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Topic: You and me and PAIN....... (Read 482 times) |
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cootie
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You and me and PAIN.......
« on: Mar 27th, 2005, 2:32am » |
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Has haveing CH....migraine....lets go ahead and add chronic back pain to this.......does it influence yur personality and tolerance levels to.....STUFF......has it changed you and how you react to STUFF. I've become a hot head low tolerance bitch to anything that crosses my path. I take no shit from no one......you start it I WILL finish it. I mite be little but I am MIGHTY Pam
does pain to that to you ??? Is it rite to be that way....I still don't always like myself !!
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| « Last Edit: Mar 27th, 2005, 2:33am by cootie » |
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purpleydog
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Re: You and me and PAIN.......
« Reply #1 on: Mar 27th, 2005, 3:51am » |
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on Mar 27th, 2005, 2:32am, cootie wrote:has it changed you and how you react to STUFF. I've become a hot head low tolerance bitch to anything that crosses my path. I take no shit from no one
does pain to that to you ??? Is it rite to be that way....I still don't always like myself !!
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Yeah Pam, the CH, the migraines, and the back pain...it does change how I react to things. I suddenly have zero tolerance for any type of bullshit whatsoever. I try to be civil, and sometimes I can do it. Sometimes I really have to bite my tongue. I don't know if it's right or not, it just is... I don't feel the greatest after I've taken off someones head. I try to remember that they have no idea what I'm feeling, and that is usually enough for me to gain a couple of more minutes. Before I take out the cattle prod.
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Kevin_M
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Re: You and me and PAIN.......
« Reply #2 on: Mar 27th, 2005, 8:23am » |
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on Mar 27th, 2005, 2:32am, cootie wrote:| ...take no shit from no one...... |
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about a week back, I had some cheap toilet paper that was just like that and got on a roll with me, felt shitty about it awhile.
keep pluggin' Pammy 
Kevin M
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| « Last Edit: Mar 27th, 2005, 8:37am by Kevin_M » |
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Redneck
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Re: You and me and PAIN.......
« Reply #3 on: Mar 27th, 2005, 8:38am » |
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Yup Yup Yup
Lately especially, give new meaning to the term "hair trigger"
Need mo' bullets Jimbo
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KMT
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Re: You and me and PAIN.......
« Reply #4 on: Mar 27th, 2005, 10:18am » |
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No sleep at night.
Poor sleep at that.
Pain for months on end. At times in the shadows others like blows to the head with the ice pick.
Trip to the Dr. and the ER.
Experimentation with this med and then that one.
Money out of the pocket and no cure in sight.
Coworkers giving remedies for migrain HA that we all know don't work.
Wow I honestly think that most of us we feel this way. I know I am short at times. Low tolerence with stupid things. I find that having to deal with all of the above and throw that on top of it, ( I guess it is the icing to the cake.) and gggrrrrrrrrrrrrr.
Now is it ok, probably not. At times I find myself stepping back and having to tell myself they just can't understand what I am going through no matter how I explain things...
I am there with you 100% and find myself having to appologize...
PF wishes, Kim
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Woobie
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Re: You and me and PAIN.......
« Reply #5 on: Mar 27th, 2005, 10:30am » |
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Well, I have a chronic illness that leaves me in pain every day. I wake up in pain, and I spend my day in pain, and I go to bed in pain. Sleeping is sometimes impossible.... so i'm always tired. I dont have CH.. but chronic pain - anyway......
So - On one hand - I'm short sometimes, and bitchier...and most of the times to the ones I love the most - my family. (Poor POOR Ramon)
On the other hand - if I KNOW i'm getting too bitchy - I cut myself off... i wont talk on the phone and i wont post, and I wont talk to people. I isolate myself so that I wont hurt others.
BUT - my tolerance level for people in pain has increased. My - I guess you would call it "Compassion" and understanding = has increased a bagillion percent.
I figured out a couple years ago - that being BITCHIER than I already was = because I'm in pain a lot... is - in a way - a form of being bitter.
It's NO ONE elses fault that you're in pain...
I decided that I wasn't going to take it out on anyone. I have this disease, I have to deal with it. Yes it sucks, but it's no one's fault. I have to try not to be bitter and hateful........
BUT - dont piss me off!!! If you piss me off - I will become unleashed. .. and it's justified.  And you're gonna get a lot of pent up anger ....
Know what I mean????
I'm not saying that I dont understand.. cuz I do. It's real easy to let yourself get into that bitter, hateful, WHY ME? and FUCK YOU!!! stage... and it's normal. but you gotta pull yourself out of it....
but you gotta step back sometimes and check yourself.
I had to.
Sorry you're still in pain cootie!!!!!!!! Was hopin they'd fix that by now.
Tina
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| « Last Edit: Mar 27th, 2005, 10:32am by Woobie » |
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Cathi04
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Re: You and me and PAIN.......
« Reply #6 on: Mar 27th, 2005, 10:32am » |
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Awww, poor Pammie............I would think it WOULD wear you down to your LAST NERVE!!!!!!!!!!!
Pam, be in bitch mode, get what YOU need to be healthy.....when that happens, THEN you can return to the sweetness we've come to know........K?
Vibes on their way for you, Coots....take care!
Cathi
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Jeepgun
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Re: You and me and PAIN.......
« Reply #9 on: Mar 27th, 2005, 5:04pm » |
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Cootie, I understand, and hope you get some meaningful relief soon. When I'm in cycle, it feels like I've been sunburned from the inside out, and then rubbed down with ground glass. Things bother me more, I'm irritable, (even accused of being hostile), and I just don't have much patience. Sometimes, people understand. Sometimes they don't. I make what amends I can, and trust that the rest will work itself out in time. Hang in there, my friend. 
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Lizzie2
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Re: You and me and PAIN.......
« Reply #10 on: Mar 28th, 2005, 12:34am » |
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Pam...
I can relate quite a bit. I think that being in constant pain and yet also trying to complete my education has been wearing on my last nerve. My roommate and I were talking about school tonight and how we have to set up meetings with our teachers for our research class because we have another paper due. My teacher basically made me feel like I should rip up my entire paper and let her write it for me with the last one I turned in. I told Diane (roomie) that it's not even like I would flip out on the woman...at this point, I think I would just have an emotional meltdown if she started ripping on me.
I feel like I've tried SO hard to get through this. Yet I kept getting screwed in school either by stuff not going well with teachers or...in a couple of instances...with other students. When I did my headache/migraine teaching a couple of weeks ago, I came home with the post surveys and I let them eat me up inside for about 12 hours before I had a huge post-op bleed and wound up in the ER. I think the bleed was pretty much due to happen anyways...but in a way, I also felt like the amount of stress and inward pent up anger that I could not release was making me sick.
And it continues. Right now I just feel more worn down and like I have nothing left to fight. I've given everyone all I have (at school mainly), and I have nothing left to stand on. On Friday, I never woke up or got out of bed...well I think I was awake for 1 hour the entire day. Mostly my body was bone weary. Everything hurt...physically. I just slept an entire day out of my life. Almost too tired to keep fighting anymore.
So yeah, I can understand the anger and lack of tolerance and all of those things. It only festers and gets worse the more we are forced to keep it inside just to "keep up appearances" with people we don't even care about necessarily.
I was in a meeting a few weeks ago trying to put together the music for our nursing pinning ceremony. These two girls were there who have somehow targeted me to make my life a living hell....basically just because I'm compassionate and believe that nursing without caring is WRONG. Long story, but anyhow...no matter what I said about the music, they kept on shooting it down. It was getting nowhere. Well...much to the surprise of everyone in the meeting (about 8 people or so)...I was holding one of my piano recital cds and I opened my hand and just let it fall to the table. I said (without even looking at the girl it was directed to)..."Fine. Why don't YOU pick the music, my dear, since obviously *I'M* not qualified to do it."
I think the jaws were dropping to the floor at that moment. I was so fed up. I didn't even have the energy to fight anymore, but I was lacking the composure to hold it in and keep trying to be reasonable. So I opened my hand and basically dropped something worth gold to me, and I made a big point with how I reacted.
I think the teacher has chosen to see my side because we had a major talk about it later that day. There are days when I just can't do the fighting or deal with being their personal doormat any longer. I get so sick of trying to make everyone happy because if I don't...I just get criticized for not trying hard enough or for wallowing in my pain. Instead, I've gone too far and pushed myself probably to the edge.
Hang in there, and if there's anything I can do...let me know. Sometimes even the subtle hints (like a sarcastic phrase while dropping something flat out that is extremely important to you!) can make a big point!
Hugz,
Lizzie
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cootie
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Re: You and me and PAIN.......
« Reply #11 on: Mar 28th, 2005, 1:02am » |
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Thanks guys.......sumtimes I get whiner's syndrone. Who's that whiner in the window Pam
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Lizzie2
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Re: You and me and PAIN.......
« Reply #12 on: Mar 28th, 2005, 1:05am » |
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on Mar 28th, 2005, 1:02am, cootie wrote:| Thanks guys.......sumtimes I get whiner's syndrone. Who's that whiner in the window Pam |
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LOL not whiney. Angry and frustrated at times, yes. I guess maybe some people can interpret it as whiney....I know there's lots of times I get angry and frustrated and just need to let it out before it eats me up.
Vent away!
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Renee
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Re: You and me and PAIN.......
« Reply #13 on: Mar 28th, 2005, 5:48am » |
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add steroids to the mix and it is best to just tape the old mouth shut! at least for me.
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clarence
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Re: You and me and PAIN.......
« Reply #14 on: Mar 28th, 2005, 7:23am » |
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on Mar 27th, 2005, 10:18am, Kim Y. wrote:No sleep at night.
Poor sleep at that.
Pain for months on end. At times in the shadows others like blows to the head with the ice pick.
Trip to the Dr. and the ER.
Experimentation with this med and then that one.
Money out of the pocket and no cure in sight.
Coworkers giving remedies for migrain HA that we all know don't work.
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This is it right here. The no sleep really gets me. I get very irritable, and very hostile at times. I posted a while back when I was new here about wanting to take on 3 druk guys on the street one night when I was out walking the beast. I knew that whatever they could do to me, it wouldn't be worse than the pain I already had. And I was angry enough that I could have taken all three of them.
Even though I am so irritable and my irritability is justifiable in my opinion, I do believe taht I have a responsibility for my behavior. In other words, I have to take responsibility for how I treat my wife. I realize that regardless of the pain in my head, it is no excuse to treat her poorly. It is a difficult thing, and I try my hardest not to take things out on her.
In addition to irritable, I get really depressed. I start to believe that it will never end.
Respect to the Kudzu though. It has helped tremendously.
Casey
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nani
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Re: You and me and PAIN.......
« Reply #15 on: Mar 28th, 2005, 8:32am » |
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I know exactly what you mean, Pam. I know it's hard to imagine (lol)...but I can be a real b*tch when I'm not getting much of a pain break. My family mostly understands it and don't take me too seriously. My kids have been known to avoid me at times.  But all we can do is the best we can do....
And say sorry to those that count! Hang in there! Huggss, nani
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Langa
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Re: You and me and PAIN.......
« Reply #16 on: Mar 28th, 2005, 9:34am » |
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CH pain has given me a no-nonsense personality trait…LOL. I’ve never had much tolerance for nonsense. Especially hearing people complain about a hang nail or pimple. And grown men acting like they’re dying cause they got sniffles. I’ve dealt with this CH horror most of my life and very rarely do I complain, especially to those that will never understand. That’s just me. I also have a sister that has terminal cancer. She’s in pain every day and still takes care of her kids. Even my CH seems so small compared to the pain I see her endure. Therefore, I have no tolerance for someone crying the blues over a fucking broken nail…it downright pisses me off! Another thing is people who are fake trying to prove something to the world. Give me a break, not like people can’t see through that shit anyway. I work with people like this. Be yourself, be real…why try to be something you’re not? For whom? Those that love you will love you unconditionally with all of your imperfections. You also get more respect that way. These are the times I will get irritable, actually, more than irritable…angry…and it takes a lot for me to get angry. Otherwise, I rarely do and when I do it’s not pretty. So when I know I’m feeling that way, I tend to stay away from most people anyway, just so I don’t say something I’ll regret later and end up apologizing anyway cause I can’t live with the guilt  - those that didn’t deserve it that is. I’m tough at work to get the job done, but not one person can ever say I’ve ever been irritable or rude or nasty. Though I’ve been very close many times!
I have to agree with Casey though. I do tend to get really depressed when I start thinking that this CH will never end, especially since I’m entering an 11 month cycle…Depression is something I have to fight everyday.
I guess you’re not alone Pam and at least we’re in this together.
Langa
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Ree
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Re: You and me and PAIN.......
« Reply #17 on: Mar 28th, 2005, 3:47pm » |
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hey Pam I think that is also menapause...... I've got that bitch streak happening right now and thats another reason I haven't been in here much lately...... I'm into tellin it like it is lately......sorry you have terrible pain... the meds that take that pain away sometimes cause edgyness.. Daves shoulder is acting up and he is on Vicodan not a good combo...Dave and Vicodan....... his MRI is Thurs and hopefully he will be bettahhhhhhhhh...
be well Pammyyyyyy........love ree
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Donna_D.
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Re: You and me and PAIN.......
« Reply #18 on: Mar 28th, 2005, 6:05pm » |
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Jes' let me know if ya need help burying the bodies .
Hang in there Pam! We ALL get a bad case of the "Bitchies" due to pain. It just goes with the territory. If you are down and in need of a good laugh...just put those marbles in the freezer and watch Brad do the watoosi trying to get away from them!
DD
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mynm156
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Re: You and me and PAIN.......
« Reply #19 on: Mar 28th, 2005, 7:00pm » |
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You bet! Sence going chronic I have turned into a real not a very nice person sometimes. Usually durring a bad shadow day.
Good Vibes!
Your Brother in Pain
MYNM156
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TonyG1
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Re: You and me and PAIN.......
« Reply #20 on: Mar 28th, 2005, 9:07pm » |
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Ditto here... I have little tolerance for BS when I'm not in cycle ... if I am in cycle.... it can be ugly. Lack of sleep with full blown CH attack does it to me... course I have to muster the energy after that to be ugly..... the shadows make me worse cause I have the energy to be ugly and have no ppl tolerance whatsoever -- a smiley representation of my metamorphosis ...    
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cootie
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Re: You and me and PAIN.......
« Reply #21 on: Mar 28th, 2005, 9:41pm » |
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I was told by someone it is amazeing what you can do with a shovel. Walking small Pam
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TomM
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Re: You and me and PAIN.......
« Reply #22 on: Mar 28th, 2005, 10:01pm » |
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on Mar 28th, 2005, 1:02am, cootie wrote:| Who's that winner in the window Pam |
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stevegeebe
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Re: You and me and PAIN.......
« Reply #23 on: Mar 28th, 2005, 11:16pm » |
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It begs the question....who would you be having not experienced this level of pain?
All considered...perhaps less compassionate?
You're okay Pam...the world is just getting alot meaner. You are just trying to keep up.
Steve G
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sandie99
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hRe: You and me and PAIN.......
« Reply #24 on: Mar 28th, 2005, 11:41pm » |
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when i don't have ch, i am normal me, no probs with anything. but when I have ch, i am annoyed about everything very easily. so stay outta my way then!
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