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Topic: So how many have lost because of this F'ing Beast (Read 331 times) |
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Tiannia
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Life does not apologies......
 
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So how many have lost because of this F'ing Beast
« on: Jan 31st, 2005, 2:26pm » |
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How many here have ended up fighting because of these fuKing Headaches? Or just flat out losing relationships all together?
Dont feel like going into details, but have just been fighting a lot and feel like it is my fault because it all centers around me "getting bitchy" because I have a headache or can feel one coming, or am just wiped after one has gone.
He does not understand that the meds dont always work. That telling me to "Go take something for it" is not always the right thing to say. That even when I do there is no guarantee that the HA will stop.
He "cant help it if I have a Headache. And should not have to pay for it because I do." That really hurt. I try so hard to make it so that they dont effect my kids and home life. But it is like my husband forgets that I have them if he does nothave to see me fight it each time.
I was lucky enough to have them back off while I was looking for work and was only getting a really bad one (K8+) everyother day or so. Then Thursday night I got slammed, got another two while at work Friday and got hit again Friday night and Saturday morning. That is when he got all mad, because "we where having a great day, then you just turned into a raging bitch." 
It was stressful enough that I actually bought a pack of smoked and smoked my first cig in 8 and a half years Saturday. I have not touched the pack since then, but at the time it felt sooo good.
I just feel like i am messing up here. I dont know how to explain it to him and I know htat it hurts him to see me in pain which is why I hide when I get hit so that eh does not have to see it. But after almost 2 yrs with no break, you would think that he would realize that these are not going to just disappear or not happen because he does not want them too.
I think I really got my hopes up that the HA would not ramp up again. They always do. I should be used to it by now. But I think there was part of me that was really enjoying not getting hit every night. Now, well they are about normal for me I guess. I get hit 2-3 times (K7 up) a day. I stay here for about 5-6 weeks then they ramp up to 5-6 high kips for about 2 weeks, then back to where I am now and then back down to every couple of days.
This just fucking suks and I dont feel like I have much anywhere to turn. There has been shit here, and I did not feel like I should even be posting this.
I dont know.... 
The job is good and I really enjoy it. So I guess that is a good thing.
BCBS kicks in tomorrow and I can see about seeing a doc through them for my meds. See if I cant find someone who will actually treat me and not just pat me on the fucking head and send me on my way saying that "Women cant have clusters." Sorry very negative right now.
PF Wishes my friends.
-Tia
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The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change. - Carl Rogers
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Racer1_NC
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Re: So how many have lost because of this F'ing Be
« Reply #1 on: Jan 31st, 2005, 2:36pm » |
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What I have I lost because of CH?
A sense of inner peace, along with my memory.
Time.
What have I gained?
The will to overcome.
Lasting friendships.
A strong drive to balance the pain with pleasure.
A fair trade? Time will tell.........
Bill
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"Everybody's Gotta Learn Sometime."
Eventus stultorum magister.
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thomas
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Re: So how many have lost because of this F'ing Be
« Reply #2 on: Jan 31st, 2005, 2:45pm » |
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on Jan 31st, 2005, 2:36pm, Racer1_NC wrote:What I have I lost because of CH?
A sense of inner peace, along with my memory.
Time.
What have I gained?
The will to overcome.
Lasting friendships.
A strong drive to balance the pain with pleasure.
A fair trade? Time will tell.........
Bill |
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Do you always have to make so much damn sense? Awesome philosophy.
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Religion and sex are powerplays. Manipulate the people for the money they pay. Selling skin, selling God, the numbers look the same on their credit cards. Triptans cause rebounds. Learn it, believe it, live it. I use triptans as the absolute LAST RESORT when treating my CH.
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cat14
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Re: So how many have lost because of this F'ing Be
« Reply #3 on: Jan 31st, 2005, 2:50pm » |
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on Jan 31st, 2005, 2:36pm, Racer1_NC wrote:What I have I lost because of CH?
A sense of inner peace, along with my memory.
Time.
What have I gained?
The will to overcome.
Lasting friendships.
A strong drive to balance the pain with pleasure.
A fair trade? Time will tell.........
Bill |
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I second that! Oh and one more thing "MY POWER"!
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Margi
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Re: So how many have lost because of this F'ing Be
« Reply #4 on: Jan 31st, 2005, 3:02pm » |
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grrrr, Tianna - I hate hearing of supporters dropping the ball like this. Send him on over to the Supporters Section - we'll tune him in for you. Sounds like he probably won't go though.  Feel free to print out anything from our Family Services Team over at the OUCH Website. Put it in the bathroom or something. Maybe he'll read it there! 
I'm so sorry that you're going through this. Please know that you'll always find understanding support here and if you need a shoulder, mine are wide and waterproof.
Big hugs to you and sending you strength to get through this. Prayers that you can find a new neuro who will help you out. And don't start smoking again, honey - you know that's not gonna help in the long run.
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| « Last Edit: Jan 31st, 2005, 3:02pm by Margi » |
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kathy copelin, ch.com 8/8/06
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Tiannia
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Life does not apologies......
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Re: So how many have lost because of this F'ing Be
« Reply #5 on: Jan 31st, 2005, 3:17pm » |
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on Jan 31st, 2005, 3:02pm, Margi wrote:grrrr, Tianna - I hate hearing of supporters dropping the ball like this. Send him on over to the Supporters Section - we'll tune him in for you. Sounds like he probably won't go though.
And don't start smoking again, honey - you know that's not gonna help in the long run. |
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No he wont go. He says that he understands that this place helps me but he does not get the HA so he does not need it.
I know smoking wont helps. And it is not like I was craving the nicotine (although the buzz was kinda fun ) It just gave me an excuse to get outside by myself and not give a fuck.
Racer... I understand what you where saying and applaude you. But I was specifically asking about how CH has effected peoples relationships with thier partners. Husbands, wives, live-ins, roommates, whatever.
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The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change. - Carl Rogers
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E-Double
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Re: So how many have lost because of this F'ing Be
« Reply #6 on: Jan 31st, 2005, 3:36pm » |
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It's super hard my friend....
We're still newlyweds and at times I'm waiting for her to leave me...which I know will not happen.
But nonetheless both our patience runs thin when "We" are hurting.
It is really hard. I wish I had words other than talk and communicate ......I hope you both get a break!
Hugs,
Eric
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I can't believe that I have to bang my
Head against this wall again
But the blows they have just a little more
Space in-between them
Gonna take a breath and try again.
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PrettyH8Machine
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Re: So how many have lost because of this F'ing Be
« Reply #7 on: Jan 31st, 2005, 6:12pm » |
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I lost EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I think the thing that hurt the most to lose of everything was my dignity. I still have not recovered.
Wrecked alot of relationships, and alienated me from my family. In '98 I lost the love of my life and never got over that loss either. Lost a few friends, but I guess they weren't much of friends to begin with when you really think about it. However, I have also made new friends that would not trade for the world.
Sorry that it is going rough for you Tia and that it has burdened your relationship. I wish there were something I could say to help, or even make you feel better. Will be keeping you in thoughts & prayers though. Try to hang tough, and if you find yourself running out of rope - there is lots of it here. We're all with you in spirit.
Peace,
CD
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john_d
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Re: So how many have lost because of this F'ing Be
« Reply #8 on: Jan 31st, 2005, 6:17pm » |
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Recently I lost about four weeks of sanity, sleep walking like the damn dead during the day, and living a fricken nightmare throughout the night. But nothing like the loss some of you guys endured. Racer and Cat your attitudes are awesome, and to me attitude is just about everything.
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Donna_D.
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Re: So how many have lost because of this F'ing Be
« Reply #9 on: Jan 31st, 2005, 6:25pm » |
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Tianna,
At one point in time my ex told me:
"You are not even human anymore...all you are is a fucking headache!"
Nice, huh?
You ask me what I lost as far as relationships go...I lost nothing...HE DID...and knowing you, it will be YOUR HUSBAND'S LOSS, NOT YOURS if he keeps up this non-supportive bullshit.
He may be the type of person who will never understand these damn headaches...but it is no excuse for him not to care about YOU! Like we really CHOOSE to have these damn headaches? You know?!?!?
If you need to talk, Sis, I am always around here somewhere.
Sending some
GREAT
BIG
TEXAS
SIZED
VIBES
your direction and there are plenty where that came from if it isnt enough!
Hang tight, T!! Love you, Sis!!!
DD
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 The information contained above is for the expressed use of fellow clusterheads and their supporters. Any misuse of this information by any of my "Ex's" is considered to be creepy and a form of harassment and will be duly noted by the ch.com webmaster 
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nani
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Re: So how many have lost because of this F'ing Be
« Reply #10 on: Jan 31st, 2005, 6:33pm » |
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 to you, Tia...I know it's tough. For me and my supporters, it's not so obvious...just little bits chipped away over time. My grown up kids often roll their eyes at me now...even after all these years, they sometimes still don't get it.
Hugggssss and vibes, hun love, nani
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Others may come and go, but MY power is MINE.
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AlienSpaceBabe
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Re: So how many have lost because of this F'ing Be
« Reply #11 on: Jan 31st, 2005, 11:53pm » |
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Tia.... I'm sorry this is going on in your life....
besides sleep and part of my sanity, I didn't lose anything - anyone who left wasn't somebody I'd want to be with anyway....
hugs,
Lizzie
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Tom_Thumb
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Re: So how many have lost because of this F'ing Be
« Reply #12 on: Feb 1st, 2005, 1:27am » |
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Well it sounds like the time for me to take the stand for the men. I HAVE BEEN ALONE WITH MY SON FOR THREE YEARS NOW .MY DAMN HEAD DID HAVE ALOT TO DO WITH IT . THAT BITCH WOULD SAY YOU DO NOT WANT TO DO ANYTHING ALL YOU DO IS STAY ON THAT DAMN 02 TANK AN BEG FOR YOUR HEAD TO QUIT. WELL JUST TO LET YOU ALL KNOW ALL SHE HAS NOW IS A LIFE IN A HALF WAY HOUSE . I HAVE IT ALL !!! DO NOT LET ANYONE RULE YOUR LIFE THE DAMN HEADACHES DO THE BEST OF THAT NOTHING SHOULD EVER TAKE THERE PLACE. IF PEOPLE DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHAT WE CH GO THROUGH THEN GET GONE . THERE IS SOMEONE WHO WILL LOVE US I PROMISE YOU TO THAT GOD BLESS THE DUMB ASSES
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Racer1_NC
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Re: So how many have lost because of this F'ing Be
« Reply #13 on: Feb 1st, 2005, 1:52am » |
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on Jan 31st, 2005, 3:17pm, Tiannia wrote:
Racer... I understand what you where saying and applaude you. But I was specifically asking about how CH has effected peoples relationships with thier partners. Husbands, wives, live-ins, roommates, whatever. |
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Relationships? The answer is the same. I've lost and gained. Once again, time will tell if the trade was a fair one.
Bill
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| « Last Edit: Feb 1st, 2005, 1:54am by Racer1_NC » |
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"Everybody's Gotta Learn Sometime."
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Gator
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Re: So how many have lost because of this F'ing Be
« Reply #14 on: Feb 1st, 2005, 2:00am » |
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on Feb 1st, 2005, 1:27am, Tom_Thumb wrote:| Well it sounds like the time for me to take the stand for the men. I HAVE BEEN ALONE WITH MY SON FOR THREE YEARS NOW .MY DAMN HEAD DID HAVE ALOT TO DO WITH IT . THAT BITCH WOULD SAY YOU DO NOT WANT TO DO ANYTHING ALL YOU DO IS STAY ON THAT DAMN 02 TANK AN BEG FOR YOUR HEAD TO QUIT. WELL JUST TO LET YOU ALL KNOW ALL SHE HAS NOW IS A LIFE IN A HALF WAY HOUSE . I HAVE IT ALL !!! DO NOT LET ANYONE RULE YOUR LIFE THE DAMN HEADACHES DO THE BEST OF THAT NOTHING SHOULD EVER TAKE THERE PLACE. IF PEOPLE DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHAT WE CH GO THROUGH THEN GET GONE . THERE IS SOMEONE WHO WILL LOVE US I PROMISE YOU TO THAT GOD BLESS THE DUMB ASSES |
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A little louder please. I can still hear from my left ear. 
The problem isn't the people who DON'T understand. The problem is the people that WON'T understand regardless of all the proof and evidence and first hand witnessing of the attacks themselves. Some people are loathe to believe it's more than a headache that can be cured with a pill. Those are the people who ruin relationships and trash self esteem. It's a serious lack of character and lack of honest concern for someone that has every right to expect it.
It just tears me up inside every time I see something like this. Like the disorder itself doesn't do enough damage. Tiannia, I am sorry to read things are going so rough for you. My wife and I went through a rough spell at first. She would get mad at me and then get mad at herself for getting mad at me - enter vicious circle. It got to where we hardly ever talked. She about had a mental breakdown and ended up seeing a shrink who helped her understand that she was not mad at me - she was mad at the situation. Mad at the disease that was causing me such pain. And helped her see it was okay to be mad at the disease. We have a much better relationship now, but not before going through a period of hell, first. It's sad to say that I am one of the lucky ones.
Sending you all my hopes that things turn around before they go too far to matter.
Peace, Strength and Love to you, my sister.
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sandie99
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Re: So how many have lost because of this F'ing Be
« Reply #15 on: Feb 1st, 2005, 3:01am » |
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Tiannia,
My relationships have been easier, because, well, I'm not in a romantic one. CH has, though, prevented lots of potential dates leading into something... I can tell.
But I have noticed that some CHs make me very irritated and then I can easily snap. My friends understand very well once I tell them as soon as I feel that CH is coming.
My mum is less understanding, which is interesting. My irritation related to CH is lost on her, even with the explenation. She has been supportive, but I do wish that she would come to talk to other supporters here. Well, maybe someday.
I do hope that your things will work out for the best. And I wish the same for the rest of us. 
PFdays,
Sandie
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CH happends, Live anyway! PF days to us all!
"Do what you can and let God take care of the rest. Leave your heart wide open and always wish for the best" (Sanna Hillu)
"No matter how far out your dreams are, it's possible" (Marketa Irglova)
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