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Topic: Bubba Claus (Read 551 times) |
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BobG
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Bubba Claus
« on: Dec 24th, 2004, 6:21am » |
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Memo from Santa:
I regret to inform you that, effective immediately, I will no longer serve the States of Georgia, Florida, Virginia, North and South Carolina, Tennessee, Mississippi, Texas, and Arkansas on Christmas Eve.
Due to the overwhelming current population of the earth, my contract was renegotiated by North American Fairies and Elves Local 209. As part of the new and better contract, I also get longer breaks for milk and cookies so keep that in mind.
However, I'm certain that your children will be in good hands with your local replacement, who happens to be my third cousin, Bubba Claus.
His side of the family is from the South Pole. He shares my goal of delivering toys to all the good boys and girls; however, there are a few differences between us.
Differences such as:
1. There is no danger of the Grinch stealing your presents from Bubba Claus. He has a gun rack on his sleigh and a bumper sticker that reads: "These toys insured by Smith and Wesson."
2. Instead of milk and cookies, Bubba Claus prefers that children leave an RC cola and pork rinds (or a moon pie) on the fireplace. And Bubba doesn't smoke a pipe. He dips a little snuff, so please have an empty spit can handy.
3. Bubba Claus' sleigh is pulled by floppy-eared, flyin' coon dogs instead of reindeer. I made the mistake of loaning him a couple of my reindeer one time, and Blitzen's head now overlooks Bubba's fireplace.
4. You won't hear "On Comet, on Cupid, on Donner, and Blitzen..." when Bubba Claus arrives. Instead, you'll hear, "On Earnhardt, on Andretti, on Elliott and Petty."
5. "Ho, Ho, Ho" has been replaced by "Yee Haw" And you also are likely to hear Bubba's elves respond, "I her'd dat"
6. As required by Southern highway laws, Bubba Claus' sleigh does have a Yosemite Sam safety triangle on the back with the words "Back Off."
7. The usual Christmas movie classics such as "Miracle on 34th Street" and "It's a Wonderful Life" will not be shown in your negotiated viewing area. Instead, you'll see "Boss Hogg Saves christmas" and "Smokey and the Bandit IV" featuring Burt Reynolds as Bubba Claus and dozens of state patrol cars crashing into each other.
And Finally,
8. Bubba Claus doesn't wear a belt. If I were you, I'd make sure you, the wife, and the kids turn the other way when he bends over to put presents under the tree.
Sincerely Yours,
Santa Claus
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BarbaraD
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Re: Bubba Claus
« Reply #1 on: Dec 24th, 2004, 6:30am » |
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Gosh Bob, I'm glad you posted that. Got to get to the store to get some beer and chips for Bubba (we'll do something else with the cookies).
LMAO....
Hugs BD
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Renee
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Re: Bubba Claus
« Reply #2 on: Dec 24th, 2004, 7:05am » |
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Merry Christmas Bob, to you and yours!
Bubba better know how to handle snow as we have no snow plows in this part of Texas and could use them right now. 
I think I'll leave him some black-eyed peas and corn bread! 
I hope this holiday season finds you pf!
Renee
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hilbily
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Re: Bubba Claus
« Reply #3 on: Dec 24th, 2004, 9:26am » |
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I think he's my 2nd cousin on Momma's side 
Ya might wanna leave him some biscuits and red-eye gravy, he'll love ya forever!!!
Wishing all a joyful and PF Christmas!
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Bethany1
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Re: Bubba Claus
« Reply #4 on: Dec 24th, 2004, 9:37am » |
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Merry Christmas Bob!
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TerryS
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Re: Bubba Claus
« Reply #5 on: Dec 24th, 2004, 10:24am » |
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Thanks Bob I do like humor.
God bless to you and your family,
TerryS
PS: I guess since I live in the north my cookies and milk will still be OK. Ahahaha 
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Donna_D.
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Re: Bubba Claus
« Reply #6 on: Dec 24th, 2004, 11:49am » |
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on Dec 24th, 2004, 6:21am, BobG wrote:
8. Bubba Claus doesn't wear a belt. If I were you, I'd make sure you, the wife, and the kids turn the other way when he bends over to put presents under the tree.
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Thanks for the warning, Bob....Will have a industrial size can of "Crack Spackle" waiting for the Good Ol' Boy...
Merry Christmas!
DD
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becky8
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Bob, Thank Bubba Claus for helping us out !! And Merry Christmas to you!!!
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Charlie
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Re: Bubba Claus
« Reply #8 on: Dec 24th, 2004, 4:23pm » |
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Thanks Bob. Don't know what we'd do widoucha.
Merry Christmas and for God's sake get sumpin' to drink or eat. How do you do it?
Charlie
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