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Topic: my anxiety is through the roof (Read 719 times) |
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Melissa
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I wasn't sure if it was such a good idea to post this here, but you all are my family, so here goes...
On Monday, the 17th, I finally went in for my mammogram that had to be put off twice due to weather and a receptionists mistake. Anyway, after I had my x-ray done, I got a call the next day with a lady telling me I needed to come back in to have another one done. She said it's probably nothing, and proceeded to set up a date for my next mammogram. After I hung up the phone, I felt like I had just gotten done with a phone call that was a dream.
Anyway, I go back for it on Monday the 24th.
Today I got the letter in the mail, that said the scan found something, and that most cases are benign(sp?). That send me reeling again, and those who know me, know I have bad anxiety and along with that come the anxiety attacks. They also know that in 2001, my Mom died of breast cancer. Anyhow, I have yet to pop a Xanax, because I don't want to go back down that road, and thought it'd be better if I just wrote down about it here. Only 1 family member here knows what I've been going through, and though I am ever so grateful for their attempts to ease my mind, I still needed to "get it out" somehow.
The past 4 days have been a whirlwind between crying, worrying and the rare moments of calm due to watching tv, a movie or reading. There are people here who have gone through such heartache, that it makes my ordeal pale in comparison, so I won't babble.
Thanks for letting me vent everyone.
mel
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..Danielle..
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Re: my anxiety is through the roof
« Reply #1 on: Jan 20th, 2005, 7:40pm » |
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Vent away,
I've had five of those nasty little lumps and have had four removed. So far so good, no cancer. The fifth was biopsied and it to was benign. There is also a predominance of breast cancer in my family, so I hope my response helps in some way. The last two were just done Oct. 26th '04. The scars are still healing. The anxiety is the worst, and I will be praying for you.
This affects you, right now, that makes it just as important as others anxieties...
Keep us posted
Danielle
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Keep your face to the sunshine and you cannot see the shadow. -Helen Keller
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Redd
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Re: my anxiety is through the roof
« Reply #2 on: Jan 20th, 2005, 7:44pm » |
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Mel,
It's natural to worry some, but please try not to let it get to you yet. Most things are easily taken care of, they are just being carful to be sure. You are young, healthy otherwise except for this damn beast.
Just go though with this and be upbeat and positive till you know something for sure. Worrying about something that may not happen means you've worried for nothing. Worry and it does happen...then you've worried twice.
I'm close Mel, let me lknow if you ever need to talk ok?
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I saw an act of faith today. A man was on his knees, not in a pew in a Church, but in a garden planting seeds. ~~Unknown
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kimh
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Re: my anxiety is through the roof
« Reply #3 on: Jan 20th, 2005, 7:53pm » |
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Hey Mel,
Just wanted to send ya a cyber hug and some positive vibes***
Thinkin of ya.
It's ok to be scared and normal. Try to keep busy and keep talking to people. It helps getting through that dasterdly anxiety.
Well wishes,
kim
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Jonny
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Re: my anxiety is through the roof
« Reply #4 on: Jan 20th, 2005, 7:56pm » |
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on Jan 20th, 2005, 7:31pm, Melissa wrote:| I have yet to pop a Xanax, because I don't want to go back down that road |
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Should not have them in the house if its the road im thinking, if not, then im just a dumbass 
Ive posted before how my liver function test came back bad and I had to retest, I spent two weeks on the net reading how I was going to die (Scared the shit out of me)
Turns out the first test was wrong....I so bad wanted to kill someone!
Hang in there Mel Baby 
.............................................jonny
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Melissa
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Re: my anxiety is through the roof
« Reply #5 on: Jan 20th, 2005, 8:03pm » |
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Thank you everyone. I really do appreciate the understanding and support.
love,
mel
p.s. Jonny, I was on Xanax back in the summer. It was an absolute bitch to get off of, so I never want to go back on it again...
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Kris_in_SJ
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Re: my anxiety is through the roof
« Reply #6 on: Jan 20th, 2005, 8:40pm » |
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My dear old mom is fond of saying .... "Wait to worry."
I'm still not sure what she means by that, but I can tell you that in the past 6 years, I've had nearly 12 mammograms - 6 were for screening, 4 were for "call-backs" and the rest were in-between.
After the first "call-back" they wanted to do a type of biopsy called steriotactic - just the name freaked me out. Took my films for a second opinion to a surgeon who was all for monitoring me for awhile - meaning mammograms every 6 months for a few. (I also have a strong family history). All was cool. This year I had another call-back and am now back on the 6-month schedule.
All this is beside the point, because, according to my surgeon (that I still see every year), more women are called back for additional views these days simply because the equipment used is so much more sensitive and sophisticated. It rarely means there's a true problem, merely that they need an additional view of the area.
Hang in there, but take a Xanax if you need to. PM me any time if you need to talk.
Hugs,
Kris
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broomhilda
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Re: my anxiety is through the roof
« Reply #7 on: Jan 20th, 2005, 8:54pm » |
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The waiting is the hardest thing isn't it, it gives us time to think which is not good....
Mel big hugs on over, thinking of you and guess what? Instead of the Xanaz grab a marguarita and dream of these two coming to your rescue...
Here for you if you need to talk!
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Suck it up Princess...
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john_d
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Re: my anxiety is through the roof
« Reply #8 on: Jan 20th, 2005, 8:56pm » |
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Hey Mel, Anxiety really sux doesn't it? It's almost worst than the problems that cause it. Hope to hear the lab tests come back clear. Bet they will. John
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Leesa
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Re: my anxiety is through the roof
« Reply #9 on: Jan 20th, 2005, 10:04pm » |
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Mel, had 2 lumps removed several yrs. ago one on each side, and they were nuttin just a pain. *PHEW* They dont make it easy to deal with thats for damn sure.  We are here if you need us. Keep us posted. Got the mojo, vibes, and prayers on the way from down south for ya hun. If ya need to talk let me know.
Love, Leesa
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Jeepgun
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Re: my anxiety is through the roof
« Reply #11 on: Jan 20th, 2005, 10:09pm » |
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Right on, Mel. What everyone else has said. Hang in there. I'm sure it will turn out to be nothing, and even if it turns out to be a lump, chances are, it is benign. No matter what, you are a survivor, and you will come through this. I believe in you, my friend.
-Frank
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Renee
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Re: my anxiety is through the roof
« Reply #12 on: Jan 20th, 2005, 10:12pm » |
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Mel,
I'm in the same boat as Kris with the every 6 month mammogram, etc etc. It is very common for many women to be "watched".
Are they comparing these films to previous year's films?
Don't forget to breathe. Anxiety attacks can sometimes be thwarted if you pay attention to your breathing and take slow deep breaths. This breathing has stopped me reaching for the Xanax many times.
You'll be in my thoughts and prayers,
Renee
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minnie
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Re: my anxiety is through the roof
« Reply #13 on: Jan 20th, 2005, 10:17pm » |
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Awe Mel I'll be thinking of you and praying for good results.keep the faith.
Minnie
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Paula
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Re: my anxiety is through the roof
« Reply #14 on: Jan 20th, 2005, 10:23pm » |
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Oh Mel I will pray with ya. Venting is a good thing. I am sorry it is so stressfull. I have no idea what I would do in the same spot. You will be just fine no matter what the outcome because you have a hole world of CH people praying with ya. Love Paula (remember me and the ameretto?)
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Love, Paula
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cootie
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Re: my anxiety is through the roof
« Reply #15 on: Jan 20th, 2005, 10:24pm » |
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Wow mel I just went thru the same thing and got the SAME letter......freaked me out to where I was shakeing. I called the docs office. The nurse told me....if the exray had read BAD they would of called me to get rite back in there the NEXT DAY !!! So she said they were just wanting to redo it to keep track of any abnormalities and figure out if it was just ME or if anything was changeing. So I had it redone and even went in to see the doc.....he said they tend to over read the tests but it is for your own good cuz the sooner they find a 'change' the better off YOU are. So if ya keep up with it and have it done regular the tests will probly save your life in the future if it runs in your family. I had no previous test done so they needed to do it again (changes happen fast too) to compare with and keep track of. And yeah......not cool to get back on the xanax if ya got an addictive nature. I for one think it can HELP a person if taken JUST a day or so AND NEVER EVER DAILY get thru anxiety. I myself can do that.....but most can not. I am addicted to not ever gettin addicted Pam
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LadyElaine
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Re: my anxiety is through the roof
« Reply #16 on: Jan 20th, 2005, 10:26pm » |
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Prayers coming your way!
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Tara Ann
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Re: my anxiety is through the roof
« Reply #18 on: Jan 20th, 2005, 11:08pm » |
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The waiting game is the hardest to deal with. Hang in there, and per the advice given to me about waiting anxiety "don't worry till you KNOW you have something to worry about"
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OneEyeBlind
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Re: my anxiety is through the roof
« Reply #19 on: Jan 20th, 2005, 11:15pm » |
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For three years now, Mel, they keep scanning my husband for cancer. I have learned how not to worry, but it took years of practice ..... I don't suggest this route. However, I do agree with Kris's mom ..... too bad it is way easier said than done !
on Jan 20th, 2005, 8:40pm, Kris_in_SJ wrote:My dear old mom is fond of saying .... "Wait to worry."
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So, rather than worry about you, I'm just gonna say a little prayer. That works so much better than anything else !
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Melissa
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Re: my anxiety is through the roof
« Reply #20 on: Jan 21st, 2005, 7:10am » |
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 Thank you so much everyone! The personal stories you have given me have helped calm my fears and get that sinking feeling out of the pit of my stomach. Whenever I start feeling like that, I'll just come to this thread and read it.
I am so blessed to have this family ,
mel
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hilbily
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Re: my anxiety is through the roof
« Reply #21 on: Jan 21st, 2005, 7:55am » |
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Hang in there, girl. He promised not to give us more than we can handle (though sometimes I question his high confidence in me). You'll be in our prayers! Jim
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thomas
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Re: my anxiety is through the roof
« Reply #22 on: Jan 21st, 2005, 8:35am » |
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Thinking of you Mel. Hoping for the best. 
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floridian
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Re: my anxiety is through the roof
« Reply #23 on: Jan 21st, 2005, 8:55am » |
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I can think of many friends and family that have been put in the position of waiting for test results - and usually it was negative (which is positive). The worst I can think of were two pregnant women (sister in law and wife's friend) who were told "something does not look right" when everything ultimately turned out fine on the retest - what effect does that stress have on the developing child?? I guess there's no way to get instant results that are always correct, and the people that schedule the tests are not always simpatico. Just focus on the positive - odds are that this is just an aggravation.
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Charlie
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Re: my anxiety is through the roof
« Reply #24 on: Jan 21st, 2005, 9:04am » |
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Fear not Mel. As soon as you post here, whatever's bugging you hasn't a chance. Rant away and if they screwed up the tests, be sure to get the address so we can send Jonny.
Charlie
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