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Topic: Stress and heartbreak... (Read 256 times) |
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Lizzie2
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Stress and heartbreak...
« on: Jul 11th, 2005, 11:43pm » |
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Hiya gang,
Well the last week or so has been extremely difficult, to say the least! I started work on the transitional nursery last Tuesday, and next week I will move to orientation in the Intensive Care Nursery for about 10 weeks or so.
Some of the babies really are terrific...so cute! I've spent quite a bit of time with babies in withdrawal from methadone and/or other drugs.  Today, I had a baby in the worst withdrawal I've ever seen. She's less than a week old - imagine this picture: so tense that she can practically STAND on her own, very mottled skin, screaming in a banshee like screech, having severe tremors when she cries or is disturbed in any way, not feeding well, brow all furrowed up, sleeping sometimes less than an hour after feeds, and so on.... It's really heartbreaking.. Her dose of neonatal opiate solution (NOS) keeps increasing, and she probably got a rescue dose after I left. This stuff makes me so sad sometimes.
Found out tonight that an infant I was taking care of on my first day of makeup clinical in the ICN (back in mid-May) died over the weekend. She lived for a few absolutely hellacious months for a mother that never wanted her, hardly ever saw her, and didn't even want her life saved until 15 minutes of no resuscitation. Can't get into the rest of the details... I'm actually sort of relieved she went....she probably lived some of the worst couple of months or so that anyone could even imagine. 
Then, this past weekend I was on a very short vacation from Saturday to Sunday. In the middle of the night, witnessed (sort of...didn't actually see it, but I heard it, and saw much of the aftermath) a very bad crime. A couple of boys in their early twenties beat the living crap out of another boy in a drunken brawl. Blood all over the street, and the fight ended with the kid unconscious on our front lawn. I think I heard that he was still alive when they took him to the hospital, but beyond that, I have no clue. It all took place in a very small, quiet town. The kids who did it ran off when the cops showed up, and to my knowledge they have not been found. The cops did find one of their sandals that got lost in the scuffle. Finally got to sleep about 3.5 hours later after the cops had left. It was extremely disturbing...
Sorry to vent - sometimes things in life are so horrific that you just can't keep it inside without falling to pieces. I feel like my heart has broken into a million pieces these past several days. Also, just the physical and emotional strength it takes to deal with all of these things (even just the hour plus commute each direction to work a 12 or 8 hour shift) are really taking a toll. No relief from the beast and constant worsening of the daily migraine. I have a neuro appt on Thursday morning in the city before I work from 11am to 7pm. We all know how those are my favourite appts! We'll see how it goes. 
PF wishes to all! Hope all those going to the convention will have a wonderful time!!!
Love and hugz,
Carrie
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cootie
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Re: Stress and heartbreak...
« Reply #1 on: Jul 11th, 2005, 11:52pm » |
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Sorry Carrie and hope your heart lightens a little soon from the pain and anquish.......it's all around us Pam
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Gator
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Re: Stress and heartbreak...
« Reply #2 on: Jul 11th, 2005, 11:59pm » |
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Jimi
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Re: Stress and heartbreak...
« Reply #3 on: Jul 12th, 2005, 12:04am » |
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Yeah Lizzie.........What Gator said 
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I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it.
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unsolved1
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Re: Stress and heartbreak...
« Reply #4 on: Jul 12th, 2005, 12:15am » |
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Sorry you've had it a bit rough lately
Remember ... what doesn't kill us will only make us stronger.
PF Wishes
Unsolved
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nani
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Re: Stress and heartbreak...
« Reply #5 on: Jul 12th, 2005, 12:48am » |
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Opus
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Re: Stress and heartbreak...
« Reply #6 on: Jul 12th, 2005, 1:03am » |
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(((Carrie)))
Opus/Paul
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Charlie
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Re: Stress and heartbreak...
« Reply #7 on: Jul 12th, 2005, 2:10am » |
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Rats.
Sorry you're having shut a crappy couple of days.
Rant away. Can't hurt.
Charlie
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sandie99
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Re: Stress and heartbreak...
« Reply #8 on: Jul 12th, 2005, 4:28am » |
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(((((((((Carrie)))))))))
I'm so sorry....
It's no wonder that things seem overwhelming on the circumstances.
You can count on that lots PF vibes and prayers are on their way to you right now.
I can only imagine what you're going through every day when you go to work. You see that dark side most of us don't. The work you do is important and precious, but you must recall to take care of you as well.
Do something you like every day when ch or something else gets to you. Nothing big. Just listen to your fave song or something like that.
I'm so glad that you told us.
Always recall that this is a place where ALL emotions are welcomed. Both happy and sad.
Best wishes,
Sanna
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"Do what you can and let God take care of the rest. Leave your heart wide open and always wish for the best" (Sanna Hillu)
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Topical
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Re: Stress and heartbreak...
« Reply #9 on: Jul 12th, 2005, 4:56am » |
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I sympathize too but would rather emphasize the admiration I have for you in taking care of others.
A big hug goes out to you. Stay positive.
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lionsound
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Re: Stress and heartbreak...
« Reply #10 on: Jul 12th, 2005, 8:15am » |
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LadyElaine
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Re: Stress and heartbreak...
« Reply #11 on: Jul 12th, 2005, 9:11am » |
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I know its hard on the heart what you have to see. The work you do is a GREAT ! I know if those babies could talk they would say Thank You. Its hard to understand a mother who would take drugs while caring a baby. I love to smoke but I would not even smoke when I carried my son. Its even harder to think of a mother who did not want a child.
Carrie, you just have to love them and care for them and know you tried, no matter what the outcome. Your love might be the only love that child gets. You might not know it but you might even be a factor in some mothers life that will change her ways. You just vent away all you want with us. We will listen and understand the hurt in your heart. It hurts me to just listen to the news, I am so tender hearted I couldn't do your job. I give you lots of respect and will say Thank you for all those children.
Its sad they are children like that and Mothers like that. Thank God we have people like you in this world.
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aprilbee
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Re: Stress and heartbreak...
« Reply #12 on: Jul 12th, 2005, 9:15am » |
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you need a big bear hug!!
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pattik
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Re: Stress and heartbreak...
« Reply #13 on: Jul 12th, 2005, 12:01pm » |
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Carrie, I don't know how you guys do what you do, but it's a Godsend that somebody can. When the nasty part of life is in your face all the time, you need to find a way to keep your perspective. I'm sure you will have plenty of uplifting experiences as you go along which can help to balance the bad times. Give yourself a hug.. Patti
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The voyage of discovery is not about seeking new landscapes, it's about having new eyes--Marcel Proust
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Lizzie2
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Re: Stress and heartbreak...
« Reply #14 on: Jul 12th, 2005, 12:47pm » |
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Thanks very much for all the responses and PMs. Hugs back
It's never an easy job, I suppose, but I do love it - the heartbreak that comes along with it is a reminder that there is still a heart to break... (Thanks Sanna - your PM made me remember that)
Elaine - your words made me cry! Thanks so much - that was very kind of you to say! 
I think I have to share this moment, too....hard to capture in words without having a picture, but I'll try my best!! Yesterday, a little withdrawing one was in the room where I was working. She hasn't been my infant to care for yet, but my friend and fellow GN (grad nurse) Amy has taken care of her about 3 times so far. She is quite a hoot - makes THE funniest facial expressions you've ever seen, and even gives us the evil eye from time to time! She loves her bouncy chair, which is something that many of the babies in withdrawal find soothing.
Anyhow - yesterday she started screaming her head off at some point or another, and Amy picked her up, fed her, burped her, etc...then put her in the bouncy chair. I sat down where Amy was sitting with my badly withdrawing baby I described above because she seriously needed to be calmed down. Every time Amy's baby would spit her pacifier out and start screaming, I'd reach over and pop it back in. haha
Anyhow - a little while after this, I was sitting writing notes in one of the charts, and I look up - this little one is leaned half way out of the bouncy chair (she was completely strapped in, but sort of looked like she would fall out if she wasn't!). She had her hands reached out of the top of the blanket and had her fingers spread out with palms facing forward - I could only describe it as "Jazz Hands." She was finally sound asleep!!! She stayed like that for a long time, too. All of us got a tiny laugh for how cute and silly she looked and also how peaceful she finally was!
So I said to one of the nurses, "It's times like this where we get to remember why we love our job."
Oh - and some of those cute little preemies who just need to grow but are going to turn out okay also make me smile.
Thanks again! Hope you won't mind hearing little stories from time to time - I'll try to share the happy with the sad.
Hugs,
Carrie
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KMT
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Re: Stress and heartbreak...
« Reply #15 on: Jul 12th, 2005, 12:48pm » |
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Carrie
I know how sad this makes you feel. I felt that way in clinicals with a mother who refused to hold her baby because she said she didn't want her spoiled. Mother and father went out for lunch and left the hospital and I snuck into that room and just held the baby and rocked her in the chair. I said her name and told her how precious she was and she was so quiet and slept so well. I would taken her home if I could. We got social services to take the baby away for neglect. I am so glad she was taken to a good home.
All you need to remember is you have provided the best care possible and you have provided them with some precious love. They know that someone cares.
Like what was said above you must take some time out for you so that you don't get burnt out. You are a great person remember that.
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