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Topic: Hair spray (Read 411 times) |
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Ghost
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How many applications of hairspray needed to survive Harsh Enviro. of cubicle life?!? Mother of God, I swear I'm going to have lung cancer from working here. I work in an office building. The guy behind me has a freaking obsessive compulsive disorder when it comes to hairspray. He works 7:30-4:30. His hair looks petrified when I get here at 8:00. At 9:00 everyday, he heads to the mens restroom with his trusty can of AquaNet hairspray and applies hundreds of short applications of hairspray. It's like tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, --- well, you get the idea. I swear he has a nervous twitch. This goes on for a few minutes. The mens room REAKS for hours afterwards. Yuck! So, then when he's done with his hair, he strolls back into our office into his cubicle - which is right next to mine - and applies more hairspray, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst. This application is shorter, only a minute or two compared to the 3-5 minute application in the mens room. So, I'm choking to death in my cubicle at this time. Between everyones stinking ass perfumes and the pollen and whatnot and my allergies, I'm a complete mess already. man oh man... only been here an hour and feel like dying already. so, things are pretty quiet for the next couple hours. However, everyday at 11:30-11:45am, the time comes for the 4th(?) application of hairspray. This takes place in his cubicle again as he prepares for lunch. tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst. aaah! I suffer through it for a short while until 12:00 rolls around and I head to our deep freezer, i mean lunchroom, to enjoy whatever leftovers I brought in. He enjoys lunch at a nearby restaurant and returns at 1:00. Around 1:15, he again sprays more hairspray. tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst. I guess this application is to recover from any hair-movement that could have happened over his lunch hour. so with my belly full, i return to my desk at 1:00 completely lacking of any energy or will to work. 15 minutes later, i'm gassed again. by this time, i'm usually about to scream. i run to a coworkers cubicle to vent. aaah! the fumes slowly dissipate or i become accustomed to them and continue working. now, if theres a pre-bid or quote opening (i work for the county's purchasing department), he'll apply yet another application of hairspray at exactly 2:15. The pre-bids or openings are always at 2:30, so he's gotta get ready a little before then. He'll also pick out either his navy blue or black clip-on tie from a desk drawer to wear into this meeting. Gotta present a good impression. Then things are somewhat normal until 4:15pm. When my ears alert me to what i'm about to be forced to inhale, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst, tsst. 4:30 Well, goodnight folks. See ya tomorrow. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAA!!! No offense to him as he's a nice guy. However, impress the ladies, he does not. Have much hair, he does not. Comb-over, enjoys he does. This is just one coworker. The lady on the other side of my cubicle has this NASTY hand lotion. It's every bit as bad as the hairspray. Then theres the very very large lady that smells of BO and swamp funk.
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Illigitimus Non Tatum Carborundum
If all men are endowed by their creator, why was mine so short sighted?
***WARNING*** Oxygen will rust your pipes!
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vig
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Re: Hair spray
« Reply #1 on: Jun 17th, 2005, 9:55am » |
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ah.. ah... AH CHOOOO! 
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never, Never, NEVER quit. -Winston Churchill
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Jeepgun
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Re: Hair spray
« Reply #2 on: Jun 17th, 2005, 9:57am » |
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Ugh... That's like these people who seem to feel the need to marinate in their perfume or aftershave, and end up leaving vapor trails when they walk past. It's all I can do to keep from gagging... This would be one of those cases where being able to projectile vomit on command would be a good skill to have. LOL
My condolences.
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Her: "Have you ever hit a deer?"
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Her: ..... "WHAT is the MATTER with you!?"
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nani
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Re: Hair spray
« Reply #3 on: Jun 17th, 2005, 9:59am » |
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Maybe you should spray some hairspray on the swamp funk lady. What's the deal with comb overs anyway? Surely these guys must know that everyone else knows that they're BALD under that wisp of hair? 
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Others may come and go, but MY power is MINE.
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seasonalboomer
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If I think hard enough maybe it'll go away.....
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Re: Hair spray
« Reply #4 on: Jun 17th, 2005, 10:01am » |
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tst...tst...tst...tst...! That thar is funny!
I have to confess to not always being the sensitive nice guy I am now. Years ago when I was in a row of cubicles there was a solid wall on one side and I use to use the solid wall to bounce a ball against, "when I was thinking stuff through".
thunk.....thunk.....thunk.....thunk.....thunk.....thunk.....thunk.....th unk.....thunk.....thunk.....thunk.....thunk.....thunk.....thunk.....thun k.....thunk.....thunk.....thunk.....thunk.....thunk.....thunk.....thunk. ....thunk.....thunk.....
I'm not proud but can't continue to deny what a bad cubicle denizen I was.....
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LeLimey
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Re: Hair spray
« Reply #5 on: Jun 17th, 2005, 10:16am » |
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We can get spray crazy hair colour here.. swap his hairspray for some nice electric blue.. it might not cure him but you'll have a smirk a mile wide!
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The arsehole I'm divorcing needs to get a life and stop stalking mine
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maffumatt
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hairspray and fingernail polish are major triggers for me
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pattik
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Re: Hair spray
« Reply #7 on: Jun 17th, 2005, 10:24am » |
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 If that guy is as rigid with his schedule as he seems, you could at least arm yourself with one or two small, but powerful fans blowing the air back in his direction (and one for the lady on the other side as well). I feel for you. 
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The voyage of discovery is not about seeking new landscapes, it's about having new eyes--Marcel Proust
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Langa
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Re: Hair spray
« Reply #8 on: Jun 17th, 2005, 10:28am » |
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Quote:| Then theres the very very large lady that smells of BO and swamp funk. |
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Her sister must work here... 
It's awful!
Langa
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When you saw only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you.
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Gator
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Re: Hair spray
« Reply #9 on: Jun 17th, 2005, 10:28am » |
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I suggest you run to your nearest Asian market and pick up a jar of Kimchi. It's Korean nuclear pickled cabbage (very hot) and has a strong odor which many people find offensive. The night before your next shift, drink lots of beer, eat several pickled eggs and eat as much kimchi as you can. Eat some more pickled eggs and some more kimchi the next morning as a booster.
You may end up sleeping on the couch as you will have some of the nastiest farts you have ever smelled. I'll be surprised if you don't clear a radius of about 2 -3 cubicles each time you fart. After several days of doing this, people will be on their knees begging you to change your diet and that is when you strike a deal. No more hairspray, no more funky lotion and baths for everyone or the diet continues.
Gator (who cleared an entire police station  )
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Langa
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Re: Hair spray
« Reply #10 on: Jun 17th, 2005, 10:30am » |
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Gator, Pat has just become your number 1 fan...
Langa
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When you saw only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you.
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Ueli
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Did you know, it is many times more dangerous to smoke in a room where hairspray was used than in a room where a clusterhead used oxygen?
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Jeepgun
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Re: Hair spray
« Reply #12 on: Jun 17th, 2005, 10:39am » |
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on Jun 17th, 2005, 10:36am, Ueli wrote:| Did you know, it is many times more dangerous to smoke in a room where hairspray was used than in a room where a clusterhead used oxygen? |
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It sounds like this would be nothing, compared to smoking in a room where Gator has been honking out big nasty trouser-coughs! 
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Her: "Have you ever hit a deer?"
Me: "What, like, in the FACE?"
Her: ..... "WHAT is the MATTER with you!?"
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aprilbee
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Re: Hair spray
« Reply #13 on: Jun 17th, 2005, 10:52am » |
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ROTFLMMAO!!!! you guys....wiping tears away...Gator....what can I say, you crack me up! Ghost that is the funnies effen story...
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Gator
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Re: Hair spray
« Reply #14 on: Jun 17th, 2005, 11:51am » |
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on Jun 17th, 2005, 10:39am, Frank_W wrote:
It sounds like this would be nothing, compared to smoking in a room where Gator has been honking out big nasty trouser-coughs! |
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Hmmm, my room is right next to yours. Maybe I'll pick up some kimchi on the way to the convention. There is a Korean neighborhood off I-35 right there in north Dallas.
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Jeepgun
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Re: Hair spray
« Reply #15 on: Jun 17th, 2005, 12:43pm » |
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Is THAT how it is, eh? What's a little biological warfare between friends?
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Her: "Have you ever hit a deer?"
Me: "What, like, in the FACE?"
Her: ..... "WHAT is the MATTER with you!?"
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Langa
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Re: Hair spray
« Reply #16 on: Jun 17th, 2005, 12:53pm » |
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on Jun 17th, 2005, 12:43pm, Frank_W wrote:
Is THAT how it is, eh? What's a little biological warfare between friends? |
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When you saw only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you.
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ExplodingEyeBall
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Re: Hair spray
« Reply #17 on: Jun 17th, 2005, 3:13pm » |
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on Jun 17th, 2005, 9:57am, Frank_W wrote: This would be one of those cases where being able to projectile vomit on command would be a good skill to have. LOL
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I had a buddy when I was in High School who really did have that talent. He could blurt out just as much as he wanted and then stop it.
Twinkies and Orange Crush always made for an interesting ride on our bicycles.
The macaroni and cheese was interesting too.
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Just poke out my eye and get it over with!!!
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ExplodingEyeBall
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Re: Hair spray
« Reply #18 on: Jun 17th, 2005, 3:18pm » |
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Gator.
That Kimchi thing does work. I love that stuff.
Langa!!! Turn on the fan!!
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Just poke out my eye and get it over with!!!
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Charlie
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Re: Hair spray
« Reply #19 on: Jun 17th, 2005, 6:31pm » |
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Follow behind with your Zippo.
Problem solved. 
Charlie
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Kirk
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Re: Hair spray
« Reply #20 on: Jun 17th, 2005, 7:06pm » |
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on Jun 17th, 2005, 6:31pm, Charlie wrote:Follow behind with your Zippo.
Problem solved.
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Problem launched
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Jonny
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Re: Hair spray
« Reply #21 on: Jun 17th, 2005, 7:19pm » |
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Ghost,
Too fucking funny....reading that was like I was there.....LMAO
Touche' Bro!
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BlueMeanie
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Re: Hair spray
« Reply #22 on: Jun 18th, 2005, 12:41am » |
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Ghost,
HAIRSPRAY is a no no around me in cycle. Beer & Hairspray are my two definate triggers. My wife knows to let me know prior to spraying and must close the door in the bathroom. I will not enter the room for at least 20 minutes after she sprays.
The first time that guy sprayed around me, he would no doubt, be working somewehere else far away from me. Just say no to Hairspray. Talk to your boss.
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| « Last Edit: Jun 18th, 2005, 12:43am by BlueMeanie » |
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cazman
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Re: Hair spray
« Reply #23 on: Jun 18th, 2005, 7:49am » |
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thanks gotor been up with the beast for 33 hours and im freaking laughing my ass off its hurts but screw it you rule
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sandie99
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Re: Hair spray
« Reply #24 on: Jun 18th, 2005, 7:50am » |
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