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Topic: To Help You Get Thru The Week (Read 295 times) |
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Jimi
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To Help You Get Thru The Week
« on: Jun 28th, 2005, 11:50am » |
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For my cluster friends:
1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony
>wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.
>
>2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve
>you, but don't start anything."
>
>3. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.
>
>4. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
>
>5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and
>says: "A beer please, and one for the road."
>
>6. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does
>this taste funny to you?"
>
>7. "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.'"
>"That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome." "Is it common?" Well, "It's
>Not Unusual."
>
>8. Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says
>to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't
>believe you," says Dolly. "It's true, no bull!" exclaims Daisy.
>
>9. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing
>to look at either.
>
>10. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.
>
>11. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I
>couldn't find any.
>
>12. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He
>shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor
>replied, "I know you can't - I've cut off your arms!"
>
>13. I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a mussel.
>
>14. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.
>
>
. 15 Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other
>and says "Dam!".
>
>16 Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in
>the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't
>have your kayak and heat it too.
>
>17 A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were
>standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories.
>After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to
>disperse. "But why," they asked, as they moved off. "Because", he said,
>"I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."
>
>
>18. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them
>goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a
>family in Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of
>himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her
>husband that she wishes she also had a ! picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds,
>"They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."
>
>
>
19 Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time,
>which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also
>ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet,
>he suffered from bad breath. This made him ..(Oh, man, this is so bad,
>it's good)..... A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
>
>
>20. And finally, there was the person who sent twenty different puns to
>his friends, with the hope that at least ten of the puns would make
>them laugh.
>No pun in ten did.
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Jeepgun
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Re: To Help You Get Thru The Week
« Reply #1 on: Jun 28th, 2005, 1:51pm » |
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There was the dyslexic agnostic insomniac who would lie awake at night, wondering if there was a Dog.
Then there was the dyslexic Satanist who was shocked and horrified to discover that he had sold his soul to Santa.
One more:
There was a guy who had been practicing contemplation for many years, and had to get a root canal done. When he sat in the dentist's chair, he told them not to bother with the novacaine. It seems he wanted to transcend-dental-medication.
ba-dum-PSH! 
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Me: "What, like, in the FACE?"
Her: ..... "WHAT is the MATTER with you!?"
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aprilbee
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Re: To Help You Get Thru The Week
« Reply #2 on: Jun 28th, 2005, 1:58pm » |
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nani
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Re: To Help You Get Thru The Week
« Reply #3 on: Jun 28th, 2005, 2:03pm » |
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You have no earthly idea how much I needed that today, Jimi. Thanks. 
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LeLimey
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Re: To Help You Get Thru The Week
« Reply #4 on: Jun 28th, 2005, 2:07pm » |
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Frank you missed the one about the dyslexic pimp who bought a warehouse dummy! 
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TomM
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Re: To Help You Get Thru The Week
« Reply #5 on: Jun 28th, 2005, 2:16pm » |
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on Jun 28th, 2005, 11:50am, Jimi wrote: For my cluster friends:.....
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OMG! I'm laughing out loud. 
Thanx.
TomM 
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"Everyone should believe in something. I believe I'll go fishing."
--Thoreau--
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Jeepgun
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Re: To Help You Get Thru The Week
« Reply #6 on: Jun 28th, 2005, 3:06pm » |
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on Jun 28th, 2005, 2:07pm, LeLimey wrote:| Frank you missed the one about the dyslexic pimp who bought a warehouse dummy! |
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Wait: Wasn't that a movie in the 80's?
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Her: "Have you ever hit a deer?"
Me: "What, like, in the FACE?"
Her: ..... "WHAT is the MATTER with you!?"
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Luke63
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Re: To Help You Get Thru The Week
« Reply #7 on: Jun 28th, 2005, 8:59pm » |
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Cute Jimi!!! Luke
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I think we should all get together and do a movie..."Night of The Clusterheads". George Romero would have nothing on us!!!
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sandie99
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Re: To Help You Get Thru The Week
« Reply #8 on: Jun 29th, 2005, 3:17am » |
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Thanks!!! I loved these!
Sanna/sandie99
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CH happends, Live anyway! PF days to us all!
"Do what you can and let God take care of the rest. Leave your heart wide open and always wish for the best" (Sanna Hillu)
"No matter how far out your dreams are, it's possible" (Marketa Irglova)
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