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Topic: what was your worst ch moment (Read 542 times) |
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maffumatt
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Mine was moveing from California to Kansas in Feb. 04. Their was heavy snowfall on I80 so I took the southern route from Reno to Las Vegas then east on I40. I went through Las Vegas at 8 pm with a Kip 9, in a 32 ft UHAUL with everything I own, towing my car, with my wife and 2 kids in the front seat with me. Anyone liveing in Las Vegas knows what highway 95 is like.Albuquerque NM was the same. Driveing into the morning sun sucked.
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medic1852
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Re: what was your worst ch moment
« Reply #1 on: Apr 26th, 2005, 7:34pm » |
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Was working extra ambulance shift and it was a night from hell..I was at like kip 8 and my truck was geting slammed and i made like 3 or 4 runs back to back and on the way to the next run I was in the back huffing on the main O2 like a feind. I was really inpatient with the patients and my partner was like a mouse and affraid to speak to me till after it was all over. He said I looked like hell and did not know what to do. To make matters worse the runs were mostly bullsh_t and one was even a MEgrainer.
Rodger
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PrettyH8Machine
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Re: what was your worst ch moment
« Reply #2 on: Apr 26th, 2005, 7:38pm » |
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Worst CH moment?
Can only pick one?
Way too hard. Had too long of a period after becoming chronic where nothing worked for me and I just rode attack after attack, sometimes seemingly endlessly. I guess it would have to be when I realized of all of the friends, possessions, jobs, loves, etc. that I had lost due to CH, the greatest thing I had lost was my dignity as a human being. Anyone who has not yet had this happen to them all I can say is, it is a humbling experience.
Peace,
Carl D
***Got one! Having all of my gear in my car trunk, running an hour late to meet up with Scott Ian for my inauguration into a metal band called "Anthrax" playing lead guitar, replacing the sessions player who was filling in for Dan Spitz who had left the band,which would have been the gig of a lifetime. In my apartment, in the dark, throwing shelves during a raging 2 hour level, knowing the whole thing was fucked and I'd miss the tour!
That one was a bit of a bummer. 
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| « Last Edit: Apr 26th, 2005, 7:50pm by Carl_D » |
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maffumatt
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Re: what was your worst ch moment
« Reply #3 on: Apr 26th, 2005, 7:43pm » |
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the greatest thing I had lost was my dignity as a human being. Anyone who has not yet had this happen to them all I can say is, it is a humbling experience.
Yes it is. Haveing my kids see me in a kip 10 was right up there.
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BobG
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Re: what was your worst ch moment
« Reply #4 on: Apr 26th, 2005, 7:54pm » |
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My worst CH moment? Had to be when my grandson saw me at a bad time.
Copy and pasted from this site exactly 5 years ago today.
Posted by BobG on April 26, 2000 at 23:54:41:
I have a story to tell about a little supporter of mine. Little because he’s less than 2 feet tall. He can’t talk, wobbles when he walks, wets his pants, will believe anything I say, hangs around our house every Friday and Saturday, and I love him more than life itself. He’s Zackery, my one year old grandson.
Here’s the story. Last February, the week before Valentine’s day, my daughter, Zackery’s mom, had the opportunity to put in a lot of extra hours at work. She’s a flower designer and it’s the next to biggest day of the year for flowers. If she worked all the extra hours it would mean a big paycheck but also a big babysitting bill. I volunteered to take the week off and watch little Zack. Since my wife works it would just be Zackery and me. Figured we could do some man things, like push the stroller around the block, change dirty diapers and fling food on the floor. We could also do a little (do I dare say it) .........bonding.
The first day stared out just fine but by noon Zackery was getting cranky. As the day went on he got worse. Didn’t want to play, eat or nap. Just wanted to be held. So I held him. He would just lie in my arms and look up at me and his eyes would say "Thanks Grandpa. I like it here". His temperature started to go up and he was feeling miserable. By 6 o’clock he was one sick little boy. A cool bath and a little Children’s Tylenol and the fever came down. By bedtime the fever was back up but he was so tired that he wanted to sleep. A little more Tylenol and he slept through the night and by morning he’s seemed fine but it started over again in a couple of hours. He just wanted to be held. I can’t stand to see him sick so it was off to his pediatrician. We find he has an ear infection and is cutting a tooth. Got some medicine for him. Poor little guy, hurting like hell and can’t tell us or show us what hurts. His face saying "Please hold me, Grandpa" I held him for 4 or 5 hours before the medicine brought his pain down. He still wanted to be held until bed time. He slept through the night and by morning he was new again. But first there was a hug and look that said "Thanks Grandpa".
Where is this story going? Well, fast forward to the day before Easter and payback time.
Little Zack is at our house and we’re playing on the floor. Then the first twinges of a cluster start. Very unusual for me. I almost never have an attack during the day. I excuse myself telling my wife why, grab an ice bag, go to the bedroom, pull down the shade and sit on the edge of the bed breathing deeply trying to get all the oxygen I can and stop the pain before it really gets going. I want to be left alone but Zackery comes in and I just can’t tell him to go away. He comes to me and hugs my leg and looks up at me. I could see pain and heartache in his eyes. Somehow he knew, even at only one year old, that Grandpa was hurting. In his way he was saying "I’m here now Grandpa. You held me, now it’s my turn". He never made a sound. Just laid his head on my lap, hugged my leg and tried to love the pain from my head. Know what? It worked! Within 5 minutes the attack was over and we were back on the floor playing.
God bless the children. Unconditional love of a child can fix almost anything.
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The mad viking
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Re: what was your worst ch moment
« Reply #5 on: Apr 26th, 2005, 8:02pm » |
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Worst ch-moment?
Would have to be my last suicide attempt when i woke up in the ER and found out what a beautiful family i have and was villing to leave behind without a word
Not to forget my beautiful clusterfamily here that has helped me more then anyone here know.
Yess thats right.Last time was the heartattack in 2001.Had it for 4 days with ALL the classic signals.Did NOT tell Bente a word,just praying that it would knock me out completely.
I have to pay for that stupid IDIOTIC mistake for the rest of my entire life.
all i can say to you my family is that i will NEVER try that again.You all are worth to much for me to try that again.
As a payback for that stupid episode and ALL the help i have dedicated my life to try help other clusterheads.So far i think i have succeded that task.
At least that is what i believe.
Please family,remember that your life is worth a lot more then try what i did
Svenn
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pattik
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Re: what was your worst ch moment
« Reply #6 on: Apr 26th, 2005, 8:11pm » |
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My worst moment was just last summer when I stupidly thought I could drive a few miles to help clean out the rental van we had used for our two week trip to Colorado. Five minutes into the drive, I went from a Kip 5 to a Kip 9. I felt like an idiot for being behind the wheel--took back roads in order to go slower. And after realizing how stupid I was being and heading back home, the pain got so overwhelming that I had to pull onto the shoulder, open the door and puke, with other drivers passing me by and staring. Now that's humiliating. 
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E-Double
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Re: what was your worst ch moment
« Reply #7 on: Apr 26th, 2005, 8:13pm » |
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on Jun 23rd, 2004, 11:26am, E-Double wrote:Hi all,
Yesterday posted about doc. being sick not being able to get my script filled etc.
Go t great replies.
Anyway tried going about my business (up since 2:15)
went to my clients house (I'm a private special education teacher/ behavior analyst for "babies" newly diagnosed children with autism)
I had a full blown attack right as I walked into the house. I felt it creeping through out the early am after having a wonderul attack @ 2:15... then came the shadows and then BAM!!!!
Panic. 
Father took me to a fire department. I was going to try to get the O2 as all have suggested. I was basically turned away!
Went to another and then turned away!!!
How do you all establish the relationships with the departments???
Mom wanted to take me to the hospital.
I am mortified!!!!
You just can't conceal these bastards!! 
I have tried to explain and even suggested to people that they look at the websites to be better informed.
WTF!!!!!!!
Man what to do. It's been over 3hrs mad intense and I finally got home after pacing in front of this lovely family for what seemed like an eternity.
Trying to explain that I really just need to be left alone.
Families really want to help because of all the help I provide for their children but ya know... I was lost.
I finally popped a Xanax just to calm myself.
What do people do if and when these occur in a professional situation?? 
People put their children's lives in my hands and I just can't do my job as of late!!
I am damn good at what I do but right now I'm a bit depressed.
Thanks for listening!!
Eric
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Wow looking back....I'm a completely different man. Thank you all!!!
E
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Charlie
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Re: what was your worst ch moment
« Reply #8 on: Apr 26th, 2005, 8:28pm » |
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Can't tell you much. It's been a long time. I know when my old neurologist told me that they will be back. Can't beat that for fun.
Charlie
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don
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Re: what was your worst ch moment
« Reply #9 on: Apr 26th, 2005, 8:40pm » |
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The first time I witnessed someone else get hit.
Made me sick to my stomach.
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Kevin_M
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Re: what was your worst ch moment
« Reply #10 on: Apr 26th, 2005, 8:57pm » |
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on Apr 26th, 2005, 7:54pm, BobG wrote:Somehow he knew...
You held me, now it's my turn". |
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Nice story Bob
Kevin M
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| « Last Edit: Apr 26th, 2005, 8:58pm by Kevin_M » |
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blossom
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Re: what was your worst ch moment
« Reply #11 on: Apr 26th, 2005, 9:08pm » |
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ONE of the worst moments came last night when I was hit for the 4th time at 4am and pressed so hard on my eye that when I woke up this morning I discovered I ruptured a blood vessel in my eye and I look like something out of a horror movie! I quit trying to explain it at work after the 5th person asked me what happened - I finally said I threw up so hard that it ruptured the blood vessel in my eye. That seemed to satisfy everyone!
The life and lies of a Clusterhead!
Karen
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LeLimey
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Re: what was your worst ch moment
« Reply #12 on: Apr 27th, 2005, 4:26am » |
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on Apr 26th, 2005, 8:40pm, don wrote:The first time I witnessed someone else get hit.
Made me sick to my stomach. |
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My worst moment was Tuesday night. Thats right, this week. My three year old son Jasper has been having headaches for a while now and typically he gets woken in the night in so much pain he tries to rip his hair out of his head.
Sounds familiar?
He scratches his face so much we have taken to putting him in scratch mitts at night again. He usually gets them for three to four nights in a row every couple of weeks. Its awful. No its worse than awful, It does literally make me throw up non stop once he finally settles again. My husband, bless him tries to cool him down with cold flannels on his head which he seems to like for about five seconds and then just screams again so David goes running off to cool it a bit more. In the meantime he wants a cuddle but when you try to get near him he kicks the bejaysus out of you.
Sound familiar?
Tuesday night was the worst as I woke getting hit myself and about five minutes later he woke. Well that was it, I left the o2 alone to try and sort him out so I got a full 6-7 rampaging thenwithout any relief. I was slower than I wanted to be sorting things out for him, and I couldn't help it but I was talking to him through gritted teeth which is no way to talk to your child, He was too far gone himself to notice if I was even talking english. He knew I was there.
He has an appointment for an MRI on the 5th of May and I'm sure you can imagine how I'm feeling. I'm constantly on the point of tears and this site, once again, is literally saving my sanity. If I couldn't come here and act the arse as I do, well, I don't know what I'd do.
I've never felt so helpless or frightened in my life. I've never both wanted to talk about something and NOT want to talk about something so much either.
Right now I'm just trying to get through each day in the knowledge its a day nearer to next Thursday.
Jasper has a follow up appointment scheduled for June with the neuro. On one hand I hope they don't want to see him again before that (cos it means nothing nasty lurking in his head) and on the other hand I can't bear the thought of him being in pain any more.
One bright note is that he didn't wake up in pain last night. He had from Friday to Tuesday this time so hopefully we have a couple of weeks without pain for him now. You know what? As parents we are supposed to protect our kids. This is my worst nightmare come to life.
Sorry for the long post and the vent, I try not to usually!
Hey BobG Thanks for sharing your story. Made me cry, that was so poignant 
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Bethany1
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Re: what was your worst ch moment
« Reply #13 on: Apr 27th, 2005, 7:35am » |
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Coming home from the ER all doped up. Fell down the stairs, went back to the ER. 
The saturday before Christmas. Strange things seem to happen to me right before Christmas, car stolen last year, wonder what it will be this year.
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sandie99
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Re: what was your worst ch moment
« Reply #14 on: Apr 27th, 2005, 9:02am » |
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Last spring... My ch was running overtime and I was depressed. I was so sure I'd come back to Finland in a coffin... 
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Re: what was your worst ch moment
« Reply #15 on: Apr 27th, 2005, 9:04am » |
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Thanks for sharing your story Bob…it’s so true…the unconditional love of a child can fix anything.
Helen, just reading what your son is going through made me sick. I can only imagine what it’s like for you witnessing it…I’m so sorry your son is going through this…you better let us know what the doc said cause I’m hoping as all hell it is not CH…!
For me, the worst CH moment was when Crystal was about 8 years old. I had taken her to the theatre to see a live production of Peter Pan. Well smack in the middle of it I got hit with a cluster that was quickly ramping. I used an Imitrex nasal spray in the hopes of it aborting the headache (should’ve seen the look on the faces of those sitting nearby wondering what the heck I was snorting). Well, it didn’t work and by the time I got to my car I was in so much pain I could barely stand up straight or see clearly. I told Crystal to get in the car and I sat on the curb away from her view so she wouldn’t witness it. I knew she was in the car listening and tried to keep calm as to not frighten her, but pretty much I just lost it. Luckily the street was pretty quiet since the show was still going. This hit left me a shaky, weak mess barely able to drive home. My right eye was also bloodshot and droopy for hours after. I think the worst part was that according to Crystal I sounded like I was dying. Crystal knew I got headaches, but this was the first time she got to somewhat witness one and it left her pretty traumatized. After that, whenever I mentioned the word headache she’d start crying because in her mind a headache could kill mommy. It took a while for her to realize that no matter how bad it was, it wouldn’t kill me.
Langa
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Re: what was your worst ch moment
« Reply #16 on: Apr 27th, 2005, 9:32am » |
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I think my worst time (not worse hit) was when I was at the park on a beautiful day with my 14 year old daughter and got hit so bad I would not see and was shaking so bad that she had to sit in the car with me and actually fill the needle with the trex. I probably will never forget that. I will never fully know what that did to her, kids hate needles and I was in bad shape. I also broke 3 needles trying to stick in because of the panic.
Helen, check your PM's
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| « Last Edit: Apr 27th, 2005, 9:49am by Candycane » |
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blossom
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Re: what was your worst ch moment
« Reply #17 on: Apr 27th, 2005, 10:40am » |
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These stories are horrendous, but the worst part of it is we all understand exactly what the other is talking about.
I wrote this and saved it to my computer last month but never posted it - I think this is my worst CH moment:
Why do we have to understand, why do we have to have this site yet at the same time thank God everyday to know we are not alone but praying for something to happen, some breakthrough, some discovery to make it all go away. I think I may be at my breaking point, either up or down and I don't think I can go any further down right now. I have pushed things into the back on my head and I can just feel the beast dragging them out and pushing them forward, pushing them through my eye, out my nose, pounding away. I can't deal with all this crap anymore. Why doesn't the beast just leave us all alone? I have enough stress and pain in my life without him making his daily visits. I hate this, I hate all of it... I understand now why clusters are also called suicide headaches. There have been moments the past few weeks when I have looked at the knives in my kitchen and the shotgun in my closet and wondered, what would happen if I did it? Would anyone care? I deserted my family here in January because of reasons other than CH - would they care if I was gone - would they even know? What would happen to Colin - would he grow up thinking I was a great mommy or a horrible mommy? I don't know because I have pushed everyone away. I don't want to deal with anything or anyone. It kills me to say it out loud but I can't deal with these things anymore. I feel like a hermit yet I can't be alone. I want to be with people yet I don't want to deal with life. I don't want to go to work and I don't most days. I stay home and feel guilty because I'm not at work yet I can't make myself go. I let Colin stay home today because I think to myself what if I finally do it, what if I finally pull that gun out of the closet? Will he remember the good times or the bad times? Will he remember me at all? Will he hate me for the rest of his life because I took his daddy away and because I am so hateful all the time because I am in pain? I have been and am hurting in so many ways. How do you deal with all of this? When does it all end? I allowed this horrible beast to take over my life and I can't get rid of him. I'm at the bottom waiting and hoping and praying someone reaches down soon.
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thomas
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Re: what was your worst ch moment
« Reply #18 on: Apr 27th, 2005, 10:59am » |
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About 4 years ago, when I had one of my few (thank God) 10's and the imitrex didn't work. I was screaming at my ex to get me a gun or knife so I could end it. I told her if she loved me she would get it, so I wouldn't have to suffer anymore, I was unable to do it myself as I couldn't get off my knees.
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Margi
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Re: what was your worst ch moment
« Reply #19 on: Apr 27th, 2005, 11:07am » |
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Bob, I remember when you posted about Zachery. Made me cry then. Now, too.
Thomas, thank God your ex didn't obey your wishes. I've had that same request made to me in the past, as well. My heart goes out to your ex - that's a tough thing to hear. I mean, I know it's a zillion times tougher to be at the point that you need to ask for that, but ... on the other side of the coin....well, anyway.
Damn, this thread is hard on us old supporters. Sure wish you folks would stop feeling so bad for something you can't control. We feel guilty for making you feel guilty that you're scaring us. Cluster guilt is contagious and, sadly, inevitable.
I hate clusters.
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PrettyH8Machine
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Re: what was your worst ch moment
« Reply #20 on: Apr 27th, 2005, 11:32am » |
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on Apr 27th, 2005, 11:07am, Margi wrote:| I hate clusters. |
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Me too. I hate them with a passion unknown. With every ounce of my being and existence!!!
Man, after reading this all I can say is I grieve alongside all of you, knowing the daily/nightly pain and what it does to us, and what it does to those around us; both those who try to understand and those that don't.
Carl D
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pattik
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Re: what was your worst ch moment
« Reply #21 on: Apr 27th, 2005, 11:46am » |
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These stories remind me (as if I needed to be reminded) how important it is for us to keep in mind that we are not alone.
Blossom, your story explains how much pain can color our lives and fog up our ability to look forward, and yet we still find a way to do it.
Thomas, you show me that strength and empathy can go hand-in-hand, and maybe this battle is what makes all of you such a special group of people.
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Re: what was your worst ch moment
« Reply #22 on: Apr 27th, 2005, 11:48am » |
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OMG...BobG
You have lived thru something I have feared for a long time. I have 8 grandchildren. The youngest is 4 1/2. Her name is Skyler.....and thank God, she has never been awake to witness this pain. She spends the night with me pretty regular.....and the fear I have of this beautiful child witnessing such pain is more than I can bear.
We are so lucky......to have these precious angels in our lives. So much love...so innocent..and knowing just when to give those hugs.
Thanks Bob......for sharing that beautiful story. 
Jean
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maffumatt
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Re: what was your worst ch moment
« Reply #23 on: Apr 27th, 2005, 12:04pm » |
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I agree with Jean.
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LadyLuv
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Re: what was your worst ch moment
« Reply #24 on: Apr 27th, 2005, 2:04pm » |
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When I first read this topic.. I was all set to answer the question "what was your worst CH moment", .. Boy I thought I have had some rough ones, which one should I use???
Than I read each of the previous situation and many brought tears to my eyes.. After reading these I realized that out of all my pain, all the times that I have injuried my eye, each time I've hit my self in the temple and head with any thing I could get my hand on, bumped my head against the walls or gotten down on my knees and bumped my head against the floor.. even out of all the times I've begged God to please end my life..... there are others that have faced worse or just as bad of a situation(s) that I feel is my worst...
So kind of like the saying goes... "I want count my worst day, until all my days are in.. ", because there is always someone that has had it worst off than we feel we have..
Thanks Fellow Cluster Heads for opening my eyes...
Peace & Blessings
Love & Prayers to each of you...and healing vibes to us all
LL
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| « Last Edit: Apr 27th, 2005, 2:05pm by LadyLuv » |
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test rss