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Topic: Shit fucking week. - Just venting.... (Read 281 times) |
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Tiannia
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Life does not apologies......
 
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Shit fucking week. - Just venting....
« on: Mar 3rd, 2005, 12:17pm » |
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I need to vent so that I can not cry sitting here at my desk. I have to get these thought out of my head so that I can get back into control emotionally and get through this.
As a first note....Sorry - no I have not gotten Kudzu. Cant find it where I go with my kids and getting to a specialty store during the week is tough. My new job keeps me going all the time.
Been getting hit about 5 times a day really ficking hard. The trex shot (I usually can split up a vial into 2-3 shots) that usually helps, either does not or is making me feel worse. This sucks cause they have worked for the past 20 months and now nothing. My new job is very demanding but I am doing really good. They like me here and I am flourishing.
But now I am starting to fight again with my husband. This is so hard to deal with. I am soo tired of going through this cycle of fights each time my HA ramp up. Then our fighting tapers off because I bend over backwards to make sure that he is happy. And then he tells me that I am being the martyr if I bring it up that I am trying to make it better for him. I feel like I am getting torn the fuck up inside.
I am not this strong. I am fighting my old job for my unemployement, trying so hard to do well with a new job that I absolutly love, fighting the god damn beast 2-3 times each night, and now this..... again. I have suggesting Counseling but that is a no go with him. He is not going to discuss our issues with a stranger. But I cant keep being the one to bend. Sooner or later even the strongest willow tree with break in the wind.
It is so hard to hurt physically all the god damn time to have to deal with emotional pain on top of it is unbearable. I love him with all my heart, I could not imagine my life without him or the kids. But right now I am ready to say fuck it. That if I am so bad a wife and mother then ... I just cant write what I am feeling. I just feel like I could take better care of them not being here. Then I would not have to put them through so much.
Why cant it just be easy? Why do we have to go through so much over and above the CH? Isn't the beast enough for any one person to deal with?
ok time to stuff all the emotions back inside. Put back up the walls and get back to being the strong mom who takes care of everything.
PF Wishes everyone.
-Tiannia (who is trying to not cry  )
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The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change. - Carl Rogers
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Jeepgun
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BOHICA!!!
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Re: Shit fucking week. - Just venting....
« Reply #1 on: Mar 3rd, 2005, 12:20pm » |
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Her: "Have you ever hit a deer?"
Me: "What, like, in the FACE?"
Her: ..... "WHAT is the MATTER with you!?"
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Hirvimaki
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Re: Shit fucking week. - Just venting....
« Reply #2 on: Mar 3rd, 2005, 12:31pm » |
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(((((HUGS)))))
Hang in there...
If it'd make you feel any better, I can IM you dirty jokes.
Hirvimaki-Isi
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"What makes us discontented with our condition is the absurdly exaggerated idea we have of the happiness of others."
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purpleydog
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Re: Shit fucking week. - Just venting....
« Reply #3 on: Mar 3rd, 2005, 12:37pm » |
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Hang in there Tia. Things will get better. I know it sucks when you're getting hit hard and it seems like your husband isn't understanding. He needs to know that it's not about him. And it's not your fault. You can't help it. You need to take care of you. And you are not a bad wife and mother, not by any means. You're children love you with all their hearts, and your husband does too, even if he is being an ass right now.
Not being around is not an option!
If he won't go to counseling with you, dear, then go alone. You can learn ways of dealing with this.
You're at the right place. Vent away. We're here for you. 
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ShariRae
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Re: Shit fucking week. - Just venting....
« Reply #4 on: Mar 3rd, 2005, 12:40pm » |
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Tia..
I am so sorry this is heppening again to you...you deserve so much better.. but yanno what?? stop trying NOT to cry..go ahead.. let it out...sometimes thats all it takes to help get your focus back & do what you have to do..just know you are in my thoughts..
Huggs
Shari
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Only two defining forces have ever offered to die for you,
Jesus Christ and the American Soldier.
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nani
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Got kudzu?
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Re: Shit fucking week. - Just venting....
« Reply #5 on: Mar 3rd, 2005, 12:48pm » |
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minnie
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Re: Shit fucking week. - Just venting....
« Reply #6 on: Mar 3rd, 2005, 12:55pm » |
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{{{Tia}}}
I wish I had words of wisdom but I too am at a loss.
Your kids lives are a lot better because of you.They have a strong role model and see that through the toughest pain you survive and thrive and so will they.
Bless your heart when you get home with the kids look in their eyes and you will see the reflection of Love and stength you give them.be well my friend.
Minnie
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alienspacebabe
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Re: Shit fucking week. - Just venting....
« Reply #7 on: Mar 3rd, 2005, 1:40pm » |
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(((((((TIA)))))))
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rickyshot
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ouch
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Re: Shit fucking week. - Just venting....
« Reply #8 on: Mar 3rd, 2005, 1:42pm » |
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ch IS a bitch. Vent away
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Langa
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Re: Shit fucking week. - Just venting....
« Reply #9 on: Mar 3rd, 2005, 1:46pm » |
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This is what I say to life's adversities...(thanks Frank for helping me find the pic...)
Hey T...wanted to make you laugh...
Vent and cry away...we love you and better days are coming...promise... 
Langa
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| « Last Edit: Mar 3rd, 2005, 1:47pm by Langa » |
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karma
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Re: Shit fucking week. - Just venting....
« Reply #10 on: Mar 3rd, 2005, 3:08pm » |
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Tianna,
Pick your battles carefully.
The first one is to get feeling better. Then work and the kid stuff will be a breeze.
When you have your strength back deal with Hub. A little more bending right now may be just the thing to win the war.
Good Luck.
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LeLimey
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Re: Shit fucking week. - Just venting....
« Reply #11 on: Mar 3rd, 2005, 5:14pm » |
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Tia (((HUG)))
I don't know what else to say hon but I'm thinking of you.
love
Helen
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The arsehole I'm divorcing needs to get a life and stop stalking mine
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blossom
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Re: Shit fucking week. - Just venting....
« Reply #12 on: Mar 3rd, 2005, 7:28pm » |
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Tia - that sounded just like me a few months back. God, I can hear me saying those words. You can't change someone, I loved my husband more than anything, but he didn't love me back. Marriage is a 2 way street, you can't do all the work. You have to have someone to stand beside you not push you from behind over the cliff. Try to stay positive, I know it's hard. Things will work out how they are supposed to. You just have to keep your chin up and keep plugging away!
Love to you!
Karen
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"If I'd of known 30 years ago how your life was going to turn out I'd have drown you at birth!" - what my father said to me on my 30th birthday
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KMT
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Re: Shit fucking week. - Just venting....
« Reply #13 on: Mar 4th, 2005, 12:41pm » |
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Tiannia
Maybe some of the reason you fight is because he is so frustrated that he can't make you feel better and instead he takes it out on you not meaning to. I know I spend a lot of time appologizing to my husband because I was short with him and didn't mean to be and he has been a little short back . Last night I told him that I knew that it was hard on him not being able to help but did let him know that just haveing him console me and hold me and let me cry is very helpful. I may be in left field just was trying to help. PF wishes and let it out when you need to some times it is all you need...
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aka...................................................... KimY
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