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PollyPocket
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guess I just need to whine
« on: Dec 15th, 2004, 5:20pm » |
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I'm sorry.. .. this sucks. ... I don't want to be a complainer or whiner. I'm just tired. I'm tired. I'm tired of a month and a half of 5 to 6 ch's a day. I'm tired of feeling like crap and worn out from enduring 5-6 ha's a day. I'm tired of trying to work and be mom and wife during this cycle. I want so much to yell and scream its not fair and go away and I give up... and I'm tired of knowing I still have at least 3 more weeks of this.
I feel terrible knowing mine are at least being held in check by the meds (nothing greater than a k7) and some of you are skull bashing trying to get 9's & 10's outta your heads.. and I feel so selfish wanting mine to stop.
I feel selfish wanting to hate all of you because you know what this feels like and have the same thing and I don't want to know you all because then I have to admit that this hell I've been going thru for 20 years is real and you are really suffering and it isnt a nightmare we will wake from. I want to pretend you and the site don't exist because then this thing in my head won't either. And I don't want to need you. And I don't wnat to love you even though I've never seen you or heard your voices.
God I feel so freakin' selfish and self-pitying and so damn helpless that I can't make this go away for all of us.
I'm done whining. I'm sorry. I don't know which hurts more right now, my head or my heart.
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LeLimey
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Re: guess I just need to whine
« Reply #2 on: Dec 15th, 2004, 5:24pm » |
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 Dark days happen to us all Jennifer. Hope you get some PF time soon.
Take care and vent away 
Helen
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dagger
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Re: guess I just need to whine
« Reply #3 on: Dec 15th, 2004, 5:30pm » |
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I hear ya, Jen. I feel the same way today. I am in the ninth week of my current cycle, was starting to climb out, (fewer attacks and less intense), finished the pred. and bang! - had 6 headaches last night! I do not want to start the pred. again, tho. Hang in there. I know it is hard!
dagger
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Hirvimaki
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Re: guess I just need to whine
« Reply #4 on: Dec 15th, 2004, 5:31pm » |
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No need to apologize. Vent if you need. We'll listen.
I hope it gets better for you soon.
PF vibes your way,
Hirvimaki-Isi
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"What makes us discontented with our condition is the absurdly exaggerated idea we have of the happiness of others."
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LeLimey
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Re: guess I just need to whine
« Reply #5 on: Dec 15th, 2004, 5:39pm » |
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Quote:| author=dagger link=board=general;num=1103148890;start=0#3 date=12/15/04 at 17:30:37 I am in the ninth week of my current cycle, was starting to climb out, (fewer attacks and less intense), finished the pred. and bang! - had 6 headaches last night! |
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Please please please do not start the pred again! I'm having a murderous time trying to climb down from steroids at the moment. I too thought my cycle was ending, was down to one a day and even had a couple of days with just shadows and nothing too heavy but now I'm getting smacked left, right and centre and God alone knows how long it will carry on. This is week 13 so far. Still.. it HAS to end sometime! I keep seeing messages from others saying they are now pain free and it fills me with optimism every time that I might be the next one
Hope its ALL of us and SOON!
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| « Last Edit: Dec 15th, 2004, 5:40pm by LeLimey » |
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Linda_Howell
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Re: guess I just need to whine
« Reply #6 on: Dec 15th, 2004, 5:41pm » |
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Quote:| I'm tired of a month and a half of 5 to 6 ch's a day. I'm tired of feeling like crap and worn out from enduring 5-6 ha's a day. |
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Try it for 17 yrs.
Honest to God Jennifer, I am not trying to be mean by saying that. I would hope that maybe it might even make you feel better knowing that you are sort of lucky to only have 3 more weeks of this. I know how hard it is hon. Thank God my 7 children were mostly grown when these started for me. I don't think I could have handled it and them too.
I hope you have a good suportive husband to help you out through this. If you do, he's worth his weight in gold.
Please hang in there. We're here for you if you need us. We've got plenty of rope for you to hang onto.
Linda
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BlueMeanie
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Re: guess I just need to whine
« Reply #7 on: Dec 15th, 2004, 5:44pm » |
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on Dec 15th, 2004, 5:20pm, JenniferD wrote:I feel so selfish wanting mine to stop.
I feel selfish wanting to hate all of you because you know what this feels like and have the same thing and I don't want to know you all because then I have to admit that this hell I've been going thru for 20 years is real and you are really suffering and it isnt a nightmare we will wake from.
I'm done whining. I'm sorry. I don't know which hurts more right now, my head or my heart. |
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Jennifer,
I don't think you should be sorry one bit. It sucks having to come here. It sucks having CH's. It sucks knowing you may have them another 20 years.
You're not selfish at all. You're just wishing for a normal life without CH's.
Hope you get relief soon. Hang in there. You'll get a break eventually. 
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BobG
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Re: guess I just need to whine
« Reply #8 on: Dec 15th, 2004, 6:07pm » |
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Hope things are looking a little brighter for you now.
If not scroll to the "Kaisa-Tinúviel is two months old today!" message. That's gotta help you with a smile.
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Jonny
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Re: guess I just need to whine
« Reply #9 on: Dec 15th, 2004, 6:22pm » |
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on Dec 15th, 2004, 5:20pm, JenniferD wrote:| I feel so selfish wanting mine to stop. |
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Next time I see you type the above you WILL meet me and I will come up side your head....and knock some sense into you!!
You wine all you want.....we will always have the cheese to go with it.
Your two thirds through this...youve been doing this for a long time and you know you can get to the end......dont you?.....I know you can, damn it!!
Do it!
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Sean_C
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Re: guess I just need to whine
« Reply #10 on: Dec 15th, 2004, 6:42pm » |
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You've made it to the top of the slide Jen, its almost over. Be stong and I know this family will help you the rest of the way if you need it. Keep us posted.
Love to you and the ones you love, wishing you PFDAN soon
Sean.......................
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Charlie
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Re: guess I just need to whine
« Reply #11 on: Dec 15th, 2004, 10:59pm » |
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Rant away. It's our thing.
We need more material for our own rants as well 
Hope things look better by now.
Charlie
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nani
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Re: guess I just need to whine
« Reply #12 on: Dec 16th, 2004, 12:20am » |
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Hang in there Jennifer... This is the place to whine and yell and swear, whatever you need. We get it.
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K-9
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Re: guess I just need to whine
« Reply #13 on: Dec 16th, 2004, 2:29am » |
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If wanting to be PF is selfish, then let us all be selfish.
If needing to whine or rant makes us whimps, then let us be whimps.
If being tired makes us weak, then let us all be weak.
If this makes us helpless, then I guess we are helpless.
But, I believe instead we are not selfish, whimpy, weak or helpless.......I think we are among the strongest in the world and we CAN handle it. YOU can handle it!!!
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PollyPocket
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Re: guess I just need to whine
« Reply #14 on: Dec 16th, 2004, 7:37am » |
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good morning all.
Your sweet thoughtsmade me cry. 'course I've been doing that for weeks now (so don't think you're too special )
Linda, I didn't think you were mean at all and I understood what you meant cuz that is exactly what I mean: I go thru this once a year for 2-4 months for nearly 20 yearsand there are so many chronics who deal with this shit nearly every freakin day. That's part of my feelings of stupid self-pity and I get mad at myself for feeling that way. Then I get mad at the beast in my own head and then mad that any of us have to deal with this.
Today I am a little better emotionally- just a slammer yesterday, you know?
I hope and wish and pray with all my heart that we all have even just moments of relief today- totally clear heads- you know that moment when the pressure releases and you draw your breath sharply cuz WOW its letting go feeling? Thats what I wish for.
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“Life is all about timing... the unreachable becomes reachable, the unavailable become available, the unattainable... attainable. Have the patience, wait it out It's all about timing.” - Stacey Charter
"If I don't remember it happening, it never happened. " - Tori
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Jeepgun
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Re: guess I just need to whine
« Reply #15 on: Dec 16th, 2004, 8:48am » |
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Jennifer, please keep hanging in there. You are within sight of the end... You aren't whining -- You are in pain! Vent, rant, cry, scream. Whatever you need to do. This is what we're here for: To offer support and understanding. Keep on fighting the good fight. You're doing great!
-Frank
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TomM
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Re: guess I just need to whine
« Reply #16 on: Dec 16th, 2004, 9:05am » |
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Hey Jennifer.
You are allowed to whine, bitch moan and complain. You are also allowed to run buck-nekked around the house, put frozen peas on your head, screw like rabbits at the onset of a CH, bounce off the wall, snort O2, stick your head in the freezer, snort vinegar and blue cheese, do shrooms, yell, piss into the wind....and whine. Did I mention whining?
Hang in there, kiddo.
Aint it funny how the Chronics take pity on us Episodics b/c we don't deal with it everyday. Funny how us Episodics take pity on the Chronics b/c they do deal with it everyday. Sometimes, as much as we hate to admit it, we do want, desire, and NEED pity. You are allowed. It's your birth right as a CHer.
TomM
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| « Last Edit: Dec 16th, 2004, 9:06am by TomM » |
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ExplodingEyeBall
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Re: guess I just need to whine
« Reply #17 on: Dec 16th, 2004, 9:20am » |
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Jennifer
Whining is what this place is all about.
This is the place where you can do that and know that someone who really understands will actually care about what you are going through.
This is also THE source for help with CH. Look around through the messages and gather as much info as you can.
Ask your questions here and You'll be surprised how many people will try to help.
Pat
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Carl_D
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Re: guess I just need to whine
« Reply #18 on: Dec 17th, 2004, 4:08am » |
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Jennifer, right now your head is a pressure cooker, and this is the place to let out steam so you don't explode. Any time you need to vent, whine, cuss, cry... whatever, let it all out here. When no one else around you understands what you're going through just remember - we do! Hang tough.
Peace,
Carl D
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