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sandie99
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Trouble with friends, help!
« on: Apr 25th, 2005, 1:13pm » |
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I love my friends to the bits, but why do they have to have drama going on in their lives on the same time?
Like now, I'm turning into a shrink to three of them.
One is devastated after her (twice) unfaithful fiance has left her for a third woman. She doesn't really get that they're through. He's packed his bags, doesn't return her calls. She should be listening to soppy songs and complaining and crying and eating chocolate, but instead she's downloading pictures of wedding dresses and tiaras from internet! That's not healthy to me... I just worry that her eating disorder will return now. 
Another friend is afraid that she's turned into another woman: to her internet pal! She has never met him, but I think she's falling for him although she knows that whereas she's single, he's not. The weirdest thing is that she could get any guy, but prefers being single.
And third friend, who suffers from depression and eating disorders, has just walked out from hospital where her problems were treated and she's relying on me. I'm afraid that the responsibility is too heavy on my heart; I'll do anything for my friends, but I am not a trained professional like the ones who were treating her.
What's a girl to do...? I'm doing my best, but my dear pals and their problems leave me clueless. In days like this I wish I had more male friends...
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cootie
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Re: Trouble with friends, help!
« Reply #1 on: Apr 25th, 2005, 1:25pm » |
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Oh my "do I ever know what you are talking about'......it gets tireing and it wears you out mentally after a while.....I had a freind that left his family for my one girlfreind and NO WAY was it goin to work. He would corner me at parties and campouts ALL NITE LONG and talka bout her and how he was goin to have her soon.....I kept tellin him no way it'd work but he went on and on and on till I started to avoid him cuz he'd ruin my entire nite. Course when I finealy DID have enuff of his whineing I went off on him and he kicked a big dent in my car. So mite want to avoid that theory. Ruin's a good start on a buzz too when out for the even camping whatever. Plus I think I felt the need to keep telling him it wasn't goin to work. Nuther freind wasn't happy with her boyfriend (he's also a close freind) so they'd both sit and corner me and whine about each other ALL NITE LONG. Nuther girlfreind was havein boyfriend toubles and all she'd talk about too.....I got to where I was gettin a ha from it all. My problem was I would try to set them straight or give them some good solid advice they'd listen to and DROP it. I mean if shit ain't workin out then MOVE ON type stuff. I had a real bad summer with that crap.....and anymore I will jus say a few wise words and then bascially change the subject or where I am sitting. Or.....worst of all kind of back off a while bein as close as much as I hate to say it. Ya jus can't let it get you down and 'it will' cuz all day long or week long you'll keep what they are goin thru rollin thru yer head hopein for some sorta WISE AS HELL thing to tell em for them to SEE THE LIGHT. Instead fineally they move on and never mention it again....and you have been left rather 'weary' over the entire ordeal. Sumtimes it is best to jus look at em and tell em to use there best judgement and change the subject for yer own sanity cuz sooner or later they will pick up on the fact they are whineing and it is a no win situation or else keep it to themselves. Been there said that Pam
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BobG
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Re: Trouble with friends, help!
« Reply #2 on: Apr 25th, 2005, 1:38pm » |
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Sandie,
Introduce the first one to the second one. They can go to a bar, get drunk and whine to each other.
Buy the third one a donut.
Problem solved.
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sandie99
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Re: Trouble with friends, help!
« Reply #3 on: Apr 25th, 2005, 1:45pm » |
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on Apr 25th, 2005, 1:38pm, BobG wrote:Sandie,
Introduce the first one to the second one. They can go to a bar, get drunk and whine to each other.
Buy the third one a donut.
Problem solved.
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Sounds like a plan to me! 
Thanks for wise words, Pam... 
It's true that I can solely give them pointers, they have to crawl into the right direction themselves. I want to avoid being caught in the middle, so that's why I'll never set my male and female friends up. I know that one of my male cousins has a thing for a friend of mine, but since she's the no 1, I'll just keep my mouth shut.
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CH happends, Live anyway! PF days to us all!
"Do what you can and let God take care of the rest. Leave your heart wide open and always wish for the best" (Sanna Hillu)
"No matter how far out your dreams are, it's possible" (Marketa Irglova)
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Langa
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Re: Trouble with friends, help!
« Reply #4 on: Apr 25th, 2005, 1:51pm » |
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Quote:
You are so cute! And aren’t you happy we, your Clusterville family, are all normal??? 
Okay…here’s my words of wisdom for ya pretty girl…pay close attention…ready? Here we go:
You are not their Saviour…
Sometimes all your can do is listen, have a crying shoulder, give advice and care and love them without judgement, and most importantly force yourself to separate from the situation so that it doesn’t drag you down if it’s getting out of hand (this takes some time). You’ll constantly have people in your life like this. They’ll find their way, we all do. 
I’m a tough friend. Can you tell?
Love ya,
Maria
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Jeepgun
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Re: Trouble with friends, help!
« Reply #5 on: Apr 25th, 2005, 1:58pm » |
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Langa's advice is spot on.
There's a difference between being compassionate and kind, and being a doormat. Be good to yourself, Sandie. 
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don
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Re: Trouble with friends, help!
« Reply #6 on: Apr 25th, 2005, 2:07pm » |
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Next time they come over be dressed in a wet suit, flippers, and with your underwear on your head.
Spin and leap while singing "I am pretty, oh sooo pretty"
They will probably redirect their efforts elsewear.
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sandie99
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Re: Trouble with friends, help!
« Reply #7 on: Apr 25th, 2005, 2:22pm » |
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One feminist writer wrote:
"Am I a feminist? If that's the only option between a sleeper and a doormat, I'm a feminist."
Frank's advice just brought that one to my mind.
Maria,
"normal" is a dangerous word... But I love that we here come from different backgrounds and experiences. That's what makes us so strong. We can learn from each other. And help each other out. And oh yes, I CAN tell that you're a tough friend.
I just wish I could meet my pals at the same time and smash their heads together - so they would, you know, snap out of it! 
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CH happends, Live anyway! PF days to us all!
"Do what you can and let God take care of the rest. Leave your heart wide open and always wish for the best" (Sanna Hillu)
"No matter how far out your dreams are, it's possible" (Marketa Irglova)
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Linda_Howell
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Re: Trouble with friends, help!
« Reply #8 on: Apr 25th, 2005, 2:25pm » |
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Quote:
What's a girl to do...? I'm doing my best, but my dear pals and their problems leave me clueless. In days like this I wish I had more male friends... |
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OMG! Because....uh...like, they have no emotional/phycho problems that THEY would dump on you.????
Dons solution intrigues me.
Linda, friendless in Seattle(o.k., so it's Spokane)
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Kindness, is gladdening the hearts of those who are traveling the dark journey with us.
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sandie99
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Re: Trouble with friends, help!
« Reply #9 on: Apr 25th, 2005, 2:35pm » |
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on Apr 25th, 2005, 2:25pm, Linda_Howell wrote:
OMG! Because....uh...like, they have no emotional/phycho problems that THEY would dump on you.????
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I bet some guys DO have... But most of my Finnish male pals are the kind who rather solve their problems on their own. They need me to laugh at their jokes or tell my opinion about a gift for their girlfriends...
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CH happends, Live anyway! PF days to us all!
"Do what you can and let God take care of the rest. Leave your heart wide open and always wish for the best" (Sanna Hillu)
"No matter how far out your dreams are, it's possible" (Marketa Irglova)
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sandie99
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Re: Trouble with friends, help!
« Reply #10 on: Apr 25th, 2005, 2:36pm » |
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on Apr 25th, 2005, 2:07pm, don wrote:Next time they come over be dressed in a wet suit, flippers, and with your underwear on your head.
Spin and leap while singing "I am pretty, oh sooo pretty"
They will probably redirect their efforts elsewear. |
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Intriguing idea!
I should try this! Mental note: buy flippers...
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CH happends, Live anyway! PF days to us all!
"Do what you can and let God take care of the rest. Leave your heart wide open and always wish for the best" (Sanna Hillu)
"No matter how far out your dreams are, it's possible" (Marketa Irglova)
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Linda_Howell
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Re: Trouble with friends, help!
« Reply #11 on: Apr 25th, 2005, 2:39pm » |
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I bet some guys DO have... But most of my Finnish male pals are the kind who rather solve their problems on their own. They need me to laugh at their jokes or tell my opinion about a gift for their girlfriends...
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That's it! I'm moving to Finland then.
Linda
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Kindness, is gladdening the hearts of those who are traveling the dark journey with us.
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sandie99
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Re: Trouble with friends, help!
« Reply #12 on: Apr 25th, 2005, 2:49pm » |
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on Apr 25th, 2005, 2:39pm, Linda_Howell wrote:
That's it! I'm moving to Finland then.
Linda |
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Welcome!
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CH happends, Live anyway! PF days to us all!
"Do what you can and let God take care of the rest. Leave your heart wide open and always wish for the best" (Sanna Hillu)
"No matter how far out your dreams are, it's possible" (Marketa Irglova)
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ExplodingEyeBall
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Re: Trouble with friends, help!
« Reply #13 on: Apr 25th, 2005, 3:02pm » |
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on Apr 25th, 2005, 2:07pm, don wrote:Next time they come over be dressed in a wet suit, flippers, and with your underwear on your head.
Spin and leap while singing "I am pretty, oh sooo pretty"
They will probably redirect their efforts elsewear. |
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Are you kidding. That could be a major turn on for some people.
Not me but someone...  
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Langa
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Re: Trouble with friends, help!
« Reply #14 on: Apr 25th, 2005, 3:15pm » |
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Of course...
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Jeepgun
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Re: Trouble with friends, help!
« Reply #15 on: Apr 25th, 2005, 3:18pm » |
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"Not that there's anything wrong with that..." 
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Her: "Have you ever hit a deer?"
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Re: Trouble with friends, help!
« Reply #16 on: Apr 25th, 2005, 3:20pm » |
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on Apr 25th, 2005, 1:38pm, BobG wrote:Sandie,
Introduce the first one to the second one. They can go to a bar, get drunk and whine to each other.
Buy the third one a donut.
Problem solved.
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Or, better still.... arrange to meet them all at a bar. Go get some donuts and go home. They can whine to each other and you get all the donuts. You can call me if you wanna share the donuts. I don't have any problems to whine about....
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sandie99
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Re: Trouble with friends, help!
« Reply #17 on: Apr 25th, 2005, 3:23pm » |
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Yeah,
I know: let's keep Whining & Donuts - theme night! 
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CH happends, Live anyway! PF days to us all!
"Do what you can and let God take care of the rest. Leave your heart wide open and always wish for the best" (Sanna Hillu)
"No matter how far out your dreams are, it's possible" (Marketa Irglova)
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Langa
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Re: Trouble with friends, help!
« Reply #18 on: Apr 25th, 2005, 3:24pm » |
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on Apr 25th, 2005, 3:20pm, nani wrote:
Or, better still.... arrange to meet them all at a bar. Go get some donuts and go home. They can whine to each other and you get all the donuts. You can call me if you wanna share the donuts. I don't have any problems to whine about.... |
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Or you can ditch them, hang out with Nani, me and some strippers...? (oh yeah, bring the donuts)
Your choice...just sayin...
Langa
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Cathi04
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Re: Trouble with friends, help!
« Reply #19 on: Apr 25th, 2005, 3:41pm » |
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OH YAHH...I'm in too!.............uhh, I thought you said slippers!!!!!!!!
(shuffle, shuffle, mumble, mumble......grrrr..........)
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BarbaraD
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Re: Trouble with friends, help!
« Reply #20 on: Apr 25th, 2005, 3:46pm » |
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on Apr 25th, 2005, 1:38pm, BobG wrote:Sandie,
Introduce the first one to the second one. They can go to a bar, get drunk and whine to each other.
Buy the third one a donut.
Problem solved.
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That's really the best advice you're gonna get and it works. Few years back I had two friends who were both getting divorced. (They didn't know each other). I had to listen to them whine every day. so one day I invited them both to lunch, introduced them and lo and behold they had someone else to whine to. And I could get back to work and not have to listen to every detail. They became bossum buddies and as far as I know still are.
If you start giving too much advice, you'll end up being the "bad" guy. Ruins a lot of friendships.
Or as Kip say, "Don't sweat the small stuff -- and most things ARE small stuff."
Hugs BD
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sandie99
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Re: Trouble with friends, help!
« Reply #21 on: Apr 25th, 2005, 4:15pm » |
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on Apr 25th, 2005, 3:24pm, Langa wrote:
Or you can ditch them, hang out with Nani, me and some strippers...? (oh yeah, bring the donuts)
Your choice...just sayin...
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Sounds good...
Here's the deal, you bring the strippers, Langa, and I'll bring the donuts. 
Krispy Kreme or Dunkin...?
Let's let Nani pick the first one...
And stippers or slippers, you're welcome along, Cathi...
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CH happends, Live anyway! PF days to us all!
"Do what you can and let God take care of the rest. Leave your heart wide open and always wish for the best" (Sanna Hillu)
"No matter how far out your dreams are, it's possible" (Marketa Irglova)
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sandie99
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Re: Trouble with friends, help!
« Reply #22 on: Apr 25th, 2005, 4:17pm » |
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on Apr 25th, 2005, 3:46pm, BarbaraD wrote:
Or as Kip say, "Don't sweat the small stuff -- and most things ARE small stuff."
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Good advice again...
I do my best to remember that. Thank you, BD!
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CH happends, Live anyway! PF days to us all!
"Do what you can and let God take care of the rest. Leave your heart wide open and always wish for the best" (Sanna Hillu)
"No matter how far out your dreams are, it's possible" (Marketa Irglova)
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Charlie
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Re: Trouble with friends, help!
« Reply #23 on: Apr 25th, 2005, 5:47pm » |
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Help one and see what happens. Who knows? Something different is needed.
Life is short. Not sweating the small stuff works for me.
Charlie
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nani
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Re: Trouble with friends, help!
« Reply #24 on: Apr 25th, 2005, 6:54pm » |
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on Apr 25th, 2005, 4:15pm, sandie99 wrote:
Let's let Nani pick the first one...
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The first stripper? Am I limited to one?
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Others may come and go, but MY power is MINE.
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