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Topic: wake up call: take this seriously (Read 295 times) |
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sandie99
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wake up call: take this seriously
« on: Mar 17th, 2005, 4:02am » |
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Dear friends...
I have sad news to tell... 
My cousin tried to commit a suicide last night.
But luckily, her mother found her and took her to the hospital before it was too late. The doctors told my aunt that my cousin will recover complitely. She's 25.
She had written a letter in which she just said that she didn't have the strength to carry on. 
My cousin has had a wild youth. She has quit several schools after graduation. These days she has a job at a gas station in which she usually works the night shifts. She has her own appartment and loan to pay. She has lots of friends none of whom had any idea that something could be wrong in her life. Neighter did my aunt.
My aunt is praising the Lord that she happened to drop by at her daughter's last night. She was bringing over a sweater my cousin had forgotten at my aunt's place. And she is happy that her other daughter is out of the country with her boyfriend (they left yesterday morning) so she doesn't have to know. Yet. My aunt is happy that she was the one who found her and not the littlesister, anyway.
And I know that I'm not supposed to know about this, either. I only know because my aunt was on her way to meet us when she found her.
I'm telling this story to you because I want all of you to wake up and open your eyes to see what's going on in front of you. And near you. It's so easy to keep a smile on your face even though you have a broken heart. I know that. I've done that for a long, long time.
I don't know how many times I've told everybody that "I'm fine" when I was truly thinking about killing myself. I can't tell how many times I wished I was dead. I'm not saying this because I need sympathy, but because it's the truth. And all this time, my mum had no idea... Well, at least, that's how she behaved.
Why? Because she didn't notice nor she didn't ask. I did tell her once that things are so bad in my life that the only I'll come back home is in a coffin. She never mentioned anything about it. I wanted her to take the situation seriously, but she didn't.
I know it's easier to ignore sad things than to deal with them. Wish that perhaps they'll just vanish... I never even went to see a doctor about it. I suppose I didn't want to admit it to myself, either. It was easier to stay at home, crying, watching a film or listening to music, writing a diary and wishing that I would snap out of it.
Looking back, I must wonder how I managed to attend all the lessons at uni back then... But I did. That was my cover. You know, once I go to uni I must be okay. Once I return my essays on time, I'm okay. I did that, but I wasn't okay. On the worst day ever, I broke down and started to cry at uni. Then I told few friends I really can trust about it and they helped me.
In my case, my depression did vanish. But it doesn't mean that it will always and forever stay away. I wish, hope and pray that it will, though. CH is enough for me.
My point is that DON'T ignore your instincts. If you think that someone you know has problems, follow the situation. Don't accept the "I'm fine" unless you really, truly believe it. I KNOW how easy it is to fool everybody. That's why I keep a close eye on two friends of mine right now. Just in case. I don't want to lose them just because I didn't care enough to make sure they're fine.
Take care your lovedones.... 
Sorry for writing so long post.
Best wishes,
Sandie
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CH happends, Live anyway! PF days to us all!
"Do what you can and let God take care of the rest. Leave your heart wide open and always wish for the best" (Sanna Hillu)
"No matter how far out your dreams are, it's possible" (Marketa Irglova)
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sandie99
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Re: wake up call: take this seriously
« Reply #1 on: Mar 17th, 2005, 4:33am » |
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My trouble has always been that I've never known where's the line between telling too much and not telling enough. So before last spring my solution was not to tell my friends anything.
Over the years I have been badly hurt thanks to both friends and strangers. So have been (too) careful with who to trust. That hurts me now. I wish I'll find the stregth to trust someone with my heart...
Once I decided to heal myself first so that I won't end up hurting others.
How to let others know what's really going on with your life and yet don't make yourself too vulnerable? That's one lesson I've yet to learn.
All the best to you all,
Sandie
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CH happends, Live anyway! PF days to us all!
"Do what you can and let God take care of the rest. Leave your heart wide open and always wish for the best" (Sanna Hillu)
"No matter how far out your dreams are, it's possible" (Marketa Irglova)
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Gator
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Re: wake up call: take this seriously
« Reply #2 on: Mar 17th, 2005, 5:37am » |
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Although I understand you meant this in a broader sense, and it is very important to be aware of in our every day lives, it also applies to us as clusterheads. This is a very appropriate topic as the spring nears and many clusterheads find themselves entering another painful cycle. We need to try to be aware of changes in attitude and behavior of our family members here. We also need to continue to watch for people who just drop from sight. Yes, life happens and we get busy in our personal and professional lives, but we shouldn't assume that is why a person quits logging in.
We have some good resources at our disposal to educate us on some of the facts and myths about suicide as well as some of the warning signs to look for.
http://www.clusterheadaches.org/crisis_intervention.htm
http://www.suicidology.org/
http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/default.aspx
http://www.metanoia.org/suicide/
Wishing pain free days for all my family.
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Jeepgun
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BOHICA!!!
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Re: wake up call: take this seriously
« Reply #3 on: Mar 17th, 2005, 9:21am » |
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I'm sorry, Sandie. I understand her state of mind, too. When I'm depressed, I don't talk to many people either, and when people have asked me if I was okay, my standard answer has always been, "I'm fine...."  I hope your cousin is feeling better and getting the help she needs. My best to your family.
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| « Last Edit: Mar 17th, 2005, 9:22am by Jeepgun » |
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Her: "Have you ever hit a deer?"
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Her: ..... "WHAT is the MATTER with you!?"
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E-Double
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Re: wake up call: take this seriously
« Reply #4 on: Mar 17th, 2005, 10:21am » |
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I wish you and your family the very best.
That Just hit home very hard!!!
Love you guys! & thanks more than you all can ever know!
Thousands of hugs!
E
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I can't believe that I have to bang my
Head against this wall again
But the blows they have just a little more
Space in-between them
Gonna take a breath and try again.
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Cerberus
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Re: wake up call: take this seriously
« Reply #5 on: Mar 17th, 2005, 2:08pm » |
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Our family wishes to express our deepest sympathies, and positive vibes in your families time of need.
Lest it be said that the psychological and physical signs of depression are NOT always apparent. And The girl's job (working nights) may have played a big role in her decision to do what she did. In any event, I hope that she recieves the help she needs to move through this.
Peace,
Ramon
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I would rather face the end with terror than terror without end. - (Deitrich Sawatsky 194?)
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alienspacebabe
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Re: wake up call: take this seriously
« Reply #6 on: Mar 17th, 2005, 10:27pm » |
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I'm so sorry Sandie.....
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cootie
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Re: wake up call: take this seriously
« Reply #7 on: Mar 18th, 2005, 12:33am » |
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Strange how the now seemingly SIMPLE complicated lives in our younger days of too many dicisions and overwhemling thoughts of what you want to do with your life.....where you want to be verses where you are.....and how to go about being who you want to be with your life that brings us at that time to THINK of suicide as a way out......too many voises telling you you are NOT happy and you are not anyone or anywhere...and that your nothing and no one really cares. It brings you down deeper and deeper the more you think......nothin is what is seems or should be.....happyness is not fullly undestood.....and hard to acheive or grasp. And now days in modern time we have so much more SERIOUS situations to face........way more debt, job stuff and family stuff to deal with. Makes teenage wasteland just a dream. It was things that could of been handled....it all seems so much more simplier now to me. I fineally got it a bit too late.....life really was simplier back then. It's NOW that worries me. Hang onto your dreams Pam
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| « Last Edit: Mar 18th, 2005, 12:35am by cootie » |
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Cause and Effect......"Cause is the effect concealed, Effect is the cause revealed"
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sandie99
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Re: wake up call: take this seriously
« Reply #8 on: Mar 18th, 2005, 3:48am » |
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My cousin is still at the hospital. The doctors want to keep her there until Monday. They want to be sure that she doesn't try it again... She is sad. There was a lot of crying at that hospital room, I can tell you. I actually feel bit more positive now. I think that the worst part is over for now. But, of course, she has a long way to go once she's out of the hospital next week.
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CH happends, Live anyway! PF days to us all!
"Do what you can and let God take care of the rest. Leave your heart wide open and always wish for the best" (Sanna Hillu)
"No matter how far out your dreams are, it's possible" (Marketa Irglova)
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Charlie
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Re: wake up call: take this seriously
« Reply #9 on: Mar 18th, 2005, 4:15am » |
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My cousin made it to 46. We knew she was a depressive but they can be very clever about it. She had us believing we had nothing to worry about. She was very methodical. I don't feel at all responsible in her case. I hadn't been around her much in years. It's clear now that she came back to town just to make things hard on her brother.
Damn suicide is the most selfish thing there is. It hits only the survivors and when not successful, it keeps them off balance for years.
Good luck Sandie. I'm glad you have a place to rant.
Charlie
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There is nothing more satisfying than being shot at without result---Winston Churchill
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sandie99
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Re: wake up call: take this seriously
« Reply #10 on: Mar 18th, 2005, 11:00am » |
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on Mar 18th, 2005, 4:15am, Charlie wrote:
Good luck Sandie. I'm glad you have a place to rant.
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So am I, Charlie. 
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CH happends, Live anyway! PF days to us all!
"Do what you can and let God take care of the rest. Leave your heart wide open and always wish for the best" (Sanna Hillu)
"No matter how far out your dreams are, it's possible" (Marketa Irglova)
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Gator
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Re: wake up call: take this seriously
« Reply #11 on: Mar 19th, 2005, 1:13am » |
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I hope your sister gets the help she needs and recovers quickly.
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