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Topic: Needing the family once again... (Update 2/10/05) (Read 328 times) |
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Lizzie2
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Needing the family once again... (Update 2/10/05)
« on: Feb 9th, 2005, 8:46pm » |
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First off, I apologize...I feel like I'm overusing the vibes and prayers line here lately! It's been one hell of a few months...that's for sure!
Last night between about 12:30am and 2am, my boyfriend and I broke up. It was a very ugly breakup. Basically, I've been enduring months of verbal abuse from him. He says some pretty horrific things to me, and then he throws the guilt trip on me...so I kept staying with him.
I tried to break up with him twice, but he made it so difficult that I was basically staying in the relationship because it took too much energy to get out. Ugh. I'm not saying I was without fault...because I truly believe it takes 2, but honestly I feel I did the best I could. I'm not perfect...who is? (that's hypothetical...  )
So anyhow... I know it is for the best, but right now I feel pretty down about it. Tired of the games... He said he was too, but obviously not. I think what basically happened when looking back is that he got screwed by his ex-wife. She was sick with a lot of crap and never could go out and party. When she started to leave him, she was going out every night.
Well...even if I wanted to leave somebody..I would not be the wild party animal. I never go out, and I like my reclusive life. It is not that I'm not social. I have friends, and I work like a devil...so when I have free time, I like to relax. But somehow, he wound up using all that hurt he had felt and displacing it onto me.
He told me that he wouldn't be the supportive boyfriend who is always there for me because my illness is "never going to go away" and that "my parents do enough of the support job." That was nice... The list goes on and on. Basically he feels like he did nothing wrong, and I did everything wrong. Yet he tells me that he is tired of being 100% in the wrong for everything. That's kinda funny when you think about it. How is it that I'm the one who has everything wrong, and also the one who has nothing wrong?
There's more to it, but I don't want to think about it right now. I also have this sore throat thing that is resembling strep and ear infections, but my doctor said the strep test was negative so just take Alavert over the counter for 4 days and see if it helps. Nothing like a sore throat to kill your mood... You'd all love to be around me right now...I really can't talk since it hurts so badly!! I just give one-word answers. So I'm sure one of you is hoping I break a finger or two so that I can't type either!! haha
No really...this family here has amazing support. Always. I constantly keep all of you in my thoughts and prayers, but I haven't been able to voice that as much lately simply because of the crap going on in my life daily.
Sorry to vent all this crap. Just needed "someone" to listen. 
Hugz,
Lizzie2/Carrie
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| « Last Edit: Feb 10th, 2005, 12:32pm by Lizzie2 » |
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Ghost
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Re: Needing the family once again...
« Reply #1 on: Feb 9th, 2005, 8:51pm » |
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Try to stay strong Ive been through alot of that too, both sides. neither one is fun and I guess it shouldnt be. Hang in there , will think of you and send vibes.
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Sean_C
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Re: Needing the family once again...
« Reply #2 on: Feb 9th, 2005, 8:56pm » |
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Fuckem' don't look back and move on................his loss.
Sean......................... 
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Langa
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Re: Needing the family once again...
« Reply #3 on: Feb 9th, 2005, 8:58pm » |
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on Feb 9th, 2005, 8:56pm, Sean_C wrote:| Fuckem' don't look back and move on................his loss. |
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Ditto!
Langa
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broomhilda
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Re: Needing the family once again...
« Reply #4 on: Feb 9th, 2005, 9:02pm » |
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Carrie, hope I don't sound like your mom k?
Here goes.... you need and deserve so much better for yourself than him, this was a long time coming and you saw it there but the comfort zone is and was too hard to break, its time for you and time to move on, take care of YOU...you come first k? Learn, grow and nuture yourself and love will find its way to you and a healthy one to boot...
There are so many of us that are proud of you, remember that and biggest hugs and good thoughts on over from me to you 
You know where to find me k? 
ps- ER looks great tomorrow night!!!
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Suck it up Princess...
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Sean_C
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Re: Needing the family once again...
« Reply #5 on: Feb 9th, 2005, 9:05pm » |
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on Feb 9th, 2005, 9:02pm, broomhilda wrote:| ps- ER looks great tomorrow night!!! |
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3 doors down is on Letterman tonight, if you like those guys 
Just rambling I'll STFU now
Sean......................
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maureen
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Re: Needing the family once again...
« Reply #6 on: Feb 9th, 2005, 9:05pm » |
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Sorry your having such a rough time at the moment.
Be strong if you feel you have made the right choice then I am sure you have.
Feel proud that you chose to remove a bad situation from your life.
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Donna_D.
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Re: Needing the family once again...
« Reply #7 on: Feb 9th, 2005, 9:07pm » |
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Hey Little Sis!!
I have something that will cheer you up!
The convention hotel has a baby grand on the balcony right above the bar!!
DD
You are too young, beautiful, talented, smart, outgoing and personable to settle for anything or anyone who does not treat you like GOLD!!! You hear me?!?!
I Love you!!!
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bigred
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Re: Needing the family once again...
« Reply #8 on: Feb 9th, 2005, 9:39pm » |
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Lizzy he was to lazy for you and a bit selfcentered.
You will bounce back and on both feet I might add.
Kado's to your family for being there.
Spring is on the way and thats a great time to start somthing fresh.
Goodluck
Bigred
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Donna_D.
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Re: Needing the family once again...
« Reply #9 on: Feb 9th, 2005, 9:44pm » |
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on Feb 9th, 2005, 9:39pm, bigred wrote:
Spring is on the way and thats a great time to start somthing fresh.
Goodluck
Bigred
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Twitterpated!! Yeah, THAT'S IT!!!
DD
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| « Last Edit: Feb 9th, 2005, 9:47pm by Donna_D. » |
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BMoneeTheMoneeMan
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Re: Needing the family once again...
« Reply #10 on: Feb 9th, 2005, 10:01pm » |
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happy place vibes comming your way
BMonee
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Lizzie2
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Re: Needing the family once again...
« Reply #11 on: Feb 9th, 2005, 10:01pm » |
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Thanks very much for the support. It helps to know I made the right decision by reading your words!
Big Sis, keep your fingers crossed that I will be able to make it to Dallas! I'm not sure because I will be starting orientation for a brand new job on June 27! Not sure what weekends I work yet...it will be every 3rd weekend based on my preceptors' schedules. Hoping to make it...and maybe I should take a train or bus or something instead of flying!
I also forgot until a little bit ago that tomorrow morning is my neuro appointment. This will be the first chance we've had to discuss the mexiletine reaction. I'm really nervous. I just found out that they put a friend of mine on it, and she's having a lot of bad side effects. I told her to be really careful before it gets to the point where I was. I could have died if I had left the ER like I'd wanted to do and then wandered around Philadelphia not knowing who I was. I've never been so afraid of anything in my entire life.
I think I need a vacation!! I have spring break coming up on March 5-13, but I'm having surgery on the Tuesday of that week to repair some damage caused by my tumor 8 years ago. Hopefully the surgery will really help my sinuses and I'll be able to breathe again, too!
Thanks again for all the support. Sometimes when it rains, it pours! I think getting out of that relationship was probably one of the best things I could have done for myself...and I will realize that more as time goes by. It's never easy but it had to be done.
Hugz,
Carrie
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AlienSpaceBabe
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Re: Needing the family once again...
« Reply #12 on: Feb 9th, 2005, 10:03pm » |
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Linda_Howell
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Re: Needing the family once again...
« Reply #13 on: Feb 9th, 2005, 10:27pm » |
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Quote:| The convention hotel has a baby grand on the balcony right above the bar!! |
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YES!!!!!! Carl will bring his guitar..I will bring my violin..etc. etc. etc...You will shine my lady...HERE with your family.
You don't need no stinkin man. You are important to you... and to us.
Linda.
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Charlie
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Re: Needing the family once again...
« Reply #14 on: Feb 9th, 2005, 11:25pm » |
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Fuckem and don't look back works for me too. Pretty hard to add to it.
Oh, 
Charlie
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Lizzie2
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Re: Needing the family once again...
« Reply #15 on: Feb 9th, 2005, 11:37pm » |
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Thanks again
I now have a whole page front and back of things I need to go over with the neuro tomorrow morning. I refuse to leave until these concerns are addressed. In the end, if he doesn't have time to treat me or listen to my concerns, then I need a new doctor. I'm done with these rediculous games. I shouldn't be put in danger by my own medical care!
Thanks for listening
Carrie
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LeLimey
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Re: Needing the family once again...
« Reply #16 on: Feb 10th, 2005, 4:57am » |
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Think of it as an emotional enema.. you just got rid of a HUGE  !!!
I'm sorry it was tough but I'm really glad you are finally rid. I hpoe he gets the girlfriend he TRULY deserves.. anyone got a # for Lorena Bobbitt?????
edited to add I have ton's of lads I know here who would be delighted to go out with you if you fancy a trip?!!!
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| « Last Edit: Feb 10th, 2005, 4:58am by LeLimey » |
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Jeepgun
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Re: Needing the family once again...
« Reply #17 on: Feb 10th, 2005, 7:49am » |
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sandie99
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Re: Needing the family once again...
« Reply #18 on: Feb 10th, 2005, 11:00am » |
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on Feb 9th, 2005, 8:56pm, Sean_C wrote:| Fuckem' don't look back and move on................his loss |
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Well said! Sean is right.
You deserve a boyfriend who supports you.
I'm glad you told us. And what comes to the other things... I hope that they'll be resolved. You're in my prayers.
Best wishes,
Sandie
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Lizzie2
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Re: Needing the family once again...
« Reply #19 on: Feb 10th, 2005, 11:52am » |
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Thanks gang,
I just had my neuro appointment today. It was a COMPLETE disaster. Words cannot describe how upset he made me. Basically he said he does not believe that the mexiletine caused the problems I had in the ER that night. He thinks that it was a migraine with confusion. Bull shit. I never had problems like that except on that med. That's rediculous.
He asked me if I'm too angry to continue treatment there. I said it isn't so much anger as it is that I'm scared, that I'm hurt, and that I'm upset. I'm basically afraid to take any meds because I don't trust them. I feel like I have to spend about 5 hours looking up every drug prescribed before feeling like it is safe enough to take.
Then he wanted to put me on Keppra. He told me that the #1 bad effect was depression. I said...well that's great..I'm already in the depression from hell. Let's see if it can get worse! He said that I can monitor the med to make sure I'm not having the depression side effect.
REALLY? Because when I monitored the mexiletine and problems occurred, and I called in regarding them....I was ignored. So, if I get suicidally depressed on the keppra, which wouldn't take too much to cause...and I call them..are they REALLY going to actually listen to me? Why do I highly doubt that...
I told him that the reason I left Jefferson a year ago and went to Dr. Gallagher at UMDNJ was because of a similar issue. I had called about the verapamil, wound up in the ER, and was having a blood pressure of 60/40...couldn't get out of bed. I was told to just deal with the side effects. Well...that was impossible, so I wound up going to New Jersey.
He asked me why I didn't just stay with Dr. Gallagher. I said because he was just messing around with tricyclics, and because Teri Robert basically convinced me to come back to Jefferson and give it another chance. Which I did. And yet look where I am now.
He said he wanted to send me to Michigan. I said no way in hell will I go there. I said I'd go to Connecticut, but not Michigan...ever. I said I've never heard ONE good story come out of that place, and they don't even take insurance. You have to pay and then they reimburse you. I really don't think I can afford $40,000 out of pocket at the minimum and then sit around waiting for reimbursement. When I said I'd go to Connecticut, he said that they don't have an inpatient unit...I said at this point, I didn't care.
He told me to see it from the point of view from the headache center. That they did discuss it at great lengths, and they decided that I should stay on it. I said that's fine that you discussed it, but I guess I should have gone off it on my own when I knew that I was having serious problems on it, and everyone kept telling me to just keep taking it.
It was SOOOOOOOOooooo frustrating. I was in tears. He said maybe we just won't try any new treatments with you and won't do any more hospitalizations. We just won't change anything. I said that this was not the issue. I'm not against trying new treatments or doing the hospital stays, but if I do these things...then I need to be listened to when major problems arise. Blowing me off just makes me that much more aggravated.
He told me that I should go on permanent disability. THAT really pissed me off, too. Well I won't get into my feelings on disability, but I said that I've been in school for 20 straight years, and I am NOT quitting now to give up, go on disability, move back in with my parents, etc. No way in hell. He thinks that it would be a good idea because then they could do treatments more successfully. Yeah...more successfully means that if I'm on disability, then they have more play to fuck over my body some more.
I'm so upset right now it is not even funny. I think my dad is going to call my neuro today. They usually won't allow the neuro to call back anyone who calls in, but I think my dad will work his way around it. I'm no good when the neuro starts attacking me because I just start crying. My dad, however, is really good at getting his point across, and he does not back down for anything.
I'm so tired of this....
And this morning I was diagnosed with strep throat, so I'm not allowed to go to class for 24 hours. Most people would be happy, but this week is the first week of our 4th semester...so I'm missing all the intro classes. My teacher for today's class emailed me and said not to worry about it. I'm sure the fact that my throat is practically swollen shut and I have a fever...is definitely not helping my situation!
If you've read this far...thanks for listening...
If anyone has any grand ideas for the best next step to take since there are no other headache centers in the Philadelphia area, you can let me know about that too.
I'm so sick of being 100% responsible for my own care.
Lizzie2/Carrie
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| « Last Edit: Feb 10th, 2005, 11:56am by Lizzie2 » |
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Jeepgun
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Re: Needing the family once again...
« Reply #20 on: Feb 10th, 2005, 12:25pm » |
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Carrie... I hope your father is able to make some headway with your asinine neuro. Please hang in there, and focus your energies on recovering from strep and the fever.
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Re: Needing the family once again...
« Reply #21 on: Feb 10th, 2005, 12:27pm » |
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Stay strong, little one.
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Gator
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Re: Needing the family once again... (Update 2/10/
« Reply #22 on: Feb 10th, 2005, 1:47pm » |
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First, I want to say congratulations on taking your personal life back. i know it is hard at first, even with a relationship that had problems, but it'll get easier.
I'm glad you decided to stand up to your neuro. Maybe you didn't accomplish everything you wanted to, but you made a stand. Time to get tough is long past. If you can't get any respect and common courtesy, then maybe it is time you find a new doc. A doctor that doesn't listen to his patient isn't worth talking to.
You say there's not another headache center in Philly. Okay. From the sounds of things, they are not all their cracked up to be anyways. Lots of people don't get treated at "Headache Centers" and a lot of them get pretty good treatment. I'm sure there are other neurologists in your home town. You need to interview your next one, like you were hiring someone to wash your dishes or clean your house. Tell him up front the reason you are there was due to piss-poor treatment from your last neuro and you will not stand for it. You are to be a full partner in your treatment with the last say on whether you are comfortable with a plan of action. Go in with a list of what has been done so far, what meds have been tried, etc. You know the drill. There's not anyone telling you anything here that you don't already know.
Hope you get to feeling better soon and good luck with school.
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