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Topic: MEN'S RULES - For the Ladies... (Read 1703 times) |
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Langa
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MEN'S RULES - For the Ladies...
« on: Jan 3rd, 2005, 1:56pm » |
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My girlfriend received this from her boss as a joke. She forwarded it to me and said she's looking for women to put some rules together from a women's perspective. I thought you ladies would enjoy reading this and coming up with some rules of your own
We men always hear the rules from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side:
Please note: These are all numbered “1” on purpose.
-Breasts are for looking at and that is why we do it. Don’t try to change that.
-Learn to work the toilet seat. You’re a big girl. If it’s up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don’t hear us complain about you leaving it down.
-Saturday = Sports. It’s like the full moon or the changing of the tides.
-Shopping is not a sport and NO, we are NEVER going to think of it that way.
-Crying is blackmail.
-Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this issue:
Subtle hints don’t work, Strong hints don’t work, Obvious hints do not work. JUST SAY IT!
-Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to any question.
-Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That’s what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
-A headache that lasts 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
-Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissable in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
-If you think you are fat, you probably are. Don’t ask us.
-If something we said could be interpreted in two ways, and one of the ways makes you angry, we meant the other one.
-You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done, not both. If you already know best how to do it, do it yourself.
-Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
-Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.
-All men see is in only 16 colors. For example, Peach is a fruit, Pumpkin is a veggie, WTF is mauve???
-If it itches, it will be scratched…Yeah, we do that!
-If we ask “what’s wrong” and you say “nothing”, we will act like nothing’s wrong. We know you are lying, but it’s just not worth the hassle.
-If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, expect an answer you don’t want to hear.
-When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine…really!
-Don’t ask us what we are thinking unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as sex, sports or cars.
-You have enough clothes.
-You have way too many shoes.
-I am in shape, Round is a shape.
Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know I have to sleep on the couch tonite, but did you know men really don’t mind that. It’s like camping.
I'll start - "DON'T EXPECT US TO LOOK LIKE VICTORIA SECRET MODELS, IF YOU DON'T LOOK ANYTHING NEAR LIKE THE ROCK" 
Langa
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becky8
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Re: MEN'S RULES - For the Ladies...
« Reply #1 on: Jan 3rd, 2005, 2:04pm » |
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I agree with Langa, let us just get fat and lay around on the couch watching T.V. all day!
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becky8
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Re: MEN'S RULES - For the Ladies...
« Reply #2 on: Jan 3rd, 2005, 2:07pm » |
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In my underwear!!
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Grandma_Sweet_Boy
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Re: MEN'S RULES - For the Ladies...
« Reply #3 on: Jan 3rd, 2005, 2:09pm » |
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Scratchin' whatever itches - whenever it itches - wherever we are!
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Miklos
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Re: MEN'S RULES - For the Ladies...
« Reply #4 on: Jan 3rd, 2005, 2:12pm » |
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Why would I want to you to waste money on clothing and lingerie? A brush would be nice. A razor is optional.
Oh, and wax, if you are so personally inclined; I don't care one way or another.
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Don't be offended by my frank analysis. Think of it as personality dialysis.
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Langa
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So many donuts, such little time...
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Re: MEN'S RULES - For the Ladies...
« Reply #5 on: Jan 3rd, 2005, 2:18pm » |
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on Jan 3rd, 2005, 2:09pm, Grandma_Sweet_Boy wrote:| Scratchin' whatever itches - whenever it itches - wherever we are! |
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There you go Becky... 
My friend has one about how if men can scratch their balls in public, then we should...well never mind... 
Langa
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becky8
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Re: MEN'S RULES - For the Ladies...
« Reply #6 on: Jan 3rd, 2005, 2:18pm » |
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And don't their underwear have a brown strip down them??????? 
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Langa
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Re: MEN'S RULES - For the Ladies...
« Reply #7 on: Jan 3rd, 2005, 2:20pm » |
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on Jan 3rd, 2005, 2:18pm, becky8 wrote:| And don't their underwear have a brown strip down them??????? |
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Girl, now that's just nasty!
Buy the man some underwears Or divorce him...
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becky8
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Re: MEN'S RULES - For the Ladies...
« Reply #8 on: Jan 3rd, 2005, 2:24pm » |
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Langa, did you ever watch sex and the city? Not my spouse (don't go near him)
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Langa
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Re: MEN'S RULES - For the Ladies...
« Reply #9 on: Jan 3rd, 2005, 2:26pm » |
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on Jan 3rd, 2005, 2:24pm, becky8 wrote:| Langa, did you ever watch sex and the city? Not my spouse (don't go near him) |
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I've caught it a few times...is that where you saw about the brown streak on the underwear?
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becky8
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Re: MEN'S RULES - For the Ladies...
« Reply #10 on: Jan 3rd, 2005, 2:28pm » |
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They had a whole show about how men need to learn how to wipe!!!
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Langa
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Re: MEN'S RULES - For the Ladies...
« Reply #11 on: Jan 3rd, 2005, 2:30pm » |
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on Jan 3rd, 2005, 2:28pm, becky8 wrote:| They had a whole show about how men need to learn how to wipe!!! |
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Glad I missed that one! 
Langa
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Jonny
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Re: MEN'S RULES - For the Ladies...
« Reply #12 on: Jan 3rd, 2005, 2:31pm » |
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on Jan 3rd, 2005, 2:28pm, becky8 wrote:| They had a whole show about how men need to learn how to wipe!!! |
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Screw that!, why do you think they make black underware....LMAO
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becky8
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Re: MEN'S RULES - For the Ladies...
« Reply #13 on: Jan 3rd, 2005, 2:34pm » |
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No, It was sooooo funny I was rolling laughing on the bed. One of the women was complaining about always doing her boyfirends laundry and how bad it was!!!
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Langa
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Re: MEN'S RULES - For the Ladies...
« Reply #14 on: Jan 3rd, 2005, 2:38pm » |
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on Jan 3rd, 2005, 2:34pm, becky8 wrote:| No, It was sooooo funny I was rolling laughing on the bed. One of the women was complaining about always doing her boyfirends laundry and how bad it was!!! |
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I used to have a neighbor that would hang them to dry outside his window...girl, they had the streak... 
I mean could he not see his nasty underwear?...and then he'd walk around like he was "it"...meanwhile all the women knew about his "streaked-on" undies...nasty!
He definitely need to buy the black underwears at least to have mercy on everybody else.
Langa
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becky8
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Re: MEN'S RULES - For the Ladies...
« Reply #15 on: Jan 3rd, 2005, 2:39pm » |
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cat14
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Re: MEN'S RULES - For the Ladies...
« Reply #16 on: Jan 3rd, 2005, 5:50pm » |
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You guys are so funny! LOL!!!
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nani
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Re: MEN'S RULES - For the Ladies...
« Reply #17 on: Jan 3rd, 2005, 6:38pm » |
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Quote:| let us just get fat and lay around on the couch watching T.V. all day! |
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Quote:| Scratchin' whatever itches - whenever it itches - wherever we are! |
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Quote:
Umm...girls....that describes me.
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Others may come and go, but MY power is MINE.
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Langa
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So many donuts, such little time...
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Re: MEN'S RULES - For the Ladies...
« Reply #18 on: Jan 4th, 2005, 11:02am » |
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on Jan 3rd, 2005, 6:38pm, nani wrote:
Umm...girls....that describes me.
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YOU GO GIRL!!
Langa
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karma
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Re: MEN'S RULES - For the Ladies...
« Reply #19 on: Jan 4th, 2005, 12:03pm » |
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Nani
We know better. We've seen your picture.
I'll add
Candles are for romantic dinners or when the power goes out. There not meant to decorate every available flat surface.
edited to add
The kids belong to both of us. You cannot blame them on me when they have been bad and take credit for them when they have been good.
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nani
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Re: MEN'S RULES - For the Ladies...
« Reply #20 on: Jan 4th, 2005, 12:18pm » |
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Quote:Nani
We know better. We've seen your picture. |
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LOL Robbie...what you didn't see in the pic:
I had just gotten up off the couch
You can't see the unshaved body hair under the sweater
And you can't see my hand in my pants scratching my "whatever"...
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Others may come and go, but MY power is MINE.
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becky8
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Re: MEN'S RULES - For the Ladies...
« Reply #21 on: Jan 4th, 2005, 2:34pm » |
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What the hell, its winter anyway!!!
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ExplodingEyeBall
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Re: MEN'S RULES - For the Ladies...
« Reply #22 on: Jan 4th, 2005, 2:43pm » |
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If I forget to get a card on one of those Hallmark holidays, it DOESN'T mean that I'm getting action outside of our marriage. It simply means that I'm a dude and I forgot.
I know how much you weigh. I don't care how much you weigh. You don't have to go on a diet for me. When I look at you, I see the pom pom girl that I went to High School with.
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Just poke out my eye and get it over with!!!
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karma
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Re: MEN'S RULES - For the Ladies...
« Reply #23 on: Jan 4th, 2005, 2:44pm » |
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Nani,
I live on an island that is 1/2 Dutch and 1/2 French.
You gotta do better than that to surprise me.
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becky8
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Re: MEN'S RULES - For the Ladies...
« Reply #24 on: Jan 4th, 2005, 2:53pm » |
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on Jan 4th, 2005, 2:43pm, ExplodingEyeBall wrote:If I forget to get a card on one of those Hallmark holidays, it DOESN'T mean that I'm getting action outside of our marriage. It simply means that I'm a dude and I forgot.
I know how much you weigh. I don't care how much you weigh. You don't have to go on a diet for me. When I look at you, I see the pom pom girl that I went to High School with. |
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That not real life!! Come on don't depress me!
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