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Topic: Thank you all...(j/k) (Read 163 times) |
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Redd
CH.com Alumnus
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Thank you all...(j/k)
« on: Feb 12th, 2005, 10:55am » |
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I want to thank all of you who have taken the time and trouble
to send me your chain letters over the past year. Thank you for making
me feel safe, secure, blessed, and wealthy. Because of your concern, I
no longer can drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.
I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr Pepper since the people who make these
products are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on their cans. I no
longer drink anything out of a can because I will get sick from the rat
feces and urine.
I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer. I
no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked
with a needle infected with AIDS. I no longer use cancer-causing
deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.
I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a
perfume sample and rob me. I no longer receive packages from UPS or
Fed Ex since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise. I no longer shop at
Target since they are French and don't support our American troops.
I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a
stupid number for which I will get the phone bill from hell with calls
to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore, and Uzbekistan. I no longer eat
prepackaged foods because the estrogens they contain will turn me gay.
I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant
freaks with no eyes or feathers. I no longer date the opposite sex
because they will take my kidneys and leave me taking a nap in a bathtub
full of ice.
I no longer have any sneakers -- but that will change once I receive my
free replacement pair from Nike. I no longer buy expensive cookies from
Neiman Marcus since I now have their recipe. I no longer worry about my
soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me and St Theresa's
novena has granted my every wish.
Thanks to you, I have learned that God only answers my prayers if I
forward an email to seven of my friends and make a wish within five
minutes. (Jeez, the BIBLE did not mention it works that way!) I no
longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl who is about to
die in the hospital (for the 1,387,258th time) I no longer have any
money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that
Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special
e-mail program.
Yes, I want to thank all of you soooooooo much for looking out for me! I
will now return the favor.
If you don't send this e-mail to at least 1200 people in the next 60
seconds, a large bird with diarrhea will poop on your head at 5:00 PM
tomorrow afternoon and the fleas of a thousand camels will infest your
armpits. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend
of a friend of a friend.
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I saw an act of faith today. A man was on his knees, not in a pew in a Church, but in a garden planting seeds. ~~Unknown
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Langa
CH.com Alumnus
New Board Hall of Famer
So many donuts, such little time...
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Posts: 4179
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Re: Thank you all...(j/k)
« Reply #1 on: Feb 12th, 2005, 11:16am » |
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The last paragraph cracked me up... 
I get at least one chain letter a day at work...I just delete them...I should be dead by now... 
Langa
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When you saw only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you.
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BobG
New Board Hall of Famer
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Posts: 5747
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Re: Thank you all...(j/k)
« Reply #2 on: Feb 12th, 2005, 7:45pm » |
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Hey Redd, are you saying that those e-mail messages are scams? That they are not truthful?
That can't be right. Can it?
Just the other day I read that sending fictitious messages through the internet, in news articles and TV commercials is against the law. It was on the front page of the National Inquirer.
What's this world coming to? Who ya going to believe?
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Stay stressed. Never relax. Never sleep. Ever.
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