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Topic: Just thinking out loud ... (Read 390 times) |
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ClusterChuck
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Just thinking out loud ...
« on: Jul 20th, 2005, 10:34pm » |
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I have now been to two conventions and three area get-togethers. At each and everyone of them I got hit, at least once.
I am the type (as most of us are) that likes to hide away, be alone, without ANYONE touching me, during a hit. Yet during the conventions, I was hit multiple times in front of someone, or in front of many. During the hits, that were witnessed, there was ALWAYS someone there to hold me, or hold ice to me, or otherwise touch and assist me, and try to keep me from abusing myself (GREAT restraint here not to make THAT comment dirty!). I am a head banger and hair puller, yet family tried to keep me from doing that.
When I am with "outsiders", including my wife and children, I NEVER let them near me. At times, I have been very cruel and verbally abusive to anyone that tried.
Why is that?
At the convention, there were times, when I felt the beast making a call, that I could have got up and left, but I didn't. I was hoping that it would be one that was manageble, or just a shadow, so I stayed. If I had been out in normal life, I would have left. When someone came over to lend a hand, or restraint, I did not bite their heads off, nor did I even have the feeling or desire to. Yet, if I was out in "civilian" life, I would have.
As much as I hated the fact that I was getting hit in "public" and felt bad about it, I still allowed it to happen, some of the times. I know many of the times, I tried to hide the fact that I was getting hit, or tired to sneak away, but the "family" would not allow it. I always felt bad that I interupted what was happening (even if it was just bullshitting), and felt bad that others had to come to my support. (BTW, ya ba$tards, you didn't catch ALL of my hits!!! I was able to get some minor hits right in the group, and no one caught on!! Haha!! GOTCHA!!!)
The big question is: Why do I accept these things from the "family" yet I do not from others, even my blood/marriage family? The blood/marriage family, my co-workers, and friends all KNOW not to come near me when I am getting hit.
Very strange ...
Chuck
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Kevin_M
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Re: Just thinking out loud ...
« Reply #1 on: Jul 20th, 2005, 10:40pm » |
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'cause you're a cluster buddy? 
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alienspacebabe
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Re: Just thinking out loud ...
« Reply #2 on: Jul 20th, 2005, 10:42pm » |
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'cause you know we know? and that we adore you?
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Woobie
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Re: Just thinking out loud ...
« Reply #3 on: Jul 20th, 2005, 10:42pm » |
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cuz this family KNOWS. that's why
your wife doesn't KNOW. .. she hasn't felt it.
the other clusterheads KNOW ... and you kNOW they KNOW... so you're OK.
i think,,,,,,,,,,,
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Langa
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Re: Just thinking out loud ...
« Reply #4 on: Jul 20th, 2005, 10:42pm » |
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Quote:| Why do I accept these things from the "family" yet I do not from others, even my blood/marriage family? |
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Very simple, you accept us being there cause we'll kick your ass if you try to leave... 
Another reason? We KNOW your pain like NO one in the entire world. I hear a lot of us talk about that special bond we have with one another...but when I see a fellow clusterhead get hit, it's deeper than a bond, I become one with that person and literally can feel their suffering...too deep to explain or even understand sometimes...
Heck, i'm just glad I have you guys...
By the way Chucky...nice ass... 
Love ya.
Langa
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Woobie
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Re: Just thinking out loud ...
« Reply #5 on: Jul 20th, 2005, 10:43pm » |
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oh........... AND because you're fukkin insane 
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nani
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Re: Just thinking out loud ...
« Reply #6 on: Jul 20th, 2005, 10:43pm » |
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Because we trust each other. The same way you trust Stephanie. It's the kind of trust we don't give many people, but we give and earn it from each other.
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Linda_Howell
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Re: Just thinking out loud ...
« Reply #7 on: Jul 20th, 2005, 10:49pm » |
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BECAUSE....my friend, we've all been contaminated with this and there is a general feeling among us that outsiders, no matter how much they want to help or care...they cannot understand why we act like we do during this pain. Every single one of us has acted in a way we woud never dare to act in our right mind. Pacing, rocking, moaning, tearing at our hair, banging our heads into a brick wall. Anyone of "US" who sees you get hit, KNOWS they were acting in the same way an hour before. Also, you can allow someone to touch you because you know that at any time....you can slap our hands away and we will not be insulted in the least.
We also know not to touch you in certain areas or hug you tight or any one of a miriad number of things other people try to do. You know you are safe with us.
Linda
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Redd
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Re: Just thinking out loud ...
« Reply #8 on: Jul 20th, 2005, 10:52pm » |
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Payback is a bitch... 
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I saw an act of faith today. A man was on his knees, not in a pew in a Church, but in a garden planting seeds. ~~Unknown
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Cathi04
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Re: Just thinking out loud ...
« Reply #9 on: Jul 20th, 2005, 10:59pm » |
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Because you're a putz?????????????
Geeze, Chuck....we all know you are the poster boy for CH....anyone who knows your history.and the nature of the Beast, himself, would do anything in their power to help you get thru yet another hit.
ORRR, perhaps you'd just knock it off, and we'll have a dry martini-tanqueray..did I say ddry?? with a olive.... to celebrate.
Dunno why you've kept it from your family so long.........
My lot in life is simply to use and abuse you!
Cathi
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Jimi
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Re: Just thinking out loud ...
« Reply #10 on: Jul 20th, 2005, 11:05pm » |
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I am sooo weird. I read these posts where everyone gets something in their eye, etc....and I usually don't. Maybe feel a little melancholy, but usually pretty dry eyed.
I read this post and cried like a baby. I related so fully to that post Chuck.
Don't do it again. 
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E-Double
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Re: Just thinking out loud ...
« Reply #11 on: Jul 20th, 2005, 11:17pm » |
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I hear ya loud and clear!
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I can't believe that I have to bang my
Head against this wall again
But the blows they have just a little more
Space in-between them
Gonna take a breath and try again.
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cootie
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Re: Just thinking out loud ...
« Reply #12 on: Jul 20th, 2005, 11:20pm » |
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When you get hit at a ch convention it's like lookin in the mirror..........your reflection is all of them Pam
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purpleydog
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Re: Just thinking out loud ...
« Reply #13 on: Jul 20th, 2005, 11:40pm » |
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We know what you needed, Chuck. It's ok with us, because we know. The times I was with you, I knew I couldn't stop it. We just rode it out with you, and stayed with you. I think you knew it was alright. The first one I saw was hard. After that, I did whatever I could to stop you from abusing yerself (and in public too! sheesh!). I hope yer head isn't as tender as it could have been.
Thank you for letting me be there for you. Gotta be that clusterhead connection.
Oh, and thanks for the hug dear, after I got whacked. I never get that at home.
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Charlie
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Re: Just thinking out loud ...
« Reply #14 on: Jul 21st, 2005, 12:13am » |
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We're on your side and know exactly what's going on. It's a kinship like no other. It's one time when I'm almost glad I know what it's like. How else could I deal with an old geezer like you? You'd scare me to death or I'd rightly think you were nuts.
Charlie
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Racer1_NC
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Re: Just thinking out loud ...
« Reply #15 on: Jul 21st, 2005, 1:03am » |
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I had exactly this same discussion with a few people in Dallas. I've been lucky, I've never taken a hit while in the company of other sufferers.
Very few people have ever seen me take a hit, even family gets run out of the room most of the time. "Get me what I need and leave......You do not need to see me like this. " Until I got hit at the race track and had no where to run, even my close friends on the race team had never seen it. Most that came in during the hit, turned right around and left....and I don't blame them a bit.
Chuck, the reason you don't run from us is we've all been there.....no reason to be ashamed of something that we all have experienced.
As PD said.....thank you for letting us help.
B
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Carl_D
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Re: Just thinking out loud ...
« Reply #16 on: Jul 21st, 2005, 1:14am » |
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Once again I will use the 'war veteran' analogy I came up with after meeting clusterheads.
A war veteran can tell common people what war is like, but they can't fathom it because they haven't been there. When two war veterans get together, they can just look each other in the eyes, and not have to say a word. It is an instant connection like to say "Yeah, you've seen it too."
I think that it is much the same with cluster-veterans. That is why we are more confortable in the presence of other CH'ers than we are with non-CH'ers, if that makes any sense.
Peace,
Carl D - 18 year cluster-veteran
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Charlie
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Re: Just thinking out loud ...
« Reply #17 on: Jul 21st, 2005, 1:22am » |
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Good one Carl.
It's like a reunion of veterans.
Missed you there. How have you been?
Charlie
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| « Last Edit: Jul 21st, 2005, 1:22am by Charlie » |
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The mad viking
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Re: Just thinking out loud ...
« Reply #18 on: Jul 21st, 2005, 2:17am » |
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on Jul 20th, 2005, 10:42pm, Woobie wrote:cuz this family KNOWS. that's why
your wife doesn't KNOW. .. she hasn't felt it.
the other clusterheads KNOW ... and you kNOW they KNOW... so you're OK.
i think,,,,,,,,,,,
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I believe that Tina is on to something here Chuck!!
Deep down inside you know you can relate to us in this ordeal in a way that you cant do with your family,As Tina so well said it.They have not felt this "General Cluster"themself.
Svenn
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sandie99
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Re: Just thinking out loud ...
« Reply #19 on: Jul 21st, 2005, 2:38am » |
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Because it's the holy bond of clusterhood...?
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thomas
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Re: Just thinking out loud ...
« Reply #20 on: Jul 21st, 2005, 10:31am » |
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Don't be suckered in, he only lets up touch him so he can get a free ass-grab after the hit is over.
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Religion and sex are powerplays. Manipulate the people for the money they pay. Selling skin, selling God, the numbers look the same on their credit cards. Triptans cause rebounds. Learn it, believe it, live it. I use triptans as the absolute LAST RESORT when treating my CH.
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Peppermint
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Re: Just thinking out loud ...
« Reply #21 on: Jul 21st, 2005, 11:01am » |
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on Jul 21st, 2005, 10:31am, thomas wrote:| Don't be suckered in, he only lets up touch him so he can get a free ass-grab after the hit is over. |
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and now that I think about it..... CHUCK! You weasel!
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Jackie
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Re: Just thinking out loud ...
« Reply #22 on: Jul 21st, 2005, 11:15am » |
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Chuckster, "you ole pre-vert"........I just have one thing to say to you...
Remember our conversation and MIND ME!!!!!! It's easier than fussin' with me...
Be well, Sweetheart...
Jacks
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LeLimey
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Re: Just thinking out loud ...
« Reply #23 on: Jul 21st, 2005, 2:59pm » |
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on Jul 21st, 2005, 10:31am, thomas wrote:| Don't be suckered in, he only lets up touch him so he can get a free ass-grab after the hit is over. |
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you are so busted Chuck!! LOL
It's cos we know where you are and hurt right with you
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ClusterChuck
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Re: Just thinking out loud ...
« Reply #24 on: Jul 21st, 2005, 8:36pm » |
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on Jul 21st, 2005, 10:31am, thomas wrote:| Don't be suckered in, he only lets up touch him so he can get a free ass-grab after the hit is over. |
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SHIT!!! BUSTED!!! Damn! Now you are going to find out I am not a clusterhead, and don't have headaches!!! I just pretend so that I can get close to the people here, and maybe get lucky and SCORE !!! I'm so damn horny, I try anything to get laid !!!
Guess I will have to read up on some other disease, and pretend I have that, and maybe I will have better luck in the scoring department ...
A pox on you, Thomas, for squealing on me ...
Chuck
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"No man can be happy without a friend, nor be sure of his friend till he is unhappy."
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