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Topic: Cootie pick me up! (Read 367 times) |
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cathy
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Not all those that wander are lost......
  
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Cootie pick me up!
« on: Feb 6th, 2005, 4:04pm » |
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I think Cootie could do with a few laughs right now...I think it'd only be fair to send some her way, she's always here to pick us all up...so bring out your best weekend jokes please.......
What do you call a blonde between two brunettes? A mental block. 
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My own tears would mean nothing to me, if I could stop you from just shedding one....
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nani
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Re: Cootie pick me up!
« Reply #1 on: Feb 6th, 2005, 4:17pm » |
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Have a better day, Pam! love, nani
Two blondes are walking down a road...
Two blondes are walking down a road, one has a large sports bag.
1st blonde: "What have you got in that bag?"
2nd blonde: "Chickens."
1st blonde: "If I can guess how many chickens you've got in that bag, can I have one of them?"
2nd blonde: "If you can guess how many chickens I've got in this bag, you can have BOTH of them!!"
1st blonde: Well, I think you've got three."
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| « Last Edit: Feb 6th, 2005, 4:18pm by nani » |
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Others may come and go, but MY power is MINE.
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LeLimey
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Re: Cootie pick me up!
« Reply #2 on: Feb 6th, 2005, 4:25pm » |
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Aww Cootie I hope things get better soon  Here's my contribution....
Q: Why was the blonde disappointed with her trip to England?
A: She found out Big Ben is only a clock.
A little boy goes up to his mother and asks, "Is God a male or a female?" After thinking for a moment, his mother responds, "Well, God is both a male and a female."
This confuses the little boy, so he asks, "Is God black or
white?" "Well, God is both black and white."
At this, the boy's face lights up with understanding and
he triumphantly asks, "Is Michael Jackson God?"
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| « Last Edit: Feb 6th, 2005, 4:31pm by LeLimey » |
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Langa
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So many donuts, such little time...
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Re: Cootie pick me up!
« Reply #3 on: Feb 6th, 2005, 5:02pm » |
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Okay, here's a couple of MALE blond jokes, my blonde friend told me:
Why did the blond man get arrested by Airport Security?
The sign said 'Declare All Valuables' so he showed the officer the Family Jewels.
Why did the blond man drown?
The sign said 'NO SWIMMING'.
Okay, okay, these are corny...back to the FEMALE blond jokes:
What is a blond doing when she holds her hands tightly over her ears? ~ ~ ~Trying to hold onto a thought...
Langa
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When you saw only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you.
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Redd
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Re: Cootie pick me up!
« Reply #4 on: Feb 6th, 2005, 5:17pm » |
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Attorney: "At the scene of the accident, did you tell the constable you had never felt better in your life?"
Farmer: "That's right."
Attorney: "Well, then, how is it that you are now claiming you were seriously injured when my client's auto hit your wagon?"
Farmer: "When the constable arrived, he went over to my horse, who had a broken leg, and shot him. Then he went over to Rover, my dog, who was all banged up, and shot him. When he asked me how I felt, I just thought under the circumstances, it was a wise choice of words to say I've never felt better in my life."
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I saw an act of faith today. A man was on his knees, not in a pew in a Church, but in a garden planting seeds. ~~Unknown
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Redd
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Re: Cootie pick me up!
« Reply #5 on: Feb 6th, 2005, 5:50pm » |
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The Top 16 Lines You'll Never Hear in a Western
16. "I reckon I'll have me a half-caf double latte with a twist. IN A DIRTY MUG!"
15. "Gentlemen, rather than get caught up in mindless reaction, let's draw upon our feminine selves for a more intuitive solution."
14. "Can we postpone this duel till 12:05? I gotta use the little boys' room."
13. "Injuns! Quick, pull the wagons into an irregular dodecahedron!"
12. "Y'know, Badlands Pete... a roaring campfire, good coffee, nice prairie breeze, just you 'n' me... what say we put on the rhinestone gowns and dance a jig or two?"
11. "Guns? We don't need no stinking guns!"
10. "I'm tellin' ya, I ain't shot no varmints since them PETA fellers set me straight."
9. "Let's see... hardtack and pemmican... that's three grams of fat, seven grams of protein, and two starches."
8. "Who let the dogies out?"
7. "You 'n' Slim round up them strays, and I'll tell Cookie to get started on the gazpacho and the fondue."
6. "That's him! That's the yella-bellied varmint who shot my therapist!"
5. "He was a strong man, a good marshal, and I reckon he had a keen eye for interior decoration."
4. "Hey, Buck, do these chaps make my butt look big?"
3. "Dammit, Jake, yer an enabler!"
2. "It's like I keep tellin' ya, Earl: men is from Tombstone, women is from Dodge."
and the number 1 Line You'll Never Hear in a Western...
1. "HANG HIM HIGH, BOYS!! ...Okay, now a little to the left... Oooh! Stop right there. Perfect!"
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I saw an act of faith today. A man was on his knees, not in a pew in a Church, but in a garden planting seeds. ~~Unknown
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LeLimey
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Re: Cootie pick me up!
« Reply #6 on: Feb 6th, 2005, 5:53pm » |
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on Feb 6th, 2005, 5:50pm, Redd715 wrote:1. "HANG HIM HIGH, BOYS!! ...Okay, now a little to the left... Oooh! Stop right there. Perfect!"
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So let me just make sure I have this straight... nothing beats a well hung cowboy huh?! 
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The arsehole I'm divorcing needs to get a life and stop stalking mine
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medic1852
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Re: Cootie pick me up!
« Reply #7 on: Feb 6th, 2005, 5:58pm » |
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on Feb 6th, 2005, 5:53pm, LeLimey wrote:
So let me just make sure I have this straight... nothing beats a well hung cowboy huh?! |
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Howdy Mame! 
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Shoot Low Sherrif He's Riding a Sheltland Pony!
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Redd
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Re: Cootie pick me up!
« Reply #8 on: Feb 6th, 2005, 6:00pm » |
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on Feb 6th, 2005, 5:53pm, LeLimey wrote:
So let me just make sure I have this straight... nothing beats a well hung cowboy huh?! |
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If memory serves me correctly.... 
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I saw an act of faith today. A man was on his knees, not in a pew in a Church, but in a garden planting seeds. ~~Unknown
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cootie
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sumday I'm gonna be sumbody........ ..
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Re: Cootie pick me up!
« Reply #9 on: Feb 6th, 2005, 7:10pm » |
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"Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm".....ya know I read that sumwhere and I think it makes sum sorta sense.
I bout fell offa my chair when I seen this here......THANKS Cathy pal......me loves ya !!!!  Hey how bout some stupid men jokes ? You guys are the BEST of the BEST Pam
Thanks again.....means alot people care !!!!!!!!!
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Cause and Effect......"Cause is the effect concealed, Effect is the cause revealed"
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Redd
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Re: Cootie pick me up!
« Reply #10 on: Feb 6th, 2005, 7:23pm » |
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Cootie asked for it....she gets it...
STUPID MEN
How are husbands like lawn mowers?
They're hard to get started, they emit noxious odors, and half the time they don't work.
What do men and mascara have in common?
They both run at the first sign of emotion.
How do men define a "50/50" relationship?
We cook-they eat; we clean-they dirty; we iron-they wrinkle.
What is the difference between a sofa and a man watching Monday Night Football?
The sofa doesn't keep asking for beer.
How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One-He just holds it up there and waits for the world to revolve around him.
What's the smartest thing a man can say?
"My wife says..."
What do you call a man with half a brain?
Gifted.
What's the difference between government bonds and men?
Bonds Mature.
How is a man like a snowstorm?
Because you don't know when he's coming, how many inches you'll get, or how long it'll stay.
And last but not least.....
What did God say after creating man?
I can do so much better.
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I saw an act of faith today. A man was on his knees, not in a pew in a Church, but in a garden planting seeds. ~~Unknown
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Cathi04
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Re: Cootie pick me up!
« Reply #11 on: Feb 6th, 2005, 7:31pm » |
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Coots....everyone neeeds a good kick in the keester from time to time. Lord knows i could use one.......
I cant remember jokes.... but, if ya dont have it yet.I could send you the "piano men".......that's a complete HOOT!!!
Pammiecoots, cheer up luv.........
Let me know how I can help..............
Cathi
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Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take but by the moments that take our breath away.
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Charlie
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Re: Cootie pick me up!
« Reply #12 on: Feb 6th, 2005, 8:11pm » |
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Form Steven Wright:
1. I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize
2. Borrow money from pessimists.- they don't expect it back.
3. Half the people you know are below average.
4. 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
5. 42.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.
6. A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
7. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
8. If you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain.
9. All those who believe in psycho-kinesis, raise my hand.
10. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
11. I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
12. OK, so what's the speed of dark?
13. How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?
14. If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked
something.
15. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
16. When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
17. Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
18. Hard work pays off in the future, laziness pays off now.
19. I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
20. If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
21. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
22. What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
23. My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn
louder."
24. Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
25. If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
26. A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
27. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
28. The hardness of the butter is directly proportional to the softness of the bread.
29. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is
research.
30. The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
31. The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.
32. The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on
it.
33. Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film.
34. When I was a child, my mother took me aside, and left me there.
Charlie
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There is nothing more satisfying than being shot at without result---Winston Churchill
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AussieBrian
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Re: Cootie pick me up!
« Reply #13 on: Feb 6th, 2005, 10:32pm » |
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Q. What do you call a blond sitting between two brunettes?
A. Irresistable.
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Vulcrania horrendus - twice daily, then two at night in lieu of sleep.
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Redd
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Re: Cootie pick me up!
« Reply #14 on: Feb 6th, 2005, 11:02pm » |
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on Feb 6th, 2005, 10:32pm, AussieBrian wrote:Q. What do you call a blond sitting between two brunettes?
A. Irresistable. |
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As long as they are hot, ripped men.....I'd call it breakfast lunch and dinner.....
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I saw an act of faith today. A man was on his knees, not in a pew in a Church, but in a garden planting seeds. ~~Unknown
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