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Topic: You might be a Democrat if you (Read 914 times) |
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maffumatt
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You Might be a Democrat if.........
YOU MIGHT BE A DEMOCRAT...
* You own something that says, "Dukakis for President, " and still display it.
* You've tried to argue in favor of anything based on, "Well, they're gonna do it anyway so..."
* You've ever said, "We really should call the ACLU about this."
* You believe that a few hundred loggers can find another career, but the defenseless spotted owl must live in its preferred tree.
* You ever based an argument on the phrase, "But they can afford a tax hike because..."
* You've ever argued that with just one more year of welfare that person will turn it around and get off drugs.
* You think Lennon was a brilliant social commentator.
* You keep count of how many people you know in each racial or ethnic category.
* You believe our government must do it because everyone in Europe does.
* After looking at your pay stub you can still say, "America is undertaxed."
Differences Between Republicans & Democrats
Submitted by J, L, CR & TJ Morrison
Q: What's a conservative?
A: A liberal who made it through adolescence
Q: How many republicans does it take to raise your taxes?
A: None. The democrats do that.
Q: What is the difference between a liberal and a puppy?
A: A puppy stops whining after it grows up.
Q: What is the difference between an intelligent liberal and Bigfoot?
A: Bigfoot has been spotted.
Q: What is a conservative?
A: A liberal who's been mugged.
Q: What's the difference between a Democrat and a trampoline?
A: You take off your shoes before you jump on a trampoline.
Q: What's the difference between a Democrat and a prostitute?
A: The prostitute give value for the money she takes.
Q: What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead Democrat in the road?
A: Vultures will eat the skunk.
Q: What's the difference between a Democrat and a catfish?
A: One is an ugly, scum sucking bottom-feeder and the other is a fish.
Q: What do you get when you cross a bad politician with a lawyer?
A: Chelsea.
Q: What do you get when you cross a pilgrim with a democrat?
A: A god-fearing tax collector who gives thanks for what other people have.
Q: Why should Democrats be buried 100 feet deep?
A: Because deep down, they're really good people.
Q: What happens when you cross a pig with a Democrat?
A: Nothing. There are some things a pig won't do.
Q: Why did God create Democrats?
A: In order to make used car salesmen look good.
Q: What is a recent Democrat graduate's usual question in his first job?
A: What would you like to have with your french fries, sir?
Q. How many Democrats does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. Just one, but it really gets screwed.
Q: How many Democrats does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: It's irrelevant; they still don't know they're in the dark!
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maffumatt
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Re: You might be a Democrat if you
« Reply #1 on: Mar 19th, 2005, 6:49pm » |
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-You believe John Ashcroft poses a greater danger to America than Osama bin Laden
-You think President Bush lied to the nation, but his predecessor did not.
-You believe President Bush is too dumb to be President and Arnold Schwarzenegger is too dumb to be Governor of California, but the Dixie Chicks, Martin Sheen, Alec Baldwin, Babs Streisand, Eddie Vedder, and Jeanine Garofalo are foreign policy experts.
-You are enraged by the so-called mistreatment of Muslim prisoners at Guantanamo Bay who have gained weight while dining on their specially prepared Koran-approved meals, but believe the world should have stood idly by while Saddam Hussein filled mass graves.
-You support racial, ethnic, and sexual diversity, but oppose the adoption of non-discriminatory hiring practices to ensure ideological diversity on university faculties.
-You supported making rhetoric about human rights central to US foreign policy under Jimmy Carter, but oppose actually taking action to make human rights a reality under George W. Bush.
-You believe that trial lawyers taking 33 to 40 percent of a plaintiff's recovery in lawsuits is just about right, but the federal government taking this amount of our income in taxes is not nearly enough.
-You believe Saddam Hussein, Kim Jong Il, and Yasser Arafat were fairly and democratically elected, but President Bush was not.
-You root for prisoners when they escape from our oppressive prisons, but oppose allowing poor children to escape from failing public schools.
-You believe all conservatives are racist, but do not think minorities can ever succeed without affirmative action.
-You believe that being the former Governor of a New England state with 608,827 people is more than adequate experience to qualify someone to be President in 2004, but being the Governor of a Southwestern state with 21,325,018 people was wholly inadequate in 2000.
-You agree with Toni Morrison that President Clinton was "the first black President," but didn't criticize Al Sharpton for recently labeling President Bush a "gang leader."
-You believe we could finally get some truth out of the Pentagon if only Don Rumsfeld would resign and Mohammed Al-Sahhaf was named as his replacement.
-You believe evangelical Christians are destroying America, but don't feel threatened by the radical Wahabbi sect that is perverting Islam.
-You have found where the right to an abortion is written in the Constitution, but cannot find where the Constitution provides for a right to bear arms.
-Your car sports the bumper sticker saying that "it will be a great day when our schools have all the money they need and the military has to hold bake sales," but oppose allowing the U.S. military to set up volunteer recruitment tables on college campuses because of their "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy.
-You believe President Bush is an environmental criminal for poisoning the water with arsenic, but have never complained about Saddam Hussein's devastating Iraq and Kuwait's environment through setting intentional oil well fires and committing genocide against the Marsh Arabs by draining their wetlands.
-You support campus speech codes that ban pick-up lines and amorous gazes, but never spoke out against President Clinton's physical sexual harassment in the White House.
-You can't decide which is worse: the Patriot Act or the Patriot Missile.
-You support unlimited appeals for convicted criminals, but believe it is undemocratic for Californians to reverse their earlier mistake of electing Gray Davis.
-You believe U.S. exports of genetically-modified foods pose a greater threat to African nations than corrupt dictators like Zimbabwe's Mugabe.
-You believe welfare is a fundamental human right, but workfare is a human rights violation.
-You believe religion is a scourge on our society, but that we will all be saved if we only have our consciousness sufficiently raised so that we become one with Mother Nature and share your faith that global warming will kill us all.
If the above has successfully profiled you, congratulations, as you have won a one-way ticket to Paris aboard the U.S.S.R. Michael Moore. Your ticket will be held at the nearest Dennis Kucinich for President rally. Matricular consular cards issued by foreign governments will be gladly accepted as identification.
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maffumatt
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Re: You might be a Democrat if you
« Reply #2 on: Mar 19th, 2005, 6:50pm » |
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I got a million of them
Democrats make it easy
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| « Last Edit: Mar 19th, 2005, 6:50pm by maffumatt » |
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maffumatt
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Re: You might be a Democrat if you
« Reply #3 on: Mar 19th, 2005, 7:25pm » |
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You Might be a Democrat If.......
You Might Be A Democrat If...
You think "ethics" is an eastern European country.
You've named your kids with hyphenated first and last names.
You've tried to argue that poverty could be abolished if people were only willing to redistribute their wealth.
You've ever referred to someone as a "bigot or Nazi".
You've ever tried to prove Jesus was a married man.
You oppose the death penalty, but support abortion.
You don't support school choice for others, only for yourself.
You think you might remember laughing once as an adult and feeling guilty about it.
You once broke loose at a party and inhaled, but don't admit it.
You support diversity, as long as others agree with you.
You've referred to moral fiber thinking it was a new man made textile.
You've ever uttered the phrase, "you hypocrite".
You've ever said, "the Bill Of Rights is outdated".
You answer to "No One".
You support PETA and Green Peace, but still eat beef, fish, lamb,and wear leather garments.
You protest your neighbor clearing their yard of weeds.
You only let your kids watch PBS and listen to NPR.
You scream at the thought of agreeing with a Republican.
You've argued that Western values are no values.
You agree that all the world's problems can be traced back to white Anglo-Saxon men taking advantage of others.
When people say "Marx," you think, "to bad his idea didn't work".
You've ever yelled, "capitalist".
You still wear the Birkenstocks you purchased in 1969.
You argue that you need 300 laws to control guns.
You really think that guns kill people. Not people kill people.
You want to protest something but don't know what.
You've ever said "I support civil liberties, but not personal liberties."
You will not admit that trees are a renewable resource.
You've ever said "reduce paper, save a tree".
You donate money because it makes you "feel good".
You came of age in the '60s and don't understand what went wrong.
You justify lying cheating Democrats because Republicans lie and cheat.
You ever start or end an argument on the phrase, "you are closed minded".
You never told a child that Oscar the Grouch "lives in a trashcan" because he chooses to do so.
You think denial is a virtue.
You don't mind contributing 4 months of your salary to the government.
You're only sorry it can't be more.
You believe that everyone else is responsible for you but you.
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maffumatt
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Re: You might be a Democrat if you
« Reply #4 on: Mar 19th, 2005, 7:50pm » |
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Conservative Bumper Stickers
Conservative Bumper Stickers
VOTE DEMOCRAT or we will pull your file
Ignore the Media...Think for yourself.
I THINK, THEREFORE I VOTE REPUBLICAN
"Annoy a liberal, Work Hard and Smile."
It takes a village to raise an idiot.
"Earth First! We'll log the other planets later."
Gotta Over Regulate Everything
After finishing taxes, I owed the IRS $1.46.
I'm sure at least $500 was spent to file my check.
Ever notice how all the "CELEBRATE DIVERSITY" bumper stickers look the same?
PLEASE WORK HARDER! THERE ARE MILLIONS ON WELFARE COUNTING ON YOU.
"I'm not politcally correct I AM RIGHT"
FIGHT CRIME... SHOOT BACK!
Asking government to fight greed is like asking Adolph Hitler to fight racism.
AMERICA DOES NOT OWE YOU A LIVING."
"Stop global whining."
VOTE REPUBLICAN ITS LESS TAXING
If guns cause crime, then matches cause arson.
"A Liberal knows as much about Economics as Hitler did about Human Rights."
Spotted Owls taste like chicken.
Be a hero, save a whale. Save a baby, go to jail.
Money's not everything, But it will keep the DNC in touch
Nancy picked the silverware. Barbra picked the China. Hillary picked the Cabinet.
VOTE DEMOCRATIC: It's easier than getting a Job!
If We're Not Supposed to Eat Animals, Why Are They Made Out of Meat?
I LOVE ANIMALS.....THEY TASTE GREAT
"Gun Control Is Being Able To Hit Your Target"
"Only an (picture of democrat donkey) would vote Democratic."
Don't blame me! - I voted republican!
Friends don't let friends vote democrat.
"Save a Tree: Eat a Beaver."
"POLITICALLY CORRECT? - bite me!"
DON'T FEEL MY PAIN! FEEL MY WALLET... IT'S EMPTY!
"If we're RIGHT, what are you?"
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Miklos
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Re: You might be a Democrat if you
« Reply #5 on: Mar 19th, 2005, 9:24pm » |
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You know, son, you really need to get a life. Although, peptobismol might help. Everything you quoted is old and worn out.
Your friends have had the majority for four years. The war is screwed. The deficit is enormous. The spending goes on and on. Democrats ain't doing it. Look in the mirror, son.
P.S. I am way old enough and smart enough to call you son. Especially with the bilge you spewed.
Charlie will probably be here soon.
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Don't be offended by my frank analysis. Think of it as personality dialysis.
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pattik
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Re: You might be a Democrat if you
« Reply #6 on: Mar 19th, 2005, 9:32pm » |
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on Mar 19th, 2005, 9:24pm, Miklos wrote: The war is screwed. The deficit is enormous. The spending goes on and on. Democrats ain't doing it.
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...a glimmer of light in the darkness of conservative Texas?
How refreshing. ;)
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The voyage of discovery is not about seeking new landscapes, it's about having new eyes--Marcel Proust
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maffumatt
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Re: You might be a Democrat if you
« Reply #7 on: Mar 19th, 2005, 9:36pm » |
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LOL
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| « Last Edit: Mar 19th, 2005, 10:00pm by maffumatt » |
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Jonny
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Re: You might be a Democrat if you
« Reply #8 on: Mar 19th, 2005, 10:17pm » |
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LMMFAO Mat 
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It is up to YOU to educate yourself and then help your doctor plan your treatment. If you just sit down in front of your doctor and say "make me better" you are setting yourself up for a great deal of pain.
- Guiseppi
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Charlie
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Re: You might be a Democrat if you
« Reply #9 on: Mar 20th, 2005, 3:00am » |
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George Bush is a great 19th Century President and just what we need to preside over the end of the world.
Charlie
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There is nothing more satisfying than being shot at without result---Winston Churchill
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BarbaraD
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Hugs to ya
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Re: You might be a Democrat if you
« Reply #11 on: Mar 20th, 2005, 8:06am » |
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Hey Frank -- I beat you to the popcorn -- already got it popped... Now where did I put the cokes.......
Hugs BD
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What don't kill ya, Makes ya stonger!
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Bethany1
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Re: You might be a Democrat if you
« Reply #12 on: Mar 20th, 2005, 9:09am » |
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on Mar 19th, 2005, 7:50pm, maffumatt wrote: "Save a Tree: Eat a Beaver."
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I actually like this one.  
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I am sofa king we todd did.
crack is wack
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Jonny
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Re: You might be a Democrat if you
« Reply #13 on: Mar 20th, 2005, 9:17am » |
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on Mar 20th, 2005, 9:09am, Bethany1 wrote:
I actually like this one.
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Ok
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It is up to YOU to educate yourself and then help your doctor plan your treatment. If you just sit down in front of your doctor and say "make me better" you are setting yourself up for a great deal of pain.
- Guiseppi
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ccbiggsoo7
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Re: You might be a Democrat if you
« Reply #14 on: Mar 21st, 2005, 3:22am » |
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  why the dems lost, Those hard nosed baptist!
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chris
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thomas
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Re: You might be a Democrat if you
« Reply #15 on: Mar 21st, 2005, 3:56pm » |
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on Mar 19th, 2005, 6:49pm, maffumatt wrote:
-You believe President Bush is too dumb to be President and Arnold Schwarzenegger is too dumb to be Governor of California, but the Dixie Chicks, Martin Sheen, Alec Baldwin, Babs Streisand, Eddie Vedder, and Jeanine Garofalo are foreign policy experts.
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This is soooooooooo true! What do those Holly wood types know about anything? Nothing! They are actors they make money by pretending to be some one else. That is why actors make great politicians, they know how to get their lines and timing right and they can play on emotion and be convincing.
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Religion and sex are powerplays. Manipulate the people for the money they pay. Selling skin, selling God, the numbers look the same on their credit cards. Triptans cause rebounds. Learn it, believe it, live it. I use triptans as the absolute LAST RESORT when treating my CH.
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Killroy 2.0
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Re: You might be a Democrat if you
« Reply #16 on: Mar 21st, 2005, 4:15pm » |
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on Mar 21st, 2005, 3:56pm, guesst wrote:
This is soooooooooo true! What do those Holly wood types know about anything? Nothing! They are actors they make money by pretending to be some one else. That is why actors make great politicians, they know how to get their lines and timing right and they can play on emotion and be convincing. |
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I thought you were a fan of Ronald Reagen 
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| « Last Edit: Mar 21st, 2005, 4:16pm by Killroy 2.0 » |
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Hirvimaki
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Re: You might be a Democrat if you
« Reply #17 on: Mar 21st, 2005, 4:18pm » |
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on Mar 21st, 2005, 4:15pm, Gena wrote:| I thought you were a fan of Ronald Reagen |
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I'm the Reagan fan... 
Hirvimaki-Isi
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"What makes us discontented with our condition is the absurdly exaggerated idea we have of the happiness of others."
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thomas
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Re: You might be a Democrat if you
« Reply #18 on: Mar 21st, 2005, 4:26pm » |
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on Mar 21st, 2005, 4:15pm, Gena wrote:
I thought you were a fan of Ronald Reagen |
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I am. He is a totally different generation than the hollywood types of today. But he used his acting skills quite effectively also.
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Religion and sex are powerplays. Manipulate the people for the money they pay. Selling skin, selling God, the numbers look the same on their credit cards. Triptans cause rebounds. Learn it, believe it, live it. I use triptans as the absolute LAST RESORT when treating my CH.
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Killroy 2.0
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Re: You might be a Democrat if you
« Reply #19 on: Mar 21st, 2005, 4:29pm » |
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on Mar 21st, 2005, 4:26pm, guesst wrote:
I am. He is a totally different generation than the hollywood types of today. But he used his acting skills quite effectively also. |
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oh I see....
If we are talking about good old Ronny - Hollywood is not a bad thing! 
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thomas
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Re: You might be a Democrat if you
« Reply #20 on: Mar 21st, 2005, 4:35pm » |
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on Mar 21st, 2005, 4:29pm, Gena wrote:
oh I see....
If we are talking about good old Ronny - Hollywood is not a bad thing! |
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No, I am just saying that, that was a different time, people weren't nearly as commie-friendly as they are today, and I did say he used his acting skills very effectively during his political career (which was much longer than his acting career).
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Religion and sex are powerplays. Manipulate the people for the money they pay. Selling skin, selling God, the numbers look the same on their credit cards. Triptans cause rebounds. Learn it, believe it, live it. I use triptans as the absolute LAST RESORT when treating my CH.
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Killroy 2.0
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Re: You might be a Democrat if you
« Reply #21 on: Mar 21st, 2005, 4:40pm » |
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on Mar 21st, 2005, 4:35pm, guesst wrote:
political career (which was much longer than his acting career). |
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Not at first
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thomas
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Re: You might be a Democrat if you
« Reply #22 on: Mar 21st, 2005, 4:42pm » |
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on Mar 21st, 2005, 4:40pm, Gena wrote:
Not at first |
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Well of course not at first, he was an actor first. So logically his acting career WAS longer, at first.
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Religion and sex are powerplays. Manipulate the people for the money they pay. Selling skin, selling God, the numbers look the same on their credit cards. Triptans cause rebounds. Learn it, believe it, live it. I use triptans as the absolute LAST RESORT when treating my CH.
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vig
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Re: You might be a Democrat if you
« Reply #23 on: Mar 21st, 2005, 4:46pm » |
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never, Never, NEVER quit. -Winston Churchill
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Jonny
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Re: You might be a Democrat if you
« Reply #24 on: Mar 21st, 2005, 4:47pm » |
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Get a room
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It is up to YOU to educate yourself and then help your doctor plan your treatment. If you just sit down in front of your doctor and say "make me better" you are setting yourself up for a great deal of pain.
- Guiseppi
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