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Topic: And the Moron Award goes to.... (Read 327 times) |
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Redd
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And the Moron Award goes to....
« on: Mar 18th, 2005, 6:42pm » |
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1. WILL THE REAL DUMMY PLEASE STAND UP?
AT&T fired President John Walter after nine months, saying he lacked
intellectual leadership. He received a $26 million severance package.
Perhaps it's not Walter who's lacking intelligence.
2. WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM OUR FRIENDS
Police in Oakland, California spent two hours attempting to subdue a
gunman who had barricaded himself inside his home. After firing ten
tear gas canisters, officers discovered that the man was standing
beside them in the police line, shouting, "Please come out and give
yourself up."
3. WHAT WAS PLAN B?
An Illinois man, pretending to have a gun, kidnapped a motorist and
forced him to drive to two different automated teller machines,
wherein the kidnapper proceeded to withdraw money from his own bank
accounts.
4. THE GETAWAY
A man walked into a Topeka, Kansas Kwik-Stop and asked for all the
money in the cash drawer. Apparently, the take was too small, so he
tied up the store clerk and worked the counter himself for three hours
until police showed up and grabbed him.
5. DID I SAY THAT?
Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery suspect who just
couldn't control himself during a lineup. When detectives asked each
man in the lineup to repeat the words: "Give me all your money or I'll
shoot", the man shouted, "That's not what I said!"
6. ARE WE COMMUNICATING?
A man spoke frantically into the phone: "My wife is pregnant and her
contractions are only two minutes apart". "Is this her first
child?"
the doctor asked. "No!" the man shouted, "This is her
husband!"
7. NOT THE SHARPEST TOOL IN THE SHED!
In Modesto, California, Steven Richard King was arrested for trying to
hold up a Bank of America branch without a weapon. King used a thumb
and a finger to simulate a gun. Unfortunately, he failed to keep his
hand in his pocket!
8. THE GRAND FINALE!
Last summer, down on Lake Isabella, located in the high desert, an
hour east of Bakersfield, CA, some folks, new to boating, were having
a problem. No matter how hard they tried, they couldn't get their
brand new 22-foot boat, going. It was very sluggish in almost every
maneuver, no matter how much power they applied. After about an hour
of trying to make it go, they putted into a nearby marina, thinking
someone there may be able to tell them what was wrong. A thorough
topside check revealed everything in perfect working condition. The
engine ran fine, the out-drive went up and down, and the propeller was
the correct size and pitch. So, one of the marina guys jumped in the
water to check underneath.
He came up choking on water, he was laughing so hard.
Under the boat, still strapped securely in place, was the trailer!
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I saw an act of faith today. A man was on his knees, not in a pew in a Church, but in a garden planting seeds. ~~Unknown
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Jonny
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Give me a shovel Ill dig my own grave!
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Re: And the Moron Award goes to....
« Reply #1 on: Mar 18th, 2005, 6:47pm » |
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Way to fucking funny....every one of them 
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It is up to YOU to educate yourself and then help your doctor plan your treatment. If you just sit down in front of your doctor and say "make me better" you are setting yourself up for a great deal of pain.
- Guiseppi
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Redneck
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Re: And the Moron Award goes to....
« Reply #2 on: Mar 18th, 2005, 6:50pm » |
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Thanks, I needed that, lmao
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Jeepgun
CH.com Alumnus
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BOHICA!!!
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Re: And the Moron Award goes to....
« Reply #3 on: Mar 19th, 2005, 11:15am » |
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I'm from Lake Isabella. Trust me: I've seen even dumber stuff than this. Friggin' flatlanders... 
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Her: "Have you ever hit a deer?"
Me: "What, like, in the FACE?"
Her: ..... "WHAT is the MATTER with you!?"
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sandie99
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Wish it, dream it, do it - inspite the pain!
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Re: And the Moron Award goes to....
« Reply #4 on: Mar 20th, 2005, 4:40am » |
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life is funnier than imagination...
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CH happends, Live anyway! PF days to us all!
"Do what you can and let God take care of the rest. Leave your heart wide open and always wish for the best" (Sanna Hillu)
"No matter how far out your dreams are, it's possible" (Marketa Irglova)
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Langa
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So many donuts, such little time...
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Re: And the Moron Award goes to....
« Reply #5 on: Mar 20th, 2005, 9:44pm » |
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#2 is downright embarrasing...
These were hilarious!
Langa
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When you saw only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you.
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Lizzie2
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"L'Chaim"~Hebre w Toast~"To Life"
 
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Re: And the Moron Award goes to....
« Reply #6 on: Mar 20th, 2005, 10:05pm » |
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We used to have this little 8 foot sailing dingy left over from my grandfather's 30' sailboat. Well, we have a lake near my house that's pretty great for sailing. However, that dingy is somewhat like sailing a bathtub with a sail!
My uncle has been sailing since he was a baby more or less! He takes huge trips all the time. He's really into it, and he knows a lot of stuff. It's his obsession.
So anyways, one day he goes to get out of the dingy at the dock in our nearby lake. For some reason (which I'll never understand!) he stepped in the bow of the boat, and he sunk the dingy right at the doc. Only the top of the mast was still sticking out of the water!
We did manage to get it out and salvage it, though! haha
You'd never guess that from him!
L2 
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