by using old news footage to show the tidal wave's destructive powers. Unfortunately, it was lifted from a tornado's or hurricane aftermath. For example, one house is flattened surrounded by a beautiful green lawn. No water anywhere, no other debris. Tidal wave! Uh, huh...
Another shot showed the beaches covered with seaweed everywhere on them. Oh the humanity!
I'm giving this movie a one star. *click*
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| « Last Edit: Jul 25th, 2005, 5:50am by Topical » |
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Jimmy_B.
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Re: The El Stinkerooni award goes to...
« Reply #1 on: Jul 25th, 2005, 6:09am » |
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I saw that movie when it first came out...I also love how the "Tidal Waves" looked like old footage of nice surfing waves of the coast of Hawai.  A real tidal wave is just that....it looks like a quick moving high tide that keeps coming & coming...not like some large surfer wave.
Surfer wave:
Tidal Wave (Tsunami)
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AussieBrian
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Re: The El Stinkerooni award goes to...
« Reply #2 on: Jul 25th, 2005, 6:25am » |
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Until recently, people who got shot fell forwards to the floor. Now they're catapulted 6 feet backwards.
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Jeepgun
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Re: The El Stinkerooni award goes to...
« Reply #3 on: Jul 25th, 2005, 7:41am » |
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S'okay: The shittiest film I've ever seen was "Son Of The Mask." If you ever want to utterly waste 90 minutes of your life, rent this POS and force yourself to watch it. Personally, I'd rather dig my eyeballs out with a spork and eat them with a little salt and paprika.
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Topical
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Re: The El Stinkerooni award goes to...
« Reply #4 on: Jul 25th, 2005, 8:16am » |
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Don't tell me it was a sequel of "The Mask".
I know what you mean about the wave Jimmy that was hilarious. I only made it through one. The phony TV reporters were a nice touch. Why is it they always hire real reporters, who end up not being able to act?
Al Pacino in Scarface was the only one that had a right to go back 6 feet when shot. 
First time you see someone get yanked back when shot - Cool!
Second time - Already seen it.
Third time - Boring...
I think they send the bodies back instead of the blood now.
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AussieBrian
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Re: The El Stinkerooni award goes to...
« Reply #5 on: Jul 25th, 2005, 8:23am » |
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Opened a book recently and it was so bad from the beginning that I kept reading to see if it could get any worse.
Author's first name was Clive, surname Guppie or Yuppie or something like that, and worse it got with every turn of the page. Had me spell-bound!
Apparently, the deeper a submarine dives the slower it can travel, because the water is thicker on account of the extra pressure.
You can go three days and nights without sleep, food or water - then single-handedly fight off a boat-load of armed hijackers with only a small knife, but the absolute bestest of the worst was when he actually cast himself into book so as to rescue the hero from certain death.
I've read poor writing in the past, been guilty of it myself, but this bloke deserves an award.
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Topical
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Re: The El Stinkerooni award goes to...
« Reply #6 on: Jul 25th, 2005, 8:30am » |
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LOL! He must have had writer's block. Too funny, Brian. 
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Jeepgun
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Re: The El Stinkerooni award goes to...
« Reply #7 on: Jul 25th, 2005, 8:30am » |
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on Jul 25th, 2005, 8:16am, Topical wrote:| Don't tell me it was a sequel of "The Mask". |
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Yep. But without the good music, good gags, or well-known actors/actresses, and without a clever script. Uh... Basically, it would be an insult to my ass to use this film for toilet paper.
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Kevin_M
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Re: The El Stinkerooni award goes to...
« Reply #8 on: Jul 25th, 2005, 8:53am » |
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Quote:| I'm giving this movie a one star. *click* |
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Sounds like what would happen if Tom Cruise ever made a low budget film.
Worse. He could have been in that lousy movie trying to make it into a SPECTACULAR, RADIANT, GLOWING movie. 
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| « Last Edit: Jul 25th, 2005, 9:06am by Kevin_M » |
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Jeepgun
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Re: The El Stinkerooni award goes to...
« Reply #9 on: Jul 25th, 2005, 9:12am » |
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How much better would it be if he jumped up and down on the couch and basically acted like a crack-addled spider monkey?
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seasonalboomer
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Re: The El Stinkerooni award goes to...
« Reply #10 on: Jul 25th, 2005, 9:24am » |
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on Jul 25th, 2005, 6:25am, AussieBrian wrote:| Until recently, people who got shot fell forwards to the floor. Now they're catapulted 6 feet backwards. |
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Now imagine if they had the same kind of "reaction inflation" over the years in porn..... No, really think about it....
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AussieBrian
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Re: The El Stinkerooni award goes to...
« Reply #11 on: Jul 25th, 2005, 9:36am » |
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I'm thinking about it and, quite frankly, I'd rather not think about it.
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Killroy 2.0
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Re: The El Stinkerooni award goes to...
« Reply #12 on: Jul 25th, 2005, 9:57am » |
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on Jul 25th, 2005, 8:23am, AussieBrian wrote:Opened a book recently and it was so bad from the beginning that I kept reading to see if it could get any worse.
Author's first name was Clive, surname Guppie or Yuppie or something like that, and worse it got with every turn of the page. Had me spell-bound!
Apparently, the deeper a submarine dives the slower it can travel, because the water is thicker on account of the extra pressure.
You can go three days and nights without sleep, food or water - then single-handedly fight off a boat-load of armed hijackers with only a small knife, but the absolute bestest of the worst was when he actually cast himself into book so as to rescue the hero from certain death.
I've read poor writing in the past, been guilty of it myself, but this bloke deserves an award. |
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Clive Cussler.
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Gator
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Re: The El Stinkerooni award goes to...
« Reply #13 on: Jul 25th, 2005, 10:29am » |
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Clive Cussler. Yup. My wife reads those. Dirk Pitt saves the day (and sometimes the world) once again.
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Jeepgun
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Re: The El Stinkerooni award goes to...
« Reply #14 on: Jul 25th, 2005, 11:25am » |
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It all depends on what you're reading and what your expectations are. Clive Cussler is what it is: Entertainment, light reading... Just kind of fun.
"The Contortionist's Handbook" by Craig Clevenger is about a guy with severe headaches, who keeps adopting different identities... Fascinating read! I can't give it a higher recommendation.
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Charlie
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Re: The El Stinkerooni award goes to...
« Reply #15 on: Jul 25th, 2005, 8:42pm » |
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I don't know this movie. I don't know "The Mask" either but there must be several with the title. Doesn't sound good...
"Battlefield Earth" and "Blair Witch Project,"... what a con it was..... are right up there among the worst. We have a new one though. "Anchorman."  I lasted 15 minutes. Bleaugh.
Charlie
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AussieBrian
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Re: The El Stinkerooni award goes to...
« Reply #16 on: Jul 25th, 2005, 9:12pm » |
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Though if you enjoy witnessing the murder of an otherwise beautiful language -
http://www.bulwer-lytton.com/
Barf-bag reccomended.
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Jeepgun
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Re: The El Stinkerooni award goes to...
« Reply #17 on: Jul 25th, 2005, 9:23pm » |
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Good one, Brian!!
I've tried four times, but I've never been able to sit through "The Cable Guy." I don't know who is more irritating: Jim Carey or Matthew Broderick. Good grief, that movie is IRRITATING!!!
And yeah, I gotta' agree with Charlie's choices, although I've never seen Battlefield Earth. "Blair Witch Project" was just horrible. If I would have been those stupid bitches, I would have started lighting every damn thing on fire, until the National Guard was sent in with helicopters to fly my azz outta' there! Damn, white people are such retards... LMAO!
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| « Last Edit: Jul 25th, 2005, 9:24pm by Jeepgun » |
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Charlie
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Re: The El Stinkerooni award goes to...
« Reply #18 on: Jul 26th, 2005, 2:15am » |
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Slither slither slither slither went the tongue, but the hand that was what she tried to concentrate on, the hand, since it has the entire terrain of her torso to explore and not just the otorhinolaryngological caverns - oh God, it was not just at the border where the flesh of the breast joins the pectoral sheath of the chest - no, the hand was cupping her entire right - Now! She must say "No, Hoyt" and talk to him like a dog. . .
. . . the fingers went under the elastic of the panties moan moan moan moan moan went Hoyt as he slithered slithered slithered slithered and caress caress caress caress went the fingers until they must be only eighths of inches from the border of her public hair - what's that! - Her panties were so wet down. . . there - the fingers had definitely reached the outer stand of the field of pubic hair and would soon plunge into the wet mess that was waiting right. . . there-there-
(p368-9) 
I had to post one of these things. I'm dying here. 
I love this. The above comes from The Guardian's article on bad sex writing. It's so good that I had a hell of time picking an example. Funniest thing I've read in years.
Fank: When you are too sick to care, I hope they run "Battlefield Earth" on TV. Nothing beats a fat, and apparently recovering from some kind of head trauma: John Travolta. It's unbelievable....never mind that the story comes from that loon: L. Ron Hubbard.
I'm not a Jim Carey fan but my friend's daughter works as some kind of accoutant for movie productions when they are being shot in and around NYC. She says that the nicest and most thoughtful actor she's met is Carey. It surprised me. (I did like the one where he got to be god for a week. I can't recall the name)
Fun thread Brian.
Actual headline from the Jamestown Post Journal some years ago during the pollution fight over the Love Canal (I know. That's funny in itself but that's the name) by the Hooker Chemical Co. near Buffalo:
"State Sues Hooker Over Love Dump" 
Charlie
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| « Last Edit: Jul 26th, 2005, 2:26am by Charlie » |
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Topical
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Re: The El Stinkerooni award goes to...
« Reply #19 on: Jul 26th, 2005, 3:30am » |
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Thanks Brian, I am laughing out loud at that site. Following the sexual theme this one is a stood out like a limp chicken.
""The possessiveness in his voice was deep and strong, its triumphant throb cutting through the layers of sexual delight as thoroughly as a knife through warm butter, and it hit her like a deluge of cold water."
- Helen Brooks, Husband by Contract
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Jeepgun
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Re: The El Stinkerooni award goes to...
« Reply #20 on: Jul 26th, 2005, 7:35am » |
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OMG... These are great!! LMAO!!
I was once reading a novel, and on the opening page, the author says, "Her brother was so handsome in his uniform as he marched off to basic training."
WTF? You don't get issued a uniform until you arrive at basic training, and you don't learn how to march until you get to basic training.
That book received the distinction of being the only book I've ever thrown away. I raised it overhead, and slammed it right in there, and yelled, "TRASHCAN!!! DO YOUR RESEARCH, BITCH!!!" 
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