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Topic: Some REAL advice on health & diet :-) (Read 290 times) |
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Jayne
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Some REAL advice on health & diet :-)
« on: Jan 7th, 2005, 9:19pm » |
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Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it ... don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.
Q : Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.
Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain.Bottoms up!
Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body and you have body fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.
Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain = Good
Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!!. Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?
Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.
Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy? HELLO ...... Cocoa beans .. another vegetable!!! It's the best feel-good food around!
Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.
Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!
Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets and remember, "Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - strawberries in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and screaming - WOO HOO! What a Ride!"
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broomhilda
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Re: Some REAL advice on health & diet :-)
« Reply #1 on: Jan 7th, 2005, 9:22pm » |
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ROTFLMFAO  Now thats what I call giving good advice, thanks Jayne!!!
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Jimi
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Re: Some REAL advice on health & diet :-)
« Reply #2 on: Jan 7th, 2005, 9:29pm » |
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You are borderline retarded. Just thought that you should know. 
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Jayne
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Re: Some REAL advice on health & diet :-)
« Reply #3 on: Jan 7th, 2005, 9:37pm » |
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yeah. I like going down on the syndrome.
edit. err....I meant to say. I like to get down with the syndrome.
I'm going now.
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| « Last Edit: Jan 7th, 2005, 9:50pm by Jayne » |
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BarbaraD
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Re: Some REAL advice on health & diet :-)
« Reply #4 on: Jan 7th, 2005, 9:51pm » |
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Jayne you do have a way of cutting thru the BS -- and I agree with you wholeheartedly. Hope everyone was listening to what a wise (a?) you are.....
Hugs BD
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Jayne
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Re: Some REAL advice on health & diet :-)
« Reply #5 on: Jan 7th, 2005, 9:54pm » |
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well Barb, thanks for stating the obvious that I am an incredible human being BUT I did not write it. I copied and pasted it from an email.
But granted, I am incredible.
Speaking of diet.....have you checked yer knickers latley?
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BobG
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Re: Some REAL advice on health & diet :-)
« Reply #6 on: Jan 7th, 2005, 9:57pm » |
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LMAO.
I'm going to show this to my mother and say
"I told you so! Vegetables taste like poop for a reason. So you won't put them in your mouth."
Let the cow eat the peas and broccoli. I'll eat the cow.
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Jeepgun
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Re: Some REAL advice on health & diet :-)
« Reply #7 on: Jan 7th, 2005, 10:36pm » |
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ROFL, Bob!!
Funny stuff, Jayne!
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Biker
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Re: Some REAL advice on health & diet :-)
« Reply #8 on: Jan 7th, 2005, 10:39pm » |
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Our forefathers (and mothers) drank lots of corn licquer. They ate Meat, and Vegatables from the garden. They milked the cows. They made their own wine and beer. Some ate mushrooms, and smoked pot and tobacco which they learned from their parents to grow. They ate chickens and eggs from the chickens, ducks, and whatever else they could investigate. They worked hard to survive, and their offspring came out alright----not to mention many (most) of them lived to be up into their 90's. Many are still alive today. They had families of 5-14 children-born at home-most without midwives. On Saturday nights, they would party. They worked hard, partied hard, and lived long. They remember radio. And they were happy!
Our parents generation went to work in the 40 hr/week job. They punched time clocks, started businesses, drove cars, partied hard, had 2-4 kids. Began the devlopment projects, business projects, and turned the price of gold from 32bucks an ounce to 200 bucks an ounce. They became doctors, lawyers, and business excusitives. They all lived in boxes, and got away from the farm. They are the ones who live by Television, sports on television, and news on television. They tend to loose existance in their 60's-80's And they were happy!
I pretty much grew up on Television, going to the doctor when I had a cold, mucle machine cars, hippies, drugs, and radio when nothing else was available. If it wasnt for the work I need to do on the farm, I would become an internet junky. I find myself doing one motorcycle build after another, securing profit to live, then building another. Guess I could become wealthy doing that, but I have chickens to feed, cattle to feed, and lawns to mow----not to mention trucks to fix, fences to mend, and lawyers always trying to steal what I worked hard to produce. My friends are dropping like flys in their 40's and 50's. And I am happy!
My kiddos are lazy, talkative, couch potatoes. They talk a great life, but sit in front of a television, or puter screen, and eat. My kids have become like cattle. They follow whatever instructs them to follow. They are overweight, lazy, and in want of more food and a clean toilet. My kids follow the dollar. If there is a job that is worth more bucks on the hour, they go for it. Especially if it is less effort-----and thats mental effort, not physical.
I suppose being a college football player is all that life requires, or a cheerleader. Then ya get fat. Have a kid, divorce the dad, and collect support.
I think Im gettin a bit too old to deal with the kids I have. I think Im gonna stay on the farm. I think I would to better working hard and feeling young. I still wake at 5am, and usually hit the bed by 9pm. I am a carpenter----with various other things to do. I must feed people. I have no health insurance. And I survive.
And from time to time, I party.
Is it worth it? How old will my kiddos make it to?
We as a population, have gone from farmers to apartment dwellers. Some (the lucky) own houses. The "homeless" living under bridges are the only happy folks I have met in a very long time. They are not worried about the next "morgage or credit card bill." The land owners are worried about their taxes, plumming pipes, and electric bills. The kiddos are worried about their next "fix" of recreationals, and the fuel for their vehicle tanks.
It strikes me right strange that the homeless population of the nation "USA" becomes decieced at the average age of 75, and the business folks average is around the same---------with the businessmen having all the medical attention. Hummmmmmmmmm????? I kinda wonder who is happier going to the grave???
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