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Topic: Ladies (Texas men) (Read 246 times) |
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Ghost
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Ladies (Texas men)
« on: Jun 21st, 2005, 4:36pm » |
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Only a Texas man can make you feel like a woman. .
On a transatlantic flight, a plane passed through a severe storm. The turbulence was awful, and things went from bad to worse when one wing was struck by lightning. One woman in particular lost it. Screaming, she stood up in the front of the plane. "I'm too young to die," she wailed.
Then she yelled, "Well, if I'm going to die, I want my last minutes on earth to be memorable! Is there anyone on this plane who can make me feel like a WOMAN?"
For a moment there was silence. Everyone had forgotten his or her own peril. Eyes riveted, they all stared at the desperate woman in the front of the plane. Then a man from Texas stood up in the rear of the plane. He was handsome, tall, well built, with dark brown hair and hazel eyes. Slowly, he started to walk up the aisle, unbuttoning his shirt, one button at a time. No one moved. He removed his shirt. Muscles rippled across his chest. She gasped...
He said, "Here! Iron this -- and then get me a beer."
 
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Illigitimus Non Tatum Carborundum
If all men are endowed by their creator, why was mine so short sighted?
***WARNING*** Oxygen will rust your pipes!
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Jimi
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Who loves ya baby!
 
 
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Re: Ladies (Texas men)
« Reply #1 on: Jun 21st, 2005, 4:45pm » |
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WORD
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I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it.
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nani
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Got kudzu?
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Re: Ladies (Texas men)
« Reply #2 on: Jun 21st, 2005, 4:50pm » |
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on Jun 21st, 2005, 4:45pm, Jimi wrote:
 LMAO!
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Others may come and go, but MY power is MINE.
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cazman
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Re: Ladies (Texas men)
« Reply #3 on: Jun 21st, 2005, 5:08pm » |
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lmao
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Langa
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So many donuts, such little time...
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Re: Ladies (Texas men)
« Reply #4 on: Jun 21st, 2005, 5:57pm » |
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When you saw only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you.
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Grandma_Sweet_Boy
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Re: Ladies (Texas men)
« Reply #5 on: Jun 21st, 2005, 8:17pm » |
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He has hazel eyes - is he a CH'er? (Wasn't that a noted trait some time ago?) I'm guessing not 'cause none of you guys would be dumb enough to try that stunt!
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Jimi
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Who loves ya baby!
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Re: Ladies (Texas men)
« Reply #6 on: Jun 21st, 2005, 8:23pm » |
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well..................... I have hazel eyes, but the muscles rippling across his chest kinda left me out. The rest sounded kinda right
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I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it.
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Jeepgun
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BOHICA!!!
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Re: Ladies (Texas men)
« Reply #7 on: Jun 22nd, 2005, 8:15am » |
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LMAO!!
"....and then bring me the remote and a sammich!!!"
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Her: "Have you ever hit a deer?"
Me: "What, like, in the FACE?"
Her: ..... "WHAT is the MATTER with you!?"
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sandie99
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Re: Ladies (Texas men)
« Reply #8 on: Jun 22nd, 2005, 8:50am » |
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CH happends, Live anyway! PF days to us all!
"Do what you can and let God take care of the rest. Leave your heart wide open and always wish for the best" (Sanna Hillu)
"No matter how far out your dreams are, it's possible" (Marketa Irglova)
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KMT
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Re: Ladies (Texas men)
« Reply #9 on: Jun 22nd, 2005, 11:34am » |
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aka...................................................... KimY
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aprilbee
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Ain't I a stinkah!!
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Re: Ladies (Texas men)
« Reply #10 on: Jun 22nd, 2005, 1:49pm » |
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typical!! 
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ExplodingEyeBall
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Re: Ladies (Texas men)
« Reply #11 on: Jun 23rd, 2005, 10:53am » |
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By the way, Did you get anything out for dinner yet?
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Just poke out my eye and get it over with!!!
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Ghost
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Re: Ladies (Texas men)
« Reply #12 on: Jun 23rd, 2005, 12:02pm » |
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A couple had only been married for two weeks. The husband, although very much in love, couldn't wait to go out on the town and party with his old buddies.
So, he said to his new wife, "Honey, I'll be right back." Where are you going, Coochy Coo?" asked the wife.
"I'm going to the bar, Pretty Face. I'm going to have a beer."
The wife said, "You want a beer, my love?" She opened the door to the refrigerator and showed him 25 different kinds of beer, brands from different countries:Germany,Holland,Japan,India, etc.
The husband didn't know what to do, and the only thing that he could think of saying was, "Yes,Lollipop.... but at the bar...you know... they have frozen glasses... "
He didn't get to finish the sentence, because the wife interrupted him by saying, "You want a frozen glass, Puppy Face?" She took a huge beer mug out of the freezer, so frozen that she was getting chills just holding it.
The husband, looking a bit pale, said, "Yes, Tootsie Roll, but at the bar they have those hors d'oeuvres that are really delicious...I won't be long. I'll be right back. I promise...OK?"
"You want hors d'oeuvres, Poochie Pooh?" She opened the oven and took out 5 dishes of different hors d'oeuvres: chicken wings, pigs in blankets, mushroom caps, and pork strips.
"But my sweet honey...at the bar....you know, there's swearing, dirty words and all that..."
"You want dirty words, Cutie Pie? "LISTEN UP DICKHEAD! SIT DOWN, SHUT THE HELL UP, DRINK YOUR DAMN BEER IN YOUR DAMN FROZEN MUG AND EAT YOUR FRICKING HORS D'OEUVRES BECAUSE YOUR MARRIED A-- ISN'T GOING TO A FRICKING BAR! THAT S--T IS OVER...GOT IT, A--HOLE?"
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Illigitimus Non Tatum Carborundum
If all men are endowed by their creator, why was mine so short sighted?
***WARNING*** Oxygen will rust your pipes!
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Redd
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Re: Ladies (Texas men)
« Reply #13 on: Jun 23rd, 2005, 3:57pm » |
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Now THAT is more like it.....
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I saw an act of faith today. A man was on his knees, not in a pew in a Church, but in a garden planting seeds. ~~Unknown
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BikerBob
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Re: Ladies (Texas men)
« Reply #14 on: Jun 23rd, 2005, 4:25pm » |
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on Jun 23rd, 2005, 12:02pm, ghost62 wrote:A couple had only been married for two weeks. The husband, although very much in love, couldn't wait to go out on the town and party with his old buddies.
So, he said to his new wife, "Honey, I'll be right back." Where are you going, Coochy Coo?" asked the wife.
"I'm going to the bar, Pretty Face. I'm going to have a beer."
The wife said, "You want a beer, my love?" She opened the door to the refrigerator and showed him 25 different kinds of beer, brands from different countries:Germany,Holland,Japan,India, etc.
The husband didn't know what to do, and the only thing that he could think of saying was, "Yes,Lollipop.... but at the bar...you know... they have frozen glasses... "
He didn't get to finish the sentence, because the wife interrupted him by saying, "You want a frozen glass, Puppy Face?" She took a huge beer mug out of the freezer, so frozen that she was getting chills just holding it.
The husband, looking a bit pale, said, "Yes, Tootsie Roll, but at the bar they have those hors d'oeuvres that are really delicious...I won't be long. I'll be right back. I promise...OK?"
"You want hors d'oeuvres, Poochie Pooh?" She opened the oven and took out 5 dishes of different hors d'oeuvres: chicken wings, pigs in blankets, mushroom caps, and pork strips.
"But my sweet honey...at the bar....you know, there's swearing, dirty words and all that..."
"You want dirty words, Cutie Pie? "LISTEN UP DICKHEAD! SIT DOWN, SHUT THE HELL UP, DRINK YOUR DAMN BEER IN YOUR DAMN FROZEN MUG AND EAT YOUR FRICKING HORS D'OEUVRES BECAUSE YOUR MARRIED A-- ISN'T GOING TO A FRICKING BAR! THAT S--T IS OVER...GOT IT, A--HOLE?"
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A marriage license should be like a fishing license. It expires every year and if you go out of state you can get a three day license. If you think about it girls and fish have a lot in common. They are fun to catch and if you clean and prep them right most are good to eat. Also if you decide to mount one you know it's going to cost you plenty. If you bring one home (no matter how well you treat them) they start going bad and fresh ones are always better. Practice "Catch & Release".
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r_headache
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Re: Ladies (Texas men)
« Reply #15 on: Jun 23rd, 2005, 4:40pm » |
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on Jun 23rd, 2005, 4:25pm, BikerBob wrote:
If you bring one home (no matter how well you treat them) they start going bad and fresh ones are always better. Practice "Catch & Release".
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OMG, That is one way of looking at it.
LMAO!!!
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LadyLuv
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Re: Ladies (Texas men)
« Reply #16 on: Jun 23rd, 2005, 5:07pm » |
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That's what I'm talking about........ xxxoo@@2xo@@**xo@
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http://i5.tinypic.com/20s7l1l.jpg [/img ]
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